You have to see ALL the way to the end. MUST. Especially after the credits. Lord, I wish I had all the pictures... I would DIE. And as you can tell, this totally expresses everything. *giggles and faints*
Thursday, 26 April 2007
Sunday, 22 April 2007
Comparison
You cannot fault those who are innocent, for sin does not linger on them. You cannot hate those who forget, for their memory is their salvation. You cannot hurt those who truly love, because their magnamity protects them from Hell.
Sigh. Thats pretty true. I wish I was a carefree bird, able to soar over the littered and rotten world. But I obviously can't. I was born human, mortal. No wings, no freedom. Clipped and chained to the earth, a prisoner for all eternity. Sighx. In an awfully melodramatic mood. I guess its the songs I'm listening to. I realised that JunJun's voice has this weird effect on me. As in my mood swings really extremely, especially obvious if I play Hakobune after E Kimochi. From depression to ecstasy. Just as the tracks change. Its that bad. I doubt its a good or bad thing. It just means some chemicals in my body are seriously screwed, that I'm unable to mantain a constant balance, able to wipe away all the joy in a milisecond. Sighx. Lets not dwell on unhappy things.
O_o. I received something VERY nice. Atobe's actor in the Prince Of Tennis musical. Show ya.
KYAH! Super cool! Super hot! Sighx. I doubt I would ever be able to meet anyone half as cool as him. Ever. I feel sorry for the rest of the male population, especially for those in my school. There is NO WAY they can match up. Even Photoshopped. I suppose the bar is set too high. Gold. No Honours. Had a crying marathon. The pain from the expectations, the effort. Still has Aristal 2. My first and last SYF. October. Sighx. It all ends. No matter how amazing, how beautiful... it all ends.
The pain of never loving, or of always loving... which is worse?
Sigh. Thats pretty true. I wish I was a carefree bird, able to soar over the littered and rotten world. But I obviously can't. I was born human, mortal. No wings, no freedom. Clipped and chained to the earth, a prisoner for all eternity. Sighx. In an awfully melodramatic mood. I guess its the songs I'm listening to. I realised that JunJun's voice has this weird effect on me. As in my mood swings really extremely, especially obvious if I play Hakobune after E Kimochi. From depression to ecstasy. Just as the tracks change. Its that bad. I doubt its a good or bad thing. It just means some chemicals in my body are seriously screwed, that I'm unable to mantain a constant balance, able to wipe away all the joy in a milisecond. Sighx. Lets not dwell on unhappy things.
O_o. I received something VERY nice. Atobe's actor in the Prince Of Tennis musical. Show ya.
KYAH! Super cool! Super hot! Sighx. I doubt I would ever be able to meet anyone half as cool as him. Ever. I feel sorry for the rest of the male population, especially for those in my school. There is NO WAY they can match up. Even Photoshopped. I suppose the bar is set too high. Gold. No Honours. Had a crying marathon. The pain from the expectations, the effort. Still has Aristal 2. My first and last SYF. October. Sighx. It all ends. No matter how amazing, how beautiful... it all ends.
The pain of never loving, or of always loving... which is worse?
Thursday, 19 April 2007
Abyss
I am officially at the edge again. I had fallen into the pit, spiralling down. I had landed at the bottom, and have now started to sink further into it. Life is terrible when all you have left is the memory of what you used to be, the knowledge from past experiences, but absolutely nothing to mark you in the present. You think that you ought to be sad... so you cry. You think that a decision seems biased... so you get angry with self-righteousness. You see everyone laughing, eyes sparkling... so you assume its a happy time and you smile. So what differentiates you from a a machine? What is there to say that you still exist, if everything which you do is nothing more than a decision based on deep thinking and consideration and research and acute observation ?! What happened to the impulse of mankind? What happened to me...
I want to make a disclaimer at this point in time. I will behave as if no one had ever read anything beyond this paragraph. I strongly urge those who aren't resilient, confident, mature, aware, understanding and forgiving enough not to read any further. The contents are not by the fangirl of Atobe and Kazuki. They are by what remains of a person once known as me . They are the remnants of something which should not be aired in public, but is aired anyway because those who are resilient, confident, mature, aware, understanding and forgiving enough need to know. They will read, because they should know, and they knowing will open, not close the door between us. They will read, because they had felt the same way before. I will not apologise for any repurcussions of making this public, because they need to know. They need to know because thay are my friends.
