Nothing

Music Request

Let the rain never stop...

I think it hurts because I care. If I did not care, I would be indifferent, and the indifference means that it wouldn't hurt. Still, I care less now than compared with previously. I know this. It hurts, in a numbing way, but I know it will all be better soon. Soon, I won't feel anything anymore. I'm not sure if its good. As of now, it seems terrible, but I think I might actually enjoy the emotional vacation from the hurt. You see, I'm tired of being hurt. Tired of the feeling of betrayal. I care, which is why I feel so awful all, you can't feel the pain when you are dead. Similarly, when you are an emotional void, I think the pain goes away too. I say this to myself, over and over again. It will all be over sooninside. Once its all gone, I won't be able to judge anymore, but at least, the pain will go away. After is for another person, another time.

It spreads. Like some disease, some corruption. It starts with the limbs. Whatever happens, my body still functions. Then it spreads to the face. Whatever happens, I'll keep smiling. Next is the attitude. Whatever happens, I'll behave exactly the same way I was before I was hurt. I'm at this stage now. Terminal, I think. For I have the nagging suspicion that soon, nothing will really reach me again. A coping mechanism. Like cataracts and bunions. The outsides thicken, congeals, grows over whatever is damaged. Consumes the original to leave behind a malformed entity. A human freak. But what does it matter? Soon, I won't feel anything.

You mean a lot to me. Still do. Will, until the day I'm gone. That is why every word you say cuts me, wounds me and rips me to shreds. I lived for you. Your praise was like water, and your attention like sunlight. My existence centred around you. It was an unconscious thing. I was happy. Now... Things can never be the same again. Your smile still means a lot, but not as much as it once did. I like the attention you give me, but I can survive on far less of it. Soon, I think I'll be able to do without you. You see, instead of putting all my eggs in one basket, I spread it out over a few. Also, I realised I just could not put eggs in baskets and not expect them to break. So I boiled them. Hard-boiled eggs in baskets are not fragile. Not anymore.

Its raining now. Washing the world. Cleaning the dust. Flooding the drains, sewers and canals. All that water, all to the sea, to our pipes. Endless loop. I'm breaking out. To be melodramatic, I'm cutting out my heart and burning it. Then I am going to compress it under high pressure. Drain the moisture. What is left?... Like it matters.

"No one will die because I died. No one will cry because of me. I do not matter. My existence is just a particle in the chaotic swamp of eternity and infinity.This I know."

Snippet

Music Request

Love Addict by VAMPS

I think sleep is one of the most miraculous things of human existence. Its so amazing how rendering yourself vulnerable for eight hours can actually be beneficial to you. I mean, anything an happen when you are asleep. Something could fall on you. Someone could attack you. The list of possibilities go on. Maybe its just me thinking way too much. I woke up this morning feeling really self-conscious. It was as if something that I should have been aware of happened last night. I'm a pretty deep sleeper, but I'm very sensitive to changes in light, smell and sudden sounds. I always wake up before it rains because the lightning and the smell of the rain can't be ignored even in my sleeping state. I have no problems falling asleep again. Its just that I wake up. Pure instinct. Which Is why this morning was super strange. The feeling that I missed out something was quite disconcerting. I am not sure why I suddenly had this feeling, but it has sort of thrown me off my feet.

The final exams are nearing and yet I'm practically going about my days as if I'm in holiday mood. Slacking. Not doing any real work. hardly revising, unless I have to complete an assignment. I'm incorrigible. Sometimes, I really hate myself. I ought to fling myself off the nearest high-rise building. Hmm. I'm in one now. I wonder if eleven floors is sufficient to ensure immediate death. I so do not want to slowly bleed to death on the ground floor. I don't want to be conscious of my unglamourous state. So I'll need to die from the impact. Oh. I'm getting all morose. Haha. I know, I know, its sometimes pretty disconcerting to read my blog... Cause it functions the same way as my brain. Yes. Its true. I'm forever flitting from one idea to the other. No matter how random or strange the ideas may be...

