Sorry

Okie. I apologise for my unexplained hiatus from blogging. I know, I know, I'm an irritating person because I keep everyone hanging in the air. All the time. Okie. So I apologise. I promise that I will put in more effort into maintaining this blog. Sheesh.

Its the September holidays, I know its super obvious, and I have yet to complete even half the amount of work allocated to me, not to mention to start on my revision. And I was cocky enough to want to score minimum of straight Cs in the Promotional Exam. Looks like I seriously have to start working harder and smarter to make my dream come through. Interestingly enough, it also applies to my decision to make my weight decrease to 51kg, tops. A lot of resolutions, all which I hardly ever keep. Sighx. And there is no way that I am revealing my real weight online. EVER.

My current anime craze is now D. Gray-Man. Specifically, Earl Tyki Mikk (or however you wish to romanize his glorious name). Lets see if I can get a picture of his drool-worthy countenance for all the poor uninitiated rabbits out there. Tyki is seriously damn cool. His weapon are butterflies. Called Teasers. Yup. Organ-eating, blood-thirsty, delicate little purple butterflies. Yup. Amazing, isn't it?. I wish he could lend me a few. Kill a couple of irritating people for me... slowly... painfully. Topping the list is the person who came up with the ridiculous idea of PW and my brother. Yup. LOOng story. Shall not elaborate. I totally adore the black version of Tyki. As in A-D-O-R-E. In a way, SOMEONE mentioned that he is rather similar to SOMEBODY. I guess, quoting Tyki's apt saying... The fun is in having BOTH the black and white versions. I simply can't resist his whatever-anything-attitude packaged in an impeccable tuxedo. Absolutely. Irresistible. So nice and yummy and... Now why can't I have an older brother like that? Or better yet... Tee hee. And his hair is a complete and utter materialisation of his attitude. So awesome. Sighx.

Oh. His seiyuu is also one of the 'big boys' in the seiyuu community. Tyki, voiced by Toshiyuki Morikawa, shares the same voice as Naraku from Inuyasha, Seiichirou Tatsumi from Yami no Mitsuei, Dante in Devil May Cry, Sephiroth in FF VII Advent Children and Last Order, is Hideaki Nakajima in Gakuen Heaven, the super cool Nue ( Minamoto no Yorihisa's childhood 'playmate' ) in Harukanaru Toki no Naka de, Cesario in Kiddy Grade (although he hardly talks, what a waste right? ), Conrad in Kyou Kara Maoh!, Takumi in NANA, Gale Glory in Rave Master, Homura in Gensoumaiden Saiyuki, and loads of other characters...

Did anyone notice that his 'bloodlust' version looks strangely familiar?...

Hmm. Feel like applying to an overseas university. Singapore is too boring an academic arena. But where shall I go? And what shall I choose to study? Anyone with suggestions or answers are more then welcome to leave a note. Then there is obviously the cost of living, tuition fees, transportation... In short, unless I somehow manage to obtain a scholarship, there is no way that I will ever be able to apply for any university outside Singapore. Sheesh. Talk about dashed hopes.

OMG. Just realised that the Noah family, in D. Gray-Man duh, is something of an example of a dysfunctional, yet, starngely, still functional 'family'. I mean the Earl is well, the Millenium Earl still. Tyki is the big brother, Road is the little sisiter, the baby of the family, Skin is the violent and psychotic cousin, Jasdero and Debitto are the crazy psychotic twins, Lulubell is the family pet... And there you have it. A perfect example of order within chaos. Haha. I guess I'm so tired that I'm going crazy too.

Kk. Shall go to bed now...

" What I love, I destroy. I love humans."

Waiting

I love the airport. Really. I guess its one of those places which are in between, like you're neither here nor there, and is a little romantic like. My dad says its because I'm a wee little frog in a wee little well that has hardly travelled, because you get bored of the place real quick. Whatever. It would be a sad time indeed if you get bored of the things that make an experience truly enriching, and is wearied so far that you no longer appreciate the things that you had once loved. I guess Man is easily bored my the constant, and easily distracted by the novel. Sigh. Yet we pursue consistency, complain if there are too many changes, whilst wishing for refrershing, amusing new toys. Ah. The ultimate human paradox. Departing...

Cost

I think the Internet and the computer is some sort of curse on Mankind. Honest. Teachers seem to have forgotten that travelling takes time even in teeny Singapore, and that we all have a laptop with perfectly good Internet connection. Why else would they assign us so much work to be completed as a Word document? The most irritating of all ought to be Project work, where every icky piece of graded assignment and research material has to be typewritten. I understand that typed assignments are way easier to grade, but have they considered how much trouble they cause the students? All the formatting, the tinkering with the words, resizing, the actual typing... If I wanted to write an essay, I could do it anywhere, at anytime, as long as I have stationary, yet, if they want it printed out, electricity, printer ink... Its just a whole lot of nitty gritty details which make computer documents a bane of school existence.

Was originally considering cosplaying for the College's Open Day. However, due to the lack of participants, the tight schedule, the ridiculous idea of of scripting a skit of Alternate Universe, the sheer difficulty of getting 6 costumes, the lack of experience by those involved... I doubt the show can go on. So now I'm hovering between duty and laziness, at the same time contemplating cosplaying at the end of the year, if I'm not in China for the immersion programme, MAR. Yup. Not sure who to do. I don't really want to wear contacts. Its either Candice the Knight from Chess No Koma or Aqua, also a Chess. Not much of a choice. Candice would be more fun, although it pretty... Umm... revealing, while Aqua is modest enough to make me look like a tent. I'm not really the cutesy kind, and I'm not too bimbotic, so I have no idea how to behave in a convincing manner. Urgh. Although I must admit that I like Candice's beret and eye patch. How am I suppose to get the boots, gloves, and the one sided stockings? I hope can find in Hong Kong some of these, at lower prices. I suppose I could tailor the costume, but it would definitely cost a small fortune.

Well. Back to work on GP VA.

Sudden successive flights of bullets streak the silence...

Gallery

I'm finally back after a week long hiatus, in order to upload those little things called photos. Indeed, I have been bugged by a total of 7 people, all eagerly anticipating something interesting, unique, amazing, funny, raunchy... Well. I don't want to disappoint, but I shall only upload 'safe' and BORING photos. Yup. Nothing too... special, or I'll most probably be yelled at left, right and centre. In case anyone out there STILL feel that its too provocative, please contact me via Kaen at her tagboard at either her Seigaku Blog or Hyotei blog, whichever you prefer. Of course the photos are not all completely yours, so it would be good manners to ASK before you RIP them all wouldn't it? I would love it if you left a comment with your contact details, especially if I do not have your handphone number. Thank you.


And these are the non- Prince Of Tennis related photos:


My bag view...


As the photos clearly show, I met my doubles partner, Gakuto, at Cosfest. Stunning personality. Then there was Kurei from Rekka No Honoo, *faints*, as well as several other characters, such as Tamaki from Ouran High. Loads of people, had loads of fun. Jacq jie jie was taking photos to help her friend as the booths, and our Prince Of Tennis team took a whole multitude, there is even the possibility of us appearing on a magazine! Wow. Not bad for my first Cosfest. Anyway, I found out that Inui is also in NJ, although in IP so we don't have a single class together. In a bid to spice up College life, the way Mrs Cheng would say it, I'll most probably be cosplaying on NJ's Open Day in August. I'll update the actual date soon, although meanwhile, I need to get some costume. There is no way that anyone could make me do Oshitari in NJ, because the weatehr is too hot to wear three layers of clothing while hiking up and down stairs. No bloody way. My group of friends want to do Gothic Lolita, so maybe thats what I'll do, although I doubt it would be any less cooling. Will see about it, as I have to dance on open Day...

My CT results has proved to be extremely extreme. There are subjects where I'm in the top 2 percent of my cohort, and those that I'm in the bottom 10 percent. Wowie. Homework is piling to the moon, and yet, here I am blogging instead of completing, say, my 100 plus Math Integration questions. The opportunity cost is rather high. This coupled with dance first thing tomorrow morning, and then there is Math tuition in the afternoon. I'll most probably head home after that to rush even more work... My life now revolves around my assignments and when my body collapses onto my bed. Serious. I really want all the exams to be over soon. Need a DDSS if I want to continue J2 life they way I want to. unfortunately, I have yet to obtain this target for CT. Sighx. Will work both smarter and harder.

