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Returner by Gackt

In life, I think we meet plenty of people. There are some who we feel like murdering. There are some we feel like ignoring. There are some who don't make a difference. And there are, of course, those who do. But inspite of all these, I think it is our choices that decides the effect all these people have on us. I can choose to ignore. I can choose to get frustrated. I can choose to be happy. More than anything, I can choose to not ignore, I can choose to not get frustrated, and I can choose to not be happy. 

I assure you, I'm pretty young and my experiences are limited. Regardless, I think its the things that you unconciously choose not to do that are more important than the things that you conciously choose to do? I think its because it says a lot about our priorities and our values. The things that really drive us. Stuff like loyalty. Love. Compassion. Faith. Trust. And lets not all forget the other stuff like fear. Anger. Doubt. I'm not saying that its good versus bad. Or even good versus not so good. I'm saying that we have different motivations. The man without fear is as much an idiot as the person with too much faith. We all need some skeptism and some belief. A balance.

Urgh. I have been in not much of a mood to blog recently. I think its something to do with my mood. I don't want to blog when I'm angry at school/people/CCA etc. Its just makes me want to throw something smelly and dirty, such as my shoe, in the vague direction that I think will make me feel better. Sounds weird and hilarious when I say it this way, but I think the action and slight bit ofviolence is actually just a slight physically manisfestation of the undercurrent inside. Yeah. Another reason why I am not blogging would be that my sentnce structures are getting weird. I have no idea if its because of Japanese classes, too much of my flyer hitting me on the head, a lack of sleep or any other external factor that influenced this change. The crux is that my sentences seem to be constructed by Yoda in that the main topic is moving to the back, the connectors are moving to the middle and my expressions are all stuck in the front. I have to retype so many sentences that I give up on long passages and leave them incompleted in my drafts. URGH. I want my fluent English back. I want my eloquence and quick wit and all the stuff that I used to exhibit back in the old days. School is detrimental to my language capability. I feel like my ability to learn and react is getting retarded. Sigh.

I'm staying up late too often for it to be good for my body. I guess i cna feel myself dehydrating after midnight, when my throat gets parched and even the oil on my face lessens. I should sleep more. Won't be able to get enough once to school term begins again. This holiday is nowhere near long enough. Sighs. Life tugs at our collar and we must leave. Sigh.

"Those who have extra give. For those who lack, they take."