Fall

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Blue Star by Vidoll

My world has collapsed upon me. I think I now understand what Owen truly means to say. Disillusionment. Disbelief. I'm in shock. In denial. No, I'm not Egyptian. I'm wallowing in self-pity. I think death would be better. Less painful. Still. I do not know. I have never died before. For death seems still withheld. Will just have to wait for my turn. Its alright. Only a bit longer. And I can finally sleep. Hopefully with no more disruptions. Am I depressing you? I'm sorry I cant be happy too.

I'm mediocre. Stuck in limbo again. As usual. Why do I even bother? I am wasting my time.

I will not announce my source of embarrassment on my blog. No point depressing myself further by typing it all out. So ugly too. I do have some aesthetic sense. I should be dead.

I have no idea what to do now. So lost. Overwhelmed. Lost at sea, the way hyde puts it in Cape of Storms. I agree. The sheer vastness. The bleakness that comes with knowing that there is nothing out there to catch you if you fall. No security. No stability. Thrashed about by the elements. I'm in pieces.

I do not know what else to say. I have no real mood to say anything. Ranting is not sufficient. Complaining does nothing. Tearing my hair out will make me bald. Crying will make my eyes puffy. Comfort food makes me unable to cosplay properly. All bottled up. With nowhere to go. I think I might just die from frustration. Not like it will be anything big. Just buried under all the things left unsaid. As usual.

"Bleeding to death without a wound..."