We have fallen in the dreams of the ever-living/ Breathe on the tarnished mirror of the world,/ And then smooth out with ivory hands and sigh. ~ W.B. Yeats

Temporal

There is cause for celebration. Truly. I'm not putting this down to sound prissy or anything, but its been a pretty good week for me. I know, I know. I was complaining previously, and then with this week being 'withdrawal' week and results week, how can it possibly be any good? Ahhh. It all relies on the delicate art of making myself happy. Indeed, I agree its an artform oft neglected in this day and age, but it does bring pleasure, no matter how temporal it is. The art of being happy... is to study hard. Serious. So that when everyone else feels the pain from wounds caused by the mulititudes of zeros slashed by the red pen in the hands of your teachers, you are able to bask in the glory of red laurels... Okay. That was a seriously perculiar kind of imagery. What I want to say is that I did pretty well for my first Common Test. Well, at this point of time anyway. I scored a B for General Paper, and Mr W actually commended my essay and writing style in front of the class. How rare is that? He's usually mocking and taunting, so this compliment would have made most people blushed vermillion, except that I can't blush. At all. Really. Than there was the 41 marks S grade for Mathematics, after the 2 mark moderation, which is way better than the U grade of 25 marks that I thought I would obtain. Of course there are about 4 more papers to collect, but what matters most is that I have yet to let myself down.

Huifang is thinking of dropping H2 Maths. I am totally against the idea. I believe in perservering right to the very end. Of course, you ought to be aware of you own limits, but you should never give up without a really good reason. I think that she can do way better as long as she tries harder AND smarter. I can tell that she's very hardworking, but there's no point if she's going about it in the wrong manner. Well, I sincerely hope that she would reconsider.

My bruises are more or less gone. Yay! Realised that I can distribute my weight evenly over a larger surface area of my knee to reduce the severity of the injury. Need to take care of my body. After all, I'm going to be stuck with it for a good half a century more. The dance seems to be getting more perform-able. I guess its all the practices. Its only two practices away though. Wendy is really amazing. I have to hand it to her, to choreograph the entire thing. Tomorrow is the interview. Not that nervous. Guess I sort of have the premonition that I won't get too far. Well, never mind. Zhiying wants to quit. She feels that she's not good enough to dance, although I disagree. I mean, I sacrificed my dance opportunities at the expectations of others, so when I meet people who do not treasure what they have... Its so disappointing. worse than anger, than hatred. Disappointment.

Jacq jie jie says that she would be going for Cosfest! Shoot! Now I feel self-concious! Argh! Kaen! What on earth is Oshitari like?!

With hands held high into the sky so bloody...

Close

Yippie! Haha. The only reason that this post is possible is because I'm such a computer genius! The stupid computer refused to sense the connection to the Internet, so after about 20 minutes of fruitless tinkering, I managed to connect to the Internet... Manually with cables. Yup. When wireless fails, we should always go back to relying on our good ol' cables. Sighx. Those who say wireless is amazing are right... Its an amazing lot of trouble.

OMG! I went to the Bugis branch of California Fitness for the Enrichment Week BodyBalance class. In a way, it was similar to the course we had in Secondary 4, albeit a little easier. The class yesterday was a one-shot thing, and the instructor was pretty friendly. I'm not going to blog about the class, there was nothing impressive, but about the facilities of California Fitness. There were loads of treadmills, weight machines, step machines... you name it, they had it, and it was like some thirty or forty in one area. The amount of capital they have to inject into the place! Almost everyone there had their own personal trainer, which isn't such a surprise as normal working class people would not be in a gym from about 2pm to 5pm, they would be in an office working. The toilets! One word. Wow. Really. There were the lockers, placed a comfortable distance from each other, the shower had both hot and cold water, shampoo, conditioner and body lotion were provided... they even had two rows of vanity tables with a total of eight hair dryers with a tray of haircare products each. Mirrors were everywhere, as if to motivate you into losing that extra half centimetre of perceived fat by coming to the gym more often. Talk about soft selling. However, the fees have nothing soft about them. In fact, I might go so far to say that the fees are about worth about half a year of my pocket money. Freaky. So if anyone has a free California Fitness or Amore visit coupon, I would love to go with you. Really.

Today's the last day of Enrichment Week, and I have the Great Expectationa and Duchess of Malfi screening in my school to attend. Sighx. Tomorrow, life would resume its course of mugging and dancing, and the results of the awful Common Test would be revealed. Urgh. I wish this moment in time would persist for all eternity. Its like letting me out of the cage to stretch my legs, and just when I'm beginning to enjoy myself, they start shooing me back in. Spoilsport. Sighx. Why do me ensnare ourselves in the various roles appointed to us by others? Is it love? A sense of duty? The desire to conform is great, for it gives a sense of security, of belonging. Sometimes I wish humans were not such social creatures. Yet, if that was not the case, many things I enjoy in life would be completely impossible. After all, a forest is more than a cluster of trees. Promotional exams are soon. Dance exco elections are on Saturday. Cosfest on Sunday. All the various performances over the course of two months. The wheel of time turns...

In chains and darkness, wherfore should I stay, And mourn in prison, while I keep the key?

Trauma

My right kneecap is in a state of ruin. Okay. Yes, I am exaggerating. Still, there is this enormous purple bruise covering half the area of my entire kneecap. I guess its repeated trauma from the new dance we are to perform for Community Service Day, iPerform, Open Day and National Day Dinner in the following few weeks. As I mentioned earlier, the song is Song of Storm and Fire from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, although due to time constraints, we are doing a shorter version for Community Service Day, which is on the 18th. The shorter version has Break the Sword of Justice, also from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, as music. Hmm. Realised that the titles of the songs from Tsubasaz are kind of strange. Downloaded a few, Siren Song, Swordbreaker, Storm Coming along with my dance songs. They seem to circulate along this theme, and the quality of the song is similar. Anyway, the damage on my knee is due to the need to drop onto the floor on my knees at great speed due to the swift tempo of the song. I hope that it would be the only point in the dance that my poor kneecap would sustain injury, although its not definite, as we have yet to finish choreograghing the entire dance. Its a fan dance, and I'm proud to say that I'm getting better, althhough I'm still not as good as some of the others. Gambatte! If its any consolation, the song is really very fast.

Went ice-skating at Fuji Ice Palace in Jurong for Enrichment Week. It was great fun! At first, its pretty scary, because the ice seems pretty slippery and the thin skates don't help. However after the lesson, when you are able to traverse the diameter of the rink, a mark of your ability to skate without assisstance in the form of clinging for dear life to the rinkside, it becomes very enjoyable. Its a good escape from the heat outside, and as you're concentrating on moving, all worries fly out of your frame of mind to be replaced by the very basuc task of maintaing balance. The entry is expensive, but its a good experience. Very tiring, for the feet and ankle especially, as your entire weight is on two narrow metal blades, with the rest of the body compromising. Ankle area still aching from the exertion. The only problem is that you only enjoy it AFTER learning how to skate, and by then, standing is beginning to be a problem as your legs are cramping from the lactic acid build up in the calves and inner thigh. So ironic. When you can enjoy it, your body is too tired to appreciate it. There were a few skaters practising in the rink, none of them looked local, with a few children in hockey gear. They seemed to be FLYING across the ice at the speeds they were skating at, doing all the stunts as easily as breathing. I felt like a drowning pig next to swans. Ech. Like a baby next to a Formula One racer. There I was, trying my hardest to just stand, tottering away at the rinkside, and they were spinning and gliding past you, doing all the fancy moves, dancing on ice... Urgh. Never mind. I'll become depressed and have low self-estem (gasp!) at the rate I'm comparing myself to them. Where is the Atobe-like confidence when I need it?

Cosfest at Ngee Ann City was rather disappointing. I didn't see anyone worth squealing over, although some of them had rather nice costumes. I went with Tng, who was all dressed as Eiji, with me as her assisstant. She refuses to allow me to post her pictures in Seigaku gear online, so I'll respect her wishes. For now anyway. Haha. Some of the public said that she looked similar to Eiji, and that she was one of the the better cosplayers present. I'm not really surprised as there did not seem to be many cosplayers around. Maybe the security measures, due to the arranged arrival of Minister Mentor Mr. Lee Kuan Yew as the gueat of honour, made the purely fun event seem heavy and bureaucratic. The fact is, the event was pretty boring, with few noteworthy cosplayers. Some even looked like they were actively trying to use Cosfest as an opportunity to cross dress instead. Like the guy doing Lacus Clyne ( I think). Urgh. Its not that guys can't do female roles, but when its so obvious that something looks really wrong, I think you should know when to reconsider. Thats why I'm afraid of going as Oshitari. I don't want to be one of them. Met two other girls from Singapore Polytechnic who went as Hyotei's Shishido, in school uniform, and in sports gear. Yup. So the entire place had only three Prince of Tennis characters. Disappointing. I may be going as Oshitari Yuushi, although my hair is nothing like his. Don't know what I'm going to do. 14th July is a busy busy day. I have dance exco interview in the morning, followed by a compulsory PW workshop until 4pm... so that means if I'm going, I'll have to bring my dance attire, full grey AND Hyotei set. Of course, I would also have to bath in school, or my hair would NEVER be able to pass of as Oshitari's. So lets see. I need to bring a shirt, tights, full grey shirt and skirt, FBT, Hyotei set ( shirt, shorts, trackpants and jacket), tennis racket, soap and shampoo, PW stuff... How on earth am I supposed to lug all these from my house, to school, to Downtown East and back home? I guess I'll leave home at about 7.30am and only reach home at 10.30pm. sheesh. With ALL these in tow. I am so trying to torture myself with all these. Unless I go home before heading to Downtown East, which means I'll only reach there at about 6pm. Less trouble, yet more hurried I suppose. Why does everyone like 14th July so much? Can't they spread it over a few more days. I guess if I go on the 14th, then I definitely will not be attending on the 15th. I do not have a death wish, no matter what people say. Its exhausting to walk around in the hot sun in some three layers of clothing and a 10kg bag. Hmm. Shoulod I go home first or go straight? Tell me what you think 'k? I'm pretty wishy-washy.

