Crave

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New Divide by Linkin Park

I miss dancing until my calf muscles cramped. No, I'm not a masochist, but rather, I miss the sensations that came with dancing. The feeling that you were rushing from one pose to another changes with practice into something intangible, like expressing yourself through dance. Of course, I'm talking about choreographed dances, not freestyle. Its amazing how something so messy can become an actual dance, but even more than that, I must say that the ability to express an emotion that is not exactly your own predominant state of mind is awesome. Its a sort of dizzying happiness that permeates every pore. As you spin, jump, kick, twirl... Every drop of blood is singing along to the music. If the music is depressing, you actually feel like crying after everything, no matter how awesome you danced. Its just a reflex. A reaction to the song. SIgh. I miss dancing so much that i can't really but it down in words. Dancing is something that appeals to a more primitive part of me. I mean, I'd automatically think of dance moves to go with my favourite songs. Its natural. So this lack of dance in my life has been rather depressing. yes, I'm in cheer, but its different. Cheer is a very regulated routine. The actions tend to be pretty stiff, which is unlike dance where you loosen certain muscles in order to portray fluctuations in style. Okay. I am totally out of my league here. As you can clearlt see, I'm fumbling to find the appropriate terms to explian something so instinctive I'll be surprised I don't dance in my sleep. Sigh. I just... Miss dance. Yeah. Its nothing to do with cheer! Its like... Having a craving for apples while you're eating mangoes. It doesn't mean that you don't like the mango! It just means... You want the apple. This is one heck of a lousy analogy, but oh wells.

Busy busy week ahead. I'll be leaving for Malaysia in less than 5 days, but I've yet to finish preparing for the trip! I was hoping that I could spend more time with Kaen, but things didn't work out that way. Sigh. I'm not upset per se. More of just a wee bit disappointed that things aren't going the way they should. Sigh. Okay. I'm quite disappointed actually. The reason for going is lost, and the numerous problems don't make for a more appealing trip. The final issue just makes me want to scream at someone, but I know its not really anyone's fault. It was just a mutual agreement that was broken. Everything off the record. So yeah. Who am I to complain? I guess I've reached the stage where I'm resigned rather than actively upset. Ok. If you got lost by this paragraph, I'm not going to explian the entire long sob story. I'm not trying to part you guys with your pity. URGH. ARGH. *gnashes teeth*

OH YEAH. I need to go to the beach. Anyone wants to go with me? The itinery is simple. Find a nice shady spot and SLEEP there the entire morning. Yup. Yes, I know what you are thinking. I am NOT a pig okay. I just want to hear and smell the sea. Maybe if I'm in a good mood, I could, you know, introduce you to the sea too! HAHA. OH, That reminds me. Should I do a beach shoot for Zone00?

"What you built you lay to waste..."