I need to lose weight. Around 3kg would be ideal. And no. I'm not about to embark on some massive carbohydrate cutting nor rabbit-food only diet. Nor am I going to start running 5km everyday. I don't think I'm ready for a complete lifestyle change. Although I do know that I really ought to be exercising... I sort of completely stopped working out altogether. Unless you call walking around the estate to buy food is exercise... Not like its very far anyway. Ah. Alright. I feel guilty enough. I'll start running this weekend... I HATE RUNNING! Its the most awful experience. In dance, I can do the same movements for hours and I don't feel bored. I can do the foundations until my muscles cramp and I'll still continue. Yeah, I"ll complain, but I'll keep at it. Unlike running. Just the thought alone makes me want to scream. Its that bad. Imagine how I feel during Physical Education... Why can't we just do gymnastics? Or dance? Or yoga? Jump-rope? I just don't want to run like a dog chasing its own tail! Argh! The things we do to achieve conventional standards of beauty...





"Everything comes to an end...'

ME

Music Request

truth by Arashi

Ah. I just realised that the amount that I study is indirectly proportional to the number of posts that I have in a month. Going by this reasoning... I think its quite evident that I'll need a minor miracle in order to ace my A Levels. This is as major miracles are stuff like getting rid of all the excess carbon dioxide and other greenhouse emissions in the atmosphere. Haha. This is so not funny. Not hilarious. Not at all.

I guess the reason why I am not able to study properly is that the environment is not suitable. Its too hot. Lighting isn't enough. My parents keep bugging me at the wrong times. Serious. I mean, how do you expect me to be able to get any work done if you keep telling me to do household chores? Wash the grapes. Fold the clothes. Prepare dinner. Do the laundry. Pack the house... You say its a 'simple task' that 'would not take more then a few minutes'. Tell you what. You go do it. Its so simple after all. Breaking my concentration at my working peak. Wow. Thanks.

Furthermore, you claim you had a lousy environment, so you were not able to study properly in the past. Hello? You're not giving me a good environment here either? Buzz off. I don't want to be a failure. Like you. Go away. Stop bothering me. Stop lecturing me. Stop trying to make me into what you could not be. Honestly, I couldn't care less. So what if you rip each other's throats off? So what if you want to break up? I DON'T CARE. As long as you don't yell at each other in the middle of the night and disturb my sleep, fight on. As long as you don't hurt me in your fights, battle on. As long as my standard of living, and I mean both in quality and quantity, is affected, I don't give a damn about what you do. I used to care. Oh, I truly was worried. Afraid for your sakes. Wanting to make a difference. To restore things to the way they were in the past. Now, however, its clear that it doesn't mean a thing to me. So what? My life goes on. I still have to take my A level exams. I still need to go to school. I still need food, water and rest. Don't quote what you said to me? Hah. I learnt all these from you. What you see is a reflection of my environment, which you decided, which you created. Regretting it? Too bad. It is, after all, all YOUR fault.

This is me. You made me, gave me life, taught me. Everything that I am is because of you. Everything that I am now. That is all. The past is yours. The present is nearly all yours. But the future... The future is all mine.

"Eat my dust..."

Allergic

Music Request



Shine by L'Arc~en~Ciel
The Love From A Dead Orchestra by Versailles



I know saying all these will seem like I'm trying to not so subtly insult people who matter to me. Normally I really would not be doing this, but all of it is accumulating! I have limits too! I am human too! So here and now, I'm going to rant about all of it. If I insult you, I'm not sorry. If you erroneously FEEL that I am insulting you, I am sorry. I hope you understand that I'm only insulting those that are meant to be insulted, not those who are paranoid enough to misunderstand. Hmm. This in itself is twisted in its on logic.