My insides all turned to ash... So slow... And blew away as I collasped... So cold... A black wind took them away... From sight... And held the darkness over day... That night

iRash

Argh. I'm suffering from heat rash. You know, the result of the awful weather, uniforms wet from perspiration and sensitive skin? Yup. Heat rash. So icky. Its like rashes, but worse as it persists for it can't be removed with an injection from the doctor. Instead, it thrives on consistent effort to keep the skin dry, which is difficult in the sweltering heat. The trip to OCS / SAFTI MI aka the Officer Cadet School / Singapore Armed Forces Training Institution - Military Institution didn't help. I mean, we walked around in the sun to learn more about the place where the cream of the NS aka National Service crop serves their term. Did it occur to them how rather irrelevant the trip was to me? I learnt what went into their full pack, not that I can't guess its contents from my own camping experiences. They taught us about the various weapons they used in warfare, not that I am going to be able to use any such weapon, with Singapore being anti-gun and since I have no intention of being a soldier on the frontlines of any operation. There were lessons on application of camouflage paint, induction to the type of rations the soldiers are provided with... Hello? Wrong audience! Even if I were to sign on in the future, unlikely as it seems considering my distaste for blindly following orders, with my level of fitness and principles, the likelihood of me joining OCS is well... negligible, in mathematical terms. This coupled with my tendency to fall ill and all the other ailments which seem to trouble me once a month... It was almost a complete waste of time. The only good thing was that I realized the sheer scale of expenditure on the army by the government, along with the opportunity to take a peek at excellent landscaping and air-conditioned washrooms.

Taking pert in this iPerform thing. The current trend is to add a small ' i' in front of every thing which aims to be vogue. Ther's the iPod, iPhone, iGallop... now iPerform. Wowie. So totally original. Fans are the props, and they are in a state of dilapidation. Its as if the clothe would tear at any moment, and that the next time you opened the fan, the bolt would give way. Its that bad. My school is seriously lacking in funding. Performance is in about 3 weeks, and the music is from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle. Song of Storm and Fire. The background music whenever the super slow episodes approaches the climax. Yup. Its that piece of music. If ther's only one good thing about Tsubasa, its the music. Anyway, I'm pretty lousy at the fan, despite using one three times larger during National Day Parade some 4 years ago. Guess its the difference in th feel and structure of the fan.

Cut my hair! Its now shorter, obviously, and layered. Fringe is still quite long as I hate fringes which hang about my eyes and obstruct everything in sight. It slopes more now. Looks nothing like Oshitari, so I guess cosplaying him is deefinitely out. Cosfest is a three day thing. 7th at Ngee Ann City, while 14th and 15th is at Downtown East. Irritating. I have some compulsory Project Work course on the 14th from 1pm to 4pm. So if I rush down immediately after... And I have tuition on the 7th. Seems like only the 15th is truly available, but I had originally intended to do work on that day. Irritating. Maybe I should not go. Enrichment Week in progress. Have 2 talks and one performance tomorrow, followed by the German crash course I signed up for. Shall I do my tuition Math after that? Consider tomorrow. Sighx. Tired.

What passing bells for those who die as cattle?

Decision

I am now absolutely certain that I am mentally unsound. Only someone lost in La La Land would spend about a month's worth of cash on the Hyotei Tennis Set. With the jacket, polo tee, white shorts and black trackpants part of the set. I am mad. I went and bought it. Can't reveal the price as it would be too vulgar. Sort of regretting it now, so if anyone wants it, I guess I would willingly sell it to you. The set should fit anyone of height greater than 160cm, no I am NOT that short as it fits me just FINE, to about 175cm? Depends on which character you want to cosplay as.

Common Test are now more or less over, to me at least, as I do not consider H1 Chinese to be something to mug about. I mean, its just a few comprehension, close and summary passages, along with composition. Not that difficult yeah? Okay, I take that back. It isn't difficult for someone who had spent much of her youth reading manga in Chinese, speaks only Mandarin to all my relatives with the exception of my father and brother, tries to pay attention in class and completes her various assignments. From such involvement with the language, which is more than what I can say for some people that I know, Chinese is the subject I ought to get an A grade for, even when the rest of my are drowning in the ocean of U and S grades. So the paper is on Tianruo's birthday. It would be followed by Enrichment Week, where the first thing I would be doing is to go to the compulsory propoganda field trip to OCS, aka the Officer Cadet School. After that would be the whole slew of activities I chose in the compulsory scheme. Such an oxymoron. Its compulsory to choose voluntary schemes. well, I chose those which I HOPE would be of academic value and those that wouldn't be too painful to go through. The lesser evil I suppose.

Should I cosplay as Oshitari Yuushi? So that I could make use of the Hyotei set? Although I do not particularly like the character, Atobe is my idol, but its the character that I wouldn't have to cut too much of my hair. Yes, I do need a haircut, so instead of snipping half of it off to do some character which I have to wear contacts for, why not pick one which my spectacles remain, and I cut less of my hair? Yup. Thats my reasoning. It looks so practical thet its awfully un-fangirl-ish. Which means its not a good idea as I'll most probably do a sloopy job of it. Okay. Forget it. Lets not insult the wonderful boys of Hyotei. So now I'm back to wanting to sell the set. Sighx.

Tng lent me Atobe's Gift. O_o. I was drooling and laughing throughout. It was so funny! The scene where Atobe was grimacing when he realised that hew mixed up Kabaji's birthday, the super weird scene where Inui was running up and up and up..., the scene that Echizen was trying to pass the sash to Tezuka and they were all "Bucchou!" and "Echizen!" and there was the white light... Haha. Atobe looks so yummy when he was lounging around in his uniform. Oh! Oh! The best part was the interview with JunJun! Jun was saying how Atobe was a character that you couldn't hate, that he was imperfect, being arrogant to hide some inadequecy he no doubt felt, but his charisma more than made up for it! There! From the mouth of the person who knows him ( second? ) best! Atobe would reject you now, but help you out later, and he's so sweet! OMG! The words on the town, all for Kabaji! Oh. Also learnt something new. Did you know that the screaming fans of Atobe, and Hyotei, are the other seiyuus in the recording studio in real life? So imagine in the match against Tezuka, for instance. After cheering for Atobe like he belonged to Atobe's fanclub, Okiayu would automatically revert to being Tezzie and go "Are you done yet?". Cool huh? And Minagawa Junko, the voice behind attitude problem Echizen, Kaida Yuki, the so-nice-yet-not-so-nice Fuji Syuusuke and more... Imagine all of them squealing away. The mental picture is seriously funny! I mean, Ryoma doing the high-pitched and enthusiatic Atobe cheer? Haha. OOC.

Ore-sama no bigi ni yoi wa...

Entertainment

Okay. Went Fanfict.net to gather more inspiration and writing techniques. Its amusing to read the fruits of other people's fertile imagination. Okay. What I just typed seems seriously ambigious. Like there is some hidden sexual innuendo, which I willingly assure you, there is not. Honest. Okay. Here are some nice and amusing ones. Publicizing (for free of course) to the rest of the world how amazing my taste in humour and literature is structured. I know, I know, my current post is strewned with loads of euphemisms, literary skills and other paraphernalia in my English arsernal, not that there are a lot. this happens to me whenever I start writing fanfiction again, and it seems like thinking of Atobe and Oshitari together at the same time amplifies the extent of this occurence.

