Playlist
妄想日記２ by シド
I think I'm a hypocrite. I give people advice I do not follow. I tell people to forget about that jerk. I tell people to go for what they desire. I tell people to do that which they love. I tell people I love cosplay. I'm lying to myself. There. I've gone and said it.
Why do I do this to myself? Its not that I don't mean what I say. Its just that I hardly practice what I preach. I tell myself to be stronger. That it doesn't matter. Its just a bit of suffering. A bit of pain. That I will benefit much more in the long run if I just do what needs to be done now. The tear-off-the-plaster-and-only-hurt-a-bit kind of thing. Instead, what do I do? I mope around. I don't do what needs to be done. I'm pulled along. I'm so envious of others. I'm so angry at myself. Anger is a form of self-punishment. Not that it seems to be doing any good. I'm still stuck at the same psychological stage I was a while back. I hate being mediocre. I hate being a wallflower. So why am I going in this sickening direction?
I now have Gackt's Faraway, Lost Angels and Flower singles. Pawing through シド's hikari. Its nice and jazz-rockish. Like I mentioned previously, シド is awfully versatile. Something I like. Something I don't like about them? The fact that they smoke. Like. WOW. As if its any surprise that yet another band consists of chain smokers. Nothing new I'm sure. Still, its just so very disappointing. hyde. Gackt. Mao. Sigh. Next thing Jui and Juri. I wouldn't be too surprised. I can already sort of tell that Deluhi likes their liquor from their very drunk comment recording. Smoker. Alcoholic. Add gambling and we have all the modern day vices. Sigh. Nothing too new for Gackt. The usual sounds. シド too. Mao sounds lovely. Until you spend an hour listening to him. It gets boring. Not good. I think the previous albums and singles were better. Either that or the singles that they released have sorta let the musical cat out of the bag. It doesn't have the whole new feeling anymore. Especially since I've already heard 嘘, モノクロのキス and 2℃目の彼女 way before the album was released. In fact, I think I listened the songs to death while trying to figure out the lyrics. So nothing much in this release. Sweet. Lovely. Not terribly must-buy and must-listen. As for Gackt. I have nothing much to say. Unlike 小悪魔ヘヴン, the other seems a little... If I dare say, dull. Maybe it was because the first was too cool. The rest just pales in comparison. Still, I look forward to listening his next 6 singles.
This is going to be a very busy week. Working. Driving lessons. Preparing for Cosfest. Things are speeding up, very very fast. I hope the spurt of activity is going to be sufficient to provide me with enough energy for the rest of the month. I'm getting awfully tired of pretending to be happy and hyper when I most definitely am not. Yes. I've done it again. I'm sad, tired and terribly bored. I need something exciting soon. Its not a good state of mind, and I think if I don't get out of this emotional trough soon, I might end up being down and way out for a long time to come. Sigh. Life really is a stage. Someone give me an intermission!
"So what if you hate me? I assure you, I don't like you too."
Sunday, 5 July 2009
Friday, 3 July 2009
Recommendation
Playlist
シド - ２℃目の彼女
I need to say this before I scream and explode. I love シド. Simply because they know how to make their fans happy. Can you believe it? Its all so beautiful! The sheer aesthetic appeal of their albums. Why the hell would you want to download online music when you can have the so very gorgeous album in your hands? I would buy the album. For the art. For their pretty faces. For them to earn some money too. If I could read Japanese proficiently and had a credit card, I will definitely order their CD from them. Straight from them as I have no intention of paying the middle man a hefty fee. I want シド to earn. Anyway. Proof is here. Their site. I adore the colour scheme. Its so nice and light. Gone are the dark days of Visual Kei. Let us all usher the spizzy and colourful new age of rock/jazz. Yes, you heard me. Its rock music with a jazz quality. Billowing in the wind much? Awesome stuff. Its fabulous how they make such amazing music. As you all can see, I am effectively gushing. The song I'm listening to ２℃目の彼女 is lovely. Very sweet with light feel. Suits the album artwork. The PV is available on Youtube here. Their new album, hikari, is out in stores now. Have yet to hear it as I cant really find anything online. Regardless, I will find some way to get my little paws on it. Language and shipping is nothing to a die hard fan girl.
Went to Kel's house a couple of days back. Her new dog, Peanut is super duper cute. A cross of a Pomeranian and Chihuahua supposedly. He's old. Think 10 human years. Really quiet. Really small. A dear. I'm a particular fan of dogs, but he grows on you. He follows you around. Not barking. Nor biting. Minimal licking. But he looks at you. Pays attention. His ears listen when we talk. Smart dog. I like my pets smart. After that, we headed to Kel's workplace. Had dinner. Some Char Siew Ramen. Except that it isnt the normal red Chinese char siew, but the Japanese sliced pork. it melted in my mouth. I'm serious. I've never understood what melt-in-your-mouth meant until that day. Bloody good meal it was. The egg was delicious. The noodles werent the cheap Maggi Mee type but real Japanese ramen. Yummy yummy yummy. Anyone wants to try? I'd gladly bring you there. Between Central and Shenton Way. Large portions too. I shared with a Jme and was stuffed. And both of us are not small eaters. Any takers? Bring ten dollars and we'll have a proper MEAL. Not junk, namely those nasty little burgers and oily fries they try to sell us. Free wheat tea to boot. The tea was so refreshing... And the service is pretty good too. Did I manage to convince anyone?
Its been a strange week. No thanks to work and SMU. Shall accumulate more university related stuff and spill it all when I have the energy to do so. So wait a bit longer dearies. Next week is going to be way more exciting. I just cannot wait.
"What does the future hold? Only time will tell... I know you love me. XOXO"
シド - ２℃目の彼女
I need to say this before I scream and explode. I love シド. Simply because they know how to make their fans happy. Can you believe it? Its all so beautiful! The sheer aesthetic appeal of their albums. Why the hell would you want to download online music when you can have the so very gorgeous album in your hands? I would buy the album. For the art. For their pretty faces. For them to earn some money too. If I could read Japanese proficiently and had a credit card, I will definitely order their CD from them. Straight from them as I have no intention of paying the middle man a hefty fee. I want シド to earn. Anyway. Proof is here. Their site. I adore the colour scheme. Its so nice and light. Gone are the dark days of Visual Kei. Let us all usher the spizzy and colourful new age of rock/jazz. Yes, you heard me. Its rock music with a jazz quality. Billowing in the wind much? Awesome stuff. Its fabulous how they make such amazing music. As you all can see, I am effectively gushing. The song I'm listening to ２℃目の彼女 is lovely. Very sweet with light feel. Suits the album artwork. The PV is available on Youtube here. Their new album, hikari, is out in stores now. Have yet to hear it as I cant really find anything online. Regardless, I will find some way to get my little paws on it. Language and shipping is nothing to a die hard fan girl.
Went to Kel's house a couple of days back. Her new dog, Peanut is super duper cute. A cross of a Pomeranian and Chihuahua supposedly. He's old. Think 10 human years. Really quiet. Really small. A dear. I'm a particular fan of dogs, but he grows on you. He follows you around. Not barking. Nor biting. Minimal licking. But he looks at you. Pays attention. His ears listen when we talk. Smart dog. I like my pets smart. After that, we headed to Kel's workplace. Had dinner. Some Char Siew Ramen. Except that it isnt the normal red Chinese char siew, but the Japanese sliced pork. it melted in my mouth. I'm serious. I've never understood what melt-in-your-mouth meant until that day. Bloody good meal it was. The egg was delicious. The noodles werent the cheap Maggi Mee type but real Japanese ramen. Yummy yummy yummy. Anyone wants to try? I'd gladly bring you there. Between Central and Shenton Way. Large portions too. I shared with a Jme and was stuffed. And both of us are not small eaters. Any takers? Bring ten dollars and we'll have a proper MEAL. Not junk, namely those nasty little burgers and oily fries they try to sell us. Free wheat tea to boot. The tea was so refreshing... And the service is pretty good too. Did I manage to convince anyone?
Its been a strange week. No thanks to work and SMU. Shall accumulate more university related stuff and spill it all when I have the energy to do so. So wait a bit longer dearies. Next week is going to be way more exciting. I just cannot wait.
"What does the future hold? Only time will tell... I know you love me. XOXO"
Tagged
Grab your phone dearies. This one is all about our significant other in our handphone pouches. Thats right. My chocolate!
What's your ring tone? Journey through the Decade by Gackt
Who's the 1st person that comes up under M? Mail Deposit
Who's the last person you called? Kel!
Who was your last missed call from? My mummy.
Who's the 1st person who comes up under C? Celine!
Who's your speed dial number 2? Did not programme speed dial. I can remember numbers dearies.
What does 3rd text in your inbox say? "Ya I know. I dunno if I want to go ): dilemna. I want to stay at tgx but my parents and brother going. Both my sis and i not going and I feel... guilty. Somehow. "
Who was your last received call from? Kaen.
What does your 5th inbox text say? "Haha.okay :):) "
How many messages are currently in your inbox? 23. New phone. Old phone had like. Over 300 plus.
What is the wallpaper? Tyki fan art.
Since buying your phone, how many messages have you sent all together? No idea. The phone doesn't track.
Who is the person who sent the 7th message from in your inbox? Kaen.
Who's the 1st person who comes up under B? Bei Xi.
How many bars of signal do you currently have? 5.
What network are you on? Starhub
Name every person you have text messages from inbox? SonyEricsson. Kaen. TR. Stel. Kel. Cherl. Dad.
What does your 20th text message in your inbox say? "This is random but the feeling you get after spamming conditioner is damn nice XD. "
Who is the first person in your contacts? Aaron.
Who is the last name in your contacts? Chen Laoshi.
What does the bottom text in your inbox say? Can I not type this out? Its sooo long! " XD ok la ok la. For you and road is ok cause the both of you look HUMAN. But jasdebi i dunno. Probably with wig and all the black makeup might look ok... cover so much of the face somemore. I scared my costume parts don't work out only. The material and method definitely different from her."
What is your screen saver? The chibi Laruku picture.
What is your balance? What balance?
Who is the last person under H? Huifang!
What is your bluetooth name? Chocolate!
How many numbers are in your phone? EH. EH. A lot.Teachers. Classmates. GP classmates. Cosplay friends. Friends from my 16 years of formal schooling. A lot.
What's the first video on your phone of? Nope. No vidoes.
Could you live without your phone? Unlikely.
What is the 3rd picture on your phone? hyde's gorgeous face. I had this amazing dream about hyde yesterday. *squeals*
For the safety and security of all involved, I shall not divulge who the messages are from. Though I think its super obvious. All whose names appear are tagged!
"You can bribe me with chocolate, ice cream and money. Yeah. Money. Makes the world go round."
What's your ring tone? Journey through the Decade by Gackt
Who's the 1st person that comes up under M? Mail Deposit
Who's the last person you called? Kel!
Who was your last missed call from? My mummy.
Who's the 1st person who comes up under C? Celine!
Who's your speed dial number 2? Did not programme speed dial. I can remember numbers dearies.
What does 3rd text in your inbox say? "Ya I know. I dunno if I want to go ): dilemna. I want to stay at tgx but my parents and brother going. Both my sis and i not going and I feel... guilty. Somehow. "
Who was your last received call from? Kaen.
What does your 5th inbox text say? "Haha.okay :):) "
How many messages are currently in your inbox? 23. New phone. Old phone had like. Over 300 plus.
What is the wallpaper? Tyki fan art.
Since buying your phone, how many messages have you sent all together? No idea. The phone doesn't track.
Who is the person who sent the 7th message from in your inbox? Kaen.
Who's the 1st person who comes up under B? Bei Xi.
How many bars of signal do you currently have? 5.
What network are you on? Starhub
Name every person you have text messages from inbox? SonyEricsson. Kaen. TR. Stel. Kel. Cherl. Dad.
What does your 20th text message in your inbox say? "This is random but the feeling you get after spamming conditioner is damn nice XD. "
Who is the first person in your contacts? Aaron.
Who is the last name in your contacts? Chen Laoshi.
What does the bottom text in your inbox say? Can I not type this out? Its sooo long! " XD ok la ok la. For you and road is ok cause the both of you look HUMAN. But jasdebi i dunno. Probably with wig and all the black makeup might look ok... cover so much of the face somemore. I scared my costume parts don't work out only. The material and method definitely different from her."
What is your screen saver? The chibi Laruku picture.
What is your balance? What balance?
Who is the last person under H? Huifang!
What is your bluetooth name? Chocolate!
How many numbers are in your phone? EH. EH. A lot.Teachers. Classmates. GP classmates. Cosplay friends. Friends from my 16 years of formal schooling. A lot.
What's the first video on your phone of? Nope. No vidoes.
Could you live without your phone? Unlikely.
What is the 3rd picture on your phone? hyde's gorgeous face. I had this amazing dream about hyde yesterday. *squeals*
For the safety and security of all involved, I shall not divulge who the messages are from. Though I think its super obvious. All whose names appear are tagged!
"You can bribe me with chocolate, ice cream and money. Yeah. Money. Makes the world go round."
Thursday, 2 July 2009
Tagged
RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to copy-paste this note, and answer all the questions. At the end, choose 15 people to be tagged - including the person who tagged you.
ABC About You Questions:
A - AVAILABLE: HAHA. Hardly ever. Please book me as soon as possible. Note that family, school and friends take precedence over random buggers accosting me on the street.
B - BIRTHDAY: 24 November. If you don't know this by now, I'll yell at you.
C - CRUSHING ON: Who else? :)
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Honey soursop from NUS Biz Canteen. The Honey series is nice.
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Myself?
F - FAVORITE: Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Listening to music. Cosplay. Reading. The list extends.
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Bears.
H - HOMETOWN: My head.
I - IN LOVE WITH: The usual. Myself. My room. My music. My shrine. My windchime. My bed. The fridge. My shoes. EH. A lot.
J - JUGGLE: Time. I'm trying to improve.
