Playlist
Gekidou by UVERworld
To all the November babies that I know... Happpy Birthday! Its late, but I don't care!
Hejin, Winter, Kaen, Haiyun, Hyde's daughter, Yingzhen... and ME! :)
I passed the last two days in a haze. 22nd was in Malaysia with my family. Maternal grandmother's birthday. Yesterday was spent cleaning the house, as usual on Sundays, as well as at AFA. Anime Festival Asia. It was so unbearbly painmful. I'm serious. Just because I look happy does not mean I'm happy.
First and foremost, I spent three-quarters of the time waiting for my beloved Kaen to show. If it was anyone else on any other day, I'd die rather than wait. Well, it wasn't exactly under her control in the first place, so I don't blame her. The problem was with AFA itself. One word. Boring. The exhibits were plain boring. Nice art and all, but there were so few. Hardly entertaining. As for the cosplay competition... The standard was not particularly high. No idea who won. Was not paying attention. I'm not even interested to begin with! For the bright stars, they were far and few between. The better merchandise shops were packed. The advertising boards were lighted in such a way that its near impossible to snap a decent picture. My camera was malfunctioning. The entrance ticket was a waste of money.
Vivi, Choonie and Hualin were around. Saw lots of people that I know, such as Liyana, Geraldine, Hilda and other random schoolmates. Most did not recognise me, and if they did, were astounded by my shiroi Lolita get-up. Not surprising, seeing how I'm a person of really varied interets. Haha. Vivi looked really cute. Will upload her picture soon. SD and Yukiya were Kurei and Tokiya respectively. Melo was the cutest Kanda I have ever seen. Karei was ADORABLE! Winter put on some make up... And she looked really pretty! No need to cosplay. She's amazing enough as it is. Kai was in his signature suit, and it was all status quo.
I need work! No job offers so far... And anyone knows how to sign up for driving lessons? The website is absolutely user unfriendly. I'm serious. A total PAIN. I need to be able to drive if I go US... There is hardly public transport in case anyone wonders, and I'm not going to hitchhike around. No way...
"Dakedo kimi wa darekani koishiteru no ka?"
Monday, 24 November 2008
Saturday, 22 November 2008
Shaky
Playlist
Enrai ~ Tooku ni Aru Agari by High And Mighty Colour
I'm a fool. The greatest fool of all time. Why? I did not realise my flaws. I did not realise the things, the institutuions that I believed in were shaky. I did not realise that my belief was in something that was completely undependable. I am a fool. Finding out that you're an idiot hurts. The circumstances that trigger the realisation hurts. Coupled with the pain of knowing you're an idiot, it certainly is a heady combination. It sears through your entire self. Burns away your connections with that which provide security. Rips you to pieces, starting with everything that you believed in. Your world is shattered. Have fun picking up the pieces.
I think that family is the most important to me as of today. You can't rely on others. Not even your friends. Blood is certainly a powerful coagulent. Just like what I learnt in Biololgy in school.
No one remembered. As in, on their own, they did not remember. The first to voice it out is my mum. Then my aunt. Followed by my dad. I'm talking about those who said it out loud. I know my paternal grandma knows too. She remembers everything. Everything. Lets not talk about Kaen, who can't forget. Duh. Quite hard for me to forget her as well. The links are already there. Not a matter of choice. We're 'sister-in-laws'. I'm talking about everyone else. My brother. My cousins. Various aunts and uncles. Even those I feel are my friends. All unreliable. ALL. Why do I bother?
What do I expect from others? Should I not expect anything? I am human. I want to be loved. Am I too dememanding? Is this too much to ask? Am I just depressed by my inability to get a job? I've applied at some ten over locations, some in person, all to no avail. I totally know how those who are retrenched feel. Heaviness. The despair. The sesnse of isolation. Alienated from those who work. Helplessness when waiting for the call. That does not seem to come at all. Tired from the multiple interviews. From travelling the whole country. Your shortcomings all rubbed into your face. Self-disgust. Weariness. You wonder, is it all worth it? The absolute worst is seeing those who don't need the work getting it. And to make it even more unbearable, they wonder why you can't succeed and give useless advice. Make stupid comments. Say things like, " Maybe you should try harder?". Or better yet, "Don't worry, it will be ok." Go drown yourself in some ocean. Please. How about saying something that will address the root cause?
Somebody put an end to my suffering...
"To wait and to wait and to wait... In vain... For the moment that would never come..."
Enrai ~ Tooku ni Aru Agari by High And Mighty Colour
I'm a fool. The greatest fool of all time. Why? I did not realise my flaws. I did not realise the things, the institutuions that I believed in were shaky. I did not realise that my belief was in something that was completely undependable. I am a fool. Finding out that you're an idiot hurts. The circumstances that trigger the realisation hurts. Coupled with the pain of knowing you're an idiot, it certainly is a heady combination. It sears through your entire self. Burns away your connections with that which provide security. Rips you to pieces, starting with everything that you believed in. Your world is shattered. Have fun picking up the pieces.
I think that family is the most important to me as of today. You can't rely on others. Not even your friends. Blood is certainly a powerful coagulent. Just like what I learnt in Biololgy in school.
No one remembered. As in, on their own, they did not remember. The first to voice it out is my mum. Then my aunt. Followed by my dad. I'm talking about those who said it out loud. I know my paternal grandma knows too. She remembers everything. Everything. Lets not talk about Kaen, who can't forget. Duh. Quite hard for me to forget her as well. The links are already there. Not a matter of choice. We're 'sister-in-laws'. I'm talking about everyone else. My brother. My cousins. Various aunts and uncles. Even those I feel are my friends. All unreliable. ALL. Why do I bother?
What do I expect from others? Should I not expect anything? I am human. I want to be loved. Am I too dememanding? Is this too much to ask? Am I just depressed by my inability to get a job? I've applied at some ten over locations, some in person, all to no avail. I totally know how those who are retrenched feel. Heaviness. The despair. The sesnse of isolation. Alienated from those who work. Helplessness when waiting for the call. That does not seem to come at all. Tired from the multiple interviews. From travelling the whole country. Your shortcomings all rubbed into your face. Self-disgust. Weariness. You wonder, is it all worth it? The absolute worst is seeing those who don't need the work getting it. And to make it even more unbearable, they wonder why you can't succeed and give useless advice. Make stupid comments. Say things like, " Maybe you should try harder?". Or better yet, "Don't worry, it will be ok." Go drown yourself in some ocean. Please. How about saying something that will address the root cause?
Somebody put an end to my suffering...
"To wait and to wait and to wait... In vain... For the moment that would never come..."
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
Release
Playlist
Sakahiro Takarai's Be All Right
Its official! As of 11am this morning, I never have to put on a school uniform again! Last paper. Literature in English. Paper 3.
It was not as difficult as I thought it would be. The Unseen was a poem and a play extract. Both were comprehensive. I chose the poem in the end as I know how to analyse a poem more than a play. All thanks to the beloved Mr Whitby. As for compare and contrast, I compared Owen and Murder. Issue was the presentation of uncertainty and doubt. Did the essay on recount by older Marlow. Most felt it was a weird question. So I don't know. I might fail. I felt it was pretty alright. Which is either a good thing or a bad thing. More likely to be the latter. Means that I am absolutely dead. Oh well. Leave and let live.
Went to town. There was this sense of emptiness. Not because of the company, Viv was like the highlight, but rather, I think it stems from the realisation that there is nothing left. Just waiting. On the surface, you rejoice, but deep down inside, you start wondering what you are going to do. I'm looking for work, but hardly anyone seems to be hiring. Is it the economy? I sincerely doubt so. I guess its just that people don't want to hire kids. And that due to the JC curriculum starting in February next year, the market is saturated with people looking for work. Sheesh.
I want to do dance. Will most probably join the IP kids. I want to shoot. Will most probably join Kaen in her archery. I want to learn Spanish. Will most probably attempt it with Viv. My parents want me to learn to drive. I have no idea if I am mentally prepared enough to do it! Haha. So many things, so little time. I still need to go to the tailor for my Dorothea costume. I still need to buy Code Geass Monica's costume. I need to wrap up the various details of JJR. I need to start thinking of the design and colour scheme of Aoi's costume. I need to assemble Lulubell's clothes! Whoever said that cosplay was for little children, whoever said that its a frivolous and meaningless and easy activity has never done it. Its hard work. Well, unless you have all the money in the world to splurge and spend. Unless you have a palace of servants to clean up and source stuff for you. Like I said, unless you path is paved with money... Even if it was paved with money, its not easy. And the costume is only HALF the battle...
I shall not scare the poor kids out there who might be interested in cosplaying. Yet, it is true. behing the glamour, the momentarily 'cool' factor, is hard work. Lack of sleep. Headaches. Craft sessions. Sewing sessions. Travelling around the island. Being made fun of by others. Social stigmas. Stereotypes. Empty piggybank...
I love it. Always have. Always will.
"You need devotion. You neeed passion. Without these, you are nothing."
Sakahiro Takarai's Be All Right
Its official! As of 11am this morning, I never have to put on a school uniform again! Last paper. Literature in English. Paper 3.
It was not as difficult as I thought it would be. The Unseen was a poem and a play extract. Both were comprehensive. I chose the poem in the end as I know how to analyse a poem more than a play. All thanks to the beloved Mr Whitby. As for compare and contrast, I compared Owen and Murder. Issue was the presentation of uncertainty and doubt. Did the essay on recount by older Marlow. Most felt it was a weird question. So I don't know. I might fail. I felt it was pretty alright. Which is either a good thing or a bad thing. More likely to be the latter. Means that I am absolutely dead. Oh well. Leave and let live.