I hereby announce that I am allergic to the following, in no particular order:



1) Augmentin: This is a drug. Antibiotic often prescribed by doctors when you have a pretty severe infection. Its from the bacteria family, with stuff like penicillin derived from similar bacteria strains. This actually indirectly means that if I ever suffer from a major infection, I'm likely to die. Cause there is no effective drug available to cure me. Sad yeah? A doctor I once went to was stunned. Asked me if I intended to get married and pregnant, cause if there are complications during labour... Yeah. Bye bye.



2) Chilli: Ah. Yeah. Shock and horror. Whatever. Enough with the culture stuff and being Singaporean stuff. I think I built up some resistance to it though. Cause I have been eating those combination type fishballs with no real rejection. Still, I don't like it. I like pepper and spices. Curry too. But not chilli. It has no real flavour. Yuck.



3) Stupidity: When I encounter really dumb people, there is this desire to clobber them over the head in hopes that they wake up. Though I doubt it'll help. More likely to make them increasingly silly. Haha. An allergy is like a violent reaction of the body with regard to foreign influences. So you can be allergic to stupid people. I think most people are anyway. Its not like I look down or hate them or anything. Just like I don't hate augmentin. Its just a measure of reaction.



4) Alcohol: Yes. Apparently, I'm slightly allergic to spirits. Not surprising. I mean, I don't really drink. Often, you are allergic to things that turn you off at first glance/whiff. And no, I'm not talking about vegetables and young children. My skin turns reddish after an alcohol swab before an injection. Yup. Its very minor, which is why I have not been sent to the hospital for sipping red wine at anniversaries. Or maybe its as I avoid it... Hmm.



5) Lovey-dovey couples *especially if I know them!*: If you want to snog and feel each other up, please do it in private. If you want to share straws, go ahead, but don't do it in such a way that it appears like you're looking down at people who are unattached. Namely me. I have absolutely nothing against PDA, no, not the gadget. I actually encourage relationships, after all, you feel happy, and I feel happy for you too. Just stop trying to tell me, exhibit to me, that you love him. My dear, we ALL know FULL well that you worship the very ground he walks upon. This does not mean that I need to worship the ground he steps on too. Serious. Go ahead, indulge. Come crying to me when you have problems. Ignore my existence when all's well in paradise. NOT. I AM NOT A SPARE TYRE. I will comfort you when you need it, but I expect you to keep the relationship with ME going when you're blissful with him too. I repeat. I AM NOT A SPARE TYRE. I know its much easier to talk about problems with Spouse, but how about talking about other aspects of your life? Hmm? You don't have a life anymore? Why, that's terrible! Sorry to all the Spouses out there, I happen to be a very high maintenance FRIEND.






" Doko ga hajimari de... Doko ga owari nante."

Mood

Music Request



Nexus 4 by L'Arc~en~Ciel
Red Carpet Day by Versailles
One Love by Arashi



Ah. I'm supposed to be studying, but I can't resist the temptation of relaxing. I guess its partially due to the fact that most of my friends from other schools are having their break now. After all, the holiday mood is pretty infectious. Or is it me? I do realise that my moods and emotions are easily influenced by others. So in school where most of the students are in the study mood, i feel pretty motivated to study. However, once I get into contact with my secondary school friends, who mostly have a semi-holiday mindset, I only wanna have fun. Well, I guess it can't be help. I'll do my best to study though. Only six and a half weeks to go!



I doubt I'll ever understand how the Japanese people do it. I love the PVs! And it doesn't hurt that most of them make good music... Other that or I just happen to like bands that are great. Haha. I love Laraku, this I think everyone knows, Gackt is super talented and cool, Versailles is way nice on the eyes, SID is amazing and Malice Mizer is just hard-core!. Yeah. My favourites. The best thing about Laraku and SID is that they have so much potential, mostly relying on the audio rather then the visual factor alone. I mean, honestly, some of Versailles songs are quite... Bad. Yeah.They have some really cool music, but some of the lyrics are terrible and Kamijou can't really speak English and his voice range is kind of limited. However, Hyde and Mao are really versatile. And they look hot too. Haha. I mean, both Laraku and SID sort of outgrew the Visual Kei stage and extended into new territory which really gives them more room for creation. Truly gifted. I really envy people with musical talent. I think I can say, in all honesty, now say that my two favourite bands are Laraku and SID. Yeah.