K - KILLED BY:Lack of food and sleep.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: To Penang.
M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Strawberry.
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 1. More than enough.
O - ONE WISH: To be happy.
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Kellie. Heehee :P
R - REASON TO SMILE: Ridiculous stuff that happens.
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: 夏恋 by SID
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 6 Something as my dad was yelling at my bro. Inconsiderate much?
V - VEGETABLE(S): I like brocolli. And cabbage. Cucumbers. And then some leafy green things.
W - WORST HABIT: I have loads of bad habits. I think being sarcastic even when its lost on the person involved.
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Dental. Chest. Don't really remember.
Y - YOYOS ARE: Stuff that belong at the bottom of my cupboard.
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Cusp Scorpio/Saggitarius. But I'm technically Saggitarius.
Random Questions About You:
What color do you wear most?: Not sure
What are you listening to?: Nothing at the moment.
Are you happy with your life right now?:I guess its decent.
What is your favorite class in school?: Literature. Hands-down.
When do you start back at school/college?: 17 August.
Are you outgoing?: If I want to be.
Favorite pair of shoes?: Hush Puppies sneakers. I have two!
Where do you wish you were right now: At home. Sleeping.
Can you dance? : Definitely.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: No.
Can you whistle?: No.
Write with both hands?: Yes, and no.
Walk with your toes curled?: Yes
THE DO'S:
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: Sorta.
Do you believe in miracles?:Small ones.
Do you believe in magic?: I guess.
Love at first sight?: Not really.
Do you think there's a Satan?: Hmm. Sort of.
Do you believe in Santa?: No. No winter in Sinagpore, so it was always a silly thing to me.
Do you know how to swim?: No.
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: Most. Yeah.
THE HAVES:
Have you ever been on a plane?: Yes.
Have you ever asked someone out?: Yes. My girlfriends. My classmates.
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: Usually I'm the one who initaiates. But YES. I love you CHERL :)
Have you ever been to the ocean?: Obviously.
Have you ever painted your nails?: Yes.
THE WHATS:
What is the temperature outside?: Not sure. 29 degree Celsius?
What radio station do you listen to?: International Channel for Japanese segment.
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Delifrance.
What was the last thing you bought?: Honey Soursop.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: A few whos. Elina, Germaine.
CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: Still here, my heart. If I ever had one to begin with.
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes.
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Yes.
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: No.
Do you cry when you get an injury?: Not usually.
Do certain songs make you cry?: No.
HAPPY SECTION:
Are you a happy person?: Unlikely.
What can make you happy?:I'm not saying such embarrassing things here!
Do you wish you were happier? : Often.
Can music make you happy?: Yes. Like duh.
LOVE SECTION
How many times have you had your heart broken?: Not applicable.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: Not yet.
LOOK AT ME
What is your current hair color?: Black.
Current piercings?: One on each ear.
Have any tattoos?: No.
Eye color: Black.
IN GUYS:
Favorite eye color: Doesnt matter.
Short or long hair: Doesnt matter.
Height: Doesnt matter.
Best clothing: No idea.
HAVE YOU EVER.
Been to jail: No.
Mooned someone:No.
Thrown up in a store: No. So gross...
Done something really stupid that you still laugh at today: Yes.
Gone skinny dipping: No.
THIS OR THAT
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi.
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King.
Single or Group Dates: Single. I'm more possesive. And demanding. I want more attention. Got a problem with that?
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate.
Strawberries or Blueberries: Strawberries.
Meat or Veggies: HMMMM.
TV or Movie: Movie.
Guitar or Drums?: A tie.
Adidas or Nike: Adidas.
Chinese or Mexican: Chinese.
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: Corn flakes!
Cake or Pie: Cake.
Friends Tagged
You :P
ABC About You Questions:
A - AVAILABLE: HAHA. Hardly ever. Please book me as soon as possible. Note that family, school and friends take precedence over random buggers accosting me on the street.
B - BIRTHDAY: 24 November. If you don't know this by now, I'll yell at you.
C - CRUSHING ON: Who else? :)
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Honey soursop from NUS Biz Canteen. The Honey series is nice.
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Myself?
F - FAVORITE: Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Listening to music. Cosplay. Reading. The list extends.
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Bears.
H - HOMETOWN: My head.
I - IN LOVE WITH: The usual. Myself. My room. My music. My shrine. My windchime. My bed. The fridge. My shoes. EH. A lot.
J - JUGGLE: Time. I'm trying to improve.
K - KILLED BY:Lack of food and sleep.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: To Penang.
M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Strawberry.
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 1. More than enough.
O - ONE WISH: To be happy.
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Kellie. Heehee :P
R - REASON TO SMILE: Ridiculous stuff that happens.
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: 夏恋 by SID
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 6 Something as my dad was yelling at my bro. Inconsiderate much?
V - VEGETABLE(S): I like brocolli. And cabbage. Cucumbers. And then some leafy green things.
W - WORST HABIT: I have loads of bad habits. I think being sarcastic even when its lost on the person involved.
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Dental. Chest. Don't really remember.
Y - YOYOS ARE: Stuff that belong at the bottom of my cupboard.
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Cusp Scorpio/Saggitarius. But I'm technically Saggitarius.
Random Questions About You:
What color do you wear most?: Not sure
What are you listening to?: Nothing at the moment.
Are you happy with your life right now?:I guess its decent.
What is your favorite class in school?: Literature. Hands-down.
When do you start back at school/college?: 17 August.
Are you outgoing?: If I want to be.
Favorite pair of shoes?: Hush Puppies sneakers. I have two!
Where do you wish you were right now: At home. Sleeping.
Can you dance? : Definitely.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: No.
Can you whistle?: No.
Write with both hands?: Yes, and no.
Walk with your toes curled?: Yes
THE DO'S:
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: Sorta.
Do you believe in miracles?:Small ones.
Do you believe in magic?: I guess.
Love at first sight?: Not really.
Do you think there's a Satan?: Hmm. Sort of.
Do you believe in Santa?: No. No winter in Sinagpore, so it was always a silly thing to me.
Do you know how to swim?: No.
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: Most. Yeah.
THE HAVES:
Have you ever been on a plane?: Yes.
Have you ever asked someone out?: Yes. My girlfriends. My classmates.
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: Usually I'm the one who initaiates. But YES. I love you CHERL :)
Have you ever been to the ocean?: Obviously.
Have you ever painted your nails?: Yes.
THE WHATS:
What is the temperature outside?: Not sure. 29 degree Celsius?
What radio station do you listen to?: International Channel for Japanese segment.
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Delifrance.
What was the last thing you bought?: Honey Soursop.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: A few whos. Elina, Germaine.
CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: Still here, my heart. If I ever had one to begin with.
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes.
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Yes.
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: No.
Do you cry when you get an injury?: Not usually.
Do certain songs make you cry?: No.
HAPPY SECTION:
Are you a happy person?: Unlikely.
What can make you happy?:I'm not saying such embarrassing things here!
Do you wish you were happier? : Often.
Can music make you happy?: Yes. Like duh.
LOVE SECTION
How many times have you had your heart broken?: Not applicable.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: Not yet.
LOOK AT ME
What is your current hair color?: Black.
Current piercings?: One on each ear.
Have any tattoos?: No.
Eye color: Black.
IN GUYS:
Favorite eye color: Doesnt matter.
Short or long hair: Doesnt matter.
Height: Doesnt matter.
Best clothing: No idea.
HAVE YOU EVER.
Been to jail: No.
Mooned someone:No.
Thrown up in a store: No. So gross...
Done something really stupid that you still laugh at today: Yes.
Gone skinny dipping: No.
THIS OR THAT
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi.
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King.
Single or Group Dates: Single. I'm more possesive. And demanding. I want more attention. Got a problem with that?
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate.
Strawberries or Blueberries: Strawberries.
Meat or Veggies: HMMMM.
TV or Movie: Movie.
Guitar or Drums?: A tie.
Adidas or Nike: Adidas.
Chinese or Mexican: Chinese.
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: Corn flakes!
Cake or Pie: Cake.
Friends Tagged
You :P
Tuesday, 23 June 2009
Transition
Playlist
Dreamboat by Vidoll
HOMG. I chanced upon a bimbo! Like, a real life BIMBO. Stupid. Rich. Brainless. Vain. A bit mean. Shallow. All the above is equivalent to a BIMBO. I mean, I've never actually known a true pink bimbo. It was always someone who lacked one of the above qualities. Well, I just chanced upon one. Her blog is here. Read, and revel in how smart and nice you are. I think I should blog hop more often. Its good for self esteem. Yes. I never said I was nice. I derive pleasure through these simple means. I have nothing against her. I just want to share the joy of discovering something so endangered. How many people are true bimbos? Such precious few. We all need silly people to earn our money and entertain ourselves. HAHA.
Ok. Kaen said I was being mean, so since I don't know her personally, I hope she won't take it personally too. I mean, its a compliment. At least you can be defined. Me? I have no idea what I am. Maybe someone could enlighten me? I'm ok with honesty. Like, lay bare thy truths sort of honesty is a-ok too. So come, hit me with whatever you've got!
Sleepover at my place started as a disappointment thanks to the various slowpokes and MIA people. Still, I had a blast. Root beer float. Lemon chicken rice. Copious amounts of cornflakes. Gossip. Reminiscing about the past. I had no idea that I was so socially inept. I mean, the things I did and said. I'm astonished by my pride, confidence and sheer self-assurance. Woah. I was amazing. Notice the past tense? The me today is a mere shadow of who I was. I was so interesting. I wish I could meet the old me. I have absolutely no recollection of being so superb. Yes, I think my friends will holler at me because of this despite all their complaints. I am of the belief that sheer blunt honesty is a gift on its on. The ability to see something for what it is, and not what people want you to see. alas, I think I have lost a good measure of this skill. I mourn the loss of my personality.
The sleepover photos will be up on Facebook, as usual, as soon as I have more time. Busy days are here, thanks in no part to SMU and part time job hunting, so I'm less often on the Internet. Rest assured dearies, that I still love all of you and I will definitly update as soon as humanly possible. Meanwhile, I suppose you can read my older entries and revel in the insight of a teenager. HAHA. If I seem strange, blame SMU. No worries, I'll blog all about SMU soon. Not enough to deign a post to my new school yet. HAHA.
Ciao my dearies.
"What are these but temporal butterflies andflowers, gone in the blizzard of winter? "
Dreamboat by Vidoll
HOMG. I chanced upon a bimbo! Like, a real life BIMBO. Stupid. Rich. Brainless. Vain. A bit mean. Shallow. All the above is equivalent to a BIMBO. I mean, I've never actually known a true pink bimbo. It was always someone who lacked one of the above qualities. Well, I just chanced upon one. Her blog is here. Read, and revel in how smart and nice you are. I think I should blog hop more often. Its good for self esteem. Yes. I never said I was nice. I derive pleasure through these simple means. I have nothing against her. I just want to share the joy of discovering something so endangered. How many people are true bimbos? Such precious few. We all need silly people to earn our money and entertain ourselves. HAHA.
Ok. Kaen said I was being mean, so since I don't know her personally, I hope she won't take it personally too. I mean, its a compliment. At least you can be defined. Me? I have no idea what I am. Maybe someone could enlighten me? I'm ok with honesty. Like, lay bare thy truths sort of honesty is a-ok too. So come, hit me with whatever you've got!
Sleepover at my place started as a disappointment thanks to the various slowpokes and MIA people. Still, I had a blast. Root beer float. Lemon chicken rice. Copious amounts of cornflakes. Gossip. Reminiscing about the past. I had no idea that I was so socially inept. I mean, the things I did and said. I'm astonished by my pride, confidence and sheer self-assurance. Woah. I was amazing. Notice the past tense? The me today is a mere shadow of who I was. I was so interesting. I wish I could meet the old me. I have absolutely no recollection of being so superb. Yes, I think my friends will holler at me because of this despite all their complaints. I am of the belief that sheer blunt honesty is a gift on its on. The ability to see something for what it is, and not what people want you to see. alas, I think I have lost a good measure of this skill. I mourn the loss of my personality.
The sleepover photos will be up on Facebook, as usual, as soon as I have more time. Busy days are here, thanks in no part to SMU and part time job hunting, so I'm less often on the Internet. Rest assured dearies, that I still love all of you and I will definitly update as soon as humanly possible. Meanwhile, I suppose you can read my older entries and revel in the insight of a teenager. HAHA. If I seem strange, blame SMU. No worries, I'll blog all about SMU soon. Not enough to deign a post to my new school yet. HAHA.
Ciao my dearies.
"What are these but temporal butterflies andflowers, gone in the blizzard of winter? "
Friday, 19 June 2009
Lazy
Playlist
s[k]ape:goat by Deluhi
Just like how I am not perpetually pissed off, this world is not completely bleak either. To comfort the many people who have been wondering if I'm suddenly suicidal, the list below consisits of things that will keep me all nice and rooted to this no-longer-so-green planet.
1) Deluhi. SID. Vidoll. Gackt. hyde. VAMPS. L'Arc-en-ciel. Kato Kazuki. No matter how bad things are, I know I can rely on my iTunes playlist, my phone and the internet to provide me with relief in the form of music. Hybrid Truth. Vivid Place. Uso. dear tokyo. Cherry. NevaeH. Jesus. Another World. Drop of Colour. Shallow Sleep. Evanescent. Trouble. Stay Away. New World. instinctive love. Warning. What shall I do without all these pieces of music? I'd be dead ten times over. No music, no life is indeed a very apt description of how attached I am to my music. It doesnt hurt that they are often quite easy on the eyes. I like how the 'cutie' Leda is behind the fiercest growls in Deluhi's many songs. Mao looks like a little boy with those big big eyes of his. Vidoll looks ok as long as rame is hidden somewhere obscure. Gackt is always making headlines. hyde is aging and looking hotter than ever. VAMPS has really nice promotional stuff and photoshoots. I'm just WAITINg for the L'aruku 20th Anniversary World Tour. Kazuki's new hairstyle is LOVE. So there you go. My reason for existence. My love, my shrine... My music.
