Kazuki-san

Playlist

What Can Tonight bt Kato Kazuki

WOOHOO! I have Kato Kazuki's new album GLAMOROUS BEAT. I love the Internet. Ok. I'll dish the dirt. Kazuki-san is getting GOOD. I dont like using Kato-san, so he's Kazuki-san until I decide on his nickname. His name is too long. Back to the topic... Yeah. I'm serious. His vocal range has improved by quite a bit. You used to be able to hear him straining during the songs that required more range changes, but now he tackles it with ease. And he looks so cute on the album cover too! Yummy eye candy nyah~ Anyway! I like Mera Mera, What Can Tonight, Surreal na Beat de Nemuritai and Venom. Not bad, 4 songs in one album that I keep playing over and over again. What I truly liked about this album was the thought put into the sound and the lyrics. Not one song sounds like another song available in the music industry. And his lyrics were an awesome play on words. A prime example is What Can Tonight. The lyrics are available here. It is mostly a play on the sound and the meaning of the words. For example, 'what can tonight' when Japan-ised, sounds a whole lot like 'wakattanai', 'Don't say' sounds like 'douse' and 'Don't cry' sounds like 'don kurai'. In the context of the song, the actual lyrics are can easily be replaced by what is misheard. So cool huh? Oh yeah. Kazuki-san is now on his Drastic Glamour Tour. I am so absolutely jealous of the Japanes fans. They get him all to themselves.

Crashed a Japanese lecture on Wednesday. It was fantastic! I loved the lecturer, she was funny and very experienced. I now want the Japanese books and notes. Simply because I think I need the practice in order to be able to score for JLPT in December. I need the vocabulary too. And I think I need the confidence doing all those practices will give me. Yes, I signed up for JLPT yesterday. Submitting the form and making payment made me kind of depressed actually. I could hear and feel the chain I just attached to myself until the test. I can't fail. I can't I already failed my driving test. I failed myself during A Levels by doing so badly. I'm not doing particularly well in my Japanese class either. Its like, I'm being held back by something. I can read and understand, but I cannot construct my own sentences. Its a pressing problem. Its also a kind of failure. Which brings the total count to a lot of failures. No more. I won't fail. I can't afford it. Back to something more positive... I went to Viv's room in Eusoff. WOW. Your own place. I could feel it the moment I stepped in. Freedom. From the self that you were at home. From the self that you were created to fulfil by your parents. It was a moment, but I could feel it. Be it one semester, one term or an hour, I think it might have been worthed it. It might be painful when its taken away, but I feel that someone who gets a taste of paradise is better off than the person who has never experienced it.

I'm not sure if I'm in the right frame of mind. Things seem so... Strange recently. I think the problem lies in the perspective. Aka. Me. Its like. The things that mattered to me a while back no longer does. And those that still matter are now less important. The decisions that I thought were for the best seems like huge mistakes now. Was I being impulsive when I thought I was being all rational and logical? I think the self-doubt is one of the most terrible emtions out there. It creeps abehind you. Stalks your shadows. It makes you look back, makes you afraid of what you left behind. The worst part? It makes you fearful of that which lies ahead as well. Its crippling, to say the least. Twirling round and round, coiling around you. It isnt aggressive. Oh no. It makes you kill yourself. You die from the stress, the fear, the worries... You die from yourself. I try to drown it in music. In activities. In my friends... But it persists. Besides, how much can all these external help? The sense that you will never be free persists. The sense that every breathe you take is more shallow than the last... Until you finally collasped from suffocation. It isnt physical. Not something the doctor can just give medication for. They will treat the symptoms. Not the cause. The cause is there. In my skull. Where not even I can reach all the time... Sigh. I'm so useless.

"I can't believe in your love..."