Went to town. There was this sense of emptiness. Not because of the company, Viv was like the highlight, but rather, I think it stems from the realisation that there is nothing left. Just waiting. On the surface, you rejoice, but deep down inside, you start wondering what you are going to do. I'm looking for work, but hardly anyone seems to be hiring. Is it the economy? I sincerely doubt so. I guess its just that people don't want to hire kids. And that due to the JC curriculum starting in February next year, the market is saturated with people looking for work. Sheesh.
I want to do dance. Will most probably join the IP kids. I want to shoot. Will most probably join Kaen in her archery. I want to learn Spanish. Will most probably attempt it with Viv. My parents want me to learn to drive. I have no idea if I am mentally prepared enough to do it! Haha. So many things, so little time. I still need to go to the tailor for my Dorothea costume. I still need to buy Code Geass Monica's costume. I need to wrap up the various details of JJR. I need to start thinking of the design and colour scheme of Aoi's costume. I need to assemble Lulubell's clothes! Whoever said that cosplay was for little children, whoever said that its a frivolous and meaningless and easy activity has never done it. Its hard work. Well, unless you have all the money in the world to splurge and spend. Unless you have a palace of servants to clean up and source stuff for you. Like I said, unless you path is paved with money... Even if it was paved with money, its not easy. And the costume is only HALF the battle...
I shall not scare the poor kids out there who might be interested in cosplaying. Yet, it is true. behing the glamour, the momentarily 'cool' factor, is hard work. Lack of sleep. Headaches. Craft sessions. Sewing sessions. Travelling around the island. Being made fun of by others. Social stigmas. Stereotypes. Empty piggybank...
I love it. Always have. Always will.
"You need devotion. You neeed passion. Without these, you are nothing."
Monday, 17 November 2008
Dedication
Playlist
Kakusei ~Dark and Light~ by Suwabe Junichi and Daisuke Ono
This is for my dear Kaen, who never fails to make me want to throttle her.
I'm writing it! I am! I'm on page 1! So wait! I'll give it to you on your birthday! Sheesh!
Barbie dolls ARE GAY.
I'm glad they didn't call. And WHY DO YOU WANT THEM TO CALL? Sheesh!
You owe me Suki Sa! How can you forget JUNJUN?!?!
1. Where would you go if someone sponsors you an air ticket?
Likely to be Japan. But I'll wonder who would be so nice... I mean, other than my family...
2. What's your favourite thing to do?
Eat. Sleep. And be merry. Cosplay. Listen to music.
3. Do you think money can buy happiness?
Yes.
4. If you were given a chance to receive something, what would it be?
Anything? Kurei. Duh!
5. Things that you cant live without:
Bed. Food. Water. Music. Books. Oxygen and carbon dioxide. Family. Friends. Seiyuus.
6. What are you afraid to lose?
Myself. Duh.
7. If you won US$1million, what would you do?
Won where??? Invest. Give to my parents. Pay for university. Buy a house in Emerald Hill. Don't think its enough though...
8. What do you dream of doing in the future?
Writing. Enjoying life. Sleeping. Dreaming some more...
9. List down 3 good things about the person who gave you this survey:
Err. Fun? Interesting? Errr...
10. What makes you happy?
Good food. Sufficient sleep. Money. Writing. Listening to music. Cosplay. Kurei. Yeah.
11. What kind of person do you hate the most?
Idiots. Stupid people. irritating people. Those who dont try. Backstabbers.
12. If you have a super power what would that be?
The ability to kill people with a glare. Or turn them into stone. That would be useful.
13. Would you go for happiness or money?
I want both!
14. Who do you think is the most important people in your life?
There is grammatical error in the bloody question. What 'is' and 'people'? Ok. Will just type. In no particular order... Kurei. My dad. Kaen. Duck. Hualin. Vivi. Hf. Err. My grandparents...
15. If you had a girlfriend/boyfriend, would you die for him/her?
No. Not even for Kurei. I'm serious.
16. Who's the last person who hugged you?
Err. My dad. I think. I usually initiate the hug... I'm proactive.
17. What is the one thing you want to do badly right now?
Get rid of my brother...
18. Who are you close to?
Huh? As in, relationship? Or distance? Distance is my brother...
19. Are you courageous enough to tell the person that you like him?
Yes.
20. If you could do one thing all over again what would it be?
Join gymnastics. Start dancing earlier. Cant choose.
21. 8 things that scare you
Not dying. Crazy people. My parents throwing away my manga horde. Losing my friends. No more food. My bed collapses with me on it. Putting on weight. Pests.
22. 8 things that you like/love the most
Dance. Music. Kurei. My bed. Food. Water. TV. Paper.
23. 8 important things in my room:
Bed. Cupboard. Fan. Handphone charger. Manga. Diary. Pillows. Windchime.
24. 8 ppl to do this questionnaire
Please dont do this!
Hmm. My answers are all so repetitive. Maybe I'm boring. Whatever.
Kakusei ~Dark and Light~ by Suwabe Junichi and Daisuke Ono
This is for my dear Kaen, who never fails to make me want to throttle her.
I'm writing it! I am! I'm on page 1! So wait! I'll give it to you on your birthday! Sheesh!
Barbie dolls ARE GAY.
I'm glad they didn't call. And WHY DO YOU WANT THEM TO CALL? Sheesh!
You owe me Suki Sa! How can you forget JUNJUN?!?!
1. Where would you go if someone sponsors you an air ticket?
Likely to be Japan. But I'll wonder who would be so nice... I mean, other than my family...
2. What's your favourite thing to do?
Eat. Sleep. And be merry. Cosplay. Listen to music.
3. Do you think money can buy happiness?
Yes.
4. If you were given a chance to receive something, what would it be?
Anything? Kurei. Duh!
5. Things that you cant live without:
Bed. Food. Water. Music. Books. Oxygen and carbon dioxide. Family. Friends. Seiyuus.
6. What are you afraid to lose?
Myself. Duh.
7. If you won US$1million, what would you do?
Won where??? Invest. Give to my parents. Pay for university. Buy a house in Emerald Hill. Don't think its enough though...
8. What do you dream of doing in the future?
Writing. Enjoying life. Sleeping. Dreaming some more...
9. List down 3 good things about the person who gave you this survey:
Err. Fun? Interesting? Errr...
10. What makes you happy?
Good food. Sufficient sleep. Money. Writing. Listening to music. Cosplay. Kurei. Yeah.
11. What kind of person do you hate the most?
Idiots. Stupid people. irritating people. Those who dont try. Backstabbers.
12. If you have a super power what would that be?
The ability to kill people with a glare. Or turn them into stone. That would be useful.
13. Would you go for happiness or money?
I want both!
14. Who do you think is the most important people in your life?
There is grammatical error in the bloody question. What 'is' and 'people'? Ok. Will just type. In no particular order... Kurei. My dad. Kaen. Duck. Hualin. Vivi. Hf. Err. My grandparents...
15. If you had a girlfriend/boyfriend, would you die for him/her?
No. Not even for Kurei. I'm serious.
16. Who's the last person who hugged you?
Err. My dad. I think. I usually initiate the hug... I'm proactive.
17. What is the one thing you want to do badly right now?
Get rid of my brother...
18. Who are you close to?
Huh? As in, relationship? Or distance? Distance is my brother...
19. Are you courageous enough to tell the person that you like him?
Yes.
20. If you could do one thing all over again what would it be?
Join gymnastics. Start dancing earlier. Cant choose.
21. 8 things that scare you
Not dying. Crazy people. My parents throwing away my manga horde. Losing my friends. No more food. My bed collapses with me on it. Putting on weight. Pests.
22. 8 things that you like/love the most
Dance. Music. Kurei. My bed. Food. Water. TV. Paper.
23. 8 important things in my room:
Bed. Cupboard. Fan. Handphone charger. Manga. Diary. Pillows. Windchime.
24. 8 ppl to do this questionnaire
Please dont do this!
Hmm. My answers are all so repetitive. Maybe I'm boring. Whatever.
Wishlist
Playlist
Be All Right by Suzumura Kenichi
Yup. I decided tro change the songs to those that I'm listening to at the moment. No point in putting down what I want. Most people have a) Never heard of it. b) Not interested in sharing. c) I feel like recommending stuff instead!
Its a strange feeling. This sense that its all over. No. I'm not talking about my life... I'm talking about my 12 years of formal education! I'm not sure if others feel the same way that I do, but honestly, it is very disconcerting. I mean, there is no real place that you HAVE to be anymore. There is no association that you have membership in. There is no place where you belong. The feeling, is, unpleasant. Oh well. All things come to an end. We just have to reattach ourselves to another entity...
On a much more hedonistic note, I am going to put up a wishlist. Make that two. What I want, and what I dont mind getting... All in no particular order...
WHAT I WANT:
1) Versailles new album, Noble
2) Any number of the magazine, VAMPS
3) SID's album, Jacket C ( it has a picture of a stag beetle on it)
4) Malice Mizer's album, Mervailles
5) Cute/ Gothic stuff eg. mirror
6) Gothic parasol
7) Discounts at good tailors...
8) Cosplay related stuff that I need, like a >80cm blonde wig, white beret...
9) Someone to teach me how to make Recca no Honoo Aoi's weapon!
10) Doujinshi... pencil boards... anime/manga paraphernalia...
11) Gadgets like a new hadphone, iPod...
Now for more practical things...
1) New pencil case... I need big pencil cases!
2) Wallet. Or a purse. Or something...
3) Handphone pouch. Preferably cute. With 'fur'.
4) Files. The thin pretty ones to put my short stories and fics in...
5) FRIENDS!
Yup!
See you all around!