2) "I'm a gay of demonic charm." " Your established ideal is a boyfriend who is a little jealous." "Whats the difference between being stupid and being dumb?" KYAH! I have discovered that I really really like watching stuff online. Simply because I can laugh maniacally without being thrown out of the cinema and spooking all my friends. I mean, my family already knows how I Iaugh. Like an evil witch. Its natural. I never asked to laugh like a witch. I just do. This high pitched half-shriek guffaw sound that escapes from my throat. So online sites are the best. I can really enjoy myself.
3) Cosfest. EOY. Anime Festival Asia. ToyCon. Aoi. Lulubell. Whatever else I choose to do. My costumes have been paid for. Some have been collected. There is no way I will off myself. I mean, the sheer amount of effort! All down the drain! Into the sewage! Wasted! My time. Money. Blood. Sweat. Tears. NO WAY. I love cosplay. I love the attention. I love hanging out with like-minded individuals. I enjoy fan-girling. Discussing weapons and acessories. I like scrutinising other people's costumes. Thinking of ways to cut cost without compromising on accuracy. Acting out the character. Reading up more to understand how to better portray the character. Research is just plain, pure fun. It fits my personlity. A perfectionist on a budget, having to conform to a certian ideal, yet having to create something as well. A real challenge. I wonder if I should join the fashion industry...
4) You. Yes, you my dear. And you. And you, you and you. Yeah, I'm all for self love, but I love all of you too! So I shan't make my dearies upset for no reason. As if your life isn't tough enough. HAHA. What with tuition, universities, modules, trying to maintain a social life... i shall not add to the burden you already carry. I'm not so sadistic! Ok I amy seem like a sadist, but I'm definitely all for boosting the enjoyment factor in the lives of my dearies. I'm just like this because I'm dreadfully bored. Entertain me and I'll recharge faster than you can say "Don't be sad!" HAHA. I'll go anywere with you if you can keep me entertained. Its true. i'm serious. Although my reliance on external factors to keep upbeat is a tad bit worrying...
I'm bored of this post already. Too lazy to continue contributing to its length and content. The depth isnt anything to crow about either. Sigh. Like I said. I'm bored.
"Let it be known that those who seek happiness are deluding themselves. Life sucks. Big time."
s[k]ape:goat by Deluhi
Just like how I am not perpetually pissed off, this world is not completely bleak either. To comfort the many people who have been wondering if I'm suddenly suicidal, the list below consisits of things that will keep me all nice and rooted to this no-longer-so-green planet.
1) Deluhi. SID. Vidoll. Gackt. hyde. VAMPS. L'Arc-en-ciel. Kato Kazuki. No matter how bad things are, I know I can rely on my iTunes playlist, my phone and the internet to provide me with relief in the form of music. Hybrid Truth. Vivid Place. Uso. dear tokyo. Cherry. NevaeH. Jesus. Another World. Drop of Colour. Shallow Sleep. Evanescent. Trouble. Stay Away. New World. instinctive love. Warning. What shall I do without all these pieces of music? I'd be dead ten times over. No music, no life is indeed a very apt description of how attached I am to my music. It doesnt hurt that they are often quite easy on the eyes. I like how the 'cutie' Leda is behind the fiercest growls in Deluhi's many songs. Mao looks like a little boy with those big big eyes of his. Vidoll looks ok as long as rame is hidden somewhere obscure. Gackt is always making headlines. hyde is aging and looking hotter than ever. VAMPS has really nice promotional stuff and photoshoots. I'm just WAITINg for the L'aruku 20th Anniversary World Tour. Kazuki's new hairstyle is LOVE. So there you go. My reason for existence. My love, my shrine... My music.
2) "I'm a gay of demonic charm." " Your established ideal is a boyfriend who is a little jealous." "Whats the difference between being stupid and being dumb?" KYAH! I have discovered that I really really like watching stuff online. Simply because I can laugh maniacally without being thrown out of the cinema and spooking all my friends. I mean, my family already knows how I Iaugh. Like an evil witch. Its natural. I never asked to laugh like a witch. I just do. This high pitched half-shriek guffaw sound that escapes from my throat. So online sites are the best. I can really enjoy myself.
3) Cosfest. EOY. Anime Festival Asia. ToyCon. Aoi. Lulubell. Whatever else I choose to do. My costumes have been paid for. Some have been collected. There is no way I will off myself. I mean, the sheer amount of effort! All down the drain! Into the sewage! Wasted! My time. Money. Blood. Sweat. Tears. NO WAY. I love cosplay. I love the attention. I love hanging out with like-minded individuals. I enjoy fan-girling. Discussing weapons and acessories. I like scrutinising other people's costumes. Thinking of ways to cut cost without compromising on accuracy. Acting out the character. Reading up more to understand how to better portray the character. Research is just plain, pure fun. It fits my personlity. A perfectionist on a budget, having to conform to a certian ideal, yet having to create something as well. A real challenge. I wonder if I should join the fashion industry...
4) You. Yes, you my dear. And you. And you, you and you. Yeah, I'm all for self love, but I love all of you too! So I shan't make my dearies upset for no reason. As if your life isn't tough enough. HAHA. What with tuition, universities, modules, trying to maintain a social life... i shall not add to the burden you already carry. I'm not so sadistic! Ok I amy seem like a sadist, but I'm definitely all for boosting the enjoyment factor in the lives of my dearies. I'm just like this because I'm dreadfully bored. Entertain me and I'll recharge faster than you can say "Don't be sad!" HAHA. I'll go anywere with you if you can keep me entertained. Its true. i'm serious. Although my reliance on external factors to keep upbeat is a tad bit worrying...
I'm bored of this post already. Too lazy to continue contributing to its length and content. The depth isnt anything to crow about either. Sigh. Like I said. I'm bored.
"Let it be known that those who seek happiness are deluding themselves. Life sucks. Big time."
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Grouse
Playlist
Cherry by Vidoll
I have gotten my grubby little paws on Vidoll's Esoteric Romance! Its not that great. Half of the songs are nice. The rest are boring. Its really sad when my favourite bands adopt a more mainstream sound, relegating fans like me to bargain bin to find new bands that have a sound that I like. Its not that there aren't any new Visual Kei bands. Think Manterou Opera and Moran. But its not exactly my type. I probably only like one song from their entire album. A good album is one that I like a minimum of fifty percent. Otherwise, there is absolutely no purpose in getting the album. You'll just hear that 2 songs continuously to death and get bored of it really soon. Sigh. A really sad lifespan no? Vidoll sounds increasingly like SID. If it wasn't for the distinctive quality of Mao and Jui's vocals, one would think that the 2 bands decided to share music or something. Its maddening when you wait for ages and there's nothing interesting. My top few grouses are as follows:
1) Atrocious English pronunciations. Its not English. Its some weird hybrid of Japanese and English that I think only the Japanese will understand. A native speaker like me only realises its English upon scrutiny of the lyrics. Its not even in katakana. Its suppose to be in English, but I had no idea it was my first language until I stare at the lyrics at sheer amazement at how they manage to twist it to sound like some new language. Yes I know you are trying. Still. Just sing in Japanese. Its okay. We are the ones hijacking onto the Japanese music industry for musical treatment, so we are willing to listen to Japanese. Its more meaningful and poetic anyway. When 'be all right' sounds like 'vi alu li eh to', its a sign that they should revert back to Japanese. Please stop torturing your fans. We want to support you. Not stop listening to your music. Either brush up your English or sing in Japanese. I think the latter is easier. I like the latter too.
2) Using similar music for different releases. We are your fans. We've probably listened to everything you released since Day One more times than we sing our national anthems. We pay good money to buy your releases. We attend your concerts. We spread the word and the love. We are the reason why there's food on in your fridge. So please try not to cheat us by remixing music and releasing it as two separate songs. If its a remix, say so. We actually pay for remixes. I wont name names, but I've listened to my concentrated single band playlist and identified songs that sound so alike I thought one song was 8 minutes long. Keep this up and I promise you'll lose your following. Its ok to spend more time on your albums. Its ok to have one or two fewer songs. JUST DON'T LIE TO YOUR AVID SUPPORTERS!
3) Bands who are rude to international fans. Yes, your market is Japan. Yet, in this superbly digital age, do you think you can afford to sideline your international fans? Most of us have JLPT certificates. We do our best to get hold of your releases no matter how expensive shipping is given our very limited budgets. We fly to foreign countries where you have your concerts to support you. So give us at least one percent of your attention! I love how VAMPS is so active on Facebook and Twitter. I like how many try to have an English edition of their official site. I adore the effort put into liasion with international fans. Thank you for catering to us. We will do our best to add to your income. Stop removing every single video on Youtube and we'll do more. Hey. Not everyone has access to Japanese cable. We want to keep up to date. We want to know more about you. Feed our addiction. Marketing techniques even a child knows. So why do you take down everything?! Its mainly low resolution, and us who love our idols will find means and ways of getting hold of the original. I may have the album, but I want the limited edition, the special release, the extras, the posters and MORE. Its a different market completely. So stop being such a miser. Use video sharing sites as free publicity. Make us happy, and we'll make you happy too.
Ah. I actually wanted to confess to something. I shall leave it obscure, so that those who know, knows. Its coloured, so only those who choose to read should. Yeah. I know its an invitation for you to read. But like I said, its a warning. Like how Willy Wonka and Marilyn Monroe works, if I say its ugly, its ugly. I'm not into lying on my blog for kicks. If I want to lie, it'd be somewhere where I can appreciate the effects. Not online where you can't savour the effects. Here goes:
Its true. I said I'd never do it, but I did. Me and my big mouth. I said if it ever happened, I'd say it out loud, nice and proud, but I've come to realise that I'm a wimp and dare not say it out loud. Not everyone is like Yasu. I'm an idiot. I was playing a game. A game with society, my family and friends. It was suppose to be entertaining. Something to kill time. It was a sadistic thing to do, I admit. It was mean, hurtful and downright inconsiderate. Yeah. My just desserts. It happened. I didn't mean for it to happen. I never wanted it to turn out this way. I'm sorry. I really am. If I could turn back time, I'd never have decided to toy with something like that. Though I'm likely to ignore my own advice. I know things will never be the same again. I'm really sorry. I don't ask for you to forgive me. Relax, I'll treat you as I always will. Because no matter what, I'm pig-headed enough to never say anything to you face-to-face. I'll pretend nothing happened, for your sake. I know. You deserve better than a mere paragraph online, anonymous to boot. But this is all I can offer you now. Please don't hate me. I love you. Always have, and always will.
"The grief of a previous life, the trauma and painful feelings... The sins of the past reborn..."
Cherry by Vidoll
I have gotten my grubby little paws on Vidoll's Esoteric Romance! Its not that great. Half of the songs are nice. The rest are boring. Its really sad when my favourite bands adopt a more mainstream sound, relegating fans like me to bargain bin to find new bands that have a sound that I like. Its not that there aren't any new Visual Kei bands. Think Manterou Opera and Moran. But its not exactly my type. I probably only like one song from their entire album. A good album is one that I like a minimum of fifty percent. Otherwise, there is absolutely no purpose in getting the album. You'll just hear that 2 songs continuously to death and get bored of it really soon. Sigh. A really sad lifespan no? Vidoll sounds increasingly like SID. If it wasn't for the distinctive quality of Mao and Jui's vocals, one would think that the 2 bands decided to share music or something. Its maddening when you wait for ages and there's nothing interesting. My top few grouses are as follows:
1) Atrocious English pronunciations. Its not English. Its some weird hybrid of Japanese and English that I think only the Japanese will understand. A native speaker like me only realises its English upon scrutiny of the lyrics. Its not even in katakana. Its suppose to be in English, but I had no idea it was my first language until I stare at the lyrics at sheer amazement at how they manage to twist it to sound like some new language. Yes I know you are trying. Still. Just sing in Japanese. Its okay. We are the ones hijacking onto the Japanese music industry for musical treatment, so we are willing to listen to Japanese. Its more meaningful and poetic anyway. When 'be all right' sounds like 'vi alu li eh to', its a sign that they should revert back to Japanese. Please stop torturing your fans. We want to support you. Not stop listening to your music. Either brush up your English or sing in Japanese. I think the latter is easier. I like the latter too.
2) Using similar music for different releases. We are your fans. We've probably listened to everything you released since Day One more times than we sing our national anthems. We pay good money to buy your releases. We attend your concerts. We spread the word and the love. We are the reason why there's food on in your fridge. So please try not to cheat us by remixing music and releasing it as two separate songs. If its a remix, say so. We actually pay for remixes. I wont name names, but I've listened to my concentrated single band playlist and identified songs that sound so alike I thought one song was 8 minutes long. Keep this up and I promise you'll lose your following. Its ok to spend more time on your albums. Its ok to have one or two fewer songs. JUST DON'T LIE TO YOUR AVID SUPPORTERS!
3) Bands who are rude to international fans. Yes, your market is Japan. Yet, in this superbly digital age, do you think you can afford to sideline your international fans? Most of us have JLPT certificates. We do our best to get hold of your releases no matter how expensive shipping is given our very limited budgets. We fly to foreign countries where you have your concerts to support you. So give us at least one percent of your attention! I love how VAMPS is so active on Facebook and Twitter. I like how many try to have an English edition of their official site. I adore the effort put into liasion with international fans. Thank you for catering to us. We will do our best to add to your income. Stop removing every single video on Youtube and we'll do more. Hey. Not everyone has access to Japanese cable. We want to keep up to date. We want to know more about you. Feed our addiction. Marketing techniques even a child knows. So why do you take down everything?! Its mainly low resolution, and us who love our idols will find means and ways of getting hold of the original. I may have the album, but I want the limited edition, the special release, the extras, the posters and MORE. Its a different market completely. So stop being such a miser. Use video sharing sites as free publicity. Make us happy, and we'll make you happy too.
