Demise

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No mood to listen to music

This is a called a reality check. It is aimed at all my friends. At least, on last count, you were my friend. If you are, please read and understand. Please read and internalize. Because I do not want to say this more times than necessary. Airing dirty laundry is never a good thing.

I'm absolutely stressed. I have to deal with bullying, discrimination and ostracisation EVERY single day. I've had insults a plenty and been put down so many times I sometimes wonder why I bother to get up. My life now is a bed of thorns. I'm not expecting you to think of an answer. I do not need you to interfere. What I need you to do is to stop making my life more difficult! Stop being so reactive. I'm always the one to initiate the meeting. I'm always the one calling you, smsing you, creating the schedule. Could you call me for a change? Ask me how my life is like for a change? Ask me if I have problems for a change? Ask me out for a treat for a change? Why must I be the one desperately chasing after you? Why must I be the one to always to pretend to be happy, to pretend to be strong and listen to you whine to me? I offer comfort to everyone, and pray tell me who offers me comfort in my time of need? I can count with one finger! This is a relationship. Not a one-sided crush! If I'm too much of a burden, tell me. You'll be less of a burden too. I've had enough of rushing to put out people's fires while my house is burning down.

So your life is difficult? I bet its no worse than mine. I'm failing my modules in school. Just had a presentation today, will have a presentation tomorrow, and there's another 3 more coming up in the next 2 weeks. I have 2 research papers due in 2 weeks. Mind you, research papers. 10 pages plus of proper writing. Not your smoked 3 page essay. So its plenty of effort all right. And you know I always do my work well. My cca is 3 times a week, and I have a 3 day training camp next week. My Japanese lesson continue. My driving test is in 3 weeks. My never ending school work on top of all these, with me 4 weeks behind class for my assignments on average. I have to do revision because my exams are in 2 weeks. I need to do a mountain of readings to prepare for class. I've say, one good friend in school only. I'm really short on sleep. My arm is injured. My back aches. Your life is bad? Then whats this?

Can you be nice and kind and help me with meeting you? Please? I really want to go out with you. So can you turn up on time when I give you my precious 3 hours? Can you give me a few days of notice? Could you at least put in half as much effort as me? I know I'm not your boyfriend. I know you have your problems. I'm just asking you to try harder. Because at this rate, when I die, you're not invited to my funeral. After all, I bet you wont be able to make it to see for the last time anyway. Besides, whats the point of attending my funeral when you've never bothered to sustain the relationship with me even when I was alive? Trying to gain brownie points so that I'd help you in Hell? Dream on.

Happy Children's Day.

"May we all rest in peace."