" We age, we die. Life is but a box of worm-seed."
Be All Right by Suzumura Kenichi
Yup. I decided tro change the songs to those that I'm listening to at the moment. No point in putting down what I want. Most people have a) Never heard of it. b) Not interested in sharing. c) I feel like recommending stuff instead!
Its a strange feeling. This sense that its all over. No. I'm not talking about my life... I'm talking about my 12 years of formal education! I'm not sure if others feel the same way that I do, but honestly, it is very disconcerting. I mean, there is no real place that you HAVE to be anymore. There is no association that you have membership in. There is no place where you belong. The feeling, is, unpleasant. Oh well. All things come to an end. We just have to reattach ourselves to another entity...
On a much more hedonistic note, I am going to put up a wishlist. Make that two. What I want, and what I dont mind getting... All in no particular order...
WHAT I WANT:
1) Versailles new album, Noble
2) Any number of the magazine, VAMPS
3) SID's album, Jacket C ( it has a picture of a stag beetle on it)
4) Malice Mizer's album, Mervailles
5) Cute/ Gothic stuff eg. mirror
6) Gothic parasol
7) Discounts at good tailors...
8) Cosplay related stuff that I need, like a >80cm blonde wig, white beret...
9) Someone to teach me how to make Recca no Honoo Aoi's weapon!
10) Doujinshi... pencil boards... anime/manga paraphernalia...
11) Gadgets like a new hadphone, iPod...
Now for more practical things...
1) New pencil case... I need big pencil cases!
2) Wallet. Or a purse. Or something...
3) Handphone pouch. Preferably cute. With 'fur'.
4) Files. The thin pretty ones to put my short stories and fics in...
5) FRIENDS!
Yup!
See you all around!
" We age, we die. Life is but a box of worm-seed."
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
Answers
Music Request
The theme sog of Spirited Away. No idea whats the title. Its the party piece...
This is me breaking the rules. I can't help it! I know I said I won't go online!
Regarding the VKei quiz...
VIVIEN!!! YOU SO DEFINITELY CHEATED! UNFAIR! YOUR COMMENTS DON'T COUNT!
Ok. Most people got it wrong. Like obviously. Its not humanly possible to get it all right. Like I said, Vivien, you so TOTALLY cheated.
Anyhow... Photos 1 to 4 are all guys. Versailles. Phantasmogoria. Sectamateria. Blood+.
Photo 5 is all girls. Danger Gang.
The last photo... only the person, right smack in the middle of the front row, red kimono is female. Rest all guys. Yeah. One of the guys look like a Dance junior of mine. No. It should be the other way round. She's younger than him. Its the one on the right, showing side profile. Blue kimono.
" Everyting will come to an end... Regardless of whether you like it or not."
The theme sog of Spirited Away. No idea whats the title. Its the party piece...
This is me breaking the rules. I can't help it! I know I said I won't go online!
Regarding the VKei quiz...
VIVIEN!!! YOU SO DEFINITELY CHEATED! UNFAIR! YOUR COMMENTS DON'T COUNT!
Ok. Most people got it wrong. Like obviously. Its not humanly possible to get it all right. Like I said, Vivien, you so TOTALLY cheated.
Anyhow... Photos 1 to 4 are all guys. Versailles. Phantasmogoria. Sectamateria. Blood+.
Photo 5 is all girls. Danger Gang.
The last photo... only the person, right smack in the middle of the front row, red kimono is female. Rest all guys. Yeah. One of the guys look like a Dance junior of mine. No. It should be the other way round. She's younger than him. Its the one on the right, showing side profile. Blue kimono.
" Everyting will come to an end... Regardless of whether you like it or not."
Sunday, 19 October 2008
Finishing
Music Request
Snow by (?)
Its the English theme song of Deathnote movie...
Farewell assembly was on Friday. Quite boring. Was reading Neil Gaiman's The Book Of Dreams while the adults were yammering away. Not much effort was put into it. I mean, the principal talked about our grades and projections that seemed more like wishful thinking, the Head of Welfare was reminding us about exam protocol for the nth time, and then they tried to convince us to go for prom with a video. Honestly, I think they recycled the video from last year. I'm not being mean or anything, but practically all the photos and clips that made up the video had our seniors in it. Think last years's Aristal at Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Stuff like that.
Oh. Still, I was pretty surprised by the presents my teachers and juniors gave us. Donuts from the Geography department. Miss Lim gave me a postcard with a super kawaii neko on it. I love Miss Ting and Miss Lim! Stephanie gave me a bookmark, hand-made with an uber pretty picture on it. Yanyan gave me a star! Touched, as I really did not expect to get anything. I love you guys!
Strangely enough, everyday seems to be exactly the same. Always with this feeling that there isn't enough time. Sigh. Even if I did have more time, I doubt it would help as I'm the sort who needs a bit of pressure to perform. Oh. Remember the really silly fortune cookie? 'May you live in interesting times'. Well, I think I sound like I'm boasting, when actually its sheer wonder and disbelief, but SP commented that my preliminary exam grades were 'respectable' and that I have 'a flare for writing' although there is 'tension' that stops me from truly expressing myself. Wow. Thank you! It gives me motivation to keep pen-pushing. And typing. I sort of need it at this point in time. She even said I could go look for her for teacher's recommendation next year if I need it... If things work out, I totally need to give her a HUGE 'thank you' card. I never thought I would say this, but she's NICE!
Ok, I really need to get back to my Physical Geography assignment, so I'll vamoose!
" No matter how mant times I see it, I still think flowers blooming are miracles."
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
Guess
Music Request
Fireworks!
No more moping.
No more drasgging my feet over silly adults.
Lets live life the way only us irritatingly in between teenagers can!
WooHOO!
Here's a game.
A seriously evil game for those who don't know, and super fun for those who do.
Email or leave a comment with your answers. THAT'S AN ORDER!
Come on, its to make me happy! I have been upset long enough.
The game is called - Male or Female? The V.Kei edition...
Simple.
Guess if the person is female... Or just a seriously pretty member of the male specimen.
Easy.
Difficulty increases! If you know who they are, good for you!
Photo 1 - This is so a dead give-away. I even included the name of the band. Cheat if you want to...
Photo 2 - Quite obvious.
Photo 3 - Also kinda obvious.
Photo 4 - This one seems obvious... But it isn't!
Photo 5 - Quite hard. Don't make assumptions...
Photo 6 - I couldn't figure this out in the beginning. If you get it right, you must be an uber VK fan
Had fun? I'll release the answers soon... AFTER I GET YOUR GUESSES!
HAHA.
"Number one cardinal girl rule - Never date a guy prettier than you."
Fireworks!
No more moping.
No more drasgging my feet over silly adults.
Lets live life the way only us irritatingly in between teenagers can!
WooHOO!
Here's a game.
A seriously evil game for those who don't know, and super fun for those who do.
Email or leave a comment with your answers. THAT'S AN ORDER!
Come on, its to make me happy! I have been upset long enough.
The game is called - Male or Female? The V.Kei edition...
Simple.
Guess if the person is female... Or just a seriously pretty member of the male specimen.
Easy.
Difficulty increases! If you know who they are, good for you!
Photo 1 - This is so a dead give-away. I even included the name of the band. Cheat if you want to...
Photo 2 - Quite obvious.
Photo 3 - Also kinda obvious.
Photo 4 - This one seems obvious... But it isn't!
Photo 5 - Quite hard. Don't make assumptions...
Photo 6 - I couldn't figure this out in the beginning. If you get it right, you must be an uber VK fan
Had fun? I'll release the answers soon... AFTER I GET YOUR GUESSES!
HAHA.
"Number one cardinal girl rule - Never date a guy prettier than you."
Cloud
Music Request
Garnet by Malice Mizer
Thanks for all the concern. I went to a counsellor, not exactly for myself as I'm not facing any serious problem, but for my family. Hopefully, things will improve. Or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is that there is change, for as Eliot has made it, constancy is a sin. So let the wheel turn. For good or ill, let the wheel turn. We shall act, we shall suffer. It is the way things were meant to be. No. I'm not becoming religious. I'm just coming to terms with it. It seems the answer was there all along. I'll explain. Below, is Boy's Cloud by Atobe Keigo, translated for your benefit by the nice people at Ore-sama. I edited the parts which was directly translated from Japanese and didn't make an iota of sense. No idea why the title is as such when the lyrics are evidently so different.
BOY'S CLOUD
The red setting sun calls out to me
Leaning back against the quiet time
"You can't get something from nothing"
I watched the clouds as they floated by
Time will heal the wounds
A step towards tomorrow
Each footprint towards the highest glory
If I wake from this nightmare suddenly
Even if everything is real
I can plow through it all without fear
On this map to the distant future
I watch the setting sun fade into the distance
Quietly spending the time peacefully
I followed the disappearing horizon
For the clouds that floated past my reach
Time will heal the wounds
It's there somewhere
The place you were searching for, while lost and hurt
Everyone wants to be connected the reality of today
Even when we are lost, we live on
And when we find our true selves inside
We will find the answer
Time will heal the wounds
A step towards tomorrow
Each footprint towards the highest glory
If I wake from this nightmare suddenly
Even if everything feels real
I can plow through it all without fear
On this map to the distant future
Cool? Fated I say. Haha. I'll do my best. No promises. Just me and my best.
"I'll always shine on you, and always like the dazzling sun, I will defend you, from all of the darkness, this is the truth from my heart."