Ah. I actually wanted to confess to something. I shall leave it obscure, so that those who know, knows. Its coloured, so only those who choose to read should. Yeah. I know its an invitation for you to read. But like I said, its a warning. Like how Willy Wonka and Marilyn Monroe works, if I say its ugly, its ugly. I'm not into lying on my blog for kicks. If I want to lie, it'd be somewhere where I can appreciate the effects. Not online where you can't savour the effects. Here goes:
Its true. I said I'd never do it, but I did. Me and my big mouth. I said if it ever happened, I'd say it out loud, nice and proud, but I've come to realise that I'm a wimp and dare not say it out loud. Not everyone is like Yasu. I'm an idiot. I was playing a game. A game with society, my family and friends. It was suppose to be entertaining. Something to kill time. It was a sadistic thing to do, I admit. It was mean, hurtful and downright inconsiderate. Yeah. My just desserts. It happened. I didn't mean for it to happen. I never wanted it to turn out this way. I'm sorry. I really am. If I could turn back time, I'd never have decided to toy with something like that. Though I'm likely to ignore my own advice. I know things will never be the same again. I'm really sorry. I don't ask for you to forgive me. Relax, I'll treat you as I always will. Because no matter what, I'm pig-headed enough to never say anything to you face-to-face. I'll pretend nothing happened, for your sake. I know. You deserve better than a mere paragraph online, anonymous to boot. But this is all I can offer you now. Please don't hate me. I love you. Always have, and always will.
"The grief of a previous life, the trauma and painful feelings... The sins of the past reborn..."
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Yech
Playlist
Natsukoi by SID
Yech. Thats the only suitable word, or non-word, that I an use to describe my day. Woke up feeling heavy. My body was like two hundred tonnes and counting. Lack of sleep, although I slept before midnight, and I did not wake up at night. Deep sleep for 7hours and I'm so bloody tired nonetheless. Humid day. Yeah, in the tropics in the middle of the year. Northern hemisphere and all that. Lousy weather for wearing work clothes. Great for the beach though. Too bad I don't work at the beach.
Went back to collect my certificates. A long, arduous walk up the main gate. Heels. Long pants. Heavy bag. What do you expect? Me to not complain about the utter ridiculousness of situating the main gate of the school in some obscure corner on a hill, located a minimum of four hundred meters away from the nearest bus stop? Sheesh. Its less a main gate than the side gate. Inaccessible. Irritating. I was perspiring buckets by the time I was in the library, and I still had to get back to the bus stop! Best part? At the bus stop, 151 took more than 20 minutes to come. This was on top of the awesome racket that the grass cutting people were making. And the little specks of grass that inevitably flew everywhere, and seemed directed specifically at this hot, sweaty and really pissed gal. Bad day.
School was revolting, to say the least. There has been a 14 year drought of President's Scholars, so they removed the board and placed a huge LCD screen there. Smart marketing eh? So instead of staring at the prime minister's name, we instead look at the various promotional videos of the school. Pathetic much? Of course, this is provided that you even notice the screen, what with that enormous silver THING sitting in the atrium. I have nothing against art. I like art. I think sculptures are cool. I have friends who do art. BUT THAT IS ONE HECK OF A WRONG PLACE TO PUT A SCULPTURE LIKE THAT. Yeah. That was what I wanted to shout. First, it most probably gets into the way of students who trying to get into the TA block. Secondly, it looks ominous. Serious. Lets just say that it just looks jarring. Whoever decided to put it there has no aesthetic sense. I'm not saying that person has zero artistic ability. I'm talking about aesthetic sense. Goodness. There is no need to announce the school's many weaknesses at the foyer. I mean, you can at least TRY to mask the rotting flesh with perfumed silks. And not expose it to the sun. Yech. If you have no substance, at least strive for better glamour.
Lunch was pretty good though. The first time I had Vietnamese food. Some pork noodle, that was sweet and a little sour. Yummy. Recommended by one of my colleagues. If most Vietnamese food taste like this, I think I'd want to hang out at the Vietnamese stall more often. I like eating. always have, and II think I always will. There's so much yummy things out there for you to try. Japanese sushi. Bento. Curry. Sashimi. Teppanyaki. Kueh. Noodles. Dim sum. Steaks. Cakes. Desserts. Pudding. Ice cream. Rice. Fish. Salads. Vegetables. The list extends. Food is good. See? It rhymes. HAHA. I'm going to get whacked for such a silly comparison.
I'm often bored recently. Its a pervasive state of mind. I wonder what i can do about it. Its not like I have absolutely nothing to do. On the contrary in fact. Japanese lessons. Driving lessons. Belly dancing lessons. Tutoring my brother. Tutoring Kaen. Preparing for matriculation. Work. Chores. I'm busy. Busy and bored. I used to think it was an oxymoron. Now I know that its two very different things. One is a state of mind. The other is the level of activity. Two separate concepts. Its like being fit and being healthy. Two different things. if you don't know why check the dictionary. If you still don't know why, pretend you do, smile and nod. Just remember its different. Believe me. I don't blog about things that I'm uncertain of. I have an image to upkeep dearies.
Its been a YECH-Y day. Tutored my brother. Awful. Its like a slow death by fire and drowning. Locked in a glass cage of fire and thrown into the ocean. One of the worse ways to die. Able to see salvation, yet unable to reach it. And even the salvation you achieve hurts, and is likely to kill you. Yeah. To simplify it, it was painful. Sigh. I have to hand it to my family. No other person or entity drives me nuts as fast and absolutely as my family. Just have to hand it to these people. Oh well. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. What with meeting viv in the morning and Gackt and Kazuki featured in the magazine...
"I need new ways of saying that something is disgusting. Revolting. Gross. Unpleasant. Yucky. Yech. You get what I mean."
Natsukoi by SID
Yech. Thats the only suitable word, or non-word, that I an use to describe my day. Woke up feeling heavy. My body was like two hundred tonnes and counting. Lack of sleep, although I slept before midnight, and I did not wake up at night. Deep sleep for 7hours and I'm so bloody tired nonetheless. Humid day. Yeah, in the tropics in the middle of the year. Northern hemisphere and all that. Lousy weather for wearing work clothes. Great for the beach though. Too bad I don't work at the beach.
Went back to collect my certificates. A long, arduous walk up the main gate. Heels. Long pants. Heavy bag. What do you expect? Me to not complain about the utter ridiculousness of situating the main gate of the school in some obscure corner on a hill, located a minimum of four hundred meters away from the nearest bus stop? Sheesh. Its less a main gate than the side gate. Inaccessible. Irritating. I was perspiring buckets by the time I was in the library, and I still had to get back to the bus stop! Best part? At the bus stop, 151 took more than 20 minutes to come. This was on top of the awesome racket that the grass cutting people were making. And the little specks of grass that inevitably flew everywhere, and seemed directed specifically at this hot, sweaty and really pissed gal. Bad day.
School was revolting, to say the least. There has been a 14 year drought of President's Scholars, so they removed the board and placed a huge LCD screen there. Smart marketing eh? So instead of staring at the prime minister's name, we instead look at the various promotional videos of the school. Pathetic much? Of course, this is provided that you even notice the screen, what with that enormous silver THING sitting in the atrium. I have nothing against art. I like art. I think sculptures are cool. I have friends who do art. BUT THAT IS ONE HECK OF A WRONG PLACE TO PUT A SCULPTURE LIKE THAT. Yeah. That was what I wanted to shout. First, it most probably gets into the way of students who trying to get into the TA block. Secondly, it looks ominous. Serious. Lets just say that it just looks jarring. Whoever decided to put it there has no aesthetic sense. I'm not saying that person has zero artistic ability. I'm talking about aesthetic sense. Goodness. There is no need to announce the school's many weaknesses at the foyer. I mean, you can at least TRY to mask the rotting flesh with perfumed silks. And not expose it to the sun. Yech. If you have no substance, at least strive for better glamour.
Lunch was pretty good though. The first time I had Vietnamese food. Some pork noodle, that was sweet and a little sour. Yummy. Recommended by one of my colleagues. If most Vietnamese food taste like this, I think I'd want to hang out at the Vietnamese stall more often. I like eating. always have, and II think I always will. There's so much yummy things out there for you to try. Japanese sushi. Bento. Curry. Sashimi. Teppanyaki. Kueh. Noodles. Dim sum. Steaks. Cakes. Desserts. Pudding. Ice cream. Rice. Fish. Salads. Vegetables. The list extends. Food is good. See? It rhymes. HAHA. I'm going to get whacked for such a silly comparison.
I'm often bored recently. Its a pervasive state of mind. I wonder what i can do about it. Its not like I have absolutely nothing to do. On the contrary in fact. Japanese lessons. Driving lessons. Belly dancing lessons. Tutoring my brother. Tutoring Kaen. Preparing for matriculation. Work. Chores. I'm busy. Busy and bored. I used to think it was an oxymoron. Now I know that its two very different things. One is a state of mind. The other is the level of activity. Two separate concepts. Its like being fit and being healthy. Two different things. if you don't know why check the dictionary. If you still don't know why, pretend you do, smile and nod. Just remember its different. Believe me. I don't blog about things that I'm uncertain of. I have an image to upkeep dearies.
Its been a YECH-Y day. Tutored my brother. Awful. Its like a slow death by fire and drowning. Locked in a glass cage of fire and thrown into the ocean. One of the worse ways to die. Able to see salvation, yet unable to reach it. And even the salvation you achieve hurts, and is likely to kill you. Yeah. To simplify it, it was painful. Sigh. I have to hand it to my family. No other person or entity drives me nuts as fast and absolutely as my family. Just have to hand it to these people. Oh well. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. What with meeting viv in the morning and Gackt and Kazuki featured in the magazine...
"I need new ways of saying that something is disgusting. Revolting. Gross. Unpleasant. Yucky. Yech. You get what I mean."
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Minutes
Playlist
Dear Tokyo by SID
Its been a long long time since I blogged properly about music. My recent posts have all been rantings of a semi-maniacal teenager. Yeah, I have lots of things to offload, but I think its beginning to sound like the ramblings of a troubled kid. Which I definitely am not. I'm not troubled. Well, not exactly. And I'm not a kid either. Ok, not exactly a kid either. What I'm going to do now, is to make you drool by telling you about all the amazing new songs I've managed to get hold off. HAHA. Tell me if you want any of it. I'm always enthusiastic about helping my favourite bands garner a greater following and earning more income. Like duh. Love should be shared all around. No, I'm not trying to be the next Barney the purple dinosaur. I just want to share the joy that comes with listening to Mao, hyde, Jui, Juri, Kato Kazuki and Gackt with the rest of the world. In case you have no idea who they are, they are the lead singers of SID, L'Arc-en-Ciel/ VAMPS, Vidoll, Versailles while Kazuki and Gackt are now solo respectively. If you are still lost, I recommend sitting down with me for about 3 hours while I preach about their awesomeness. Alternatively, for some less hardcore, you could Wikipedia or Google them. Yeah. There is something known as the Internet.
First is SID. Somehow dug out their old songs, like Ajisai, Rinjin and some other stragglers. WOW. That was my reaction. Mao sounds so good. Absolutely. Especially so when I unearthed Sentimental Macchiato as well. Ok, I think its spelled that way, because its all in Katakana, and I cant type Japanese on my Bento. A disturbing phenomenon that I intend to correct soon. Anyway, I love SID. The music is in this little niche thats neither hardcore rock nor pop. Amazing vocals, and it still has the quality that made me fall in love with them to begin with. Its the kind of song where you work with it running in the background and keep checking to remember the title of the song because it justs sounds so good. Its something thats neither jarring nor boring. Its not the noise that captures your attention, but rather the structure of the entire piece. A 4 minute slice of enjoyment. I particularly like Natsukoi (I think its pronounced like this) and Dear Tokyo.
Kazuki is improving too. Yes, his PVs still look like a budget production, but no matter how low quality his PV is, it cannot mask the fact that his vocals are improving. I adore artistes who improve, and he has definitely improved a lot. From the rather flat Hyotei renditions during Dreamlive and TeniMyus, his recent singles and for some songs in his last album were pretty good. Suna no Shiro (I think again), and instinctive love. Brilliant Snow and Love Bite. Sigh. I WANT MY MAGAZINE. It has 2 feature articles, one on Gackt and his new 10th Anniversary R+R release thing, as well Kazuki and his recent Venom and Easy Go singles. VIV! I WANT MY MAGAZINE. I can stare at their hot faces and practice my pathetic Japanese language skills as well. Killing two birds with one stone that costs around $25. VIV~
I wonder why. Its not like i like it. Its not like I made a concious effort. But I wonder why it happens. They say it just happens. But there has to be a root cause no? There has to be starting point, and a point of no return. Everything has a beginning, and I know ther should be an end. I cannot survive like this if there is no end. I'm at my limit. I'm hiding it well, but it'll all come out. I dont want it to come out. Its such an embarrassment. Such a ridiculous thing. Yet, its so important. Its so important to me...
"My love. My life. My god. I am what you make of me."
Dear Tokyo by SID
Its been a long long time since I blogged properly about music. My recent posts have all been rantings of a semi-maniacal teenager. Yeah, I have lots of things to offload, but I think its beginning to sound like the ramblings of a troubled kid. Which I definitely am not. I'm not troubled. Well, not exactly. And I'm not a kid either. Ok, not exactly a kid either. What I'm going to do now, is to make you drool by telling you about all the amazing new songs I've managed to get hold off. HAHA. Tell me if you want any of it. I'm always enthusiastic about helping my favourite bands garner a greater following and earning more income. Like duh. Love should be shared all around. No, I'm not trying to be the next Barney the purple dinosaur. I just want to share the joy that comes with listening to Mao, hyde, Jui, Juri, Kato Kazuki and Gackt with the rest of the world. In case you have no idea who they are, they are the lead singers of SID, L'Arc-en-Ciel/ VAMPS, Vidoll, Versailles while Kazuki and Gackt are now solo respectively. If you are still lost, I recommend sitting down with me for about 3 hours while I preach about their awesomeness. Alternatively, for some less hardcore, you could Wikipedia or Google them. Yeah. There is something known as the Internet.