Sometimes, I really hate my secondary school friends. ALL OF THEM. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. NO EXCEPTIONS. EVEN THOSE READING THIS POST. Pure, unadulterated, unrestrained, unleashed HATRED. Why? Simple. They didn't save me. Aren't friends suppose to help you in times of need? Together through trials and tribulations? Well, mine abandoned me. For two months, it just so happened that I was falling, crying for help, struggling at the time they left. I did everything I could think of to get them to help me. They didn't come. I felt so alone, so lost, wishing, hoping, believing in them, until the very end. They never appeared. And one day, I woke up from the pain, no longer the same person, as if I was no longer in this skin. It was like my body had taken all the punishment it could take, and some switch had been thrown to stop all my nerves, to protect me while parts of me went burning down to Hell. Yes. Say that I'm exaggerating, say that I'm a Literature student practising hyperbole. Whatever. The fact is this. No one extended a hand in my time of need. No one could be bothered to salvage an old doll when there were new toys to play with. Oh yeah, the new toys were not as fun as the old rag doll, and they came back to play in the end, but the dolly had tasted rejection, had been trodden and damaged. Of course you can sew it back together, you can even hide the stiches behind the mega-watt smile, but can you bury the past so deep it can't come back to play games with you when you slumber? I didn't think so darling, I didn't think so.
I want to make a disclaimer at this point in time. I will behave as if no one had ever read anything beyond this paragraph. I strongly urge those who aren't resilient, confident, mature, aware, understanding and forgiving enough not to read any further. The contents are not by the fangirl of Atobe and Kazuki. They are by what remains of a person once known as me . They are the remnants of something which should not be aired in public, but is aired anyway because those who are resilient, confident, mature, aware, understanding and forgiving enough need to know. They will read, because they should know, and they knowing will open, not close the door between us. They will read, because they had felt the same way before. I will not apologise for any repurcussions of making this public, because they need to know. They need to know because thay are my friends.
Sometimes, I really hate my secondary school friends. ALL OF THEM. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. NO EXCEPTIONS. EVEN THOSE READING THIS POST. Pure, unadulterated, unrestrained, unleashed HATRED. Why? Simple. They didn't save me. Aren't friends suppose to help you in times of need? Together through trials and tribulations? Well, mine abandoned me. For two months, it just so happened that I was falling, crying for help, struggling at the time they left. I did everything I could think of to get them to help me. They didn't come. I felt so alone, so lost, wishing, hoping, believing in them, until the very end. They never appeared. And one day, I woke up from the pain, no longer the same person, as if I was no longer in this skin. It was like my body had taken all the punishment it could take, and some switch had been thrown to stop all my nerves, to protect me while parts of me went burning down to Hell. Yes. Say that I'm exaggerating, say that I'm a Literature student practising hyperbole. Whatever. The fact is this. No one extended a hand in my time of need. No one could be bothered to salvage an old doll when there were new toys to play with. Oh yeah, the new toys were not as fun as the old rag doll, and they came back to play in the end, but the dolly had tasted rejection, had been trodden and damaged. Of course you can sew it back together, you can even hide the stiches behind the mega-watt smile, but can you bury the past so deep it can't come back to play games with you when you slumber? I didn't think so darling, I didn't think so.
Wednesday, 18 April 2007
Pissy Days Ahead
Urgh. Today has been simply horrible. Firstly, the SYF report card... Gold. After all the effort, time, practices... Gold. Its like scoring 98 upon 100, and the teacher deducts 2 marks for a spelling error. The pain goes deep, especially since you were an inch away from your goal, and its due to minisule stuff like that. Simply irritating. Infuriating. You simply want to scream " Can't you see past the really teeny stuff and just give it to me for all the effort?!" But NOO. So we are stuck with this until 2 years later. Bah. Adults.
I started compiling this list of things which make me really angry and they are, in NO PARTICULAR order:
1. People who make disparing comments about others, and mean to hurt. I can forgive you if it were an accident, or if you are by nature blunt and blur (like me), but to those idiots out there who want to harm my friends with your bloody sickening comments which you have absolutely NO right to give and is in NO position to give, I am so going to scream at you until you go deaf and wish feverently that you get a heart attack.
2. People, especially men, who do not have ANY cells of consideration. I know one (and a half), who are so helpful, they make robbers look like Mother Teresa. Honest. I mean, when you need to carry twelve chairs down some four floors and is in a rush, more hands make light work right? Yet they give me this "Huh, I need to do manual labour?" look and move so sluggishly, I think snails can outrace them. I shall not be biased and say that men should be doing ALL manual labour. In fact, I'm capable of my share of work, thank you very much, but how do you expect me to walk down eight flights of staires with six stacked up chairs? I do not have the right leverage!And what is it about men and tissue? I mean, your friend is crying and you are SOOO MANLY that you CAN"T offer her a packet of tissue!? WOW. SO MALE. Gross. They are so concerned about fitting the image of the male-hunter-predator-tough image that all their courteous cells die out. What happened to the gentlemen, or the friend? Extinct, I suppose.
