Why

Music Request:

Endless Story by Yuna Ito

Koizora by Yui Aragaki


Everyone dies. Everything ends. Its only a matter of whether its sooner or later. So why do I hold onto the trivialities of this life? Why do I force myself to confront that which only serves to bring me pain? It would be so much easier, so much better to just live and let live. Why do I pick at old wounds? Why do I try to analyse myself? It will all end all too soon anyway. In terms of this time, the eternity, what is the short 85 years of my life? This is even assuming that I'm not prevented by others from dying at age 40.


What is love? What is it to cause all of us such pain? Even lab rats learn to avoid the electric shock. Yet for human beings, who are suppose to be more intelligent, how many times to we try the same path? How many times must we get hurt, cry, console ourselves and binge on chocolate before we learn that its meaningless? Why do we plunge head first in, and leave others to clean up after us when we emerge and emotional wreck? Why do we torture ourselves in this way? Due to our bio-illogical clock? Addicted to pain, addicted to the momentary happiness, one would think we are a species of masochistic drug addicts...


I have never been to the edge; I have never truly loved anyone, nor have I truly hated anyone. I have never devoted my all to anything. Nothing. Not anime, not cosplay, not Lolita, not my studies. The only thing that ever came remotely close to devotion was dance. Still, it was far from true passion. No one has ever made me want to love them forever, nor hate them forever. It all fades into nothingness after a while. It doesn't matter at all in the larger scheme of things. Am I emotionally handicapped? Unable to love? Not even knowing how to hate? I say the words, but its all empty inside. Like it happened to someone else far too long ago to matter to me anymore. Did it come true after all? Of the winter snow...

Kaen, you should go read this. Quite true, but remember, we are in between. So nothing really applies completely. Why am I like this? I think I'm schizophrenic. My personality just changes everytime. So I am whiny, serious, blunt, shary, lack initiative and is too proactive. I'm loud, rough, a bitch and like to dress up. So who am I? Did part of you become part of me? I never intended it to become this way. It was all for that moment of fun.


Sorry.







" Questions? Some should have never been asked."