Rewind

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Turn It Up by T.O.P.

This will be a short post, partially because I need to sleep and partially because I have nothing much to say.

School has been hectic, but still alright so far. I think the main difference is that with my knee injured, I can't train anymore. That gives me more time to concentrate on my school work and projects. Yes, I have only an extra 3 hours a week because I am expected to help out, but its still a lot to me. Managed to catch up on some work, but I think I distract myself too well. Summer was much too fun, and I'm having withdrawal symtoms now. Not good at all.

I think I have some suicidal tendencies. Otherwise I would not have gone ahead to bid for the extra Ethics class that is on Monday night immediately after Managerial Accounting. I would have given my brain a break. The only good thing that i can possibly think of is that the presentation is this coming Monday, so I won't have to worry about presenting for Ethics at the peak period after Week10. Not that I won't be stressed, what with my heavy subjects and tough instructors. I guess the thing is that I want to try? I might actually give up on Flare in order to keep up with my school work. I'm alreading putting all my cosplay plans on hiatus. I have also yet to start on my Medusa (I really think the only time I will have to sew is in November after my exams. I can foresee it). Loads of problems and I can feel my stress level increasing. Sleep debt growing. Health a bit weird. Time with friends rapidly decreasing. If anyone thinks that they are busy, see my timetable. I bet I can rival most people. I'm clocking near 80 work hors a week. And I'm a student!

I feel lonely. Perhaps its because most of my friends are attached and busy with their significant other. Perhaps most of my friends have schedules that totally clash with mine. Perhaps it is because I feel tired from always being the one tokeep in touch, and always the one who has to be happy and enthusiastic. Perhpas I am tired of being treated like a spare tyre, something that is there only to supplement when others have no other alternatives. Perhaps I just need to get away from the expectations of others and myself. The weight is a burden and I'm starting to lose my focus.

I need a place to rest my soul, and I think it is hardly likely that I am going to find it anywhere near me anytime soon. And so on I tread. Even if I am alone, I guess I should make the most out of it? Some of my friends may think and feel hurt that I don't consider them comrades in arms. But honestly? Think about it, how many of you can understand this weight? We may have similar weights, but it is not the same burden that we carry. Self imposed you may think, but its something that I have no way to escape from. 5.5 units. 6 classes. One heavy CCA. Cosplay. Friends. Personal life. Family. I'm thinking of a way to run away and its only Week2. This is bad.

"Its okay to cry, because we all know this will be nothing but memories in the not-so-distant future."

Return

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My Heaven (Japanese Version) by BIGBANG

And thus, school has started. Year 2 Semester 1. Jammed packed with people I know, people I've seen around, people I don't know, people I know too well, and of course, people I wished I'd have never known and people I miss. The amazing thing about organisations is the people. And with Singapore being this tiny country and the world being this small? Once you know someone, the likelihood of meeting them just increases exponentially. Year 2 is really different from Year 1. There are certain expectations in place, and there's this unseen pressure seeping into you with the nonstop references to internship, graduating and GPA. Not as much unbridled joy as before, but it has its own attractions. Like being able to anticipate how long it takes to travel to school so that you can sleep more.

I want a holiday. Yeah, term has just started yadda yadda yadda, but I really want to go on a holiday. Family or with friends would be nice. Countries... Taiwan? Indonesia's Bali? Japan? I would not mind goingback to Honk Kong again either. I think its just me being all escapist. During term you want to run away, but during the holidays you sometimes think of going back to school. Although that did not really happen this time round in summer. I guess it was because 30 weeks of formal schooling was enough to make 3 months seem short. In SMU, time passe oh-so-slowly when you want the holidays to come and there's always not enough time for projects and exam preparation. Most paradoxiacal indeed, but as the theory of relativity exists... I can say its all relative to what I'm doing.

