Breathe

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Ongaku by Kalafina

Previously, I always derided people who said that they were too busy to update their blogs. My idea was that if blogging was really such an integral part of your life, you'd definitely have time to update it. Well? I now have greater respect for people who have the time and energy to blog every day withour fail, and I will no longer be as skeptical of those who say that they are too busy to update their blogs, because I finally understood the concept of too busy.

From last Thursday, I've been treating my home like a hotle. I leave early in the morning and return late at night only to shower, pack my bag for the next day and sleep. I've not been able to read a single magazine article, much less finish a book. I sleep on the bus, doze on the train and at any time that I'm free, I'm either planning my next move, rushing my stuff or just catching up on sleep. A brief on what has been going on since last Thursday if you don't have access to my Google Calendar (which I shall now promote here as a fantatstic tool for consolidating timetables).

Thursday was Balloning Fundraiser at AMK hub from 10am, ends at 830pm, followed by money counting at Pearl's house until midnight. Went home to sleep. Friday I woke up late, rushed a bit of my Japanese homework, did some simple chores and went for Japanese class. After class at 10pm, I rushed down to Boon Lay for the overnight balloning. Saturday morning at 5am we ended and headed over to G's house to crash and get some shut eye before our duty started at 10am. Had duty until 4pm. where I ran home to shower before going out for a movie with StarF. Went home and CRASHED. Woke up to have breakfast on Sunday. And then I went back to sleep until noon. Woke up to have lunch, cleaned my house and then out again for Jay Chou's concert until midnight. Monday awoke at 7am because there was Arts Camp that started at 8plus. Was in school for the cheer segment until 4 plus, before I went to the gym. Showered, then met StarF and SD for dinner and some FoR discussion. Reached home at midnight plus. Tuesday lunch was with PBF at Clarke Quay where we talked a bit, and I had to go at 2pm for K with the B2 guys. Sang until 6plus before leaving for training with G, who had to go to school. I somehow slept in on Wednesday and went to have lunch at NUS with StarF, before heading to the tailor to collect Snake. After that rushed down to Great World for dinner before heading to Zouk. Zouk was a NIGHTMARE. Shall not elaborate or I will be inclined to commit homicide. ANYWAY. Went home, slept, woke up, rushed to NUS and here I am now. Training later. Tired just TYPING all these. I have no idea how I manged to survive this few days.

If you'd like details and specifics about all the stuff I've been going through, do feel free to drop me a note/ SMS/ call. I'll gladly tell you all the nitty gritty details in all their horrendous glory. And you know whats the best thing about all these? I'm going to be rushing about next week too! Convocation rehearsal, my exchange buddies coming over, training, Japanese class, birthdays, school books to get, CCa stuff to arrange... Life just gets more hectic. And there seems to be no sign of it slowing down anytime soon. I hope things get better when the school term starts, which is unlikely, because i need to rush out the details for my POH costume aswell? I think I'm trying to kill myself. So many shoots, 00project has beach and sleepwear. SW3 needs to be done before my roots show. POH needs to be done before December. I can see myself getting overworked. SIGH. Someone give me a body double. Now will be good.

Its okay. I'll do my best. One life and one shot, so I'll give it my all. Let's rock n' roll!

"Dreams are nothing without action, sweat and tears."

Friends

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Returner by Gackt

In life, I think we meet plenty of people. There are some who we feel like murdering. There are some we feel like ignoring. There are some who don't make a difference. And there are, of course, those who do. But inspite of all these, I think it is our choices that decides the effect all these people have on us. I can choose to ignore. I can choose to get frustrated. I can choose to be happy. More than anything, I can choose to not ignore, I can choose to not get frustrated, and I can choose to not be happy. 

I assure you, I'm pretty young and my experiences are limited. Regardless, I think its the things that you unconciously choose not to do that are more important than the things that you conciously choose to do? I think its because it says a lot about our priorities and our values. The things that really drive us. Stuff like loyalty. Love. Compassion. Faith. Trust. And lets not all forget the other stuff like fear. Anger. Doubt. I'm not saying that its good versus bad. Or even good versus not so good. I'm saying that we have different motivations. The man without fear is as much an idiot as the person with too much faith. We all need some skeptism and some belief. A balance.

Urgh. I have been in not much of a mood to blog recently. I think its something to do with my mood. I don't want to blog when I'm angry at school/people/CCA etc. Its just makes me want to throw something smelly and dirty, such as my shoe, in the vague direction that I think will make me feel better. Sounds weird and hilarious when I say it this way, but I think the action and slight bit ofviolence is actually just a slight physically manisfestation of the undercurrent inside. Yeah. Another reason why I am not blogging would be that my sentnce structures are getting weird. I have no idea if its because of Japanese classes, too much of my flyer hitting me on the head, a lack of sleep or any other external factor that influenced this change. The crux is that my sentences seem to be constructed by Yoda in that the main topic is moving to the back, the connectors are moving to the middle and my expressions are all stuck in the front. I have to retype so many sentences that I give up on long passages and leave them incompleted in my drafts. URGH. I want my fluent English back. I want my eloquence and quick wit and all the stuff that I used to exhibit back in the old days. School is detrimental to my language capability. I feel like my ability to learn and react is getting retarded. Sigh.

I'm staying up late too often for it to be good for my body. I guess i cna feel myself dehydrating after midnight, when my throat gets parched and even the oil on my face lessens. I should sleep more. Won't be able to get enough once to school term begins again. This holiday is nowhere near long enough. Sighs. Life tugs at our collar and we must leave. Sigh.

"Those who have extra give. For those who lack, they take."