There's Reading Material, about Oshitari and Atobe's choice in books. Quite amusing and absolutely harmless. Into Me is a AtoKiku fanfic, a bit yaoi in nature, silly-funny and relatively harmless as well. There are loads of peculiar fanfics floating around, and I read one that was to convince all anorexic and bulimic people out there that even Atobe can't be cool if he's anorexic. Yup. I'm serious. Its sort of a Oshitari and Atobe pairing thing, although the structure of the fanfic is a little strange. Its as if the Hyotei students are a bunch of starving poseurs, and Atobe is the king of anorexics. Seriously weirded me out. A is for Atobe is nice, as in, it isn't too OOC to the extent that you wonder if the writer actually watched or even read Prince Of Tennis. Its a collection of little snippets about Atobe. Refreshing. Talking about refreshing, Atobe vs. Nanjiroh is laugh-out-loud funny. Echizen Nanjiroh is pretty OOC, since when did he start chasing after guys?!, but its unusual enough for me to mention it here. Fanfic land has loads of JirouAtobe pairings, although I have no idea why its such an appealing combination. Is it because they are so different? But the things that fanfic writers make them do... Brr. Some of these writers seem to be sexually depraved and spending to much time thinking of kinky ways to hook the both of them up. I skipped all the TezukaAtobe pairs (don't want to continue polluting my mind), SanadaAtobe pair can be quite extreme. In a way, Atobeism reminded me of the Haoism fanfic I read a couple of years ago. Quite hilarious. Although the really funny one was Atobe No Boogie Woogie. Damn funny! Remember, "Sousa, ore-sama no bigi ni / Yoishirero! Ore no bigi ni / Sousa, ore-sama no bigi ni / Yoishirero! Ore no bigi ni bugi, bugi-ugi, bugi-ugi!" from Dreamlive? Haha. I must say that some of the OshitariGakuto pairings are freaky. Like very freaky. I know there is such as thing as homosexuality, but do they need to be so explicit and descriptive?! In the middle of a perfectly okay story as well, the nerve. It makes me wonder if they are aware that some prefer sweeter persuasions other than crash and burn. And why does it always have to be in the middle of an otherwise perfectly good story?! Did I just repeat myself? Sorry.


KK. I shall continue to read fanfics. And do my best to avoid anything relatively... warped. Yup.



Tu es beau, mon amour. Tu es fais craquer...

Distraction

I'm in love with brownies. The really chocolate-y ones, with walnuts too, that are high on the sin-o-meter... Someone give me one. I like the wetter, more sponge textured ones instead of the dry version. I guess the moist nature reminds me of eating pure, melted chocolate. Yummy. If there's something I can't resist, its really good food, whatever it is (as long as it doesn't have chilli). Chocolate cake, brownies, coffee cake, tiramisu, pandan cake, banana cake, chocolate chip cookies, almond cookies, butter cookies, no-bake and baked chesese cake... its no wonder I learnt to bake before I learnt to cook. Then there's steamed salmon, cauliflower, roast chicken rice, lemon chicken rice, Shaghainese dumplings, har kow, siew mai, peanut soup, Campbell soup, scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes, chicken nuggets, cheese, ebiko, tobiko, chawanmushi, red bean pau, char siew, pork stewed with chestnuts, drunken prawns, beancurd, crabmeat with prawns, tomatoes, chicken drumstick and wings... Wow, I just realised I like to eat loads of stuff. And I have yet to even start on dessert and beverages. So now you know why I can't lose weight. Ho-hum.

Food is something like the ultimate form of temptation to me. I use it to reward myself, to console myself, and to help me pass time when I'm bored or stuck in an awkward situation. Food is essential to keep me functioning, and I can't help but enjoy the experience of eating. I mean, I actually like the taste of white rice. Honest. Rice sold in Singapore is of a certain standard, and this coupled with the fact that my family buys above average rice... rice really is good. I mean, just eat about one or two spoonfuls of plain, freshly steamed white rice. It smells good, its a slightly sweet, goes well with anything that you can possibly put on your plate, every mouthful taste slightly different, and best of all, its cheap. I mean, its like the perfect eating accessory sort of thing. I know of diets which tell you to cut down on carbohydrates by eating lesser rice, and replacing it with proteins like meat, but seriously, won't you ever get tired of the taste of meat? I know I do. On some rare days, I'm all for fruits and vegetables, and I avoid all red meat, only with a little bit of fish to sort of balance up my meal.

On an average school day, starting at 6am in the morning, breakfst consists of three slices of plain white Gardenia bread , usually spread with kaya, peanut butter and chocolate, one flavour per bread. Then I would have yong tau foo or a snack at about 10am, depending on how much time I have before my next class. Lunch at 1pm tend to be either noodles or rice, depending on the length of the queue for the particular store. If I have dance after that, I'll most probably buy a heavier snack when class ends, it would usually around 3pm, one portion to eat before it starts and one at about 8pm when it ends, on my way home to have dinner at about 9pm. Otherwise, a light snack woul tide me over until I get home to have my dinner at about 7pm.

Talking about dance, I wonder what we are going to do after school starts. Sighx. I feel unfit. Hmm. Maybe I shall go run a bit. Urgh. Enough.

"Darkling I listen: and, for many a time I have been half in love with easeful Death, Call'd him soft names in many a mused rhyme" Keats, "Ode to a Nightingale"

Explode

This is so irritating. So much homework to complete. And they all have something to do with that irritating 'R' word. Yup. Research. How the Hell are you supposed to do 'Research' if you are not allowed to use the Internet for sources, the library books can't really help, and you don't have an expert within easy access?! Sometimes, I really detest General Paper. I mean, the teacher goes all yadda yadda yadda, don't think just because you achieved an A1 for English and is a (bloody) 6-pointer means you will do well in MY subject... GP is alllll about your INNATE ability and not MUGGING aimlessly... Yeah. Whatever. If its all innate ability, then why don't you tell those of us without ability to give up so that we can spend the time on other things, such as sleeping, eating and other bodily functions. If its innate ability, then why is it compulsory? To prevent those without this instinct from going to university? Imagine having to listen to such nonsense 4 periods per week! WE KNOW! We all know A-Levels is different from O-Levels! We know failing is a very real probability! We understand and we will do our best! Sheesh! I mean, after all, if we were so 'ABLE', we won't be in NJ! There. I've gone and said it. Most of the top NJ people, are unable to compare with those from RJ and HCI.

Its (more or less) a fact. Maybe it wasn't the case in the past (I see the numerous ministers names on the scholars list everyday), but the current trend is nothing worth celebrating. I mean, there hasn't been a SINGLE President Scholar in 11 years. Quite a LONG dry spell, eh? NJ people are restrained, restricted... they are tied down with lots of unnecessary and minute details. They dare not go all out, or cannot go all out, and being late bloomers (lets give the majority a benefit of the doubt), are prevented from reaching their full potential. Imagine, the niche CCA, every year tops, with dedicated students and teachers, having to raise funding consistently. Yes, its good exposure, experience... But if the niche has to go to such measures, what about the rest? Ah. Now you stop and ponder. This school is...

Exhausted. Pissed. I hate it when people insult you for having the wrong infomation. I HATE being punished for communication breakdowns. What the hell, since when was it wrong to be inaccurate?! You see something wrong, you either correct the person, or ignore. Don't be a pain in the neck and throw a big ruckus, because this is known as the INFORMATION age. No one said that this was the ACCURATE information age. So don't grind the inaccuracies into the ground, hoping to leave a big enough crater to get onto tomorrow's newspaper. No matter how apologetic I am, (oh sorry) , was, for the inaccuracies, its all know all over once I chance upon hypocritical bastards who exaggerate the slightest things to help make themselves seem superior. Yes, sure. you know more. So? Play nice with me, and I'll share my toys; try and mess around and I'll be the bitch from Hell. Yeah. I'm not embarrased by my personality. Oh, I can be really nice, in fact I like being nice to people, apologetic, sincere, caring, understanding... but there's balance in this world, like the yin and the yang, so the nicer I can be, the meaner I can get. Don't cross me, 'cause I can be as bitchy as I want. Its something I picked up as time went by and I realised that good girls need to have poisonous claws against the bad people breeding rampantly in life. Society gave me the ability to seesaw between, and, from healer to destroyer. Not that I'm complaining. So darling, its all a matter of choice...

Awoke on the wrong side of bed... Going to sleep on the wrong side of bed.

Wake

Okay. In case anyone is unaware of the fact that my Common Test is just 8 days away, here is the announcement. Because it is. Argh. I have been slacking the ENTIRE June school holidays away. Doing what? Eating, drinking, sleeping... reading, watching Kazu-chan on Youtube... everything but serious work. I need to get my brain overhauled. I guess my body is set to revenge mode, where I just slack as vengeance with regard to the boring nature of school which I had previously been continuously exposed to. So as a coping mechanism, I have naturally started wasting away my precious studying time. The mind is completely aware of the body's determination to take the harder path, but is powerless to prevent the worst from happening. Who is the idiot who made it such that I can't properly enjoy my school vactions?! And then there's the one week Enrichment Week. I guess its to guilt you into studying again when you see the awful results you achieve. Man, life sucks. I wish I was this super smart and diligent girl. Makes life much easier. Much easier.

