Flaw

Playlist

Strange by Kerli

I believe there is kismet. And I think I should stop listening to sad songs when I'm in a bad mood. It only serves to amplify the anger and sadness I feel into epic proportions. I need to listen to something like REVOLUTION. Or Brilliant Snow. Something more upbeat and positive. All my playlist is giving me is stuff like Strange, Raison D'Etre and other sad stuff. I need to create mood playlists instead of just shuffling everything.

Was in a bad mood at first, but I think I'm feeling better. I was not consciously aware about why I was in a bad mood? Think it is a side effect of all the Literature classes that I paid attention in. All the books I read and had intense reflection about. Too reflective for my own good. Creating my own self fulfilling prophecies. And I hasten my demise as I start on my downward spiral of negativity and pain. Sighs. The problem with people like me. You live each moment so intensely that its a pain. Happiness is so rich that you get dizzy. Sadness so heart wrenching that your tears never end. Anger so blood churning you act and don't remember a thing, only to see the aftermath. And when you are depressed? You can feel yourself sinking to a place beyond darkness. The higher you go, the harder you fall. And if you work at it, the higher you bounce back too. Not that this way of life is recommended. You go a wee bit nuts after a while. Human kind isn't built for these extreme mood changes. I think your brain goes a bit kooky from all the sudden hormonal differences.

I observe I'm at that age where everyone starts asking about whether I'm in an relationship? I understand that these friends and relatives mean well, what with wanting me out of the house and clearing the fridge less often and dealing with less of my idiosyncrasies... But most unfortunately, the answer is no. In fact, I think I will be a HORRIBLE girlfriend. So I am in no real hurry to get attached? Not that I am likely to, with me being slightly insane, super dramatic and lazy. Not the type that people are generally attracted to. I know, and I'm okay with this? In some crazy, obscure, lazy and frightening way, I actually want to grow old with a few cats in a rickety chair? But of course there is this part that gets a wee bit lonely and all, but its quickly engulfed in the hassles of day to day living. I really don't have the spare brain capacity to WORRY about this. Just passing thoughts in the ocean of my mind. I guess at some point or another you realise you'll never be Number One to anyone and its alright to just be one of the crowd. There's no one I really like anyway? Not inclusive of my shrine and all the random stuff in my room that stares back at me. (You should know what i mean HAHA). Knowing me, if I really liked someone I would pounce on them and NEVER let them go? HAHA. Not so viscerally, but yeah. Those who know me well will understand. Sink thy claws and hope to draw blood.

Is my blog too lengthy? A friend mentioned that reading my blog is like crawling through an essay. And apparently, she has bad memories of essays. I would make it shorter, except that I think I will have 5 shorts posts to replace this one longer post. Ridiculous, so the length will remain unless many have difficulty? Something along the lines of the train of thought, and since I can sit in front of the screen for nearly an hour to compose this, spending 10 minutes to read this should not be a huge problem? Yes, it is not effortless to type a post of this length, contrary to popular belief. 4 paragraphs of text do not just automatically type itself, no matter what you might have been led to believe. If you don't have the patience to read this you can always saunter over to my Tumblr. I assure you that everything there is short. And for those who need pictures and videos to be pictorially and kinaesthetically stimulated, there are plenty of those there too. I try not to type for more than 5 minutes for my Tumblr. Those on Tumblr tend to have a shorter attention span (of course this is an unfounded, completely biased personal opinion); something lengthy would kill their brain cells I believe. So yes. This blog will remain wordy. HAHA.

 

"Without flaws, I would be boring."