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Robot Boy by Linkin Park

If I could, I would wish that time would stop at this moment. Not that I am at a particularly happy period of my life. Nor is this time of the year especially joyous and all. I have been reduced to a sad creature who is thankful she can breathe well and sleep before midnight, that there are no immediate deadlines, and no meetings to attend. Yes, this is the lull before the storm known as midterms. I have four big exams next week, and I think I am likely to flunk a few of them. not that there are a lot to flunk. Not funny. I am quite stressed? But I am so tired from all the projects that were due earlier and my brain is screaming at me for a break. And I must admit that part of the reason why I am so useless now can be attributed to the Lunar New Year break. Too many days spent in the company of fluffy pillows, comfortable armchairs and in a general atmosphere of cheer and happiness. Brain is stuck in this mistaken belief that life is all about sweet treats and lolling around in bed. Reality is a bit too harsh to come crashing back to.

Cheer is going full steam ahead. Nationals is in about a month. More of five weeks if anyone is counting, which I certainly am? Not sure how well we will do this year, but I am doing my best not to think about this topic. Quite scared that we will screw up and I have no idea what to tell the school if things are not favourable. How do I break the news that we couldn't place? Everything will sound like an excuse if you have nothing to back it up. Do I tell the person in-charge that my CCA can probably be turned into a drame serial a million times better than those Taiwanese drama? There is betrayal, loss, lies, political struggles, insults, blood, sweat, tears, ulterior motives, love, smoking, drinking, wild parties, clubbing, performances, glitter, short skirts, bare midriffs, physical contact, jokes, dominance struggles, weight lifting and a hundred and one other things that just juice up my life. If I swear likea sailor, it is because of cheer. If I toss and turn and have sleepless nights, it is because of cheer. If I feel like the world will end tomorrow, it is also because of cheer. As you can clearly see, there is a trend that is quickly forming here.

Not that I am blaming cheer. I chose it, but sometimes, like now, I wish things were different. Love for the sport alone is barely enough to keep me going non-stop. I need people to show up, people to be committed, people to talk to me and tell me things and most importantly, I need people to give me the feeling that they trust me. I can do it if you leave it to me. I will do it. Let me prove it to you. I won't throw you away or think less of you for revealing problems. I value honesty and integrity and all that jazz, and no I am not just saying this for show. Not like you people will ever read this, but I feel like letting this out of my system. Necessary to keep sane.

"Warmth comes from living things. You can't get warmth from textbooks not electronics."