First is SID. Somehow dug out their old songs, like Ajisai, Rinjin and some other stragglers. WOW. That was my reaction. Mao sounds so good. Absolutely. Especially so when I unearthed Sentimental Macchiato as well. Ok, I think its spelled that way, because its all in Katakana, and I cant type Japanese on my Bento. A disturbing phenomenon that I intend to correct soon. Anyway, I love SID. The music is in this little niche thats neither hardcore rock nor pop. Amazing vocals, and it still has the quality that made me fall in love with them to begin with. Its the kind of song where you work with it running in the background and keep checking to remember the title of the song because it justs sounds so good. Its something thats neither jarring nor boring. Its not the noise that captures your attention, but rather the structure of the entire piece. A 4 minute slice of enjoyment. I particularly like Natsukoi (I think its pronounced like this) and Dear Tokyo.
Kazuki is improving too. Yes, his PVs still look like a budget production, but no matter how low quality his PV is, it cannot mask the fact that his vocals are improving. I adore artistes who improve, and he has definitely improved a lot. From the rather flat Hyotei renditions during Dreamlive and TeniMyus, his recent singles and for some songs in his last album were pretty good. Suna no Shiro (I think again), and instinctive love. Brilliant Snow and Love Bite. Sigh. I WANT MY MAGAZINE. It has 2 feature articles, one on Gackt and his new 10th Anniversary R+R release thing, as well Kazuki and his recent Venom and Easy Go singles. VIV! I WANT MY MAGAZINE. I can stare at their hot faces and practice my pathetic Japanese language skills as well. Killing two birds with one stone that costs around $25. VIV~
I wonder why. Its not like i like it. Its not like I made a concious effort. But I wonder why it happens. They say it just happens. But there has to be a root cause no? There has to be starting point, and a point of no return. Everything has a beginning, and I know ther should be an end. I cannot survive like this if there is no end. I'm at my limit. I'm hiding it well, but it'll all come out. I dont want it to come out. Its such an embarrassment. Such a ridiculous thing. Yet, its so important. Its so important to me...
"My love. My life. My god. I am what you make of me."
Saturday, 13 June 2009
Hair
Playlist
Venus by Kato Kazuki
Okay dearies. Its official. I look like some Edo period Japanese gal. Why? Well, I cut my hair! Its a fringe cut, with a middle tier followed by the usual flowing locks. Yep. Rebonded again. Its $130, for the cut, rebonding and treatment. I think I shall have rebonded hair only until the end of this year. Let it grow out, cause now its a little dry, before I decide if I should look like a poodle for a year in university. Yes. I'm thinking of ceramic curls. Large wavy FAKE ceramic curls. Simply because my natural hair is this messy curly mop. Oh yeah. Did I mention that I plan to cut it short at the end of the year? And dye it dark blue? Post semester one exams of course. Maybe after JLPT. I have nice and thick hair. Tough too. Great for doing funny things. Anyway, images!
Fringe.
Side.
The middle tier is nice and straight.
On the whole.
I sorta like this hairstyle. Non-conformist. And yes. Its Lulubell's hairstyle. I've got quite a few people saying that I look Japanese. That I have an exotically Asian look. Yeah. Flat, button nose? Single eyelids? Puffy cheeks? Straight black hair? Check, check, check. Yup. I look Oriental. I speak Mandarin, Singlish, Japanese. As long as I'm not on the phone nor pissed off at you of course. When I'm angry, I tend to adopt this accent that is distinctively non-Asian. I'm not sure where I sound like I'm from, but no one will ask if I'm from China. Yes. People, as in China Chinese, do ask me which part of China I'm from. Well, the most I can say is that my great-grandparents are from Hainan Island. Other than that? Born and bred on this little island off Malaysia. Yep. I am part of some island family tree. We move from one small island to an even smaller island. Hopefully my children are on an island too. Like a private island somewhere in the Bahamas. Yeah. That would be awesome.
Went pubbing for the first time in my life. It was alright. If a tad bit boring. I mean, I can't get drunk. I can only try to get high on my company. Tough when its all INTJs. With a really innocent gal, and 2 people more interested in their handphones than their current company. It can't be helped. I'm not that interesting. And my contacts were hurting a bit as I had them on for more than 12 hours. Sigh. I like the people I was with, except maybe we should have gone clubbing. I suppose everyone was waiting for someone else to suggest something more interesting to do than wheel around in the wheelchair. Yes, we were at Clinic. Maybe if we were less self conscious? Oh yeah. Maybe they should have drank more. HAHA. Lower inhibitions and all that. So we would be less conscious of our image in front of classmates. Sigh. Disappointing, but I'd go again. Some other things were interesting. I shan't say it here, but there were other... Perks. Yeah. Not what you think. But I saw some things I'd like to better observe once more. So yeah. Anyone wants to go clubbing or pubbing can ask me along. I promise that you'll be able to get home. HAHA. I'm the teetotaler. Can't help it. I'm built this way.
Anyone knows why I cant access the language pack in my VAIO? I've dowloaded whatever updates there are. I've downloaded the language pack thingy from the Microsoft website. And I still can't type in Japanese! Help? Thanks dearies :)
"If I'm messed up, you belong to Pluto."
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
小悪魔ヘヴン
Playlist
Koakuma Heaven by Gackt
Just when I thought that I have seen the weirdest parts of Gackt, be it 3 day curries or falling asleep during talk shows... I have seen something else to raise the weirdness bar higher. Its called Koakuma Heaven. Here. His talk show promotion of his new single. I nearly died. Its hilarious. Completely hilarious. Gackt doing a dance with 6 girls. Its some para-ish looking thing. The best part? These girls are in stilettos. Dressed in candy coloured dresses. And yet they still dance better than Gackt. I'm serious. Gackt, in all black, looks... Err. Incoherent on the stage. His voice is the same. The lyrics are superbly corny. Perverted as usual. Available here. I have never seen anyone who adds emoticons to their lyrics. But like I said, ignore how cute it looks. Its perverted. Yeah, hot blooded Japanese male thing as usual. I think its as perverted as Vanilla, if not more so because of the candy tune. And the 'girl' on the DEARS only cover is Gackt. Yes. Lets all go back to the cross dressing days. We all love hot guys in pink dresses, curled hair and pretty nails. Anyway, its suppose to be from the perspective of a prostitute. Bar hostess. Whatever euphemism you wish to use. Like many of his songs, the underlying meaning and the sound of the song is often related. Think candy lifestyle with how lonely it is. Irony. Melancholic some when you understand, but chock full of meaning on multiple levels. HOMG, the purpose, tone and theme can give you a headache. A more condensed version is available here. Anyway Koakuma Heaven is only the first of his 10 albums. The next one up is Faraway, with an equally provocative cover. Its all available at Wikipedia. After that its Lost Angels. Then Flower. Believe me when I tell you I cant wait. Gackt is great at stuff like this. I have to hand it to him. Never a dull moment when he wants to be in the news.
Next up is VAMPS. My dear hyde and K.A.Z. has been on magazines, the news and doing lots of singles plus album promotion recently. Hmm. Sad to say that I think their VAMPS album is just mediocre. I like Evanescent, Time Goes By, Trouble and Red Rum. The rest I just... Err. Not in my top 10 songs list. I like Sex Blood Rock n Roll simply because of the way hyde shouts/sings the 4 words of the title. Other than that... Nothing much. Very disappointing actually, considering how much I like hyde. The music is great, but there seems to be something severely lacking in the lyrics. Just because the band is called VAMPS does not mean every song has to be about blood. Maybe he could explore other aspects of the supposed properties of vampirism other than blood-drinking. Say, do they feel claustrophobic is their coffins? How does it feel like to never be able to see the sun again? What about the immortality? Coming out into the open? These can branch out into perfectly philosophical topics. *nods* I think I ought to go back to school. My brain is about to be fried from lack of utilisation. Hence the weird rhetorical questions.
Watched Dance! Subaru yesterday. Watching a movie alone is a new experience. Not unpleasant. It was rather intersting in fact. You dont have to make small talk with anyone. You dont have to think about what the person next to you thinks about your reaction to what you're both watching. You dont have to discuss anything after that. Rather... relaxing. Precisely what I was trying to do. Rest and relaxation. I deserve a break after all that I have been through these few months. Its frustrating to not be able to leave Singapore, but at least I wont suffer. HAHA. It was a pretty feel good kind of movie. Semi-brainless. Sad in how virtually everyone important to Subaru dies. Grimy, but uplifting at the same time. I like Kohei. He has the suffering unrequited love feel down pat. Quite different when he was the one dumping pink Nana in NANA as her boyfriend Shoji. I was surprised to learn that he was in Waterboys as well. Waterboys was a great movie, if any movie can ever be considered truly good.
My new laptop is great. My dear Bento. Its slick. Silver. Sony. Sibilant alliteration. Oh well. I had fun updating all the album covers for my iTunes. Album covers are so very pretty. Some are plain, and others are crazily elaborate, but all are amazingly cool. My current favourite? Ikemen Samurai. Simply because I see Atobe, Yukimura, Sanada in the traditional samurai garb. Traditional attire rocks. It gives a greater depth to the bishies I know and love. In second place is Face. Because Kato Kazuki has the guts to distort his face for his album cover. I respect that. Third is... Yeah. Koakuma heaven. Simply because. Yeah. Love him or hate him, Gackt is one talented guy. Yes. He is a guy!
Koakuma Heaven by Gackt
Just when I thought that I have seen the weirdest parts of Gackt, be it 3 day curries or falling asleep during talk shows... I have seen something else to raise the weirdness bar higher. Its called Koakuma Heaven. Here. His talk show promotion of his new single. I nearly died. Its hilarious. Completely hilarious. Gackt doing a dance with 6 girls. Its some para-ish looking thing. The best part? These girls are in stilettos. Dressed in candy coloured dresses. And yet they still dance better than Gackt. I'm serious. Gackt, in all black, looks... Err. Incoherent on the stage. His voice is the same. The lyrics are superbly corny. Perverted as usual. Available here. I have never seen anyone who adds emoticons to their lyrics. But like I said, ignore how cute it looks. Its perverted. Yeah, hot blooded Japanese male thing as usual. I think its as perverted as Vanilla, if not more so because of the candy tune. And the 'girl' on the DEARS only cover is Gackt. Yes. Lets all go back to the cross dressing days. We all love hot guys in pink dresses, curled hair and pretty nails. Anyway, its suppose to be from the perspective of a prostitute. Bar hostess. Whatever euphemism you wish to use. Like many of his songs, the underlying meaning and the sound of the song is often related. Think candy lifestyle with how lonely it is. Irony. Melancholic some when you understand, but chock full of meaning on multiple levels. HOMG, the purpose, tone and theme can give you a headache. A more condensed version is available here. Anyway Koakuma Heaven is only the first of his 10 albums. The next one up is Faraway, with an equally provocative cover. Its all available at Wikipedia. After that its Lost Angels. Then Flower. Believe me when I tell you I cant wait. Gackt is great at stuff like this. I have to hand it to him. Never a dull moment when he wants to be in the news.
Next up is VAMPS. My dear hyde and K.A.Z. has been on magazines, the news and doing lots of singles plus album promotion recently. Hmm. Sad to say that I think their VAMPS album is just mediocre. I like Evanescent, Time Goes By, Trouble and Red Rum. The rest I just... Err. Not in my top 10 songs list. I like Sex Blood Rock n Roll simply because of the way hyde shouts/sings the 4 words of the title. Other than that... Nothing much. Very disappointing actually, considering how much I like hyde. The music is great, but there seems to be something severely lacking in the lyrics. Just because the band is called VAMPS does not mean every song has to be about blood. Maybe he could explore other aspects of the supposed properties of vampirism other than blood-drinking. Say, do they feel claustrophobic is their coffins? How does it feel like to never be able to see the sun again? What about the immortality? Coming out into the open? These can branch out into perfectly philosophical topics. *nods* I think I ought to go back to school. My brain is about to be fried from lack of utilisation. Hence the weird rhetorical questions.
Watched Dance! Subaru yesterday. Watching a movie alone is a new experience. Not unpleasant. It was rather intersting in fact. You dont have to make small talk with anyone. You dont have to think about what the person next to you thinks about your reaction to what you're both watching. You dont have to discuss anything after that. Rather... relaxing. Precisely what I was trying to do. Rest and relaxation. I deserve a break after all that I have been through these few months. Its frustrating to not be able to leave Singapore, but at least I wont suffer. HAHA. It was a pretty feel good kind of movie. Semi-brainless. Sad in how virtually everyone important to Subaru dies. Grimy, but uplifting at the same time. I like Kohei. He has the suffering unrequited love feel down pat. Quite different when he was the one dumping pink Nana in NANA as her boyfriend Shoji. I was surprised to learn that he was in Waterboys as well. Waterboys was a great movie, if any movie can ever be considered truly good.
My new laptop is great. My dear Bento. Its slick. Silver. Sony. Sibilant alliteration. Oh well. I had fun updating all the album covers for my iTunes. Album covers are so very pretty. Some are plain, and others are crazily elaborate, but all are amazingly cool. My current favourite? Ikemen Samurai. Simply because I see Atobe, Yukimura, Sanada in the traditional samurai garb. Traditional attire rocks. It gives a greater depth to the bishies I know and love. In second place is Face. Because Kato Kazuki has the guts to distort his face for his album cover. I respect that. Third is... Yeah. Koakuma heaven. Simply because. Yeah. Love him or hate him, Gackt is one talented guy. Yes. He is a guy!