I now have Gather by Ao To Bin To Kan. Its mainly a joint thing by Aozu, Cap To Bin and Pull-Tab To Kan, but only a partial one. In short, by all the American Tournament inclusive of Tezuka. Realised that its the only song I have whereby both Okiayu and JunJun sings the same song. So sad, they should sing together more often. Another song I like in Fujouri by Atobe, Ootori, Mukahi and Hiyoshi, I think its the second ending song of the OVA National Tournament. Super nice. I can now pick out JunJun's voice distinctly in all the songs that I have of him singing. So the other three singers of Hyotei Eternity, thats what their called, is something like a jumble of great voices. Yup. With the greatest voice of all making me swoon. Suwabe Junichi is damn good. Talking about Atobe, I want Kazu-chan's Tokyo Diamond. And I wonder who is going to takeover Kazu-chan in Dreamlive 4.

Kazu-chan should be quite popular, I heard his fangirls clearly screaming his name during Dreamlive. Can fully understand why. Especially when he was topless in DL1. Sighx. Not in the mood to gush. Very clear-headed. The thought of school resuming is enough to make me deflate. Even Atobe can't make me feel better, only make it more bearable. One and a half more years to go. I'm sure I can make it through with my sanity intact. Although whether I'll still contain the essence of myself is up in the air and all out for grabs. School is boring. In the extreme. Sighx.

Labouring for a future I cannot see, planning for a future I cannot anticipate. Optimism is revolutionary, but the pessimists rule the world.

We fear that which we cannot see, we desire that which we cannot have... we are all puppets in the stream of time.

Desperate

In my desperation, I turned to the only available resource of looking at Kazu-chan's glorious face for a substantial period of time. I watched Kamen Rider Kabuto. I've just said it. You know that you're a lost cause when you turn to Power Ranger-like shows in order to stare at Kazu-chan's profile. And no, the screen did not flicker from his increased screentime (when compared to Grirl From Hell which only has roughly 2 minutes worth of Kazu-chan ONLY).

Kamen Rider Kabuto is actually more Masked Rider than Power Ranger, but the formula is all the same, the transformation to some special, usually colour-coded suit, the monsters from outer space which attack planet earth... Yadda yadda yadda. Actually, I only watched 2 episodes, 17 and 18, because I didn't want to kill brain cells unnecessarily, but its not like the storyline is hard to follow or anything. Like I said, been there, seen that. Now on to Kazu-chan...

Kazu-chan plays Kamen Rider Drake, something like the Blue Ranger, otherwise known as Daisuke (so coincidental! say "I like Daisuke" in Japanese. Haha.). In the human world, he is this womanising freelance make-up artist who is getting increasingly famous, with an amnesiac little girl, Gon, as his partner. In the fighting-outer-space-alien world, Daisuke is the reluctant Kamen Rider who just wants to get on with his life. Anyway, I'm bloody jealous of the little girl who plays Gon. She gets to hold his hand, hug him, in short, everything a rabid fangirl would love to do. Oh yeah, she breaks Daisuke's heart too. How? She regained her memory of the past, and in doing so, conveniently forgot all about Daisuke. Even though she promised she would never forget him. Urgh. How could she forget him?! I know I can't. I didn't like Daisuke at first, because he seemed really cold to those around him, but when I saw the pained look on his face when Gon was kidnapped, my heart bled for him. Then there was the scene where he reluctantly let go of Gon's hand, the scene where he sort of cupped Gon's fallen tear in his hand, the scene where Gon asked him who he was... Argh. I think I'm a bleeding heart when it comes to the relationship (?) between Gon and Daisuke, because its like love, abeit a purer form. It just gave me the "Awww" feeling. For those who completely do not understand what I'm talking about, you can jolly well go and watch these two episodes of Kamen Rider Kabuto to see Kazu-chan ----- in short, watching Kamen Rider Kabuto for Kamen Rider Drake. Ironic.

O_o I just realised that the birthday of Kazu-chan and Atobe are only three days apart. Kazu-chan is October 7th while Atobe is October 4th! So cool. I'll definitely remeber their birthdays! I think it coincides with my Promos as well, although its TBC. Yuck. Oh. But Atobe is like 6cm shorter than Kazu-chan, who happens to be 181cm. I wonder what Kazu-chan eats. I mean, 181cm is pretty tall for an Asiatic. Although I guess as Atobe is only 15 (which part of him seems 15? 15 year-olds saying stuff like " Ore-sama no bigi no yoi na"? What rubbish. They all seem substantially older, with Atobe seemingly at least 18. I was NEVER so 'adult' when I was 15.), so he may still grow taller? Oh. Just realiseed that the TeniMyu cast are ALL tall, because Kazu-chan is only of average height when you look at them across the stage. Well, Tezzie and Oshitari ARE real-life models. Urgh. I feel decidedly petite when I think about their heights. I'm about... well, 13cm shorter than Kazu-chan. Thats about slightly less than a head shorter. Oh. But one of my seniors from my CCA and senior class would only be 2cm shorter. So if I use her as a guage... talking to someone of Kazu-chan's height would give me a crick in the neck, not that I would be able to talk to him anytime soon in the forseeable future.

I finally managed to get hold of Atobe's photo post-Nationals-against-Echizen. He looks... well, more awake? I don't know yet if I like the new hairdo. He seems punk-ish, when previously he was so genteel (?).

I mean, compare this with the previous Atobe. He looks decidedly different. Oh. I noticed that Kazu-chan has very defined eyebrows. I mean, he looks like he frequently shapes his eyebrows, because the pictures of him in his blog look different from those of him when he is acting. You could go to his blog to take a look. I'm looking for Kazu-chan's 55mm( his video or something) and waiting for SOMEONE to lend me Girl From Hell. Yup. I don't dare watch the Kids Central Prince Of Tennis as I'm afraid of hearing JunJun's awesome voice removed and Atobe's magnificience warped by some lousy voice actor/actress. Why do I get the feeling that they are going to use a woman? I mean, no matter how effeminate Atobe seems at times, scenes of which I can't seem to find as Atobe seems absolutely male to me, they totally should not put a whining sissy to voice him. No way.

Have no idea who is taking over Kazu-chan as Atobe in Dreamlive 4. I feel like playing Doki Doki. It would feel damn good to play a dating SIM with the regulars. Especially Atobe. KYAH! Although I have no idea how it works. I heard that there's the fantasy ones, with Atobe getting bitten by a snake(?), and the school ones where fangirls chase after him.

Ok. End here.

Katsu no wa Atobe...

Kato Kazuki Live GIG 2006 ~ Review

I'm mad about Kazu-chan, so Part One is sort of a disappointment. He's singing Warning and Higher, and clinging to the microphone for dear life. I mean, he sort of dances with the microphone stand, which is SUPER uncool! I mean, its a cordless mic, so he could have jolly well removed the microphone and walk around on stage. The way he kept shaking either his right or left leg was rather distracting too. Sighx. I guess he was nervous or something? He looked waay better as Atobe in TeniMyu, maybe its easier to pretend to be a character, I mean Atobe has a few signature moves, a certain attitude to emulate... Its might be simpler to become someone else with an established personality? Don't know for sure. Good thing he's hot, otherwise, watching him would be a little boring. Okay voice though. In a way, I suppose I've sort of equated Atobe with Kazu-chan, so it becomes jarring when Kazu-chan seems to behave a little less like Atobe, you know the the absolute confidence, the cool poses of Atobe... and instead practically attaches himself to the microphone. Sad. Is this Kazu-chan's first time on stage? He kept touching his hair, the fringe, as he was making the little speech in the second part of the video. He also kept closing his eyes when he sings, regardless of what type of song, I mean, don't tell me he's trying really hard not to look at the audience! And he blocks the lower half of his face due to the clasping of his microphone. Sad. If not for the side cameras in the video, all I would be looking at would be his hair and eyebrows. So imagine the poor audience. Sighx. His clothes are SUPER formal, I mean, the suit... the tie, I mean, he's so hot, he should have more confidence! And the stage was really near the audience, so he could have easily interacted with the crowd. AHHH! The beginning was such a waste! He even forgot some of the lyrics of Our Future! Its one of my favourites, and he just stopped at the intro to the chorus! Super obvious! He managed to tide it over by rolling his head backwards and touching his fringe. Thank goodness the action looked liked something Atobe would do, so I just swooned and forgave him. But I laughed when I saw how ridiculous he looked 'dancing' during Starlight Dreamer. You know, the head rocking action thingy. He looked like he could have joined Indian Dance! It seemes as if he did not know what to do with his hands, I mean, he was doing the Atobe pointing at adoring crowd action, but it seems like a throwback to the numerous times he acted in Dreamlive. Then there was the Insight-like action. Sad. He looked totally hot when he removed his silver jacket, but his hot-factor couldn't have saved his obvious unease. He was 'moving' the microphone stand around his neck... Ok. Its official. He looks silly. Must be his first time on stage. He only became more comfortable in the middle when his voiced (and the crowd) sort of warmed up. Realised that he keeps drinking, must be really tiring to sing so many songs. The crowd was reallly weak, and Kazu-chan should really brush up on his English. Although he has really nice biceps. Yup. Yummy arms, most probably from the gym. He did a backflip in the last video! His earring was damn cool!

