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The Catalyst by Linkin Park

This is turning out to be a superbly awful day. It is only eleven in the morning and I am so incensed I might be able to cook eggs on my head. I feel like throwing a few things at some people. And I will make sure all the things I throw are going to be of a certain destructive capacity. Else there is no need to throw anything yes?

I did it! Didn't cry in front of her. I was going to, but I kept it in. Was tearing throughout the enitre journey home, but I didn't let anything out, so it was ok I guess? Sniffling yes, crying no. I think she would have felt even worse if I had bawled out loud so to keep my reputation and emotions stable, I just clammed everything up inside. I will probably need to cry at some point in time, but not now. Not now when there are demons to slay and exams to take. One day, when the going gets crazy, I'll let it all out. I refuse to think that she will never return. I refuse to think that I won't be able to hug her for at least a year. I refuse to think I won't hear another one of her lame jokes or disturbing comments. I refuse to acknowledge that we cannot have soup spoon together. I can't believe that the only time I'll see or hear her is through old photos and webcam. All the way in the Southern Hemisphere. You may think that I am over-reacting, but given how likely my timetable will change, if things go a certain way, I won't see her until next December? Of course this is if I get in. If I don't get in, I'll be upset that I cannot go, and glad that I have a chance to see her soon. Between a rock and a hard place.

I remember the first time we met. Long haired girl combing a friend's silver wig. I remember thinking she was pretty quiet and very pretty. And I remember how easy it was to talk to her. We didn't really talk much after that, although we saw each other on and off at various events. I remember thinking she was really nice and funny at the Noah shoot. And after that, would sometimes talk to her online. First time we had real interaction with each other was in 2009? One event was all it took to make me feel like I have known her forever. Prior to that event, all the costume rushing let me know that she was very very Scorpio-ish and utterly DISTURBING. We're very alike in many ways, and we have similar tastes. And more importantly, she is someone who can keep up with me and banter with me and laugh at herself. And I will really miss you. I know we will all miss you. And I think I am crying now.

Ok, I dislike wallowing in despair, so is hall choose to seeth in anger. Here goes~

I am furious. Yeah, leadership is a full time job. Unfortunately for you and everyone else, I hate working. And this stupid thing was forced upon me. You have stupid expectations of me, and too bad for everyone, I cannot live up to them. I cannot read minds. I cannot teleport. I have my own social life. And if you tell me things at the eleventh hour, how in the WORLD do you expect me to be able to respond to it? Unlike what you might think, my life does not revolve around the CCA. I do not check my phone every fifteen minutes throughout the entire 24hours that is in a day. I need to sleep, so I ususally put my phone on silent mode. And please, who in their right minds will expect me to wake up at a god awful hour to fly to the freaking airport to deliver stuff that I need to extract from school? Hello, it is a good one hour away. This is assuming all forms of transportation works in my favour. And to go to school I will need a good half hour. So it means I need 2 hours to get there. At that point in time, there was NO WAY I could have done it. I cannot stop time. So I didn't bother. And then you 2 hours later you tell me that the timing was pushed back by 2 hours. WOW. Last minute much? I am not rich enough to cab at peak hour. And I don't have a vehicle. Call it different priorities. Call it lack of dedication. Call it anything you will. If I asked you to do it, would you have been able to, given the same circumstances? Think about this before you look down on me. Think long and hard about what you have done, and what you would have done.

I think life is about choices, and I choose to do things that I will regret doing the most. I will regret not saying good-bye. I will regret not sleeping more. Your side can be easily rectified with a decent photo. You can say I am not commited enough, but this is the truth that I see. Deal with it.

"With great power comes a great need to shovel shit from others."