"This is the way we brush our teeth... We brush our teeth..."
Friday, 5 June 2009
French
Playlist
Deep Red by Vamps
I am utterly disgusted by all the rubbish certain people spout off the top of their head. I really do not like to stereotype, but these people belong to the adult category. As in, all of them are older than 21. Which seems to be some warped turning point where you decide to piss off everyone who isn't older than 21?! I have never thought of it that way before this week started. I'm serious. I am so frustrated by the signs of foolishness I see everywhere around me. It really makes me wonder why I actually bother trying to enter the 'adult' world. Oh right. Its because they outnumber us. They surround us. Drag us down to their level. And then proceed to beat us with experience in being an idiot. All I can say is, I'm floored.
Anyway. In reverse chronological order. First up was my relative, X. I GUESS. And this is a really huge question mark, but I suppose X means well. I shall be nice and kind and give X the benefit of the doubt. I mean. I'm under 21! So here goes our conversation. Or rather, exchange. Err. Wait. It was just a few lines. Or less than that. ANYWAY.
X: WOW, you cannot speak Cantonese?
Me: Eh. Yeah. Why?
X: Aren't you a failure? I mean, in Singapore and you cannot speak Cantonese.
Me: (internally) DAMN YOU, YOU FREAKING BASTARD. WHO THE SHIT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!
Ah. Relatives. You hate them and you cant show it. You like them and you exaggerate it by the power of a hundred. Me? A failure? What does that make you? Oh. A greater failure. HAHA. I can speak my own dialect just fine. I can understand Hokkien, Teochew and Hakka. I can name all the Hongkong Dim Sum staples. I don't NEED to speak Cantonese asshole. In Singapore, we use English, Mandarin and mostly Hokkien at the hawker stalls. I can espouse a smattering of Japanese. Believe me, the next language I intend to pick up is French. So that I can string vulgarities into a silk handkerchief. It'll sound fabulous. Like wiping my ass with silk. So there. Get out off my face before I upend my stomach of what I ate today.
Next we have Y. Dear me. Y is an exhibition of infantilism in its most extreme form. Everything a child, under one years old, does is cute. When someone older than 21 does it, its bloody irritating. We, the people who make the rules of society, say it smacks of immaturity. Ridiculous. We call people who dont grow up retards. You know? Retarded growth? HAHA. The idea Y has is something along the lines of "You're cheating (bending the rules a little) , so I'll cheat MORE!" and "I want everything you have, but bigger!", plus, "I like this, so I must have this!" with a little of "They must like me more than they like you!". Notice the intensifying exclamation marks? Goodness gracious me. I thought I left this behind in pre-school. Apparently not. Imagine this acted out in all its gory embarassment by someone who is supposed to be a role model to us unrefined and childish teenagers. Its a public affront. My poor, delicate social sensiblities are screaming in agony. I'm going to need to weekend to recover. Sniff, sniff. Make that an extended weekend.
Enter exhibit Z. Who is hell bent on living the way he is living. Z is always right. Z must be right. For he is the alpha and omega of everyone who exists on this planet. We all live to worship Z. We die as an offering to Z. Z is the all-wise. All-caring. Heck. Go screw yourself. Live in your own delusional world all you want. I dont care if you get high on stabbing teddy bears, feeding the gerbil or thinking about the mating habits of carnivorous fish. Whatever. Just dont include me in your edition of The Fantastic Tale of Z. Nor The Amazing Z. Most of all, The Ultimate Guide to Z. Please. Get a life. My life is strictly off-limits. You are not allowed to stick me in your two dimensional world. Do not pass GO, do not collect two hundred dollars.
I shall stop here. If I continue, I'll be no better than these little people. I have had enough.
"Pardon my French dearies. I'm learning a new language :)"
Deep Red by Vamps
I am utterly disgusted by all the rubbish certain people spout off the top of their head. I really do not like to stereotype, but these people belong to the adult category. As in, all of them are older than 21. Which seems to be some warped turning point where you decide to piss off everyone who isn't older than 21?! I have never thought of it that way before this week started. I'm serious. I am so frustrated by the signs of foolishness I see everywhere around me. It really makes me wonder why I actually bother trying to enter the 'adult' world. Oh right. Its because they outnumber us. They surround us. Drag us down to their level. And then proceed to beat us with experience in being an idiot. All I can say is, I'm floored.
Anyway. In reverse chronological order. First up was my relative, X. I GUESS. And this is a really huge question mark, but I suppose X means well. I shall be nice and kind and give X the benefit of the doubt. I mean. I'm under 21! So here goes our conversation. Or rather, exchange. Err. Wait. It was just a few lines. Or less than that. ANYWAY.
X: WOW, you cannot speak Cantonese?
Me: Eh. Yeah. Why?
X: Aren't you a failure? I mean, in Singapore and you cannot speak Cantonese.
Me: (internally) DAMN YOU, YOU FREAKING BASTARD. WHO THE SHIT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!
Ah. Relatives. You hate them and you cant show it. You like them and you exaggerate it by the power of a hundred. Me? A failure? What does that make you? Oh. A greater failure. HAHA. I can speak my own dialect just fine. I can understand Hokkien, Teochew and Hakka. I can name all the Hongkong Dim Sum staples. I don't NEED to speak Cantonese asshole. In Singapore, we use English, Mandarin and mostly Hokkien at the hawker stalls. I can espouse a smattering of Japanese. Believe me, the next language I intend to pick up is French. So that I can string vulgarities into a silk handkerchief. It'll sound fabulous. Like wiping my ass with silk. So there. Get out off my face before I upend my stomach of what I ate today.
Next we have Y. Dear me. Y is an exhibition of infantilism in its most extreme form. Everything a child, under one years old, does is cute. When someone older than 21 does it, its bloody irritating. We, the people who make the rules of society, say it smacks of immaturity. Ridiculous. We call people who dont grow up retards. You know? Retarded growth? HAHA. The idea Y has is something along the lines of "You're cheating (bending the rules a little) , so I'll cheat MORE!" and "I want everything you have, but bigger!", plus, "I like this, so I must have this!" with a little of "They must like me more than they like you!". Notice the intensifying exclamation marks? Goodness gracious me. I thought I left this behind in pre-school. Apparently not. Imagine this acted out in all its gory embarassment by someone who is supposed to be a role model to us unrefined and childish teenagers. Its a public affront. My poor, delicate social sensiblities are screaming in agony. I'm going to need to weekend to recover. Sniff, sniff. Make that an extended weekend.
Enter exhibit Z. Who is hell bent on living the way he is living. Z is always right. Z must be right. For he is the alpha and omega of everyone who exists on this planet. We all live to worship Z. We die as an offering to Z. Z is the all-wise. All-caring. Heck. Go screw yourself. Live in your own delusional world all you want. I dont care if you get high on stabbing teddy bears, feeding the gerbil or thinking about the mating habits of carnivorous fish. Whatever. Just dont include me in your edition of The Fantastic Tale of Z. Nor The Amazing Z. Most of all, The Ultimate Guide to Z. Please. Get a life. My life is strictly off-limits. You are not allowed to stick me in your two dimensional world. Do not pass GO, do not collect two hundred dollars.
I shall stop here. If I continue, I'll be no better than these little people. I have had enough.
"Pardon my French dearies. I'm learning a new language :)"
Thursday, 28 May 2009
King
Playlist
Sex Blood and Rock n' Roll by VAMPS
I went online and had a downloading spree. So now I have the full VAMPS album, Gackt's Jesus and Journey through Decade and Deluhi's Vivid Place. I love the Internet. I'm sure many share my sentiments.
One of the main reasons why I love the Internet is this site. No. It is not some spam linked site. Nor is it something against the law. Its love. Its the テニスの王子様 ~ Another Story~! You get to see freshman Atobe-sama! Kid Atobe-sama. Who was using 俺 at the tender age of 12! You get to see his sweet little face and big blue eyes, mop of hair... And the kingly attitude that garnered him over 140 thousand chocolates during the Valentine's Day poll. Yes, my dears. The KING. So what if its Ultimate King Rikkai? Yukimura is God. Sanada is Samurai. Tezuka is some old man. But Atobe-sama... Ah. Atobe-sama is KING. The sheer confidence. The flamboyance. The brains. The sporting talent. The status. The green stuff that paves his existence. I'd rather have Atobe-sama any day. Yeah. I'm super high on Atobe-sama. I mean, who can resist such a cute kid! I think Takeshi Konomi is trying to turn us fangirls into pedophiles or something. Making their diminutive versions so very charming. They are absolutely irresistable. I think the cast and producers all know we all love Atobe-sama the most. Cause it is his gorgeous face that is the background of the homepage. OMG. I think I'm going to die from happiness. I cant wait to watch the show! Atobe-sama~!
I need to go shopping. I want to go shopping. I dont need to buy the whole of Singapore. But I wanna get out to breathe the retail air. Retail therapy works. Best part is that you don't have to buy anything to benefit. Just try the clothes, shoes and preen in front of the mirror. You'll feel better. Well, as long as you a like shopping. HAHA. I mean, avoid the sales if you hate getting squished by people. And detest digging through piles of clothes for your size. Still, its an experience I have come to realise that I enjoy. Yes, contrary to popular belief, I do enjoy shopping!
What do you do when you have nowhere to go? Nothing you can do? Will you give? What can you take? What are your limits? How do you know that is your limit? What can you overcome? What cant you? I really wonder how far I can go...
"I know my love life will be smooth. Because I will always love myself even if you do not love me.Because no one will love me if I cant even love myself..."
Sex Blood and Rock n' Roll by VAMPS
I went online and had a downloading spree. So now I have the full VAMPS album, Gackt's Jesus and Journey through Decade and Deluhi's Vivid Place. I love the Internet. I'm sure many share my sentiments.
One of the main reasons why I love the Internet is this site. No. It is not some spam linked site. Nor is it something against the law. Its love. Its the テニスの王子様 ~ Another Story~! You get to see freshman Atobe-sama! Kid Atobe-sama. Who was using 俺 at the tender age of 12! You get to see his sweet little face and big blue eyes, mop of hair... And the kingly attitude that garnered him over 140 thousand chocolates during the Valentine's Day poll. Yes, my dears. The KING. So what if its Ultimate King Rikkai? Yukimura is God. Sanada is Samurai. Tezuka is some old man. But Atobe-sama... Ah. Atobe-sama is KING. The sheer confidence. The flamboyance. The brains. The sporting talent. The status. The green stuff that paves his existence. I'd rather have Atobe-sama any day. Yeah. I'm super high on Atobe-sama. I mean, who can resist such a cute kid! I think Takeshi Konomi is trying to turn us fangirls into pedophiles or something. Making their diminutive versions so very charming. They are absolutely irresistable. I think the cast and producers all know we all love Atobe-sama the most. Cause it is his gorgeous face that is the background of the homepage. OMG. I think I'm going to die from happiness. I cant wait to watch the show! Atobe-sama~!
I need to go shopping. I want to go shopping. I dont need to buy the whole of Singapore. But I wanna get out to breathe the retail air. Retail therapy works. Best part is that you don't have to buy anything to benefit. Just try the clothes, shoes and preen in front of the mirror. You'll feel better. Well, as long as you a like shopping. HAHA. I mean, avoid the sales if you hate getting squished by people. And detest digging through piles of clothes for your size. Still, its an experience I have come to realise that I enjoy. Yes, contrary to popular belief, I do enjoy shopping!
What do you do when you have nowhere to go? Nothing you can do? Will you give? What can you take? What are your limits? How do you know that is your limit? What can you overcome? What cant you? I really wonder how far I can go...
"I know my love life will be smooth. Because I will always love myself even if you do not love me.Because no one will love me if I cant even love myself..."
Monday, 25 May 2009
Tear
Playlist
Uso by SID
I have been running around like a hamster in a cage for the past few days. Like a hamster, it doesn't feel like I'm going round in circles. But unlike a hamster, I know I am. An exercise in futility as Whitby says. I cannot agree with him more. Anyhow. Updates are in order.
I attended the Distant Worlds Final Fantasy concert on 23rd May, here forth known as FF concert. With Vivi and Kaen. We had Subway for dinner at Raffles City. At least Vivi and I did while Kaen was flipping through Jimmy's illustration book. Nothing noteworthy about dinner, the highlight most probably sating myself with proper food after some 6 hours. Oh. We saw LY, JC and SY. Out shopping? I have no idea. Bought HF her birthday present as well. Was not what we intended to get, but better. HF, if you are reading this, you better like your present! HAHA. On the way, we went from early to nearly late as I was sidetracked in Charles and Keith. They are having a sale, and I wanted the boots for Lulubell. I'm not sure if the colour matches my costume though. The matte version is slightly brown, while the black is patent. Patent is definitely out. All that remains is if I should get the matte. I know it wont be there anymore if I wait until July. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Should I get it? Its pretty cheap. Can someone help me decide? Thanks! :)
ANYWAY. We were at the Raffles City underpass to the Esplanade 5 minutes before the concert started. I know how Cinderella feels. When the bell chimes in the underpass, the echo effect is enough to make me sprint to the entrance. Best part, it isnt the first time either. Stupid me made us late, and we couldn't buy the FF concert art book. I know Moster's friend said that it wasn't worth getting, forty bucks and super thin, but hey! A piece of memorabilia would have been nice. Ok. Nicer than the weird looking tee shirt and a CD that doesn't seem particularly attractive. Ok. To the main topic. The music was awesome! The composer himself came down to attend! The conductor was hilarious and funny. The orchestra.... Eh. It was generally good, except for now and then when the double bassist hit the music score stand, when you could hear someone placing their feet on the floor, when people were moving around backstage... Distracting. But the quality is there. The three singers ruined a portion of the performance though. They should have stuck to the choir and the orchestra. Much better. Of course my favourite piece was One Wing Angel. I cheered so loudly that I lost my voice when the conductor announced it during the second encore. I cried with joy when I saw Sephiroth's face on the screen during the song. I know. I'm wacko about my passion. All in all, the concert was nice. I will definitely attend again.
