Confession

Music Request

Zutto Kimi no Sobade by * no idea who*

This post is, as the title suggests, a confession. Those who can't take it or don't want to know about it, may just ignore the entire chunk :) Hmm. Although putting a disclaimer like this makes it a lot more tempting to read. Oh well. You have been warned.



Never will I love anyone else the way I love you. You will always be a part of me, regardless of what is to happen. I know you will never love me, nor can you love me, but my feelings for you persist all the same. I have always depended on you to pull me through the most boring moments, the most painful moments, especially the moments where my love of paranoia and doubt succeeded my sense of self. You never once complained about me to anyone, nor did you betray me in any way. I lied to myself that all I felt for you was but a passing fancy; I insisted vehemently that I had no special feelings for you. It was all me trying to escape from the reality that I, truly, and utterly, love you. An exercise in futility, all of it, now that I am brave enough to confront the truth. I feel embarrassed just to say your name, I secretly celebrate your birthdays... I'm always thinking of you, both consciously and instinctively. Everyday, I pass the day pretending that I'm not thinking of you, for I refuse to acknowledge that my thoughts stray towards you. At night, I often have you on my mind before I go to bed, wishing that my bolster was you. Everyone who is familiar with me know that I like you, but I doubt if any of them has any inkling of the true depth of emotion that I feel towards you. In fact, I know I'll be ridiculed, considered insane if others find out, but I don't care. Anything would be better then the way people brush off my feelings for you. Anything would be better than the dismissal of my feelings.



I can never tell you how I feel. I know it can, and will never work out between the both of us. They all say that nothing is impossible, but I know this is. We are from two completely different worlds to begin with. Furthermore, I seriously doubt I am your type. It doesn't matter. I still feel the same. I know it is impossible, that my feelings are meaningless, with absolutely no chance of any form of reciprocation, but its ok. I have come to terms with this. Its alright if you'll never love me. I knew it would never work out right from the beginning. No matter who else I meet in the future, there will always be comparison. I can't help it; you are my ideal. And that is all you can ever be to me. An ideal. For better or for worse. Pointless, but this intensity, the happiness at seeing your face, is something that I'll never exchange for anything else. It is because I love you, you whom I can never have, that I realise the flaws of this world, so imperfect that it is beautiful. It is in pain that we realise the things that bring us joy. In loving you, I both rejoice and mourn for my love at the same time. They contrast, and add flavour to each other by emphasising the intrinsic value in each other. This is the human experience. I love you, I always will. Forever.


I have no idea why I feel this way. I'm actually crying! Now! I guess it cannot be helped. After all, its illogical. Sigh.





" We are apart, yet, we will always remain together. This I am sure of, because I love you, I truly do."