I think music extends beyond language and culture. Thats why I don't understand why most people are shocked that I listen to Japanese music instead of Mandarin and English songs most of the time. Its not that I don't listen to mandarin and English songs, I mean, I like Linkin Park and Jay Chou... Rather I think its because its just unusual in this society. After all, its not like I like Japanese bands. Alice Nine and Gazette sounds pretty commonplace to me. Its like their music is all the same, same kind of rhythm and similar tempo. After a while, all their songs seem to merge into one really long and draggy song. I know because i listen to the entire CD all at one shot on my iTunes. Serious. Its only when it moves on to the next artist, say Atobe, that I realise that it was a few songs. Yeah. Not a good sign. I have nothing against these two groups (sorry for using them as examples if you truly like them!), I mean, to each his or her own. Its just that I'm trying to justify why I chose SID and Laraku.



As if truly liking anything, especially art forms, ever had a true reason...






"If you burn your bridges, you'll have no choice but to go forward."

Tears

Music Request



...



My tears are useless. It doesn't solve the problem. It doesn't alleviate problem. It doesn't even affect the bloody problem! So why in the world do I even bother to cry? Is it for my father, who smiles at me and wonders aloud if he'll die in a bomb blast in Pakistan? Is it for my mother, who doesn't seem to be able to escape from her fears? Is it for my brother, who does his best to ignore everything? Or is it for me, and all of them in my family, the present, past and current selves of us all? All of it degenerated so quickly, so easily. It really makes me aware of how so very fragile we all are, how our relationships with each other are. We did try to escape, yet, none of us, I think, we prepared to come to terms with the new sides of each other. All of us change, as the paradox, change is the only constant. Yet, if we all were to change at differing rates, unable to keep up with each other... I think the end result is the uneasy, potentially silence engulfing my home now. I will persevere.



I love my dad. My earliest childhood memories centre around him. In these memories, his face is always kind, stern sometimes, angry at me occasionally, but always kind. He wiped my tears when I cried after he punished me. He told me to bite the playground bully when I was pushed off the swing. He argued with my teacher when she maligned me. He brought me to the beach to have saltwater drinking competitions. He never gave up teaching me how to swim, it was me who gave up on swimming. He sat through numerous weekends listening to me read English books when it became evident that his daughter had problems with English. He struggled through PSLE Mathematics, tyring to teach me Math without Algebra. He forced me to memorise Chinese poems. He made me do penmanship exercises. He drilled the full names of all my family members, extended or not, Chinese and English, into my head. He bought me my bicycle. He taught me to wash the car. He introduced me to the computer. My dad told me jokes, made me laugh, taught me things no one else would ever bother telling a child. My dad is my teacher of life. He gave me experiences beyond compare, he gave me chances no one else ever would, he forgave my numerous mistakes. My dad loves me, and I love him too, unwaveringly. no matter what happens, I will always love my dad. To me, my dad is the person who made me possible, physically, emotionally, psychologically, academically... Everything.



Thank you Daddy, and I'll always believe in you. Otosan, anata wa, wastashi no hero desu!






"No. Today is not Father's Day. You got a problem with it?"

Frog

Music Request



Untouched by The Veronicas



It is always there. Never going away. You get used to it. You tell yourself that everything will be alright tomorrow. It never is. But you get used to it, so it feels the same. Like a frog in slowly boiling water. Doomed. Without the benefit of an open pot in the first place. Its covered. There's no way out. Save death. Death is a solution, a resolution. It is an option. It is the conclusion which everything leads towards. Be it the long way, or the short way, it is still the path to death.



