Real

I wonder what most people do to cope with rough patches? Why I wonder? I'm going through an awful period of time now. I'm so depressed I eat a bar of chocolate everyday. Not exaggerating. Its like this:

Mathematics D
Economics D (barely)
General Paper D (the first!!)
Geography E

Horrendous. I was so stunned by my grades that I was numb on the bus home for the past 2 days. Just stared out of the window blankly, hearing music but not listening. Its like there's this tough thick shell around me that keeping me from flipping. With such grades, I think I will qualify as a retainee. Honest. Yet, if I do a careful analysis of the entire affair, its GP and Geography that's affecting me. Why?

First and foremost, until this year, I have NEVER failed English. NEVER. I have no idea if its the teacher, as I performed well in Mr Whitby's class last year, or me. Serious. I"M SCARED. There. I've gone and said the name of the evil bogeyman living deep inside me. Grades like this, when people around you are getting A's and B's are no joke. Its frightening. Doubt creeps in, and you begin to question everything. Lifestyle, effort, ability, mood... it all goes under the microscope. And I have had enough of the numerous sickening comments on my handwriting. Just because it can't be seen from the moon doesn't make it microscopic. Furthermore, I have one of the most legible handwriting on the face of this planet, so those who write in teeny scrawls have ABSOLUTELY no right to criticise. The limit to my patience is a very real boundary. Three strikes and you're out. Don't say I don't give sufficient warning.

If I were to force a more positive outlook, I suppose I can say that there was an improvement for Economics. During Promotional Examinations last year, it was a sub-pass, so at least I improved by 2 grades. My Mathematics was never excellent, although its a huge fall in my grades (from a high B to a D!), so i suppose its not too disappointing. All that is left is my Literature, which is off to a poor start already. I have resigned myself to my grades. All i can do is to put in more effort, which I am for Hypothesis Testing. Economics... I suppose I can go back to writing more essays. I will definitely study hard for Geography, I'm now actively trying to make sure I do a good job in the topic of floods. Sigh. A wake up call of the most brutal nature. I suppose there is a reason for having the exams after the holidays. It really gives us more time to study. Now all I feel is that I have totally wasted an entire month in frivolous pursuit.

Ok. Cosfest will be the last. I'll wrap everything else up for this year. Start studying. No more self-questioning. No room for errors. Lets end it all with no regrets.




" Meaning? What meaning do you seek? Adding your own interpretation to completely meaningless reality is the epitome of futility."