Garnet by Malice Mizer
Thanks for all the concern. I went to a counsellor, not exactly for myself as I'm not facing any serious problem, but for my family. Hopefully, things will improve. Or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is that there is change, for as Eliot has made it, constancy is a sin. So let the wheel turn. For good or ill, let the wheel turn. We shall act, we shall suffer. It is the way things were meant to be. No. I'm not becoming religious. I'm just coming to terms with it. It seems the answer was there all along. I'll explain. Below, is Boy's Cloud by Atobe Keigo, translated for your benefit by the nice people at Ore-sama. I edited the parts which was directly translated from Japanese and didn't make an iota of sense. No idea why the title is as such when the lyrics are evidently so different.
BOY'S CLOUD
The red setting sun calls out to me
Leaning back against the quiet time
"You can't get something from nothing"
I watched the clouds as they floated by
Time will heal the wounds
A step towards tomorrow
Each footprint towards the highest glory
If I wake from this nightmare suddenly
Even if everything is real
I can plow through it all without fear
On this map to the distant future
I watch the setting sun fade into the distance
Quietly spending the time peacefully
I followed the disappearing horizon
For the clouds that floated past my reach
Time will heal the wounds
It's there somewhere
The place you were searching for, while lost and hurt
Everyone wants to be connected the reality of today
Even when we are lost, we live on
And when we find our true selves inside
We will find the answer
Time will heal the wounds
A step towards tomorrow
Each footprint towards the highest glory
If I wake from this nightmare suddenly
Even if everything feels real
I can plow through it all without fear
On this map to the distant future
Cool? Fated I say. Haha. I'll do my best. No promises. Just me and my best.
"I'll always shine on you, and always like the dazzling sun, I will defend you, from all of the darkness, this is the truth from my heart."
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
October
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday to all the wonderful people born in this month!
Atobe Keigo!
Tezuka Kunimitsu!
Oshitari Yushi!
Yanagi Renji!
tetsu from Laraku!
... And very, very importantly...
The new ME!
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday to all the wonderful people born in this month!
Atobe Keigo!
Tezuka Kunimitsu!
Oshitari Yushi!
Yanagi Renji!
tetsu from Laraku!
... And very, very importantly...
The new ME!
Happy Birthday!
Tuesday, 30 September 2008
Nothing
Music Request
Let the rain never stop...
I think it hurts because I care. If I did not care, I would be indifferent, and the indifference means that it wouldn't hurt. Still, I care less now than compared with previously. I know this. It hurts, in a numbing way, but I know it will all be better soon. Soon, I won't feel anything anymore. I'm not sure if its good. As of now, it seems terrible, but I think I might actually enjoy the emotional vacation from the hurt. You see, I'm tired of being hurt. Tired of the feeling of betrayal. I care, which is why I feel so awful all, you can't feel the pain when you are dead. Similarly, when you are an emotional void, I think the pain goes away too. I say this to myself, over and over again. It will all be over sooninside. Once its all gone, I won't be able to judge anymore, but at least, the pain will go away. After is for another person, another time.
It spreads. Like some disease, some corruption. It starts with the limbs. Whatever happens, my body still functions. Then it spreads to the face. Whatever happens, I'll keep smiling. Next is the attitude. Whatever happens, I'll behave exactly the same way I was before I was hurt. I'm at this stage now. Terminal, I think. For I have the nagging suspicion that soon, nothing will really reach me again. A coping mechanism. Like cataracts and bunions. The outsides thicken, congeals, grows over whatever is damaged. Consumes the original to leave behind a malformed entity. A human freak. But what does it matter? Soon, I won't feel anything.
You mean a lot to me. Still do. Will, until the day I'm gone. That is why every word you say cuts me, wounds me and rips me to shreds. I lived for you. Your praise was like water, and your attention like sunlight. My existence centred around you. It was an unconscious thing. I was happy. Now... Things can never be the same again. Your smile still means a lot, but not as much as it once did. I like the attention you give me, but I can survive on far less of it. Soon, I think I'll be able to do without you. You see, instead of putting all my eggs in one basket, I spread it out over a few. Also, I realised I just could not put eggs in baskets and not expect them to break. So I boiled them. Hard-boiled eggs in baskets are not fragile. Not anymore.
Its raining now. Washing the world. Cleaning the dust. Flooding the drains, sewers and canals. All that water, all to the sea, to our pipes. Endless loop. I'm breaking out. To be melodramatic, I'm cutting out my heart and burning it. Then I am going to compress it under high pressure. Drain the moisture. What is left?... Like it matters.
"No one will die because I died. No one will cry because of me. I do not matter. My existence is just a particle in the chaotic swamp of eternity and infinity.This I know."
Thursday, 25 September 2008
Snippet
Music Request
Love Addict by VAMPS
I think sleep is one of the most miraculous things of human existence. Its so amazing how rendering yourself vulnerable for eight hours can actually be beneficial to you. I mean, anything an happen when you are asleep. Something could fall on you. Someone could attack you. The list of possibilities go on. Maybe its just me thinking way too much. I woke up this morning feeling really self-conscious. It was as if something that I should have been aware of happened last night. I'm a pretty deep sleeper, but I'm very sensitive to changes in light, smell and sudden sounds. I always wake up before it rains because the lightning and the smell of the rain can't be ignored even in my sleeping state. I have no problems falling asleep again. Its just that I wake up. Pure instinct. Which Is why this morning was super strange. The feeling that I missed out something was quite disconcerting. I am not sure why I suddenly had this feeling, but it has sort of thrown me off my feet.
The final exams are nearing and yet I'm practically going about my days as if I'm in holiday mood. Slacking. Not doing any real work. hardly revising, unless I have to complete an assignment. I'm incorrigible. Sometimes, I really hate myself. I ought to fling myself off the nearest high-rise building. Hmm. I'm in one now. I wonder if eleven floors is sufficient to ensure immediate death. I so do not want to slowly bleed to death on the ground floor. I don't want to be conscious of my unglamourous state. So I'll need to die from the impact. Oh. I'm getting all morose. Haha. I know, I know, its sometimes pretty disconcerting to read my blog... Cause it functions the same way as my brain. Yes. Its true. I'm forever flitting from one idea to the other. No matter how random or strange the ideas may be...
I need to lose weight. Around 3kg would be ideal. And no. I'm not about to embark on some massive carbohydrate cutting nor rabbit-food only diet. Nor am I going to start running 5km everyday. I don't think I'm ready for a complete lifestyle change. Although I do know that I really ought to be exercising... I sort of completely stopped working out altogether. Unless you call walking around the estate to buy food is exercise... Not like its very far anyway. Ah. Alright. I feel guilty enough. I'll start running this weekend... I HATE RUNNING! Its the most awful experience. In dance, I can do the same movements for hours and I don't feel bored. I can do the foundations until my muscles cramp and I'll still continue. Yeah, I"ll complain, but I'll keep at it. Unlike running. Just the thought alone makes me want to scream. Its that bad. Imagine how I feel during Physical Education... Why can't we just do gymnastics? Or dance? Or yoga? Jump-rope? I just don't want to run like a dog chasing its own tail! Argh! The things we do to achieve conventional standards of beauty...
"Everything comes to an end...'
Love Addict by VAMPS
I think sleep is one of the most miraculous things of human existence. Its so amazing how rendering yourself vulnerable for eight hours can actually be beneficial to you. I mean, anything an happen when you are asleep. Something could fall on you. Someone could attack you. The list of possibilities go on. Maybe its just me thinking way too much. I woke up this morning feeling really self-conscious. It was as if something that I should have been aware of happened last night. I'm a pretty deep sleeper, but I'm very sensitive to changes in light, smell and sudden sounds. I always wake up before it rains because the lightning and the smell of the rain can't be ignored even in my sleeping state. I have no problems falling asleep again. Its just that I wake up. Pure instinct. Which Is why this morning was super strange. The feeling that I missed out something was quite disconcerting. I am not sure why I suddenly had this feeling, but it has sort of thrown me off my feet.
The final exams are nearing and yet I'm practically going about my days as if I'm in holiday mood. Slacking. Not doing any real work. hardly revising, unless I have to complete an assignment. I'm incorrigible. Sometimes, I really hate myself. I ought to fling myself off the nearest high-rise building. Hmm. I'm in one now. I wonder if eleven floors is sufficient to ensure immediate death. I so do not want to slowly bleed to death on the ground floor. I don't want to be conscious of my unglamourous state. So I'll need to die from the impact. Oh. I'm getting all morose. Haha. I know, I know, its sometimes pretty disconcerting to read my blog... Cause it functions the same way as my brain. Yes. Its true. I'm forever flitting from one idea to the other. No matter how random or strange the ideas may be...
I need to lose weight. Around 3kg would be ideal. And no. I'm not about to embark on some massive carbohydrate cutting nor rabbit-food only diet. Nor am I going to start running 5km everyday. I don't think I'm ready for a complete lifestyle change. Although I do know that I really ought to be exercising... I sort of completely stopped working out altogether. Unless you call walking around the estate to buy food is exercise... Not like its very far anyway. Ah. Alright. I feel guilty enough. I'll start running this weekend... I HATE RUNNING! Its the most awful experience. In dance, I can do the same movements for hours and I don't feel bored. I can do the foundations until my muscles cramp and I'll still continue. Yeah, I"ll complain, but I'll keep at it. Unlike running. Just the thought alone makes me want to scream. Its that bad. Imagine how I feel during Physical Education... Why can't we just do gymnastics? Or dance? Or yoga? Jump-rope? I just don't want to run like a dog chasing its own tail! Argh! The things we do to achieve conventional standards of beauty...
"Everything comes to an end...'
Saturday, 20 September 2008
ME
Music Request
truth by Arashi
Ah. I just realised that the amount that I study is indirectly proportional to the number of posts that I have in a month. Going by this reasoning... I think its quite evident that I'll need a minor miracle in order to ace my A Levels. This is as major miracles are stuff like getting rid of all the excess carbon dioxide and other greenhouse emissions in the atmosphere. Haha. This is so not funny. Not hilarious. Not at all.