3. Spam. Its such a pain. I have to constantly clear my inbox or it just accumulates, with no end in sight! Argh! It just creeps up at you, constantly, never-endingly.... AHHHH!
I just relised that I can go on and on and on... except that I would become incresingly frustrated and most probably will be unable to sleep tonight. Sighx. Fine I shall end here, to bask in the glory of Atobe in lalaland...
I started compiling this list of things which make me really angry and they are, in NO PARTICULAR order:
1. People who make disparing comments about others, and mean to hurt. I can forgive you if it were an accident, or if you are by nature blunt and blur (like me), but to those idiots out there who want to harm my friends with your bloody sickening comments which you have absolutely NO right to give and is in NO position to give, I am so going to scream at you until you go deaf and wish feverently that you get a heart attack.
2. People, especially men, who do not have ANY cells of consideration. I know one (and a half), who are so helpful, they make robbers look like Mother Teresa. Honest. I mean, when you need to carry twelve chairs down some four floors and is in a rush, more hands make light work right? Yet they give me this "Huh, I need to do manual labour?" look and move so sluggishly, I think snails can outrace them. I shall not be biased and say that men should be doing ALL manual labour. In fact, I'm capable of my share of work, thank you very much, but how do you expect me to walk down eight flights of staires with six stacked up chairs? I do not have the right leverage!And what is it about men and tissue? I mean, your friend is crying and you are SOOO MANLY that you CAN"T offer her a packet of tissue!? WOW. SO MALE. Gross. They are so concerned about fitting the image of the male-hunter-predator-tough image that all their courteous cells die out. What happened to the gentlemen, or the friend? Extinct, I suppose.
3. Spam. Its such a pain. I have to constantly clear my inbox or it just accumulates, with no end in sight! Argh! It just creeps up at you, constantly, never-endingly.... AHHHH!
I just relised that I can go on and on and on... except that I would become incresingly frustrated and most probably will be unable to sleep tonight. Sighx. Fine I shall end here, to bask in the glory of Atobe in lalaland...
Saturday, 14 April 2007
Scream Fest
Yup. I finally managed to post after screaming like nuts for about 15 minutes. Why you ask? I just visited Tng's blog, and now... back to screaming... AGAIN. I LOVE Prince Of Tennis. Its cool, hot, smoking, amazing, fantastic, awesome, great, super... as you most probably have noticed, my brain cells seem to diminish exponentially the more I think about PoT. Normal when you are having the time of your life behaving like a crazy fangirl ( for those poor, sad creatures who have yet to be initiated to the world of anime, it would be like explaining colour to the blind... its an experience!).
HYOTEI! HYOTEI! HYOTEI! ATOBE! ATOBE! ATOBE!
SYF is on Tuesday, so I'll be skipping classes to help the other dancers. Good thing the PW PI deadline has been extended. Otherwise I would have passed the line and been 'dead'. I did a 14:44 for PE last Thursday, so I think I would be taking this timimg and not rerun. I mean, what would be the point of doing it again, if 14 min and 15min are both under the B grade category. Unless I can shave about 45s off my current speed with only two weeks to train, very little commitment and zero interest, there would hardly be any purpose ya?
I wanna watch the National episodes of the PoT tournament... the OVA ones, but its hard to find properly subbed ones. Most of the subtitles are either weirdly timed, the translation is funny, or there aren't any at all... which is a huge problem for non-Japanese literate persons like me. MY POOR ATOBE! Not that I no longer like Tezuka, Fuji and the others, but my favourite is, obviously, Atobe. I want that Kazuki Katou pic of Atobe and the phone... its so... him. The atmosphere is totally that of Hyotei's Atobe. *faints*. It should be made a crime to be so hot... I'll definitely post it when I get my hands on it. Oh. Tng showed me this PHOTOSHOP-ed photo of Atobe and Tezuka kissing, and I screamed and nearly died. I think I'm begginning to understand why some people like yaoi. It feels wrong, as in, your upbringing tells you that its wrong and improper, etc, but its so cool and unique that you are drawn to it. Its similar to looking at a car accident... its bloody and gross and... interesting. You just can't help wanting more. Okay. That came out a little strangely. Now I sound like a pervertic psycho addicted to... Whatever.