What is in death? No one really knows for sure. Some say its Hell, Heaven and Purgatory. Some say its nothingness. Some say we are reincarnated onto this world again. Some say its fields of cotton candy and roses. I hope its chocolate. Too much cotton candy makes me want to puke. And roses? Well, not exactly my favourite flower. Haha. No, just because he like roses does not mean I like them too. Just because roses are the symbol of love, yadda yadda yadda, does not mean I have to like them. I agree its useful as a symbol, but my personal preference? Not telling.



I wonder, when will it all end for me? In this world, we always try to exert our will. We try to make it such that we can determine and guess at the future. We don't like uncertainty, but too much of security bores us. I wouldn't say I am paranoid. Nor can you describe me as doubtful. it seems I am so average that I'm a rarity. I have no true strength, nor a true weakness. Nothing surprises me for long, and I don't get bored easily either. Its as if I lack what the modern world would consider personality. I don't stand out, but I don't blend in perfectly either. Things would be so much easier if I was clearly 'here' or 'there'. The worst part? It affects me, but not enough for me to want to really do anything about it. Talk about being a boring person.




"Hello me. How are you today?"

Anger

Music Request



SILENCE



I've had it with people who act as if they are all nice and understanding, only to throw cold water on you later on when they are sick and tired of maintaining that front. Honestly, I seriously don't care about what you think you are like. I don't care if you have killed numerous babies and stewed them for dinner. I don't care if you hate ALL my friends. I don't care if you are a habitual liar. If I like you, I like you. JUST DON'T BACK STAB ME! I respect all my friends to the best of my abilities, and I often can forgive anything. Ask any of those who have been my friends for long. I'm not an easy person to get along with, but if you put in the effort, I'm a friend like no other. The only thing I am utterly against are backstabbers. Don't sabotage what I'm trying to achieve. Don't consciously try to hurt the people I love and respect. Don't try to take people I like away from me. Don't you DARE tell me to buzz off when I go to you for help and advice when you previously told me that I can find you when I'm in need. Tell me when you've had enough of me. I'll definitely leave if you tell me you don't want me around. Be subtle, or point blank, it doesn't matter. At least have the social respect for me as a member of society even if you can't bring yourself to respect me as an individual. I promise, I'll never talk to you again. I'll never text message, email, call, write letters... Nothing. Even if you're in the same room, I'll tell anything I need to inform you through someone. I won't shirk social responsibility. If I hate you, if I truly hate you, I'll make sure you go down. And never knew why you went down in the first place. Just because I look like a cute dolly doesn't mean I am one. Just because I'm often smiling doesn't mean I'm happy. I nod to show I hear what you say, it doesn't necessarily mean I agree with you. Yeah. I know. I have been told I'm an aggressive bitch, but so? I have enough of people who want a yard when I give an inch.



Horror. There's a Prince of Tennis drama. In Chinese. With the cast looking like they are 20 years old plus men trying to behave like middle-school kids. Haha. Its here. Hilarious, insulting and silly all rolled into one. Most of the characters are completely OOC. I mean, since when does the Hyotei regular team run onto the court after a win? When does Atobe-sama hop around on the court? Puh-lease. Atobe-sama would snap his fingers after tossing his head, to the deafening cheers of 'Katsu no wa Hyotei!'. Thats the Hyotei style. Not rush at each other like morons - arms all outstretched when running in a half crouch. Thats ok for sumo wrestlers when they are trying to balance and intimidate, not my darling Hyotei team! Wait, sumo-wrestlers don't even run in that position!