I guess the reason why I am not able to study properly is that the environment is not suitable. Its too hot. Lighting isn't enough. My parents keep bugging me at the wrong times. Serious. I mean, how do you expect me to be able to get any work done if you keep telling me to do household chores? Wash the grapes. Fold the clothes. Prepare dinner. Do the laundry. Pack the house... You say its a 'simple task' that 'would not take more then a few minutes'. Tell you what. You go do it. Its so simple after all. Breaking my concentration at my working peak. Wow. Thanks.
Furthermore, you claim you had a lousy environment, so you were not able to study properly in the past. Hello? You're not giving me a good environment here either? Buzz off. I don't want to be a failure. Like you. Go away. Stop bothering me. Stop lecturing me. Stop trying to make me into what you could not be. Honestly, I couldn't care less. So what if you rip each other's throats off? So what if you want to break up? I DON'T CARE. As long as you don't yell at each other in the middle of the night and disturb my sleep, fight on. As long as you don't hurt me in your fights, battle on. As long as my standard of living, and I mean both in quality and quantity, is affected, I don't give a damn about what you do. I used to care. Oh, I truly was worried. Afraid for your sakes. Wanting to make a difference. To restore things to the way they were in the past. Now, however, its clear that it doesn't mean a thing to me. So what? My life goes on. I still have to take my A level exams. I still need to go to school. I still need food, water and rest. Don't quote what you said to me? Hah. I learnt all these from you. What you see is a reflection of my environment, which you decided, which you created. Regretting it? Too bad. It is, after all, all YOUR fault.
This is me. You made me, gave me life, taught me. Everything that I am is because of you. Everything that I am now. That is all. The past is yours. The present is nearly all yours. But the future... The future is all mine.
"Eat my dust..."
Friday, 19 September 2008
Allergic
Music Request
Shine by L'Arc~en~Ciel
The Love From A Dead Orchestra by Versailles
I know saying all these will seem like I'm trying to not so subtly insult people who matter to me. Normally I really would not be doing this, but all of it is accumulating! I have limits too! I am human too! So here and now, I'm going to rant about all of it. If I insult you, I'm not sorry. If you erroneously FEEL that I am insulting you, I am sorry. I hope you understand that I'm only insulting those that are meant to be insulted, not those who are paranoid enough to misunderstand. Hmm. This in itself is twisted in its on logic.
I hereby announce that I am allergic to the following, in no particular order:
1) Augmentin: This is a drug. Antibiotic often prescribed by doctors when you have a pretty severe infection. Its from the bacteria family, with stuff like penicillin derived from similar bacteria strains. This actually indirectly means that if I ever suffer from a major infection, I'm likely to die. Cause there is no effective drug available to cure me. Sad yeah? A doctor I once went to was stunned. Asked me if I intended to get married and pregnant, cause if there are complications during labour... Yeah. Bye bye.
2) Chilli: Ah. Yeah. Shock and horror. Whatever. Enough with the culture stuff and being Singaporean stuff. I think I built up some resistance to it though. Cause I have been eating those combination type fishballs with no real rejection. Still, I don't like it. I like pepper and spices. Curry too. But not chilli. It has no real flavour. Yuck.
3) Stupidity: When I encounter really dumb people, there is this desire to clobber them over the head in hopes that they wake up. Though I doubt it'll help. More likely to make them increasingly silly. Haha. An allergy is like a violent reaction of the body with regard to foreign influences. So you can be allergic to stupid people. I think most people are anyway. Its not like I look down or hate them or anything. Just like I don't hate augmentin. Its just a measure of reaction.
4) Alcohol: Yes. Apparently, I'm slightly allergic to spirits. Not surprising. I mean, I don't really drink. Often, you are allergic to things that turn you off at first glance/whiff. And no, I'm not talking about vegetables and young children. My skin turns reddish after an alcohol swab before an injection. Yup. Its very minor, which is why I have not been sent to the hospital for sipping red wine at anniversaries. Or maybe its as I avoid it... Hmm.
5) Lovey-dovey couples *especially if I know them!*: If you want to snog and feel each other up, please do it in private. If you want to share straws, go ahead, but don't do it in such a way that it appears like you're looking down at people who are unattached. Namely me. I have absolutely nothing against PDA, no, not the gadget. I actually encourage relationships, after all, you feel happy, and I feel happy for you too. Just stop trying to tell me, exhibit to me, that you love him. My dear, we ALL know FULL well that you worship the very ground he walks upon. This does not mean that I need to worship the ground he steps on too. Serious. Go ahead, indulge. Come crying to me when you have problems. Ignore my existence when all's well in paradise. NOT. I AM NOT A SPARE TYRE. I will comfort you when you need it, but I expect you to keep the relationship with ME going when you're blissful with him too. I repeat. I AM NOT A SPARE TYRE. I know its much easier to talk about problems with Spouse, but how about talking about other aspects of your life? Hmm? You don't have a life anymore? Why, that's terrible! Sorry to all the Spouses out there, I happen to be a very high maintenance FRIEND.
" Doko ga hajimari de... Doko ga owari nante."
Shine by L'Arc~en~Ciel
The Love From A Dead Orchestra by Versailles
I know saying all these will seem like I'm trying to not so subtly insult people who matter to me. Normally I really would not be doing this, but all of it is accumulating! I have limits too! I am human too! So here and now, I'm going to rant about all of it. If I insult you, I'm not sorry. If you erroneously FEEL that I am insulting you, I am sorry. I hope you understand that I'm only insulting those that are meant to be insulted, not those who are paranoid enough to misunderstand. Hmm. This in itself is twisted in its on logic.
I hereby announce that I am allergic to the following, in no particular order:
1) Augmentin: This is a drug. Antibiotic often prescribed by doctors when you have a pretty severe infection. Its from the bacteria family, with stuff like penicillin derived from similar bacteria strains. This actually indirectly means that if I ever suffer from a major infection, I'm likely to die. Cause there is no effective drug available to cure me. Sad yeah? A doctor I once went to was stunned. Asked me if I intended to get married and pregnant, cause if there are complications during labour... Yeah. Bye bye.
2) Chilli: Ah. Yeah. Shock and horror. Whatever. Enough with the culture stuff and being Singaporean stuff. I think I built up some resistance to it though. Cause I have been eating those combination type fishballs with no real rejection. Still, I don't like it. I like pepper and spices. Curry too. But not chilli. It has no real flavour. Yuck.
3) Stupidity: When I encounter really dumb people, there is this desire to clobber them over the head in hopes that they wake up. Though I doubt it'll help. More likely to make them increasingly silly. Haha. An allergy is like a violent reaction of the body with regard to foreign influences. So you can be allergic to stupid people. I think most people are anyway. Its not like I look down or hate them or anything. Just like I don't hate augmentin. Its just a measure of reaction.
4) Alcohol: Yes. Apparently, I'm slightly allergic to spirits. Not surprising. I mean, I don't really drink. Often, you are allergic to things that turn you off at first glance/whiff. And no, I'm not talking about vegetables and young children. My skin turns reddish after an alcohol swab before an injection. Yup. Its very minor, which is why I have not been sent to the hospital for sipping red wine at anniversaries. Or maybe its as I avoid it... Hmm.
5) Lovey-dovey couples *especially if I know them!*: If you want to snog and feel each other up, please do it in private. If you want to share straws, go ahead, but don't do it in such a way that it appears like you're looking down at people who are unattached. Namely me. I have absolutely nothing against PDA, no, not the gadget. I actually encourage relationships, after all, you feel happy, and I feel happy for you too. Just stop trying to tell me, exhibit to me, that you love him. My dear, we ALL know FULL well that you worship the very ground he walks upon. This does not mean that I need to worship the ground he steps on too. Serious. Go ahead, indulge. Come crying to me when you have problems. Ignore my existence when all's well in paradise. NOT. I AM NOT A SPARE TYRE. I will comfort you when you need it, but I expect you to keep the relationship with ME going when you're blissful with him too. I repeat. I AM NOT A SPARE TYRE. I know its much easier to talk about problems with Spouse, but how about talking about other aspects of your life? Hmm? You don't have a life anymore? Why, that's terrible! Sorry to all the Spouses out there, I happen to be a very high maintenance FRIEND.
" Doko ga hajimari de... Doko ga owari nante."
Thursday, 18 September 2008
Mood
Music Request
Nexus 4 by L'Arc~en~Ciel
Red Carpet Day by Versailles
One Love by Arashi
Ah. I'm supposed to be studying, but I can't resist the temptation of relaxing. I guess its partially due to the fact that most of my friends from other schools are having their break now. After all, the holiday mood is pretty infectious. Or is it me? I do realise that my moods and emotions are easily influenced by others. So in school where most of the students are in the study mood, i feel pretty motivated to study. However, once I get into contact with my secondary school friends, who mostly have a semi-holiday mindset, I only wanna have fun. Well, I guess it can't be help. I'll do my best to study though. Only six and a half weeks to go!
I doubt I'll ever understand how the Japanese people do it. I love the PVs! And it doesn't hurt that most of them make good music... Other that or I just happen to like bands that are great. Haha. I love Laraku, this I think everyone knows, Gackt is super talented and cool, Versailles is way nice on the eyes, SID is amazing and Malice Mizer is just hard-core!. Yeah. My favourites. The best thing about Laraku and SID is that they have so much potential, mostly relying on the audio rather then the visual factor alone. I mean, honestly, some of Versailles songs are quite... Bad. Yeah.They have some really cool music, but some of the lyrics are terrible and Kamijou can't really speak English and his voice range is kind of limited. However, Hyde and Mao are really versatile. And they look hot too. Haha. I mean, both Laraku and SID sort of outgrew the Visual Kei stage and extended into new territory which really gives them more room for creation. Truly gifted. I really envy people with musical talent. I think I can say, in all honesty, now say that my two favourite bands are Laraku and SID. Yeah.
