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The construction next door. I'm serious. Like... Thrumming bass?

I do not believe in deleting post. Each post must mean something, in order for you to spend some 15 to 20 minutes typing everything out. Its not a short period of time for a whim or fancy to be expressed in cyberspace, when that time could be spent way more productively in self-entertainment. So that post ought to say something, especially since there are going to be people who spend time to read that which you've written. Of course, there are avenues of expressing a whim. Think Twitter. Or Facebook status updates. Whatever rocks your boat. The difference is in that this is a blog. It needs to chronicle a deeper level of meaning than the random ramblings of us in our transitionary stages between moods within a day. Which is why I try never to post more than once a day. Time will smooth out the less important impulses, leaving what really matters behind. What I say is usually the status quo, at least until there is a need to update again. So if there are no updates, than that means my life has had no notable updates. That, or there are so many updates that I gave up updating.

In this way, I usually abstain from expressing anything too emotive on my blog. I suppose I feel that emotions are like the wind. It comes, and goes, and it just sweeps everything up and about. So I don't think its a reliable gauge of personal development if I were to continuously post my emotions. My posts need to be something which can convey to me my voice and state of mind when I read the entry 3 years later. And I won't be too embarrassed by what I said. Thats my benchmark. To not regret anything that is there for the world to see.

Right here and now, I think to fully appreciate the rest of the entry, you will need to read and understand Kaen's blog. I'm not in the habit of having blog responses, but I guess for something like this, its only courteous to respond in kind. HEY. I have manners ok?

I think its good to get angry. To get upset. To feel remorseful. Its even better to want to make things better. To make it right. I'm glad that you realised it. But I'm not glad that you understand. You see, in a way I would have loved it if you never knew. I don't like the people I love to get hurt. I'd keep everyone in cotton wool if I could, becuase life is full of rough and tumble. But I can't. If I do so, people would never grow up. And not growing up is dangerous in this big bad world. So I try to ease the fall. Instead of a 10 story smackdown, I'd try to lessen the fall. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Regardless, there will be an impact. The moment where everything clicks in place, and the entire situation looks like Chernobyl immediately after the accident. But the aim is not to completely remove the impact, but to teach you how to land, and how to get up again. There's bound to be an aftershock. You will think its all bleak, and you feel like crap. But look at Chernobyl now. Sure, there are no people living there, but its one of the most ecologically diverse places on earth. Mother nature took what the humans abandoned and nursed it back to life. In the same way, let nature take its course. Time will ease the bumps. The human mind cannot take much pain, so our brains haze what it can to lessen the burden on us. I don't hate you. Not at all. On the contrary, I might need to thank you for helping me grow up. I learnt to adapt. Maybe in the beginning I was thoroughly upset. I can't really remember the emotional intensity anymore. But I learnt that we're different people, no matter what we joke. And I really adopted what I said. I made something that mattered for superficial reasons into something that does not, and I think it might have been one of the best things I did. Saved me a lot of heartache and grief and sleepless nights trying to achieve something that I did not really want. In a way, my upper secondary school years gave me a solid foundation to work on. I'm not that easily beaten. I can honestly say that I'm stronger after all this. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and scars fade away.

Haha. I'm a really loyal friend. But its not easy to be my friend. Most people will fall into the acquaintance catergory. A person where I wouldn't risk a single strand of my hair to save. I don't like to prove anything to anyone. I don't like to prove my dedication. Or my love and affection. So just know, ok? 'Sides, its ok to get hurt for your friends. Its ok to suffer a little. Because that is what relationships are built on. Blood, sweat and tears. Its effort, time and commitment. Its not easy, but nothing worth fighting for was ever easy to get, was it? With regard to my detractors, its ok. Thank you for being angry for my sake. Thank you for supporting me. I really really appreciate it. And you don't really need to do anything to make up or anything. I'd say it to bully you, but I'd never really need you to do anything. The thought is enough. Though more cookies would be AWESOME. Like I said, I only need the people I love to love me. Thats all. If you love me as much as I love you, we'd all be happy campers.

Ok, anymore mushy stuff and people will wonder about the purpose of my post. You're suppose to say 'thank you' and not 'sorry'. You really are slow if you don't understand why, but its ok. I can wait for you to understand.

""When life gives you lemons, take those lemons and squeeze them into the eyes of your detractors."