Oh yeah. Here are the songs he sang during the Live Gig 2006, in order, all available on Youtube. It must be noted that some of the songs will flow onto the next video:

First video: Warning, Higher
Second video: Soba ni Ite, Kimi to Zutto
Third Video: Our Future, Starlight Dreamer
Fourth video: Shining (I think), Line
Fifth video: Tokyo Diamond (I think) and Flaming Ice!
Sixth Video: Warning (again, better!)
Seventh Video: Can't indentify

OMG! I just found out that Kazu-chan DOESN"T act in Dreamlive 4th! Are they trying to KILL me! Then who is going to be Atobe?! And the emphasis is on Rikkaidai! ARGH! NO FAIR! Loks like I have to go watch the old Dreamlives all over again for my Kazu-chan fix...

Sobs...

Does anyone know how to get the Prince Of Tennis : Musical Best Actor - Atobe Keigo? I want Flaming Ice, Koori no Emperor and the other songs...

Thin Line

I just realised that I'm in REALLY deep waters. I went online, typed in Princess Princess D into the search engine, and WHAM! There seems to be LOADS of fans of KenKen online. It seemed as if I'd fallen into this whole new world dominated by KenKen, and Takumi. Honest. I guess its the in thing now, but I'm the kind who's dedicated to great singers. So from Okiayu, I chanced upon JunJun, which led to Kazu-chan, to KenKen... and now PPd. So forgive me if I'd never heard of this anime beforehand. I mean, if Okiayu or JunJun voiced one of the guys, and I happen to realise he sounds good, I would have pursued the anime with the fervour of a devout fangirl. Since they don't, and I'm only interested in PPd due to KenKen... Too bad. *shrugs*

I don't know if I want to watch Kazu-chan's Live GIG 2006. I mean, whats after Live GIG? Nothing. Well, except Girl From Hell Live-Action, where Kazu-chan only appears for a brief one or two minutes. Its as if the screen would start flickering and fade if he were to be present on screen for any longer period of time. Which is so not true. I could easily do with a larger dosage of Kazu-chan.

Ok. I shall now plunge head first into the Kazu-chan world of Live GIG 2006. The worst case scenario is that I'll start watching Kamen Rider to see Kazu-chan. Oh yeah. There's still Dreamlive 4! Thank goodness for Hyotei! Anyone knows where to find Koori no Emperor the song?

Koori no Emperor...

Fangirl Alert

KYAAAH! I was just watching Dream Live 3RD... And Kazu-chan is TOTALLY HOT! I mean, he was wearing this grey shirt, a white jacket, and... and... BLACK SKINTIGHT LEATHER PANTS! OMG! As he was singing, strutting, posing... someone kill me! He kept posing with his back to the audience and showing only his side profile... DAMN HOT! He also danced with his hands in his pockets, flipping his hair towars the crowd, spinning, his jacket whipping around him... The crowd totally screamed whenever he pointed at them, or even gestured towards them. AND That Scene! Kazu-chan was like within an inch of Tezzie, they were like... practically KISSING! Scandalous! So close! Kazu-chan and Tezzie are such teasers! Oh! Aiba Hiroki (Fuji) and Aoyagi Ruito (Mukahi) can dance! As in they can't really sing, but they can absolutely dance! I prefer Kimeru as Fuji as Kimeru can sing better and looks cuter, but Aiba can really dance! I guess some of them are dancers by profession. I sort of think that the actor who does Echizen Nanjiroh and some of the three 'stooges' have ballet background. The twists, turns, cartwheels, handstands, flying kicks... I mean, there is bound to be some training involved!



Oh yeah. I watched the backstage videos. Their dressing room is kinda small. So poor thing. Small dressing rooms suck as its very cluttered and there's no way you can find your stuff. And OMG. The amount of make-up the guys put on! As in, I thought NDP was bad enough, but... OMG. Kazu-chan and the others were WHITE! As in their foundation is thick and white and EEK! Poor Kazu-chan! Lots of make-up make me feel as if my skin can't breathe, and I find smiling a chore. But... sighx. Professionals are professionals. Oh. Backstage is damn cool. Although I usually don't understand a word that they are saying. Its sort of like throwing about 20 kid-like adults into one area. Imagine all the chaos, though it would be lots of fun. I guess you get pretty close after a while, stuck on the same movie set, same musical dressing room, same trainings. Loads of jokes... sighx. I really need to pick up Japanese. Loads of yummy stuff on YouTube. Loads of MV. Sighx. How can it be so funny...

Katsu no wa Hyotei, Makeru no Seigaku!

Half

Aristal (the dance concert my school has), had just ended. And immediately after I fell ill for 2 whole days. My mother claims that its due to late night bathing and the little sleep I had, and I can't help but agree that the primary reason is from exhaustion. Its strange, during the training you really want to go home and complete your assignments, yet when you have the time, all you want to do is anything but study. Irony and situational paradox. I have no idea what dancers do after both the SYF and concerts. I mean in tennis you have to keep training amd PT as you HAVE to keep in shape, besides the tournament is in July/August, so after the competition, you only train for another month or so beforethe EYE hit you and you study... Forget it, I guess I'll just mug this June holidays away.

I was talking to Hualin and Tianruo the other day, and chanced upon part of the reason why I'm flunking. I'm not mugging hard enough. My seniors and peers would most probably stare at me in wonderment as I totally look and behave like a mugger, but the truth is, those in Meridian, Victoria and Hwa Chong ALL mug WAY more than I. And the group of friends I have are not the exceptionally mugger type. Honest. Compared to them, I'm slacking my butt off. I seriously think that passing my Common Test when school reopens is going to be difficult. My Math sucks, and has been terrible since Secondary 2, I have no background in Physical Geography to rely on to help me ace my Common Test, I have absolutely no idea what are the literary terms required as my secondary school did not cover it, I write WAAYYY too slowly to EVER complete my Econs essay... the list goes on. I think I'm doomed. Oh yeah. Just received my General Paper essay from my teacher. 25 upon 50. Wow. I passed. Pop the champagne. Whatever.



Kazu-chan's photo. He can sing. He can dance. He looks good. I think drooling is the only reaction I have to him. Sighx. Life is sooo unfair. Ok. I admit his voice is only about half of JunJun's ability, but he is easily 10 times hotter. I mean, I'd rather listen to JunJun anytime, anyday over Kazu-chan (SORRY!), but I would prefer to watch Kazu-chan's MV anytime and anyday over JunJun, thats provided he actually has an MV in the first place. As in the only song of JunJun I would WILLINGLY skip is Wild Soul. This is out of the some 50 songs I have. In Kazu-chan's case, I confess that I only listen to 4 or 5 out of his Face album. I'm a really picky listener, and I get bored really quickly with one type of voice, so Kazu-chan is actually above-average, but nowhere near JunJun in voice quality. I mean, who is? JunJun can do this amazing range of voices, from the sexy baritone he's famous for as a seiyuu, to the melodious, angelic... Ahh. Omg. He is damn good. I won't get tired of his voice, like ever. and there seems to be a song for every mood, emotion, time period, situation... Ahh. I can't think too well in the presence of his voice. If I mixed Kazu-chan's face with JunJun's voice... if such a person existed, I'll most probably pursue them to the bowels of the earth. Serious. I think God is fair. And unfair. For not creating such a person. Oops. Just realised that there is such a person. KEIGO ATOBE! KYAAAH!

Uh-oh. My concious is pricking me. What happened to Okiayuu?! Dear me. It seems like he has been banished to Lala-land. My bad. *grins*. Kaen's half-brother seems to have mysteriously diappeared from my blog. Not that he has disappeared from my mind. Oh no. He is very much alive in my imagination alright. *bwahaha*. Fanfict Time!

Forcing

My school enjoys driving its students nuts. From frustration, no less. Its as if they just can't make anything purely fun, with no strings attached. But NO. They have to add a hundred and one different quirky terms to ruin a perfectly good thing. I mean Enrichment Week should be an enjoyable kind of thing, but there are so many terms, and its a random selection system, and the time table for the activities suck. Argh. Like I said, ruining a perfectly good thing. There is also the case of half-days. The school board gives these to us as a reward for good CCA and any other accolades that the school receives. The concept is great, but we ALWAYS have CCA or make-up lessons whenever there is a half-day. This is on top of the fact that the half-day officially starts only at 12.30pm. Crappy. I know of more then 20 people who have classes which end way earlier than 12.30pm, who laugh and say that the execution is stupid. I can't help but agree. Why not end at break instaed of lunch? Must you squeeze out every single minute possible, gingerly stepping on the line between a break and a normal day? If you don't want your students to go to town, not that we do and can go out often, resulting in a school of boring muggers, you could always start school later, as in 10am? Let us poor, growing children sleep more after working until 12am on some stupid project which the teachers don't even bother collecting. We need the rest, in case you forgot that we are youths and TIRED.