I think music extends beyond language and culture. Thats why I don't understand why most people are shocked that I listen to Japanese music instead of Mandarin and English songs most of the time. Its not that I don't listen to mandarin and English songs, I mean, I like Linkin Park and Jay Chou... Rather I think its because its just unusual in this society. After all, its not like I like Japanese bands. Alice Nine and Gazette sounds pretty commonplace to me. Its like their music is all the same, same kind of rhythm and similar tempo. After a while, all their songs seem to merge into one really long and draggy song. I know because i listen to the entire CD all at one shot on my iTunes. Serious. Its only when it moves on to the next artist, say Atobe, that I realise that it was a few songs. Yeah. Not a good sign. I have nothing against these two groups (sorry for using them as examples if you truly like them!), I mean, to each his or her own. Its just that I'm trying to justify why I chose SID and Laraku.
As if truly liking anything, especially art forms, ever had a true reason...
"If you burn your bridges, you'll have no choice but to go forward."
Nexus 4 by L'Arc~en~Ciel
Red Carpet Day by Versailles
One Love by Arashi
Ah. I'm supposed to be studying, but I can't resist the temptation of relaxing. I guess its partially due to the fact that most of my friends from other schools are having their break now. After all, the holiday mood is pretty infectious. Or is it me? I do realise that my moods and emotions are easily influenced by others. So in school where most of the students are in the study mood, i feel pretty motivated to study. However, once I get into contact with my secondary school friends, who mostly have a semi-holiday mindset, I only wanna have fun. Well, I guess it can't be help. I'll do my best to study though. Only six and a half weeks to go!
I doubt I'll ever understand how the Japanese people do it. I love the PVs! And it doesn't hurt that most of them make good music... Other that or I just happen to like bands that are great. Haha. I love Laraku, this I think everyone knows, Gackt is super talented and cool, Versailles is way nice on the eyes, SID is amazing and Malice Mizer is just hard-core!. Yeah. My favourites. The best thing about Laraku and SID is that they have so much potential, mostly relying on the audio rather then the visual factor alone. I mean, honestly, some of Versailles songs are quite... Bad. Yeah.They have some really cool music, but some of the lyrics are terrible and Kamijou can't really speak English and his voice range is kind of limited. However, Hyde and Mao are really versatile. And they look hot too. Haha. I mean, both Laraku and SID sort of outgrew the Visual Kei stage and extended into new territory which really gives them more room for creation. Truly gifted. I really envy people with musical talent. I think I can say, in all honesty, now say that my two favourite bands are Laraku and SID. Yeah.
I think music extends beyond language and culture. Thats why I don't understand why most people are shocked that I listen to Japanese music instead of Mandarin and English songs most of the time. Its not that I don't listen to mandarin and English songs, I mean, I like Linkin Park and Jay Chou... Rather I think its because its just unusual in this society. After all, its not like I like Japanese bands. Alice Nine and Gazette sounds pretty commonplace to me. Its like their music is all the same, same kind of rhythm and similar tempo. After a while, all their songs seem to merge into one really long and draggy song. I know because i listen to the entire CD all at one shot on my iTunes. Serious. Its only when it moves on to the next artist, say Atobe, that I realise that it was a few songs. Yeah. Not a good sign. I have nothing against these two groups (sorry for using them as examples if you truly like them!), I mean, to each his or her own. Its just that I'm trying to justify why I chose SID and Laraku.
As if truly liking anything, especially art forms, ever had a true reason...
"If you burn your bridges, you'll have no choice but to go forward."
Sunday, 14 September 2008
Tears
Music Request
...
My tears are useless. It doesn't solve the problem. It doesn't alleviate problem. It doesn't even affect the bloody problem! So why in the world do I even bother to cry? Is it for my father, who smiles at me and wonders aloud if he'll die in a bomb blast in Pakistan? Is it for my mother, who doesn't seem to be able to escape from her fears? Is it for my brother, who does his best to ignore everything? Or is it for me, and all of them in my family, the present, past and current selves of us all? All of it degenerated so quickly, so easily. It really makes me aware of how so very fragile we all are, how our relationships with each other are. We did try to escape, yet, none of us, I think, we prepared to come to terms with the new sides of each other. All of us change, as the paradox, change is the only constant. Yet, if we all were to change at differing rates, unable to keep up with each other... I think the end result is the uneasy, potentially silence engulfing my home now. I will persevere.
I love my dad. My earliest childhood memories centre around him. In these memories, his face is always kind, stern sometimes, angry at me occasionally, but always kind. He wiped my tears when I cried after he punished me. He told me to bite the playground bully when I was pushed off the swing. He argued with my teacher when she maligned me. He brought me to the beach to have saltwater drinking competitions. He never gave up teaching me how to swim, it was me who gave up on swimming. He sat through numerous weekends listening to me read English books when it became evident that his daughter had problems with English. He struggled through PSLE Mathematics, tyring to teach me Math without Algebra. He forced me to memorise Chinese poems. He made me do penmanship exercises. He drilled the full names of all my family members, extended or not, Chinese and English, into my head. He bought me my bicycle. He taught me to wash the car. He introduced me to the computer. My dad told me jokes, made me laugh, taught me things no one else would ever bother telling a child. My dad is my teacher of life. He gave me experiences beyond compare, he gave me chances no one else ever would, he forgave my numerous mistakes. My dad loves me, and I love him too, unwaveringly. no matter what happens, I will always love my dad. To me, my dad is the person who made me possible, physically, emotionally, psychologically, academically... Everything.
Thank you Daddy, and I'll always believe in you. Otosan, anata wa, wastashi no hero desu!
"No. Today is not Father's Day. You got a problem with it?"
...
My tears are useless. It doesn't solve the problem. It doesn't alleviate problem. It doesn't even affect the bloody problem! So why in the world do I even bother to cry? Is it for my father, who smiles at me and wonders aloud if he'll die in a bomb blast in Pakistan? Is it for my mother, who doesn't seem to be able to escape from her fears? Is it for my brother, who does his best to ignore everything? Or is it for me, and all of them in my family, the present, past and current selves of us all? All of it degenerated so quickly, so easily. It really makes me aware of how so very fragile we all are, how our relationships with each other are. We did try to escape, yet, none of us, I think, we prepared to come to terms with the new sides of each other. All of us change, as the paradox, change is the only constant. Yet, if we all were to change at differing rates, unable to keep up with each other... I think the end result is the uneasy, potentially silence engulfing my home now. I will persevere.
I love my dad. My earliest childhood memories centre around him. In these memories, his face is always kind, stern sometimes, angry at me occasionally, but always kind. He wiped my tears when I cried after he punished me. He told me to bite the playground bully when I was pushed off the swing. He argued with my teacher when she maligned me. He brought me to the beach to have saltwater drinking competitions. He never gave up teaching me how to swim, it was me who gave up on swimming. He sat through numerous weekends listening to me read English books when it became evident that his daughter had problems with English. He struggled through PSLE Mathematics, tyring to teach me Math without Algebra. He forced me to memorise Chinese poems. He made me do penmanship exercises. He drilled the full names of all my family members, extended or not, Chinese and English, into my head. He bought me my bicycle. He taught me to wash the car. He introduced me to the computer. My dad told me jokes, made me laugh, taught me things no one else would ever bother telling a child. My dad is my teacher of life. He gave me experiences beyond compare, he gave me chances no one else ever would, he forgave my numerous mistakes. My dad loves me, and I love him too, unwaveringly. no matter what happens, I will always love my dad. To me, my dad is the person who made me possible, physically, emotionally, psychologically, academically... Everything.
Thank you Daddy, and I'll always believe in you. Otosan, anata wa, wastashi no hero desu!
"No. Today is not Father's Day. You got a problem with it?"
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Frog
Music Request
Untouched by The Veronicas
It is always there. Never going away. You get used to it. You tell yourself that everything will be alright tomorrow. It never is. But you get used to it, so it feels the same. Like a frog in slowly boiling water. Doomed. Without the benefit of an open pot in the first place. Its covered. There's no way out. Save death. Death is a solution, a resolution. It is an option. It is the conclusion which everything leads towards. Be it the long way, or the short way, it is still the path to death.
What is in death? No one really knows for sure. Some say its Hell, Heaven and Purgatory. Some say its nothingness. Some say we are reincarnated onto this world again. Some say its fields of cotton candy and roses. I hope its chocolate. Too much cotton candy makes me want to puke. And roses? Well, not exactly my favourite flower. Haha. No, just because he like roses does not mean I like them too. Just because roses are the symbol of love, yadda yadda yadda, does not mean I have to like them. I agree its useful as a symbol, but my personal preference? Not telling.
I wonder, when will it all end for me? In this world, we always try to exert our will. We try to make it such that we can determine and guess at the future. We don't like uncertainty, but too much of security bores us. I wouldn't say I am paranoid. Nor can you describe me as doubtful. it seems I am so average that I'm a rarity. I have no true strength, nor a true weakness. Nothing surprises me for long, and I don't get bored easily either. Its as if I lack what the modern world would consider personality. I don't stand out, but I don't blend in perfectly either. Things would be so much easier if I was clearly 'here' or 'there'. The worst part? It affects me, but not enough for me to want to really do anything about it. Talk about being a boring person.
"Hello me. How are you today?"