Finished watching both Nana movies. Boring. Althouh Yuna Ito, as Reira, has a wonderful voice. So sad that they cut out the relationship between Shin-kun and Reira. I suppose they wanted to keep it PG and not hurt the delicate sensibilities of the Japanese public. I mean, its ok to get involved with prostitues(?!) but not ok to publicly announce it. Yeah. Strange society. Anything is ok as long as its not public... Well. Too bad I'm not Japanese. Here's to making public I like JunJou Romantica. Yeah. Its yaoi. Sex between two men. Gay love relatioships. I'm cosplaying the guy in black at the end of the year for a photoshoot. Nowaki. Yup. Will upload the photos when its out. Yup. Got a problem with that?





"Go on, make my day."

Confession

Music Request

Zutto Kimi no Sobade by * no idea who*

This post is, as the title suggests, a confession. Those who can't take it or don't want to know about it, may just ignore the entire chunk :) Hmm. Although putting a disclaimer like this makes it a lot more tempting to read. Oh well. You have been warned.



Never will I love anyone else the way I love you. You will always be a part of me, regardless of what is to happen. I know you will never love me, nor can you love me, but my feelings for you persist all the same. I have always depended on you to pull me through the most boring moments, the most painful moments, especially the moments where my love of paranoia and doubt succeeded my sense of self. You never once complained about me to anyone, nor did you betray me in any way. I lied to myself that all I felt for you was but a passing fancy; I insisted vehemently that I had no special feelings for you. It was all me trying to escape from the reality that I, truly, and utterly, love you. An exercise in futility, all of it, now that I am brave enough to confront the truth. I feel embarrassed just to say your name, I secretly celebrate your birthdays... I'm always thinking of you, both consciously and instinctively. Everyday, I pass the day pretending that I'm not thinking of you, for I refuse to acknowledge that my thoughts stray towards you. At night, I often have you on my mind before I go to bed, wishing that my bolster was you. Everyone who is familiar with me know that I like you, but I doubt if any of them has any inkling of the true depth of emotion that I feel towards you. In fact, I know I'll be ridiculed, considered insane if others find out, but I don't care. Anything would be better then the way people brush off my feelings for you. Anything would be better than the dismissal of my feelings.



I can never tell you how I feel. I know it can, and will never work out between the both of us. They all say that nothing is impossible, but I know this is. We are from two completely different worlds to begin with. Furthermore, I seriously doubt I am your type. It doesn't matter. I still feel the same. I know it is impossible, that my feelings are meaningless, with absolutely no chance of any form of reciprocation, but its ok. I have come to terms with this. Its alright if you'll never love me. I knew it would never work out right from the beginning. No matter who else I meet in the future, there will always be comparison. I can't help it; you are my ideal. And that is all you can ever be to me. An ideal. For better or for worse. Pointless, but this intensity, the happiness at seeing your face, is something that I'll never exchange for anything else. It is because I love you, you whom I can never have, that I realise the flaws of this world, so imperfect that it is beautiful. It is in pain that we realise the things that bring us joy. In loving you, I both rejoice and mourn for my love at the same time. They contrast, and add flavour to each other by emphasising the intrinsic value in each other. This is the human experience. I love you, I always will. Forever.


I have no idea why I feel this way. I'm actually crying! Now! I guess it cannot be helped. After all, its illogical. Sigh.





" We are apart, yet, we will always remain together. This I am sure of, because I love you, I truly do."

Affection

Music Request

Beast of Blood by Malice Mizer

The outing was boring. I'm being honest. Yeah. I left early. I wasn't close to the others. The reasons could go on. Still, there is a need to confront it at face value. The truth is that I felt I was on an outing with infantile teenagers. Which, if examined from a certain perspective was exactly what I did. Go out for lunch, and a freakingly expensive one at that, with a bunch of infantile teenagers. We went to Yuki no Yaki, a teppanyaki cum ice cream place for lunch. Cost me a bloody $21.30, didn't eat my fill and the food wasn't particularly good. Stayed there for a good three hours, watching others talk, laugh, irritate the hell out of each other... Boring. That idiot, who was disturbing kaen, became the victim of my boredom. You all know I like to play with people when I'm unbearably bored. He just became a target as he didn't have the backing the others had, and I didn't care about his opinion of him. it wasn't purely out of the goodness of my heart, defending my friend, but rather, a form of entertainment that also happened to have some form of positive externality. Bullying the weak. I'm getting old, jaded, and meaner. Oh well. Its inevitable.