Sigh. Kazu is killing me with his amazing voice. I wonder how does who go to school everyday without hearing his voice function. Never mind. Ignore the rest of the human population. Most of them aren't even worthy of the thought I sometime waste on them. The fools who can't accept those who don't agree with them that the sea can ONLY be blue. poor souls who had never seen it green, infants who had never felt the power when it sings black. An oceanic metaphor. Thinking of Kazu and KenKen on the beach...

Kazu-chan...

I'm supposed to be doing my VA of Physical Geography, and I stumbled across a completely drool worthy video of Kazu-chan. Its here, so go see it and tell me what you think. I was grinning and laughing for ages. I mean, its something for everyone who likes Kazu-chan or even KenKen. Serious. Although I think anyone with aesthetic sense would most probably be speechless after watching. I felt that God is really cruel. Men aren't supposed to look THIS good. I mean, isn't it against the law or something... Imagine never being able to come within speaking distance of Ken Ken and Kazu-chan...

Excuse me, I think I'll go hide in a corner and cry for a bit. *sniff* KAZU_CHAN...

Breaking Point

I just saw my dance schedule for May. For a brief moment I thought I was daydreaming, before it really hit me. My dance schedule is so packed, it makes sleeping seems like a luxury item. I would be having dance everyday in the last week of May, from Monday all the way to Sunday. This is on top of all the Varied Assessments I have. It means I'm suppose to make the 24 hours magically turn into some 48 hours. Sorry, I'm not the girl from Harry Potter who creates divisions of herself to rush to classes. I don't even have that device which she uses.

Sighx. I'm so busy I have yet to watch more episodes of Prince Of Tennis OVA, have yet to watch the Live Action and the Musical, yet to hunt for more of my darling Atobe, JunJun and Kazu-chan... sighx. What am I doing? My time is all going down the drain, and all I seem to be accomplishing is wearing myself out, dancing until aching muscle are the norm, and struggling with my work. I often wonder, in 20 years time, would all these which I had invested my time and effort into pay off? Would I have just wasted my time, diverging resources to areas I could have ignored while ignoring those I should have paid more attention to? Its scary when I reflect, because there is the fear of the unknown, the regret that comes with a near miss, the pain of knowing you made a wrong decision, the heartbreak when you can't do what you wish... All these are factors which assail me at night when I lie in bed, their relentless assault making me sometimes resort to medicated sleep. I know, I know, I shouldn't be doing this to myself, but fear and guilt are two of the best motivators, are the things which would drive you to break your own boundaries, which changes your principales...

I'm exhausted. Really want to lie down for a day or two. I can cope, but it requires massive amounts of sacrifice. I'll take the loan, and pay freaky interest rates later. I'll pay in eyebags and headaches and crappy mornings for the things I forgoed when I chose this path, and the opportunity cost is considerable. And I'll still do it anyway, because I can't tolerate the look of betrayal, of disappointment, the dashed hopes, the lost expectations. I'll do it, because as Kyoya Ootari would have found out, some things you do so that it gives you a momentary sense of satisfaction, for the elusive sense of gratification and purpose and achievement, no matter what you suffer when you go home, no matter the pain you bear in silence as you fork out your debt... For some people, the payment is their happiness, for others, I'll come aknocking for the $8.10 which you still owe me and I think the 3% interest along with it...

Atobe - If You Were My King

You have to see ALL the way to the end. MUST. Especially after the credits. Lord, I wish I had all the pictures... I would DIE. And as you can tell, this totally expresses everything. *giggles and faints*

Prince of Tennis - Kakaeta Kiseki (FULL VERSION) by Aozu

Must Watch!

Comparison

You cannot fault those who are innocent, for sin does not linger on them. You cannot hate those who forget, for their memory is their salvation. You cannot hurt those who truly love, because their magnamity protects them from Hell.

Sigh. Thats pretty true. I wish I was a carefree bird, able to soar over the littered and rotten world. But I obviously can't. I was born human, mortal. No wings, no freedom. Clipped and chained to the earth, a prisoner for all eternity. Sighx. In an awfully melodramatic mood. I guess its the songs I'm listening to. I realised that JunJun's voice has this weird effect on me. As in my mood swings really extremely, especially obvious if I play Hakobune after E Kimochi. From depression to ecstasy. Just as the tracks change. Its that bad. I doubt its a good or bad thing. It just means some chemicals in my body are seriously screwed, that I'm unable to mantain a constant balance, able to wipe away all the joy in a milisecond. Sighx. Lets not dwell on unhappy things.

O_o. I received something VERY nice. Atobe's actor in the Prince Of Tennis musical. Show ya.


KYAH! Super cool! Super hot! Sighx. I doubt I would ever be able to meet anyone half as cool as him. Ever. I feel sorry for the rest of the male population, especially for those in my school. There is NO WAY they can match up. Even Photoshopped. I suppose the bar is set too high. Gold. No Honours. Had a crying marathon. The pain from the expectations, the effort. Still has Aristal 2. My first and last SYF. October. Sighx. It all ends. No matter how amazing, how beautiful... it all ends.

The pain of never loving, or of always loving... which is worse?

Abyss

I am officially at the edge again. I had fallen into the pit, spiralling down. I had landed at the bottom, and have now started to sink further into it. Life is terrible when all you have left is the memory of what you used to be, the knowledge from past experiences, but absolutely nothing to mark you in the present. You think that you ought to be sad... so you cry. You think that a decision seems biased... so you get angry with self-righteousness. You see everyone laughing, eyes sparkling... so you assume its a happy time and you smile. So what differentiates you from a a machine? What is there to say that you still exist, if everything which you do is nothing more than a decision based on deep thinking and consideration and research and acute observation ?! What happened to the impulse of mankind? What happened to me...

I want to make a disclaimer at this point in time. I will behave as if no one had ever read anything beyond this paragraph. I strongly urge those who aren't resilient, confident, mature, aware, understanding and forgiving enough not to read any further. The contents are not by the fangirl of Atobe and Kazuki. They are by what remains of a person once known as me . They are the remnants of something which should not be aired in public, but is aired anyway because those who are resilient, confident, mature, aware, understanding and forgiving enough need to know. They will read, because they should know, and they knowing will open, not close the door between us. They will read, because they had felt the same way before. I will not apologise for any repurcussions of making this public, because they need to know. They need to know because thay are my friends.




Sometimes, I really hate my secondary school friends. ALL OF THEM. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. NO EXCEPTIONS. EVEN THOSE READING THIS POST. Pure, unadulterated, unrestrained, unleashed HATRED. Why? Simple. They didn't save me. Aren't friends suppose to help you in times of need? Together through trials and tribulations? Well, mine abandoned me. For two months, it just so happened that I was falling, crying for help, struggling at the time they left. I did everything I could think of to get them to help me. They didn't come. I felt so alone, so lost, wishing, hoping, believing in them, until the very end. They never appeared. And one day, I woke up from the pain, no longer the same person, as if I was no longer in this skin. It was like my body had taken all the punishment it could take, and some switch had been thrown to stop all my nerves, to protect me while parts of me went burning down to Hell. Yes. Say that I'm exaggerating, say that I'm a Literature student practising hyperbole. Whatever. The fact is this. No one extended a hand in my time of need. No one could be bothered to salvage an old doll when there were new toys to play with. Oh yeah, the new toys were not as fun as the old rag doll, and they came back to play in the end, but the dolly had tasted rejection, had been trodden and damaged. Of course you can sew it back together, you can even hide the stiches behind the mega-watt smile, but can you bury the past so deep it can't come back to play games with you when you slumber? I didn't think so darling, I didn't think so.

Pissy Days Ahead

Urgh. Today has been simply horrible. Firstly, the SYF report card... Gold. After all the effort, time, practices... Gold. Its like scoring 98 upon 100, and the teacher deducts 2 marks for a spelling error. The pain goes deep, especially since you were an inch away from your goal, and its due to minisule stuff like that. Simply irritating. Infuriating. You simply want to scream " Can't you see past the really teeny stuff and just give it to me for all the effort?!" But NOO. So we are stuck with this until 2 years later. Bah. Adults.