Most of my classes this semester are in the afternoon. Only Biz Pro is on Thursday morning. Fridays are off, so if I really really wanted to, I could run away briefly. Not that I can afford to. I need to up my GPA by a whole lot tobe able to get some form of recognition from school when I graduate. I wonder if I am being too ambitious? But I refuse to think this way. If I don't aim for something, I will end up with nothing. I want to get a 3.5 GPA. I want to do well because I know I need to give back to my family. I want to do well because I know I will hate myself if I don't do better than that person. And anyone and everyone who reads my blog should know who is that lucky person that I wanna out-do.

Not sure why, but I've been in no special mood to blog recently. I think I might be getting more reticient. Either that or I'm getting reticent. I've realised I don't make for a good conversationalist on the internet, although I'm perfectly fine with for face to face and phone conversations. I just can't keep the conversation going if its online. And I'm supposedly young and tech-savvy. Oh well~ If this blog dies for a month or so, I don't think it'd be the first time, so I'll just apologise to my readers. I think hardly anyone is reading my blog nowadays anywya... So a bit of a non-issue?

Sleepy and tired. Hungry as well. My timetable gives me more time to sleep and prepare for class, but it is bad for my tummy. I have cookies and Pocky for lunch. Or I have a heavy tea break. Screwing up my internal meal allocation system. Sigh. What can I do? I could barely get any classes, so I shall not be picky and try my luck in changing classes left right and centre. But next semester will be killer. Finance. Marketing. CAT. Management Science. And I might just throw Ethics into the mix. I'll see how. I still have about 10 weeks to decide. After all, its only Week 1 of Semester 1. Long way to go for a short journey.

Shall conclude here. Not much else that I have a burning desire to say. Hungry. I shall procede to dinner, finish my Japanese homework before appearing online again. Wish me luck~

"Be careful how you wish for something that you want, because someone out there might just make your wish come true, and your phrasing might make all the difference..."

Moment

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Departure by Deluhi

New single by Deluhi that only has the PV that I've left on repeat. This is going to be a rather short post because I am currently dying (again), and because I need rest and sleep, I will be a horrible blogger and ignore my blog. Not that I've much of a choice as this is the first time in 2 days that I've been online, and the first time in a week that I've had more than half an hour of time to spend in front of the computer with nothing very important pending my attention. So yes. I am rushing because school is starting. Getting all the fun I can afford, all the trips I can make,all the shoots that I can squeeze... This holidays feels unreal and super duper short.

I've been running around mainly because of Japanese exchange buddy who arrived on the 3rd. Spent a few days with her, letting her get familiar with Singapore and other administrative stuff. After that... I've been in school? More or less clearing up CIP and convocation nonsense. Next week is my last week without school. of which I'd spend one day at Convocation, one shopping for M's pearls, one day at a photoshoot, one day meeting my other Japanese buddy and playing... There goes my week. And my holidays. And school begins once more.

So much to say, but so much that cannot be said. So many people have made me angry, and so mnay people have made me happy. I've done things that are really fun, and have been bored way out of my wits. I think this holiday has been rather enjoyable? Met new people, learnt to work with more people, experimented with travelling alone, picked up a skill, cleared my CIP hours, spent more time with my grandmother, watched a lot of movies, facial and spa, improved my make up skills... I did quite a lot? My only 'regret' would be that I did not get the chance to really sit down and read a good book from start to end. I suppose it has something to do with me not chancing upon any such interesting book? I've not been at the library often, which might explain my dire lack of reading material. Its so ironic how the nearer you are to something, the more you'd take it for granted, but if you were to really think about it? Don't we always take those near and dear to us for granted?

I think this blog will look much better once term has stared. Right now I'm still trying to piece all the parts together, so I'm only blogging when I have a brief respite. If I'd known my life would be so packed, I would definitely have joined less stuff. Or at least put my name down for fewer things. Life like this is virtually not a life. As you can tell, I'm really tired, which is why all the pessimism is slowly but surely seeeping into my post. Not my original intention, but it can't be helped, I am in this mood. 

Will go to bed soon. Something like now. I need the rest, or I will proabbly fall ill as I've been abiusing and depriving my body of sleep. Not a good idea, because the rebellion by your body hurts. Nights all.

"Just for this moment, even if it is a lie, I'd like to think that you'd never let me out of your embrace."