Untouched by The Veronicas
It is always there. Never going away. You get used to it. You tell yourself that everything will be alright tomorrow. It never is. But you get used to it, so it feels the same. Like a frog in slowly boiling water. Doomed. Without the benefit of an open pot in the first place. Its covered. There's no way out. Save death. Death is a solution, a resolution. It is an option. It is the conclusion which everything leads towards. Be it the long way, or the short way, it is still the path to death.
What is in death? No one really knows for sure. Some say its Hell, Heaven and Purgatory. Some say its nothingness. Some say we are reincarnated onto this world again. Some say its fields of cotton candy and roses. I hope its chocolate. Too much cotton candy makes me want to puke. And roses? Well, not exactly my favourite flower. Haha. No, just because he like roses does not mean I like them too. Just because roses are the symbol of love, yadda yadda yadda, does not mean I have to like them. I agree its useful as a symbol, but my personal preference? Not telling.
I wonder, when will it all end for me? In this world, we always try to exert our will. We try to make it such that we can determine and guess at the future. We don't like uncertainty, but too much of security bores us. I wouldn't say I am paranoid. Nor can you describe me as doubtful. it seems I am so average that I'm a rarity. I have no true strength, nor a true weakness. Nothing surprises me for long, and I don't get bored easily either. Its as if I lack what the modern world would consider personality. I don't stand out, but I don't blend in perfectly either. Things would be so much easier if I was clearly 'here' or 'there'. The worst part? It affects me, but not enough for me to want to really do anything about it. Talk about being a boring person.
"Hello me. How are you today?"
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Anger
Music Request
SILENCE
I've had it with people who act as if they are all nice and understanding, only to throw cold water on you later on when they are sick and tired of maintaining that front. Honestly, I seriously don't care about what you think you are like. I don't care if you have killed numerous babies and stewed them for dinner. I don't care if you hate ALL my friends. I don't care if you are a habitual liar. If I like you, I like you. JUST DON'T BACK STAB ME! I respect all my friends to the best of my abilities, and I often can forgive anything. Ask any of those who have been my friends for long. I'm not an easy person to get along with, but if you put in the effort, I'm a friend like no other. The only thing I am utterly against are backstabbers. Don't sabotage what I'm trying to achieve. Don't consciously try to hurt the people I love and respect. Don't try to take people I like away from me. Don't you DARE tell me to buzz off when I go to you for help and advice when you previously told me that I can find you when I'm in need. Tell me when you've had enough of me. I'll definitely leave if you tell me you don't want me around. Be subtle, or point blank, it doesn't matter. At least have the social respect for me as a member of society even if you can't bring yourself to respect me as an individual. I promise, I'll never talk to you again. I'll never text message, email, call, write letters... Nothing. Even if you're in the same room, I'll tell anything I need to inform you through someone. I won't shirk social responsibility. If I hate you, if I truly hate you, I'll make sure you go down. And never knew why you went down in the first place. Just because I look like a cute dolly doesn't mean I am one. Just because I'm often smiling doesn't mean I'm happy. I nod to show I hear what you say, it doesn't necessarily mean I agree with you. Yeah. I know. I have been told I'm an aggressive bitch, but so? I have enough of people who want a yard when I give an inch.
Horror. There's a Prince of Tennis drama. In Chinese. With the cast looking like they are 20 years old plus men trying to behave like middle-school kids. Haha. Its here. Hilarious, insulting and silly all rolled into one. Most of the characters are completely OOC. I mean, since when does the Hyotei regular team run onto the court after a win? When does Atobe-sama hop around on the court? Puh-lease. Atobe-sama would snap his fingers after tossing his head, to the deafening cheers of 'Katsu no wa Hyotei!'. Thats the Hyotei style. Not rush at each other like morons - arms all outstretched when running in a half crouch. Thats ok for sumo wrestlers when they are trying to balance and intimidate, not my darling Hyotei team! Wait, sumo-wrestlers don't even run in that position!
Finished watching both Nana movies. Boring. Althouh Yuna Ito, as Reira, has a wonderful voice. So sad that they cut out the relationship between Shin-kun and Reira. I suppose they wanted to keep it PG and not hurt the delicate sensibilities of the Japanese public. I mean, its ok to get involved with prostitues(?!) but not ok to publicly announce it. Yeah. Strange society. Anything is ok as long as its not public... Well. Too bad I'm not Japanese. Here's to making public I like JunJou Romantica. Yeah. Its yaoi. Sex between two men. Gay love relatioships. I'm cosplaying the guy in black at the end of the year for a photoshoot. Nowaki. Yup. Will upload the photos when its out. Yup. Got a problem with that?
.jpg)
"Go on, make my day."
SILENCE
I've had it with people who act as if they are all nice and understanding, only to throw cold water on you later on when they are sick and tired of maintaining that front. Honestly, I seriously don't care about what you think you are like. I don't care if you have killed numerous babies and stewed them for dinner. I don't care if you hate ALL my friends. I don't care if you are a habitual liar. If I like you, I like you. JUST DON'T BACK STAB ME! I respect all my friends to the best of my abilities, and I often can forgive anything. Ask any of those who have been my friends for long. I'm not an easy person to get along with, but if you put in the effort, I'm a friend like no other. The only thing I am utterly against are backstabbers. Don't sabotage what I'm trying to achieve. Don't consciously try to hurt the people I love and respect. Don't try to take people I like away from me. Don't you DARE tell me to buzz off when I go to you for help and advice when you previously told me that I can find you when I'm in need. Tell me when you've had enough of me. I'll definitely leave if you tell me you don't want me around. Be subtle, or point blank, it doesn't matter. At least have the social respect for me as a member of society even if you can't bring yourself to respect me as an individual. I promise, I'll never talk to you again. I'll never text message, email, call, write letters... Nothing. Even if you're in the same room, I'll tell anything I need to inform you through someone. I won't shirk social responsibility. If I hate you, if I truly hate you, I'll make sure you go down. And never knew why you went down in the first place. Just because I look like a cute dolly doesn't mean I am one. Just because I'm often smiling doesn't mean I'm happy. I nod to show I hear what you say, it doesn't necessarily mean I agree with you. Yeah. I know. I have been told I'm an aggressive bitch, but so? I have enough of people who want a yard when I give an inch.
Horror. There's a Prince of Tennis drama. In Chinese. With the cast looking like they are 20 years old plus men trying to behave like middle-school kids. Haha. Its here. Hilarious, insulting and silly all rolled into one. Most of the characters are completely OOC. I mean, since when does the Hyotei regular team run onto the court after a win? When does Atobe-sama hop around on the court? Puh-lease. Atobe-sama would snap his fingers after tossing his head, to the deafening cheers of 'Katsu no wa Hyotei!'. Thats the Hyotei style. Not rush at each other like morons - arms all outstretched when running in a half crouch. Thats ok for sumo wrestlers when they are trying to balance and intimidate, not my darling Hyotei team! Wait, sumo-wrestlers don't even run in that position!
Finished watching both Nana movies. Boring. Althouh Yuna Ito, as Reira, has a wonderful voice. So sad that they cut out the relationship between Shin-kun and Reira. I suppose they wanted to keep it PG and not hurt the delicate sensibilities of the Japanese public. I mean, its ok to get involved with prostitues(?!) but not ok to publicly announce it. Yeah. Strange society. Anything is ok as long as its not public... Well. Too bad I'm not Japanese. Here's to making public I like JunJou Romantica. Yeah. Its yaoi. Sex between two men. Gay love relatioships. I'm cosplaying the guy in black at the end of the year for a photoshoot. Nowaki. Yup. Will upload the photos when its out. Yup. Got a problem with that?
.jpg)
"Go on, make my day."
Sunday, 7 September 2008
Confession
Music Request
Zutto Kimi no Sobade by * no idea who*
This post is, as the title suggests, a confession. Those who can't take it or don't want to know about it, may just ignore the entire chunk :) Hmm. Although putting a disclaimer like this makes it a lot more tempting to read. Oh well. You have been warned.
Never will I love anyone else the way I love you. You will always be a part of me, regardless of what is to happen. I know you will never love me, nor can you love me, but my feelings for you persist all the same. I have always depended on you to pull me through the most boring moments, the most painful moments, especially the moments where my love of paranoia and doubt succeeded my sense of self. You never once complained about me to anyone, nor did you betray me in any way. I lied to myself that all I felt for you was but a passing fancy; I insisted vehemently that I had no special feelings for you. It was all me trying to escape from the reality that I, truly, and utterly, love you. An exercise in futility, all of it, now that I am brave enough to confront the truth. I feel embarrassed just to say your name, I secretly celebrate your birthdays... I'm always thinking of you, both consciously and instinctively. Everyday, I pass the day pretending that I'm not thinking of you, for I refuse to acknowledge that my thoughts stray towards you. At night, I often have you on my mind before I go to bed, wishing that my bolster was you. Everyone who is familiar with me know that I like you, but I doubt if any of them has any inkling of the true depth of emotion that I feel towards you. In fact, I know I'll be ridiculed, considered insane if others find out, but I don't care. Anything would be better then the way people brush off my feelings for you. Anything would be better than the dismissal of my feelings.