I started compiling this list of things which make me really angry and they are, in NO PARTICULAR order:

1. People who make disparing comments about others, and mean to hurt. I can forgive you if it were an accident, or if you are by nature blunt and blur (like me), but to those idiots out there who want to harm my friends with your bloody sickening comments which you have absolutely NO right to give and is in NO position to give, I am so going to scream at you until you go deaf and wish feverently that you get a heart attack.

2. People, especially men, who do not have ANY cells of consideration. I know one (and a half), who are so helpful, they make robbers look like Mother Teresa. Honest. I mean, when you need to carry twelve chairs down some four floors and is in a rush, more hands make light work right? Yet they give me this "Huh, I need to do manual labour?" look and move so sluggishly, I think snails can outrace them. I shall not be biased and say that men should be doing ALL manual labour. In fact, I'm capable of my share of work, thank you very much, but how do you expect me to walk down eight flights of staires with six stacked up chairs? I do not have the right leverage!And what is it about men and tissue? I mean, your friend is crying and you are SOOO MANLY that you CAN"T offer her a packet of tissue!? WOW. SO MALE. Gross. They are so concerned about fitting the image of the male-hunter-predator-tough image that all their courteous cells die out. What happened to the gentlemen, or the friend? Extinct, I suppose.

3. Spam. Its such a pain. I have to constantly clear my inbox or it just accumulates, with no end in sight! Argh! It just creeps up at you, constantly, never-endingly.... AHHHH!

I just relised that I can go on and on and on... except that I would become incresingly frustrated and most probably will be unable to sleep tonight. Sighx. Fine I shall end here, to bask in the glory of Atobe in lalaland...

Scream Fest

Yup. I finally managed to post after screaming like nuts for about 15 minutes. Why you ask? I just visited Tng's blog, and now... back to screaming... AGAIN. I LOVE Prince Of Tennis. Its cool, hot, smoking, amazing, fantastic, awesome, great, super... as you most probably have noticed, my brain cells seem to diminish exponentially the more I think about PoT. Normal when you are having the time of your life behaving like a crazy fangirl ( for those poor, sad creatures who have yet to be initiated to the world of anime, it would be like explaining colour to the blind... its an experience!).

HYOTEI! HYOTEI! HYOTEI! ATOBE! ATOBE! ATOBE!

SYF is on Tuesday, so I'll be skipping classes to help the other dancers. Good thing the PW PI deadline has been extended. Otherwise I would have passed the line and been 'dead'. I did a 14:44 for PE last Thursday, so I think I would be taking this timimg and not rerun. I mean, what would be the point of doing it again, if 14 min and 15min are both under the B grade category. Unless I can shave about 45s off my current speed with only two weeks to train, very little commitment and zero interest, there would hardly be any purpose ya?

I wanna watch the National episodes of the PoT tournament... the OVA ones, but its hard to find properly subbed ones. Most of the subtitles are either weirdly timed, the translation is funny, or there aren't any at all... which is a huge problem for non-Japanese literate persons like me. MY POOR ATOBE! Not that I no longer like Tezuka, Fuji and the others, but my favourite is, obviously, Atobe. I want that Kazuki Katou pic of Atobe and the phone... its so... him. The atmosphere is totally that of Hyotei's Atobe. *faints*. It should be made a crime to be so hot... I'll definitely post it when I get my hands on it. Oh. Tng showed me this PHOTOSHOP-ed photo of Atobe and Tezuka kissing, and I screamed and nearly died. I think I'm begginning to understand why some people like yaoi. It feels wrong, as in, your upbringing tells you that its wrong and improper, etc, but its so cool and unique that you are drawn to it. Its similar to looking at a car accident... its bloody and gross and... interesting. You just can't help wanting more. Okay. That came out a little strangely. Now I sound like a pervertic psycho addicted to... Whatever.

Maybe I should join Tng when she watches Ao No Kiseki. I admit that Kanata (or is it Yuya?) looks pretty good in the musical. *sticks tongue out*. But its an undisputed fact that Kazuki is still the best, and that ATOBE ROCKS!

Hitting The Fan, Dropping Into A Trench

My life is currently so awful, the only phrase which I can think of, which still only remotely approaches my emotional state is " Shit hitting the fan". Short and not too sweet. I wonder how I can possibly feel so terrible, I mean if you told me a while back that I would feel like this, I would have laughed my head off. Looks like I'm experiencing a new trend ----- of a downward spiral. ARGH. Firstly, I totally screwed my Humanities Scholarship interview... I was unable to elaborate appropriately, I gave these silly ideas, I was caught trying to divert the question on more than one occasion... Sighx. Fine. Thats only a teeny tiny part, but it all accumulates, shores up and gathers energy, before coming crashing down when you least expect it! I actually broke down and cried during dance! ARGH! I was NEVER this weak! Sometimes I really want to scream at those people who caused me to become like this.

SYF is in a couple of days, and all the dancers are all pretty nervous. Indian Dance did great, Gold with Honours WITH SPECIAL MENTION. Then Malay Dance was okay. Everybody has quite a bit of stress... all except this certain reserve who feels like she is wasting their time and people resource. Sighx. Human trash. I sometimes wonder why I was born. No wonder they say that people without a religion are dangerous and unpredictable.

Atobe provides my only form of relief in a world gone awry. His voice actor soothes my frayed and battered self, and the actor in the musical is similar enough for my poor demented mind to hang onto reality.

I'm tired. Its more then enough for me to take. I feel as if I would never be happy again. Maybe I really might never be again. My work is piling up. My body requires about 8 hours of sleep to recover. My head needs a break from all the crazy work thrown onto me. I've had enough.

Bliss

Haha. Feel deeply contented today. I suppose its due to the fact that the day started amazingly well. I had a sms marathon with Tng, I wasn't late for school, there was no PE, GP was a slacking session as Mr Whitby was absent and I had already completed the assignment that was set... Wow. A great day. Practical me knows that it won't last... but hey, I live for the moment. The only so-called low was the sweltering heat... but otherwise, I have this feeling that it would be the best school day in a lot to come. I know, I know. I'm should enjoy school as it would help me learn better, I'll be a more emotionally and socially developed person, yadda, yadda, yadda... but I just cannot MAKE myself love NJ. Love is given, snatched away like the wind pulling the world with it. It cannot be forced, and even if it could, the effort spent is not the least bit economical.

Interestingly enough, I realised that seiyuus are multi-talented people. I mean I knew they could sing, act, crack good jokes... Its that I just relised today that many can speak a multitude of languages, that they are usually people persons, that they have quirky and extremely special talents and interests... Does being a voice actor make you cool or do you need to be cool to be a voice actor? Hmm. Point is Suwabe Junichi. He speaks and writs FLUENT English, Chinese and, of course, Japanese. Yuya Endo can do German, English and Japanese. Maybe I ought to pick up a third language. And all these are on top of the Japanese dialects that they know. Sighx. The epitome of cool. Ok. I admit it. I kind of like nerdy-ish, I mean, I like guys with more brains. Brawn is an added wow-factor. Brain is a must. Brain with personality.

Alrighty. I'm tired and I have a long day tomorrow.

God is meant to witness the work of Man, to judge, criticise, advise, guide... everything but interfere with the cycle directly.

Turned Away

I went back to Cedar for Speech Day yesterday, and as I was walking along Wan Tho Avenue, I really couldn't help but feel that I simply no longer belonged there. The area rejected me, warning me away. Its pretty sad, because St. Margaret's never gave me this feeling... So I guess I'm no longer a true blue Cedarian. Sighx. Its super depressing to reach this conclusion. I mean I had a great time in the school, yet its now rejecting me... Am I now too world-weary to be welcomed back? I threw away the naivety, I threw away the carefree nature of a child, and the price is that Cedar is too ashamed of me to want me back... Growing up is a disease.

I am proud to say that I now have 28 songs by Atobe Keigo aka Suwabe Junichi in my music library. I still like his voice, although I realised that he sounds pretty different in some of the other songs... Although I suppose that only goes to show how versatile he is. Another thing is that no matter how... unconvential his songs are, they are all quite meaningful, and all of them reflect Atobe's character and personality excellently. Sighx. Atobe is just too amazing for mere words to describe him completely. Sighx. A great voice does wonders to my heartrate. Haha. I sound like an old lady... I guess I have an old soul.

I'm going for the Humanities Scholarship interview next Tuesday... Sighx. I'm pretty nervous. Argh. I'm no longer in the mood to blog. Just thought of how silly the juniors in Cedar are. Some silly girl thought the leader told her, during field cooking of OAC, to eat a worm. As in, " Cut the vegetable and eat it". Evidently, the leader wanted the girl to cut the part of the vegetable with the worm away, and cook the good part. Common kitchen practice. But the girl... sighx. What is the world coming to? I suppose the girl had never actually cooked anything... then how on earth did she get through Home Economics? Sighx.

Shall drown myself in the awesome voice of Suwabe-san. Ease the pain.