Met Moster and some other familiar looking cosplayers during intermission. Believe me when I say that almost every other teenage girl in the toilet was discussing Cosfest costumes. Gah. Its so obvious how the cosplay community is getting increasingly mainstreamed. The attention is good. But when every other person is a Lavi, Allen, KHR character, Lelouch and CC... Things get boring. Fast. I'm not trying to be elitist, but could these people get a measure of pride? Just because you cant join an established team as a character of your choice does not mean that you have the right to overpopulate events with multiples. Spawns. Yech. Pick something more interesting? Dont just buy second hand costumes and commercially available costumes of the most epic series. Yeah, your costume is likely not to have errors. But what does it say about you? That you picked the easy way out? That you have no real pride as a cosplayer? What else does it say? I shant say it out here. Its for me to know and you to find out. After all, information, especially information that provides self awareness is the most expensive thing in the world. I dont run a charity dearies.
Moster, Viv, Kaen and I went for supper after the concert. The sheer amount Moster eats... No wonder he is a guy. One of the primary discerning criteria is the ability to consume copious amounts that will feed half a nation as a 'meal' and still maintain their body shape. Yeah. I am deadly jealous. It doesnt help that he has amazing complexion. Super fair to boot. Some days, I really wish I was born male. I can withstand NS. Its nothing much. Physically daunting in a way, but hey, its not THAT bad. Its not like the Korean and Iraqi NS. That would be tough. Took the last bus home with Viv. I find that I prattle a lot when I am with her. Not sure if its a good thing. Vivi, you should tell me if I'm getting irritating. I often realise it way to late. As usual, dawn comes too late. Still. Bus 857. Just like a month a go when we went for CATS. Had a happy time then too.
Queen just sent me my Dorothea photos. I promise to attempt to upload them soon. I know I still have loads of photos which need uploading. Most probably they will all go on Facebook. Yeah, Dorothea photos on Facebook is not a good idea. Maybe my deviantArt account. If I can somehow figure out how to use it. I dont want random people stealing my photos. At least on Facebook, I can limit who can see it. Or rather, I know how to use it. HAHA. I mean, its ok with Queen uses my photo as her wallpaper. I dont think any of my other friends will. Yes. I know you guys think I'm egoistic enough. HARHAR. Not funny. Meanwhile, you can jolly well stare at my MSN dp. Its the only one I wont mind my colleagues looking at. HAHA.
I wonder what things will be like in another 3 months. As of now, work is lessening. Japanese elementary 2 test is next week. My driving skills seem to be stuck at the beginner level. Belly dance lessons begin somewhere in mid June. I'm desperate to get my hands on my costumes. Oh yeah, this is a reminder about the boots issue. Please do give me an opinion.
Sigh. Somedays I wonder why there are so many stupid people out there with high paying jobs. I mean, they lack common sense. They arent imaginative. I think I know why. The academic type. They score in exams and are employed, although they have little social ability. Those who lose their wallets the moment they get off the airplane. Wait. I think they lose their money to those who commit daylight robbery. Ah. The simplicity of life for those who live in the world of numbers and definite rules. Where everything is black and white. Where new things are considered BAD. Oh well. We need stupid people in order for the world to function.
"Give me one good reason why I should not tear you apart."
Uso by SID
I have been running around like a hamster in a cage for the past few days. Like a hamster, it doesn't feel like I'm going round in circles. But unlike a hamster, I know I am. An exercise in futility as Whitby says. I cannot agree with him more. Anyhow. Updates are in order.
I attended the Distant Worlds Final Fantasy concert on 23rd May, here forth known as FF concert. With Vivi and Kaen. We had Subway for dinner at Raffles City. At least Vivi and I did while Kaen was flipping through Jimmy's illustration book. Nothing noteworthy about dinner, the highlight most probably sating myself with proper food after some 6 hours. Oh. We saw LY, JC and SY. Out shopping? I have no idea. Bought HF her birthday present as well. Was not what we intended to get, but better. HF, if you are reading this, you better like your present! HAHA. On the way, we went from early to nearly late as I was sidetracked in Charles and Keith. They are having a sale, and I wanted the boots for Lulubell. I'm not sure if the colour matches my costume though. The matte version is slightly brown, while the black is patent. Patent is definitely out. All that remains is if I should get the matte. I know it wont be there anymore if I wait until July. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Should I get it? Its pretty cheap. Can someone help me decide? Thanks! :)
ANYWAY. We were at the Raffles City underpass to the Esplanade 5 minutes before the concert started. I know how Cinderella feels. When the bell chimes in the underpass, the echo effect is enough to make me sprint to the entrance. Best part, it isnt the first time either. Stupid me made us late, and we couldn't buy the FF concert art book. I know Moster's friend said that it wasn't worth getting, forty bucks and super thin, but hey! A piece of memorabilia would have been nice. Ok. Nicer than the weird looking tee shirt and a CD that doesn't seem particularly attractive. Ok. To the main topic. The music was awesome! The composer himself came down to attend! The conductor was hilarious and funny. The orchestra.... Eh. It was generally good, except for now and then when the double bassist hit the music score stand, when you could hear someone placing their feet on the floor, when people were moving around backstage... Distracting. But the quality is there. The three singers ruined a portion of the performance though. They should have stuck to the choir and the orchestra. Much better. Of course my favourite piece was One Wing Angel. I cheered so loudly that I lost my voice when the conductor announced it during the second encore. I cried with joy when I saw Sephiroth's face on the screen during the song. I know. I'm wacko about my passion. All in all, the concert was nice. I will definitely attend again.
Met Moster and some other familiar looking cosplayers during intermission. Believe me when I say that almost every other teenage girl in the toilet was discussing Cosfest costumes. Gah. Its so obvious how the cosplay community is getting increasingly mainstreamed. The attention is good. But when every other person is a Lavi, Allen, KHR character, Lelouch and CC... Things get boring. Fast. I'm not trying to be elitist, but could these people get a measure of pride? Just because you cant join an established team as a character of your choice does not mean that you have the right to overpopulate events with multiples. Spawns. Yech. Pick something more interesting? Dont just buy second hand costumes and commercially available costumes of the most epic series. Yeah, your costume is likely not to have errors. But what does it say about you? That you picked the easy way out? That you have no real pride as a cosplayer? What else does it say? I shant say it out here. Its for me to know and you to find out. After all, information, especially information that provides self awareness is the most expensive thing in the world. I dont run a charity dearies.
Moster, Viv, Kaen and I went for supper after the concert. The sheer amount Moster eats... No wonder he is a guy. One of the primary discerning criteria is the ability to consume copious amounts that will feed half a nation as a 'meal' and still maintain their body shape. Yeah. I am deadly jealous. It doesnt help that he has amazing complexion. Super fair to boot. Some days, I really wish I was born male. I can withstand NS. Its nothing much. Physically daunting in a way, but hey, its not THAT bad. Its not like the Korean and Iraqi NS. That would be tough. Took the last bus home with Viv. I find that I prattle a lot when I am with her. Not sure if its a good thing. Vivi, you should tell me if I'm getting irritating. I often realise it way to late. As usual, dawn comes too late. Still. Bus 857. Just like a month a go when we went for CATS. Had a happy time then too.
Queen just sent me my Dorothea photos. I promise to attempt to upload them soon. I know I still have loads of photos which need uploading. Most probably they will all go on Facebook. Yeah, Dorothea photos on Facebook is not a good idea. Maybe my deviantArt account. If I can somehow figure out how to use it. I dont want random people stealing my photos. At least on Facebook, I can limit who can see it. Or rather, I know how to use it. HAHA. I mean, its ok with Queen uses my photo as her wallpaper. I dont think any of my other friends will. Yes. I know you guys think I'm egoistic enough. HARHAR. Not funny. Meanwhile, you can jolly well stare at my MSN dp. Its the only one I wont mind my colleagues looking at. HAHA.
I wonder what things will be like in another 3 months. As of now, work is lessening. Japanese elementary 2 test is next week. My driving skills seem to be stuck at the beginner level. Belly dance lessons begin somewhere in mid June. I'm desperate to get my hands on my costumes. Oh yeah, this is a reminder about the boots issue. Please do give me an opinion.
Sigh. Somedays I wonder why there are so many stupid people out there with high paying jobs. I mean, they lack common sense. They arent imaginative. I think I know why. The academic type. They score in exams and are employed, although they have little social ability. Those who lose their wallets the moment they get off the airplane. Wait. I think they lose their money to those who commit daylight robbery. Ah. The simplicity of life for those who live in the world of numbers and definite rules. Where everything is black and white. Where new things are considered BAD. Oh well. We need stupid people in order for the world to function.
"Give me one good reason why I should not tear you apart."
Friday, 15 May 2009
Wrath
Playlist
N.A.
I am in a bad mood. I have no idea why. My time of the month was over long ago. I am not hungry. In fact, I had a nice lunch. Subway. Oregano, Subway Club, Sweet Onion. The set thingy. I have enough sugar. I woke up at a decent time this morning. BUT I AM SO UPSET I'M BARELY ABLE TO FUNCTION NORMALLY. I really want to know why. I am just so extremely angry. Furious about something. I'm in a mood to hit and run poor old ladies crossing the road if I drove a truck. In the mood to backstab the people around me. In a mood to throw things to the floor and MAKE SURE they break. A really scary mood. Stay away from me when I say I am in a bad mood. Its my warning to you who is a friend. I may still smile at the general public, but rest assured that I harbour murderous intentions. I am not nice. Remember that.
I have had enough of fools. Lazy fools. Silly fools. Whimsical fools. Fools in general. I must be surrounded by them. They make my life tough. My journey home sucky. My work load increase. They are a huge pain. The world should be utterly rid of them. Shoot every fool you come across and get a free gift. Monetary award. Whatever. Then we keep a few in a zoo as an exhibit to the rest of the remaining human population. A lesson to be learnt. Don't be a fool. They belong in zoos. WOW. It rhymes too. I see propoganda potential. Yes. Don't ever put me into a ruling political party. I will most probably turn into Hitler number 2 if you give me political powetr. People can speculate all they want about my sexual tendencies. After all, its worth the sheer amount of power handed to you on a platter.
Went to my tailor yesterday. Was utterly thrilled when I saw my costume under construction. All that was lacking was the collar. I had my first fitting, and as I put it on, the only thought that was running through my head was that I really wanted year end to come as soon as possible. I have wanted to cosplay as Aoi since.... Last year? Or more. I've always been intrigued my how very human Aoi is. Not like Rekka and the other Hokage who are... Err. Two-dimensional is a nice word. So unbearably flat. I love how Aoi is so conflicted. How he has no idea what he truly wants, but subconciously reaches out to others. How he really wants someone to love him. Its such a simple and real desire. We all want to be loved for who we are. We are deserve to be loved for who we are...
" Nursing my fury/ I held wrath in my arms and kissed it to sleep..."
N.A.
I am in a bad mood. I have no idea why. My time of the month was over long ago. I am not hungry. In fact, I had a nice lunch. Subway. Oregano, Subway Club, Sweet Onion. The set thingy. I have enough sugar. I woke up at a decent time this morning. BUT I AM SO UPSET I'M BARELY ABLE TO FUNCTION NORMALLY. I really want to know why. I am just so extremely angry. Furious about something. I'm in a mood to hit and run poor old ladies crossing the road if I drove a truck. In the mood to backstab the people around me. In a mood to throw things to the floor and MAKE SURE they break. A really scary mood. Stay away from me when I say I am in a bad mood. Its my warning to you who is a friend. I may still smile at the general public, but rest assured that I harbour murderous intentions. I am not nice. Remember that.
I have had enough of fools. Lazy fools. Silly fools. Whimsical fools. Fools in general. I must be surrounded by them. They make my life tough. My journey home sucky. My work load increase. They are a huge pain. The world should be utterly rid of them. Shoot every fool you come across and get a free gift. Monetary award. Whatever. Then we keep a few in a zoo as an exhibit to the rest of the remaining human population. A lesson to be learnt. Don't be a fool. They belong in zoos. WOW. It rhymes too. I see propoganda potential. Yes. Don't ever put me into a ruling political party. I will most probably turn into Hitler number 2 if you give me political powetr. People can speculate all they want about my sexual tendencies. After all, its worth the sheer amount of power handed to you on a platter.
Went to my tailor yesterday. Was utterly thrilled when I saw my costume under construction. All that was lacking was the collar. I had my first fitting, and as I put it on, the only thought that was running through my head was that I really wanted year end to come as soon as possible. I have wanted to cosplay as Aoi since.... Last year? Or more. I've always been intrigued my how very human Aoi is. Not like Rekka and the other Hokage who are... Err. Two-dimensional is a nice word. So unbearably flat. I love how Aoi is so conflicted. How he has no idea what he truly wants, but subconciously reaches out to others. How he really wants someone to love him. Its such a simple and real desire. We all want to be loved for who we are. We are deserve to be loved for who we are...
" Nursing my fury/ I held wrath in my arms and kissed it to sleep..."
Sunday, 10 May 2009
Addict
Playlist
リヴィングデッド by Deluhi
I am addicted to rock music. Its to the extent that I have absolutely no idea how I survived before listening to rock. Pop songs sound unreal. Like they were placed through some audio editing machine before being churned out to the masses. Think fast food. Definitely not good for health. In rock music, there is this sense of humanity. Ok. I am definitely exaggerating here, but I have no idea how to put it across in any other way. So I'll just plough through and hope I do not confuse you even more. The thing is, not ALL rock music is good. Well, at least to me. Many bands lack a certain aura. An essence that differentiates them from all other entertainers out there. There doesnt seem to be a purpose behind their music. I mean, your purpose can be to not have a purpose, but it will still be a purpose. Think Versailles and their fixation with aristocracy. Yeah, Kamidjo really needs to improve, but Versailles looks like nothing but aristocracy. Their entire concept is this higher-than-thou belief coupled with the subtle hint of vampirism. Yeah. Vampires are the new polar bears. Vampires are 'in'. Hopefully werewolves and bigfoots come next. All the supernatural creatures need their turn in the moonlight.