I can never tell you how I feel. I know it can, and will never work out between the both of us. They all say that nothing is impossible, but I know this is. We are from two completely different worlds to begin with. Furthermore, I seriously doubt I am your type. It doesn't matter. I still feel the same. I know it is impossible, that my feelings are meaningless, with absolutely no chance of any form of reciprocation, but its ok. I have come to terms with this. Its alright if you'll never love me. I knew it would never work out right from the beginning. No matter who else I meet in the future, there will always be comparison. I can't help it; you are my ideal. And that is all you can ever be to me. An ideal. For better or for worse. Pointless, but this intensity, the happiness at seeing your face, is something that I'll never exchange for anything else. It is because I love you, you whom I can never have, that I realise the flaws of this world, so imperfect that it is beautiful. It is in pain that we realise the things that bring us joy. In loving you, I both rejoice and mourn for my love at the same time. They contrast, and add flavour to each other by emphasising the intrinsic value in each other. This is the human experience. I love you, I always will. Forever.
I have no idea why I feel this way. I'm actually crying! Now! I guess it cannot be helped. After all, its illogical. Sigh.
" We are apart, yet, we will always remain together. This I am sure of, because I love you, I truly do."
Zutto Kimi no Sobade by * no idea who*
This post is, as the title suggests, a confession. Those who can't take it or don't want to know about it, may just ignore the entire chunk :) Hmm. Although putting a disclaimer like this makes it a lot more tempting to read. Oh well. You have been warned.
Never will I love anyone else the way I love you. You will always be a part of me, regardless of what is to happen. I know you will never love me, nor can you love me, but my feelings for you persist all the same. I have always depended on you to pull me through the most boring moments, the most painful moments, especially the moments where my love of paranoia and doubt succeeded my sense of self. You never once complained about me to anyone, nor did you betray me in any way. I lied to myself that all I felt for you was but a passing fancy; I insisted vehemently that I had no special feelings for you. It was all me trying to escape from the reality that I, truly, and utterly, love you. An exercise in futility, all of it, now that I am brave enough to confront the truth. I feel embarrassed just to say your name, I secretly celebrate your birthdays... I'm always thinking of you, both consciously and instinctively. Everyday, I pass the day pretending that I'm not thinking of you, for I refuse to acknowledge that my thoughts stray towards you. At night, I often have you on my mind before I go to bed, wishing that my bolster was you. Everyone who is familiar with me know that I like you, but I doubt if any of them has any inkling of the true depth of emotion that I feel towards you. In fact, I know I'll be ridiculed, considered insane if others find out, but I don't care. Anything would be better then the way people brush off my feelings for you. Anything would be better than the dismissal of my feelings.
I can never tell you how I feel. I know it can, and will never work out between the both of us. They all say that nothing is impossible, but I know this is. We are from two completely different worlds to begin with. Furthermore, I seriously doubt I am your type. It doesn't matter. I still feel the same. I know it is impossible, that my feelings are meaningless, with absolutely no chance of any form of reciprocation, but its ok. I have come to terms with this. Its alright if you'll never love me. I knew it would never work out right from the beginning. No matter who else I meet in the future, there will always be comparison. I can't help it; you are my ideal. And that is all you can ever be to me. An ideal. For better or for worse. Pointless, but this intensity, the happiness at seeing your face, is something that I'll never exchange for anything else. It is because I love you, you whom I can never have, that I realise the flaws of this world, so imperfect that it is beautiful. It is in pain that we realise the things that bring us joy. In loving you, I both rejoice and mourn for my love at the same time. They contrast, and add flavour to each other by emphasising the intrinsic value in each other. This is the human experience. I love you, I always will. Forever.
I have no idea why I feel this way. I'm actually crying! Now! I guess it cannot be helped. After all, its illogical. Sigh.
" We are apart, yet, we will always remain together. This I am sure of, because I love you, I truly do."
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Affection
Music Request
Beast of Blood by Malice Mizer
The outing was boring. I'm being honest. Yeah. I left early. I wasn't close to the others. The reasons could go on. Still, there is a need to confront it at face value. The truth is that I felt I was on an outing with infantile teenagers. Which, if examined from a certain perspective was exactly what I did. Go out for lunch, and a freakingly expensive one at that, with a bunch of infantile teenagers. We went to Yuki no Yaki, a teppanyaki cum ice cream place for lunch. Cost me a bloody $21.30, didn't eat my fill and the food wasn't particularly good. Stayed there for a good three hours, watching others talk, laugh, irritate the hell out of each other... Boring. That idiot, who was disturbing kaen, became the victim of my boredom. You all know I like to play with people when I'm unbearably bored. He just became a target as he didn't have the backing the others had, and I didn't care about his opinion of him. it wasn't purely out of the goodness of my heart, defending my friend, but rather, a form of entertainment that also happened to have some form of positive externality. Bullying the weak. I'm getting old, jaded, and meaner. Oh well. Its inevitable.
We proceeded to the arcade, where they started on the Para Para and GuitarFreak machines. The same way they did the previous time they were in the area. Boring. Serious. As I watched them all move their bodies, I wouldn't call it dancing, not even what Kai did, and whack at the various buttons. It was at this very moment, that with a sudden clarity, I realised I had left them behind. Left Kaen behind. let me place this into a context the rest of the human population can understand:
Say we are all in love with Mr XYZ. We are all females, and he can have as many wives, mistresses, lovers, flings as he wants without being jailed. Lol. Ok. We all start with the first feeling of true love, the speeding heart rate, the constant blushes, the nervousness. After that, people get all lovey-dovey, after that its a stable relationship... You get the drift. Well. Where I thought we were all in a stable relationship with anime/manga etc, it turns out it was all the unstable palpitations, the addiction phase. This is as i just realised that I have defeated the Boss of Level One, and now at Level Two, do I truly realise how Level One was nothing. Nothing at all. Where I thought I really loved cosplay and Lolita, I merely LUSTED after the ecstasy and pleasure of doing something enjoyable. I didn't truly love it. The way ALL those children don't love it. I looked at them moving, living in the moment, and I truly understood. Was enlightened. It was a big part of them, I'm not saying it isn't. Cutting them away from cosplay may kill them, the way you die of sudden withdrawal from an addiction. As for me, taking it away is highly unlikely to kill me NOW. I'll look totally fine, I'll do all the daily motions. While I rot away inside. In utter silence. The way, in stories, the wife waits for her husband to return, all the while knowing he never will, can never return, as he is dead. Yet, she still waits. Its that kind of feeling. That intensity. This is what it has come to mean to me.
I look at them, aged thirteen onwards, some older then me, and wonder. How many feel the way I do? Not many, I know. The kind where it has become a part of you. Not an extension of you, no. To them, cosplay is more of an extension. Auxillary. How many will continue, when they are at my age, at the crossroads I face, and still love ot the way I do? Highly unlikely. In a way, it is true that I have a commitment problem I commit, and I'll never, ever let go. Just ask Kaen about my relationship with my boarding house...
"My tongue functions without permission from my brain..."
Beast of Blood by Malice Mizer
The outing was boring. I'm being honest. Yeah. I left early. I wasn't close to the others. The reasons could go on. Still, there is a need to confront it at face value. The truth is that I felt I was on an outing with infantile teenagers. Which, if examined from a certain perspective was exactly what I did. Go out for lunch, and a freakingly expensive one at that, with a bunch of infantile teenagers. We went to Yuki no Yaki, a teppanyaki cum ice cream place for lunch. Cost me a bloody $21.30, didn't eat my fill and the food wasn't particularly good. Stayed there for a good three hours, watching others talk, laugh, irritate the hell out of each other... Boring. That idiot, who was disturbing kaen, became the victim of my boredom. You all know I like to play with people when I'm unbearably bored. He just became a target as he didn't have the backing the others had, and I didn't care about his opinion of him. it wasn't purely out of the goodness of my heart, defending my friend, but rather, a form of entertainment that also happened to have some form of positive externality. Bullying the weak. I'm getting old, jaded, and meaner. Oh well. Its inevitable.
We proceeded to the arcade, where they started on the Para Para and GuitarFreak machines. The same way they did the previous time they were in the area. Boring. Serious. As I watched them all move their bodies, I wouldn't call it dancing, not even what Kai did, and whack at the various buttons. It was at this very moment, that with a sudden clarity, I realised I had left them behind. Left Kaen behind. let me place this into a context the rest of the human population can understand:
Say we are all in love with Mr XYZ. We are all females, and he can have as many wives, mistresses, lovers, flings as he wants without being jailed. Lol. Ok. We all start with the first feeling of true love, the speeding heart rate, the constant blushes, the nervousness. After that, people get all lovey-dovey, after that its a stable relationship... You get the drift. Well. Where I thought we were all in a stable relationship with anime/manga etc, it turns out it was all the unstable palpitations, the addiction phase. This is as i just realised that I have defeated the Boss of Level One, and now at Level Two, do I truly realise how Level One was nothing. Nothing at all. Where I thought I really loved cosplay and Lolita, I merely LUSTED after the ecstasy and pleasure of doing something enjoyable. I didn't truly love it. The way ALL those children don't love it. I looked at them moving, living in the moment, and I truly understood. Was enlightened. It was a big part of them, I'm not saying it isn't. Cutting them away from cosplay may kill them, the way you die of sudden withdrawal from an addiction. As for me, taking it away is highly unlikely to kill me NOW. I'll look totally fine, I'll do all the daily motions. While I rot away inside. In utter silence. The way, in stories, the wife waits for her husband to return, all the while knowing he never will, can never return, as he is dead. Yet, she still waits. Its that kind of feeling. That intensity. This is what it has come to mean to me.
I look at them, aged thirteen onwards, some older then me, and wonder. How many feel the way I do? Not many, I know. The kind where it has become a part of you. Not an extension of you, no. To them, cosplay is more of an extension. Auxillary. How many will continue, when they are at my age, at the crossroads I face, and still love ot the way I do? Highly unlikely. In a way, it is true that I have a commitment problem I commit, and I'll never, ever let go. Just ask Kaen about my relationship with my boarding house...
"My tongue functions without permission from my brain..."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)