We proceeded to the arcade, where they started on the Para Para and GuitarFreak machines. The same way they did the previous time they were in the area. Boring. Serious. As I watched them all move their bodies, I wouldn't call it dancing, not even what Kai did, and whack at the various buttons. It was at this very moment, that with a sudden clarity, I realised I had left them behind. Left Kaen behind. let me place this into a context the rest of the human population can understand:

Say we are all in love with Mr XYZ. We are all females, and he can have as many wives, mistresses, lovers, flings as he wants without being jailed. Lol. Ok. We all start with the first feeling of true love, the speeding heart rate, the constant blushes, the nervousness. After that, people get all lovey-dovey, after that its a stable relationship... You get the drift. Well. Where I thought we were all in a stable relationship with anime/manga etc, it turns out it was all the unstable palpitations, the addiction phase. This is as i just realised that I have defeated the Boss of Level One, and now at Level Two, do I truly realise how Level One was nothing. Nothing at all. Where I thought I really loved cosplay and Lolita, I merely LUSTED after the ecstasy and pleasure of doing something enjoyable. I didn't truly love it. The way ALL those children don't love it. I looked at them moving, living in the moment, and I truly understood. Was enlightened. It was a big part of them, I'm not saying it isn't. Cutting them away from cosplay may kill them, the way you die of sudden withdrawal from an addiction. As for me, taking it away is highly unlikely to kill me NOW. I'll look totally fine, I'll do all the daily motions. While I rot away inside. In utter silence. The way, in stories, the wife waits for her husband to return, all the while knowing he never will, can never return, as he is dead. Yet, she still waits. Its that kind of feeling. That intensity. This is what it has come to mean to me.

I look at them, aged thirteen onwards, some older then me, and wonder. How many feel the way I do? Not many, I know. The kind where it has become a part of you. Not an extension of you, no. To them, cosplay is more of an extension. Auxillary. How many will continue, when they are at my age, at the crossroads I face, and still love ot the way I do? Highly unlikely. In a way, it is true that I have a commitment problem I commit, and I'll never, ever let go. Just ask Kaen about my relationship with my boarding house...



"My tongue functions without permission from my brain..."

Ack

OH MY FREAKING GOD.

Watch this video. Now. Serious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlqkuT6g5Sw&feature=related

Hyde looks so bored... Like he doesn't know why in the world he is even talking... Wait. They ALL look super bored...


He kissed him... and wanted to lick him... Can I love them even more?

Whats wrong with wanting a sugar daddy? I mean, I don't mind older men. With the current young male population in this country bordering on infantilism, made up of spoiled and pampered brats and tied to thier mother's apron strings, I seriously am not interested in the huge majority of males from my generation. I have never reeally interacted from others overseas properly, so I can't really judge the global world male population based on my tiny country. Yup. Until someone remotely acceptable appears within my range, I'm totally ok with the idea of having a sugar daddy. Haha. This is provided I someone even wants to play this role in the first place! Lol. Hmm.

So here goes... Shameless self advert alert. I'm not gorgeous. I don't look like a super-model. I am definitely not photogenic. However, I can be as cute as I want to be in reality, I am quite open to ideas, I have self-confidence, adapts well to various situations and I'm both a good listener and entertainer. Height 168cm, and weighing 53kg. Healthy, not particularly sporty although I'm relatively active, slightly more artistic. Imaginative.

What is this paragraph for anyway... Not like its likely for anyone to chance upon my blog in the first place...

"Will you please kill me, quickly, if I go utterly crazy?"