About my addiction, I think everyone is addicted to something. It can even be an addiction to NOT being addicted to something. There are plenty of fanatics out there I tell you. I am most unfortunate to have come across quite a few of such people recently. I remember a flyer distributing girl near Somerset Mrt. She stopped me as I was hurrying to meet Vivi. Demanded that I take a flyer. Naturally, I thought it was some advertisement for a new hair salon or something, so I smiled and wanted to walk away. Well, she pressed the flyer into my stomach and said, "This is for GOD. How can you not take it?" Believe me, I was stunned. One, how the hell would I have known what its for? Two, why should I take it just because you give it to me? Three, so what if its for your God? I dont believe in your God. Why should I? Its not that I'm Buddhist, Taoist, Muslim or a Jew. I'm a car-bumper-sticker-pasting free thinker. Its not that I WANT to be without a religion. Or that I'm DESPERATELY in love with being a free thinker. Its just something that happens. If I find a religion, so be it. If I dont, I dont. Please do not try to convert me to your religious faith. I dont care if you pray to Allah, Guanyin, God or even money. Leave me ALONE when it comes to the intimate relationship with a higher being.
I wish to flatten NUS. They took so bloody long to process my application, only to reject me. Well, they could have done it earlier to save me from much grief. People DO have feelings. They could have been nice and kind and told me I was not cut out for their programme. Save me my time. Brain power. Angst. Sheesh. I think I know where I'm going to already. If there's one thing I hate more than liars and backstabbers, its people who are convinced of their own superiority. And the place is CRAWLING with them. Infested with them. Its not like they are on the kitchen floor where you can see and kill. Oh no. Its behind the stove where three hundred of them starting their very own country. Brrrr.
"I hate cockroaches. Especially big cockroaches. They make me wanna scream and tear down my house to eradicate every single one of them. I know I'm a wee bit extreme :)"
リヴィングデッド by Deluhi
I am addicted to rock music. Its to the extent that I have absolutely no idea how I survived before listening to rock. Pop songs sound unreal. Like they were placed through some audio editing machine before being churned out to the masses. Think fast food. Definitely not good for health. In rock music, there is this sense of humanity. Ok. I am definitely exaggerating here, but I have no idea how to put it across in any other way. So I'll just plough through and hope I do not confuse you even more. The thing is, not ALL rock music is good. Well, at least to me. Many bands lack a certain aura. An essence that differentiates them from all other entertainers out there. There doesnt seem to be a purpose behind their music. I mean, your purpose can be to not have a purpose, but it will still be a purpose. Think Versailles and their fixation with aristocracy. Yeah, Kamidjo really needs to improve, but Versailles looks like nothing but aristocracy. Their entire concept is this higher-than-thou belief coupled with the subtle hint of vampirism. Yeah. Vampires are the new polar bears. Vampires are 'in'. Hopefully werewolves and bigfoots come next. All the supernatural creatures need their turn in the moonlight.
About my addiction, I think everyone is addicted to something. It can even be an addiction to NOT being addicted to something. There are plenty of fanatics out there I tell you. I am most unfortunate to have come across quite a few of such people recently. I remember a flyer distributing girl near Somerset Mrt. She stopped me as I was hurrying to meet Vivi. Demanded that I take a flyer. Naturally, I thought it was some advertisement for a new hair salon or something, so I smiled and wanted to walk away. Well, she pressed the flyer into my stomach and said, "This is for GOD. How can you not take it?" Believe me, I was stunned. One, how the hell would I have known what its for? Two, why should I take it just because you give it to me? Three, so what if its for your God? I dont believe in your God. Why should I? Its not that I'm Buddhist, Taoist, Muslim or a Jew. I'm a car-bumper-sticker-pasting free thinker. Its not that I WANT to be without a religion. Or that I'm DESPERATELY in love with being a free thinker. Its just something that happens. If I find a religion, so be it. If I dont, I dont. Please do not try to convert me to your religious faith. I dont care if you pray to Allah, Guanyin, God or even money. Leave me ALONE when it comes to the intimate relationship with a higher being.
I wish to flatten NUS. They took so bloody long to process my application, only to reject me. Well, they could have done it earlier to save me from much grief. People DO have feelings. They could have been nice and kind and told me I was not cut out for their programme. Save me my time. Brain power. Angst. Sheesh. I think I know where I'm going to already. If there's one thing I hate more than liars and backstabbers, its people who are convinced of their own superiority. And the place is CRAWLING with them. Infested with them. Its not like they are on the kitchen floor where you can see and kill. Oh no. Its behind the stove where three hundred of them starting their very own country. Brrrr.
"I hate cockroaches. Especially big cockroaches. They make me wanna scream and tear down my house to eradicate every single one of them. I know I'm a wee bit extreme :)"
Sunday, 3 May 2009
School
Playlist
The fan. The PC. Typing. WOW. A symphony.
The recent AWARE homosexuality education was the trigger. I mean, I've seen people react when I tell them I had 10 years of all girls' school education. They stare at me like I've sprouted an extra pair of eyes, hands, another mouth and have horns and a tail protruding out from my butt. HELLO. YOOHOO. Stop generalising. Girls' school education =/= LESBIAN. The dangers of stupidity. I hear parents going on and on about how they are worried their daughters will become lesbians from entering an all girls' secondary school. Well, I for one think these people should not be parents. Giving your daughters an education in an all girls' school is one of the few things you can do for her to give her a head start in life. Studies have shown that in an all female environment, girls fare better emotionally, psychologically, and most importantly of all to our kiasu parents, academically as well. Besides, saying that enrolling in an all girls' school will make your daughter lesbian is like saying your daughter will be pregnant by enrolling in a co-ed school. Both are ridiculous. And very very insulting to us who love our alma maters.
School has taught me lots of things. Math. Science. Geography. Literature. And more. Much much more. It has taught me the fundamentals of surviving in society. There are rules to be followed. Things to be noted.
In primary school, I realised that teachers, and society in general, like people who are nice and obedient. I was not. I was the trouble maker. The deviant. The one who read books in class and ignored the ramblings of the teachers. I was the one who fought in school and made people cry instead of being the one who cried. I did not do my homework, and could not be bothered with class participation. In short, I was the one the teachers wanted to throw out of class.
In secondary school, I was the model student. A hundred and eighty degree change. I was class representative for various subjects. I was one of the few who did her assignments. Paid attention. Asked questions. The goody two shoes. I was dedicated to learning. On the surface, I was as close as you could get to a model student, except that there was something stirring inside. Like a sleeping leviathan, moving past the ocean bed. I was in school to live and learn. For I believed that knowledge is power, and I definitely wanted power. I had my circle of friends who knew I was not all that met the eye. Who knew that I was different and loved me all the same. I had my violent tendencies. I was loud. Boisterous. Proud. I knew my value, and I was not afraid to let others know too. Of course I got into scrapes. I knew many people hated me. For being a know-it-all. Teacher's pet. I was sabotaged. Ostracised. I guess I learnt to nurse hatred, to turn it into sarcasm and skepticism. To hurt others where they would not discover. Subtlety. The main life skill I gleaned from secondary school was to conform to society. The fools will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. And there are SOOO many of them. So you have to plot. Scheme. Have a nice and social poker face. No one can take things away from you if you do not let them.
Junior college was different. I guess in large part because secondary school taught me that important social lesson. I saw for myself how cruel teenagers are to those who are not like them. Those who are different will be trodden upon and denounced. Simply because they stand out. I realised I did not have it in me to be this completely social animal. Inside, some part of me would die if I was to become part of the 'in' clique. So I went my own way. I was not out, but definitely not in either. I was just there. Which was a blessing because I got to know my friends. I had my clique in class, during CCA and just random people from here and there. I like my friends, because they are not wallflowers. They are people with personality. They see things the way they see them, and are not afraid of being different. Intellectuals. Confident. Still, I know that I cannot ever truly be myself in life. I try. Boy, do I try, but at some point or another, I have given in to societal pressure. To the voice of the common people. Because calling out in the middle of the storm is not a pleasant feeling at all. The sheer desolation. The utter loneliness.
I do not think my experiences were bad. They were just learning points. Like how I have become more open. More liberal. I have come to notice the smaller, more mundane things in life. I have learnt to appreciate what I have and what I can get. I am not sure if I can attribute all these to an all girls' school education, but I know for sure it has contributed to the formation of my character. I have learnt that courage is from doing that which is difficult to do, and perseverance is to stick to the path you believe in, regardless of the cost and the odds. Charity is to give from the heart, and starts from home, and not something done so that others can judge and see. Courtesy is respecting others the way I wish to be respected, and patience is... Something I still lack. HAHA.
I may be weird to many. I may have problems. I may want to tear certain people apart from limb to limb. I may be lesbian. I may be bisexual. I may be asexual. Who knows? I certainly enjoyed my years of formal education on a whole. There were times when I was all angst-y and antsy. There were time when I was all teary and troubled. Yet... On the whole, I think I loved school. I love my friends for all their love. My teachers for all their time, dedication, sadism and what-not. The school for giving me a place to belong, if not emotionally and psychologically, at least physically. I miss school.
" I wish you were here. To laugh with me. To cry with me. To be with me. I wish you were here."
The fan. The PC. Typing. WOW. A symphony.
The recent AWARE homosexuality education was the trigger. I mean, I've seen people react when I tell them I had 10 years of all girls' school education. They stare at me like I've sprouted an extra pair of eyes, hands, another mouth and have horns and a tail protruding out from my butt. HELLO. YOOHOO. Stop generalising. Girls' school education =/= LESBIAN. The dangers of stupidity. I hear parents going on and on about how they are worried their daughters will become lesbians from entering an all girls' secondary school. Well, I for one think these people should not be parents. Giving your daughters an education in an all girls' school is one of the few things you can do for her to give her a head start in life. Studies have shown that in an all female environment, girls fare better emotionally, psychologically, and most importantly of all to our kiasu parents, academically as well. Besides, saying that enrolling in an all girls' school will make your daughter lesbian is like saying your daughter will be pregnant by enrolling in a co-ed school. Both are ridiculous. And very very insulting to us who love our alma maters.
School has taught me lots of things. Math. Science. Geography. Literature. And more. Much much more. It has taught me the fundamentals of surviving in society. There are rules to be followed. Things to be noted.
In primary school, I realised that teachers, and society in general, like people who are nice and obedient. I was not. I was the trouble maker. The deviant. The one who read books in class and ignored the ramblings of the teachers. I was the one who fought in school and made people cry instead of being the one who cried. I did not do my homework, and could not be bothered with class participation. In short, I was the one the teachers wanted to throw out of class.
In secondary school, I was the model student. A hundred and eighty degree change. I was class representative for various subjects. I was one of the few who did her assignments. Paid attention. Asked questions. The goody two shoes. I was dedicated to learning. On the surface, I was as close as you could get to a model student, except that there was something stirring inside. Like a sleeping leviathan, moving past the ocean bed. I was in school to live and learn. For I believed that knowledge is power, and I definitely wanted power. I had my circle of friends who knew I was not all that met the eye. Who knew that I was different and loved me all the same. I had my violent tendencies. I was loud. Boisterous. Proud. I knew my value, and I was not afraid to let others know too. Of course I got into scrapes. I knew many people hated me. For being a know-it-all. Teacher's pet. I was sabotaged. Ostracised. I guess I learnt to nurse hatred, to turn it into sarcasm and skepticism. To hurt others where they would not discover. Subtlety. The main life skill I gleaned from secondary school was to conform to society. The fools will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. And there are SOOO many of them. So you have to plot. Scheme. Have a nice and social poker face. No one can take things away from you if you do not let them.
Junior college was different. I guess in large part because secondary school taught me that important social lesson. I saw for myself how cruel teenagers are to those who are not like them. Those who are different will be trodden upon and denounced. Simply because they stand out. I realised I did not have it in me to be this completely social animal. Inside, some part of me would die if I was to become part of the 'in' clique. So I went my own way. I was not out, but definitely not in either. I was just there. Which was a blessing because I got to know my friends. I had my clique in class, during CCA and just random people from here and there. I like my friends, because they are not wallflowers. They are people with personality. They see things the way they see them, and are not afraid of being different. Intellectuals. Confident. Still, I know that I cannot ever truly be myself in life. I try. Boy, do I try, but at some point or another, I have given in to societal pressure. To the voice of the common people. Because calling out in the middle of the storm is not a pleasant feeling at all. The sheer desolation. The utter loneliness.
I do not think my experiences were bad. They were just learning points. Like how I have become more open. More liberal. I have come to notice the smaller, more mundane things in life. I have learnt to appreciate what I have and what I can get. I am not sure if I can attribute all these to an all girls' school education, but I know for sure it has contributed to the formation of my character. I have learnt that courage is from doing that which is difficult to do, and perseverance is to stick to the path you believe in, regardless of the cost and the odds. Charity is to give from the heart, and starts from home, and not something done so that others can judge and see. Courtesy is respecting others the way I wish to be respected, and patience is... Something I still lack. HAHA.
I may be weird to many. I may have problems. I may want to tear certain people apart from limb to limb. I may be lesbian. I may be bisexual. I may be asexual. Who knows? I certainly enjoyed my years of formal education on a whole. There were times when I was all angst-y and antsy. There were time when I was all teary and troubled. Yet... On the whole, I think I loved school. I love my friends for all their love. My teachers for all their time, dedication, sadism and what-not. The school for giving me a place to belong, if not emotionally and psychologically, at least physically. I miss school.
" I wish you were here. To laugh with me. To cry with me. To be with me. I wish you were here."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)