Food

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Uncontrol (YFC live version) by Gackt

I think my metabolic rate increased. I perspire easily naturally, but in junior college, due to the lack of exercise, my metabolic rate went down. While waiting for university to start, was desk bound for near 8 hours a day and too lazy to exercise. I've never been fat per se, because I was pretty active for the first 16 years of my life. Later on, I began to eat lesser when I felt I was just staying glued to my seat in air-conditioning and I was not as hungry. So I've never been fat. But now? I train 3 times a week, clean the house once a week and run on occasion. I'm starting to bulk from all the exercise, with certain areas, like my abs and back of my thighs, getting leaner and more toned. I'm eating A LOT. I have breakfast. Followed by lunch. Tea time is normal, followed by dinner and supper. Breakfast is 3 slices of bread with milk or milo. Lunch is rice with side dishes. Tea cake or pastry or bread. Dinner is rice with more side dishes. And supper is whatever I can find in the fridge. Other than all these, I usually consume dessert after dinner, or have fruit juices as well. I can usually finish the standard sets in restaurants with leftover space in my tummy for dessert. Sometimes, I have to eat something else after that, or I'd be hungry within the next 2 hours or so. So yes. I eat a lot. But its quite irritating when people say I eat like a guy. Just because I'm not meal-skipping, salad-eating and constantly saying that I'm hungry does not make me less female. I just need more food than most people to keep on going. If I'm hungry, I whine, because on an empty stomach, I'm an uber bitch. The things I'd say and do if you threaten my source of sustenance is scary, even to me. I'd snap. And bite. Yeah. I would.

I think I'm not skinny? But I would not say that I am fat either. Just normal. A wee bit of bulk on my arms and thighs, but my upper body built is small. Amusing how I have large leg joints and bones and a small torso. Slightly unabalanced aka bottom heavy? Good thing I exercise regularly enough such that no one can say that they can see all the mass at my leg wobble with every step. That would be such an eyesore! I guess it is true that as you age, your body loses its ability to just 'bounce' back into shape. I've to work harder and longer just to maintian my shape, much less lose weight!

OH YEAH. I was going to speculate that the reason for my apparently 'alright' body shape might be the fact that I've never been ona diet. or tried to be on a diet. For the first 17 years of my life, I'd never had gastritis because I've never skipped a meal or delayed a meal for an extended period of time. It was working and university that gave me problems, because my eating hours were no longer regular. In the past, I always ate whenever I was hungry, and would eat to about seventy to eighty percent full. So I always have space for dessert and extra snacks, just that I make a conscious decision not to have so much food. Being too full will make you feel bloated and naseous. So anyway, my body never had to go into starvation mode and store food because I'd been depriving it of nutrition. I ate regularly and ate well, exercising to keep my heart healthy as well. So to all those people out there who wake at 10am and have brunch, before eating dinner at 9pm... I think you'd look like a pig if you eat the way I do. Body is just not suited for the consistent intake of nutrients.

This is becoming a very strange and pointless post. Shall end this here. I'll be pretty busy with CIP stuff for the rest of July, so updates will be scarcer. Sorry, but reality is a pretty cruel taskmaster.

I shall pray hard to get my modules.

"Listen to the music, and feel the messgae behind it all."

Blood

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Vamp Addiction by VAMPS

Sometimes, I feel so frustrated that I'd like to throw a sharp, hard and pointy object at certain people. I think its not exactly my or their fault, but more of a cumulation of all the little irritating things that occur between people that finally sends you over the edge and into the abyss. Things like you being a neat freak and them being a wannabe cockroach. Things like you being a workaholic and them on a vacation cruise. Things like you having values and principles and them being immoral lazy bastards who ought to be stoned. See? Difference in expectations and habits. Its these little things that wear away at your patience until you're ready to rip them asunder and bath in their spilling flesh and blood. In case you were wondering, my father discouraged romance novels when I was growing up. He'd rather I read science fiction and fantasy. Which I did, only to progress to horror since it was so conveniently placed nearby. So yes. I have a wee bit of an overactive imagination.

Anyway, I really really think that MCPs should just walk onto a busy freeway. Wait. Roadkill is far too good for them. They should be have their skin peeled off and pushed into hot boiling oil to simmer. Rubbish people are rubbish people. My tolerance level for such nonsense has very regrettably plummeted over the course of my interaction with fellow human beings. I do my best to avoid these fools in order to lessen the workload of my nice and friendly neighbourhood policemen, but I think the day will come when they'll be at the scene, shaking their heads in disbelief at how far and how low I've descended. Oh well. We'll see where fate brings us. I just do not believe that these people who continuously put me down and refuse to give me a chance will do well in life. If they do perform well? I think I shall have to petition to God or something to keep things fair. Yeah, I know that life is not fair, but hey, can't I try to make a difference? I'll stick my plow in the ground and work until blisters erupt if I have to. I won't bow to rubbish people. Over my dead, rotting and stinking corpse.

There's this sense of disbelief. School starts in a mere one month. Back into that hellish place where I voluntary signed my name and paid good money to attend. I think if my school doesn't murder me, I'll emerge as a graduate in gnashing my teeth together and faking a smile while I plunge a knife into the things that irritate me. Yeah. That which does not kill you just serves to make you far more destructive. Its proven. Look at bacteria.

Anyway, I'll be away for the next few days in this little part of the country called Downtown East. There is very pathetic Internet connection, so please do not expect me to be online all the time. I'll still be contactable through handphone, so I forsee no problems. Just don't expect hasty replies to emails. Hasty equals call me.

"Looking for the light in the tunnel. Tell me if you do find it."