Resolution

Playlist

Kimi Hana by pigstar

This gal needs sleep. Money. Time. And entertainment. I am bored. Hopelessly so. There is this emptiness. Like a jellyfish drifting aimlessly in the sea. What is missing I wonder? I say its post-cosplay depression. But I wonder... is that really the problem? I think not. I think its something more pressing.

It has been 2 months since my last exam paper. Strangely enough it feels as if it has been longer. After all, I found a job one week after my last paper. So I've worked for about the same amount of time. I regret to say that I have been job hopping. And I think I will continue to job hop until I am able to do something that gets rid of this feeling of emptiness. i am not going to mope about. In a way, I have lost my footing. I destroyed the land I was standing upon. I know. Stupid of me. Still, this does not mean that I am about to drown. I won't go down like that. Not with so many things left undone. I shall not lose myself again.

I have seen things that I had rather not seen. I have said things I had rather not have to say. I have done things I had wish I do not have to do. My life is always like this. No matter how hard I struggle, there are still the things that you regret. Indeed, it was the best decision at that point in time. Indeed, I make it a point to minimise my regrets. Yet... And yet... It happens. I know. something I cannot fight, that I cannot win against. I try. I do. I fail. Is it worth it? At that moment, until this moment, yes.

Why does work accumulate when you're busy? And not come at all when you desperately want to do something? Why do you receive three calls all at once, and none when you want someone to call? Why do people take others for granted? Why doesn't that freaking bugger who told you to ignore offloaded work be the idiot who offloads his work onto you!? Why am I underpaid? And seriously overworked?

I might as well wait for a return message from a bottle I hurled into the sea...

"Yes, I'm having a fabulous time. I'm having so much fun that I'm coughing blood."