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Its Time by Glee (Darren Criss as Blaine Anderson) - Original by Imagine Dragons
Here I am, a quarter of the globe away from home and wishing that I was home. I know, I know, I did this on my own, I stubbornly did all this, and now all I say and do reeks of buyer's remorse. The first time did not work out, and instead of taking it in stride and moving past it, all I did was to try again, and I am now whining about it like a stupid and annoying brat.
I do not hate what I am doing, Neither do I dislike where I am. Nevertheless I admit that I wish I was somewhere else doing something else with someone else. Where what and with who? I have no idea. All I do know is that I feel tired of this place, and I have been here for a mere sixteen odd hours. Maybe its because all I did today was to run around with a twenty two kilogram luggage though train stations and across states in the hot sun. Not exactly the most comfortable and exciting of tasks.
So many things that I am giving up, and so little that I am getting in return. Not even a semblance of return. It feels like an exercise in futility. Or is this just the nerves and slight depression talking? I have no idea and I wish that I could stop feeling this way. It makes me feel like like a wasteful and worthless entity. Oh how I sometimes wish to be a jellyfish. No brains and no ability to doubt and question and think so much that you drive yourself into a corner from all the thoughts yapping at your heels.
Maybe I should stop this post and just go straight to bed. Quite worrying to blog and continue thinking. It makes me relax, but I fear that I will only be relaxed while blogging, and all the negativity will come haunting again when I power off the computer. As I've previously mentioned, fear is a very crippling emotion. Sometimes vocalising it helps you to deal with it. But I am also of the belief that there are times when you just shove it into a corner and hope that it disappears with time and a lack of concern. Is the fear like a weed or a flowering plant? I think the characteristics of that determines what you do with your thoughts.
Shall end here prematurely. Some things become more real once you say it.
"And now its time to build from the bottom of the pit right to the top..."