Maybe I should join Tng when she watches Ao No Kiseki. I admit that Kanata (or is it Yuya?) looks pretty good in the musical. *sticks tongue out*. But its an undisputed fact that Kazuki is still the best, and that ATOBE ROCKS!
HYOTEI! HYOTEI! HYOTEI! ATOBE! ATOBE! ATOBE!
SYF is on Tuesday, so I'll be skipping classes to help the other dancers. Good thing the PW PI deadline has been extended. Otherwise I would have passed the line and been 'dead'. I did a 14:44 for PE last Thursday, so I think I would be taking this timimg and not rerun. I mean, what would be the point of doing it again, if 14 min and 15min are both under the B grade category. Unless I can shave about 45s off my current speed with only two weeks to train, very little commitment and zero interest, there would hardly be any purpose ya?
I wanna watch the National episodes of the PoT tournament... the OVA ones, but its hard to find properly subbed ones. Most of the subtitles are either weirdly timed, the translation is funny, or there aren't any at all... which is a huge problem for non-Japanese literate persons like me. MY POOR ATOBE! Not that I no longer like Tezuka, Fuji and the others, but my favourite is, obviously, Atobe. I want that Kazuki Katou pic of Atobe and the phone... its so... him. The atmosphere is totally that of Hyotei's Atobe. *faints*. It should be made a crime to be so hot... I'll definitely post it when I get my hands on it. Oh. Tng showed me this PHOTOSHOP-ed photo of Atobe and Tezuka kissing, and I screamed and nearly died. I think I'm begginning to understand why some people like yaoi. It feels wrong, as in, your upbringing tells you that its wrong and improper, etc, but its so cool and unique that you are drawn to it. Its similar to looking at a car accident... its bloody and gross and... interesting. You just can't help wanting more. Okay. That came out a little strangely. Now I sound like a pervertic psycho addicted to... Whatever.
Maybe I should join Tng when she watches Ao No Kiseki. I admit that Kanata (or is it Yuya?) looks pretty good in the musical. *sticks tongue out*. But its an undisputed fact that Kazuki is still the best, and that ATOBE ROCKS!
Thursday, 12 April 2007
Hitting The Fan, Dropping Into A Trench
My life is currently so awful, the only phrase which I can think of, which still only remotely approaches my emotional state is " Shit hitting the fan". Short and not too sweet. I wonder how I can possibly feel so terrible, I mean if you told me a while back that I would feel like this, I would have laughed my head off. Looks like I'm experiencing a new trend ----- of a downward spiral. ARGH. Firstly, I totally screwed my Humanities Scholarship interview... I was unable to elaborate appropriately, I gave these silly ideas, I was caught trying to divert the question on more than one occasion... Sighx. Fine. Thats only a teeny tiny part, but it all accumulates, shores up and gathers energy, before coming crashing down when you least expect it! I actually broke down and cried during dance! ARGH! I was NEVER this weak! Sometimes I really want to scream at those people who caused me to become like this.
SYF is in a couple of days, and all the dancers are all pretty nervous. Indian Dance did great, Gold with Honours WITH SPECIAL MENTION. Then Malay Dance was okay. Everybody has quite a bit of stress... all except this certain reserve who feels like she is wasting their time and people resource. Sighx. Human trash. I sometimes wonder why I was born. No wonder they say that people without a religion are dangerous and unpredictable.
Atobe provides my only form of relief in a world gone awry. His voice actor soothes my frayed and battered self, and the actor in the musical is similar enough for my poor demented mind to hang onto reality.
I'm tired. Its more then enough for me to take. I feel as if I would never be happy again. Maybe I really might never be again. My work is piling up. My body requires about 8 hours of sleep to recover. My head needs a break from all the crazy work thrown onto me. I've had enough.
Monday, 2 April 2007
Bliss
Haha. Feel deeply contented today. I suppose its due to the fact that the day started amazingly well. I had a sms marathon with Tng, I wasn't late for school, there was no PE, GP was a slacking session as Mr Whitby was absent and I had already completed the assignment that was set... Wow. A great day. Practical me knows that it won't last... but hey, I live for the moment. The only so-called low was the sweltering heat... but otherwise, I have this feeling that it would be the best school day in a lot to come. I know, I know. I'm should enjoy school as it would help me learn better, I'll be a more emotionally and socially developed person, yadda, yadda, yadda... but I just cannot MAKE myself love NJ. Love is given, snatched away like the wind pulling the world with it. It cannot be forced, and even if it could, the effort spent is not the least bit economical.
