Terrible

Playlist

妄想日記２ by シド

I think I'm a hypocrite. I give people advice I do not follow. I tell people to forget about that jerk. I tell people to go for what they desire. I tell people to do that which they love. I tell people I love cosplay. I'm lying to myself. There. I've gone and said it.

Why do I do this to myself? Its not that I don't mean what I say. Its just that I hardly practice what I preach. I tell myself to be stronger. That it doesn't matter. Its just a bit of suffering. A bit of pain. That I will benefit much more in the long run if I just do what needs to be done now. The tear-off-the-plaster-and-only-hurt-a-bit kind of thing. Instead, what do I do? I mope around. I don't do what needs to be done. I'm pulled along. I'm so envious of others. I'm so angry at myself. Anger is a form of self-punishment. Not that it seems to be doing any good. I'm still stuck at the same psychological stage I was a while back. I hate being mediocre. I hate being a wallflower. So why am I going in this sickening direction?

I now have Gackt's Faraway, Lost Angels and Flower singles. Pawing through シド's hikari. Its nice and jazz-rockish. Like I mentioned previously, シド is awfully versatile. Something I like. Something I don't like about them? The fact that they smoke. Like. WOW. As if its any surprise that yet another band consists of chain smokers. Nothing new I'm sure. Still, its just so very disappointing. hyde. Gackt. Mao. Sigh. Next thing Jui and Juri. I wouldn't be too surprised. I can already sort of tell that Deluhi likes their liquor from their very drunk comment recording. Smoker. Alcoholic. Add gambling and we have all the modern day vices. Sigh. Nothing too new for Gackt. The usual sounds. シド too. Mao sounds lovely. Until you spend an hour listening to him. It gets boring. Not good. I think the previous albums and singles were better. Either that or the singles that they released have sorta let the musical cat out of the bag. It doesn't have the whole new feeling anymore. Especially since I've already heard 嘘, モノクロのキス and 2℃目の彼女 way before the album was released. In fact, I think I listened the songs to death while trying to figure out the lyrics. So nothing much in this release. Sweet. Lovely. Not terribly must-buy and must-listen. As for Gackt. I have nothing much to say. Unlike 小悪魔ヘヴン, the other seems a little... If I dare say, dull. Maybe it was because the first was too cool. The rest just pales in comparison. Still, I look forward to listening his next 6 singles.

This is going to be a very busy week. Working. Driving lessons. Preparing for Cosfest. Things are speeding up, very very fast. I hope the spurt of activity is going to be sufficient to provide me with enough energy for the rest of the month. I'm getting awfully tired of pretending to be happy and hyper when I most definitely am not. Yes. I've done it again. I'm sad, tired and terribly bored. I need something exciting soon. Its not a good state of mind, and I think if I don't get out of this emotional trough soon, I might end up being down and way out for a long time to come. Sigh. Life really is a stage. Someone give me an intermission!

"So what if you hate me? I assure you, I don't like you too."