Interestingly enough, I realised that seiyuus are multi-talented people. I mean I knew they could sing, act, crack good jokes... Its that I just relised today that many can speak a multitude of languages, that they are usually people persons, that they have quirky and extremely special talents and interests... Does being a voice actor make you cool or do you need to be cool to be a voice actor? Hmm. Point is Suwabe Junichi. He speaks and writs FLUENT English, Chinese and, of course, Japanese. Yuya Endo can do German, English and Japanese. Maybe I ought to pick up a third language. And all these are on top of the Japanese dialects that they know. Sighx. The epitome of cool. Ok. I admit it. I kind of like nerdy-ish, I mean, I like guys with more brains. Brawn is an added wow-factor. Brain is a must. Brain with personality.
Alrighty. I'm tired and I have a long day tomorrow.
God is meant to witness the work of Man, to judge, criticise, advise, guide... everything but interfere with the cycle directly.
Interestingly enough, I realised that seiyuus are multi-talented people. I mean I knew they could sing, act, crack good jokes... Its that I just relised today that many can speak a multitude of languages, that they are usually people persons, that they have quirky and extremely special talents and interests... Does being a voice actor make you cool or do you need to be cool to be a voice actor? Hmm. Point is Suwabe Junichi. He speaks and writs FLUENT English, Chinese and, of course, Japanese. Yuya Endo can do German, English and Japanese. Maybe I ought to pick up a third language. And all these are on top of the Japanese dialects that they know. Sighx. The epitome of cool. Ok. I admit it. I kind of like nerdy-ish, I mean, I like guys with more brains. Brawn is an added wow-factor. Brain is a must. Brain with personality.
Alrighty. I'm tired and I have a long day tomorrow.
God is meant to witness the work of Man, to judge, criticise, advise, guide... everything but interfere with the cycle directly.
Sunday, 1 April 2007
Turned Away
I went back to Cedar for Speech Day yesterday, and as I was walking along Wan Tho Avenue, I really couldn't help but feel that I simply no longer belonged there. The area rejected me, warning me away. Its pretty sad, because St. Margaret's never gave me this feeling... So I guess I'm no longer a true blue Cedarian. Sighx. Its super depressing to reach this conclusion. I mean I had a great time in the school, yet its now rejecting me... Am I now too world-weary to be welcomed back? I threw away the naivety, I threw away the carefree nature of a child, and the price is that Cedar is too ashamed of me to want me back... Growing up is a disease.
I am proud to say that I now have 28 songs by Atobe Keigo aka Suwabe Junichi in my music library. I still like his voice, although I realised that he sounds pretty different in some of the other songs... Although I suppose that only goes to show how versatile he is. Another thing is that no matter how... unconvential his songs are, they are all quite meaningful, and all of them reflect Atobe's character and personality excellently. Sighx. Atobe is just too amazing for mere words to describe him completely. Sighx. A great voice does wonders to my heartrate. Haha. I sound like an old lady... I guess I have an old soul.
I'm going for the Humanities Scholarship interview next Tuesday... Sighx. I'm pretty nervous. Argh. I'm no longer in the mood to blog. Just thought of how silly the juniors in Cedar are. Some silly girl thought the leader told her, during field cooking of OAC, to eat a worm. As in, " Cut the vegetable and eat it". Evidently, the leader wanted the girl to cut the part of the vegetable with the worm away, and cook the good part. Common kitchen practice. But the girl... sighx. What is the world coming to? I suppose the girl had never actually cooked anything... then how on earth did she get through Home Economics? Sighx.
Shall drown myself in the awesome voice of Suwabe-san. Ease the pain.
I am proud to say that I now have 28 songs by Atobe Keigo aka Suwabe Junichi in my music library. I still like his voice, although I realised that he sounds pretty different in some of the other songs... Although I suppose that only goes to show how versatile he is. Another thing is that no matter how... unconvential his songs are, they are all quite meaningful, and all of them reflect Atobe's character and personality excellently. Sighx. Atobe is just too amazing for mere words to describe him completely. Sighx. A great voice does wonders to my heartrate. Haha. I sound like an old lady... I guess I have an old soul.
I'm going for the Humanities Scholarship interview next Tuesday... Sighx. I'm pretty nervous. Argh. I'm no longer in the mood to blog. Just thought of how silly the juniors in Cedar are. Some silly girl thought the leader told her, during field cooking of OAC, to eat a worm. As in, " Cut the vegetable and eat it". Evidently, the leader wanted the girl to cut the part of the vegetable with the worm away, and cook the good part. Common kitchen practice. But the girl... sighx. What is the world coming to? I suppose the girl had never actually cooked anything... then how on earth did she get through Home Economics? Sighx.
Shall drown myself in the awesome voice of Suwabe-san. Ease the pain.
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