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波瀾万丈、椿唄 by R指定

This is one of the few songs that feature in my playlist irrespective of my mood? The other is 星の無いの夜に by Deluhi. For some strange reason, these two songs always make me feel better about myself after I've heard them a couple of times? No matter how depressed I am, no matter how sad I am? I tend to cry during 星の無いの夜に, but I always feel more 'me' when I'm done. Its a bit sad how Deluhi disbanded and I feel guilty for being totally out with R指定. Not on purpose, just that I have not really been listening to anything new after returning from Japan? Unless the song is thrust right at me, which is the Korean style, the more subtle self promotion method of Japanese Visual Kei Really sorry... I'll work harder to look for nice songs to recommend!

Not really in a good mood now. Yeah, was reprimanded by my dad for wanting to go on exchange. He's telling me that since I could give up on Japan, I can jolly well give up on anywhere else. I wonder if its me changing, or its him who is losing it, because I have never given up on Japan. Maybe not now what with the mess that is the Tohoku region. Maybe not now what with the crazy exchange rate. It doesn't mean I've given up on it, all I've done is to merely shelve the desire to go there. There is rather big difference? Why else would I be learning the language for three years? Its not something that you throw away or forget that easily. I doubt I'd move there in the foreseeable future, but I think it is highly unlikely that I will stop associating with Japan. It would be like never responding if someone was to call my name.

My options now are 2 very simple places. Hong Kong or Taiwan. I'm not saying that I want to fly to the other side of the world. In fact, I should be making noise to go there what with the excellent exchange rate and all. I'm not suggesting Africa nor America nor India nor China, I picked places with relatively developed infrastructure and where I'd look just like a local. Its not that expensive, it has a pretty decent standard of living, rather safe in Asia... And he had to go and blow a fuse. I can pay for it on my own. I don't need him to pay for it, but it just goes over his head. I really don't understand what is the problem, and its silly to expect me to read his mind to figure it out. Tired of this. Its not that I MUST go on exchange? I would rather go on trips, but no, he says I have been traveling more than him (as if that is even possible) and burst a couple more blood vessels. I am highly inclined to ask him if he wants me to get married and settle down and be a stay at home mother or something. I'm quite sure such a statement would give him a brain aneurysm. What is the purpose of disposable income if you don't dispose of it? I am not allowed to trade, so all the money is doing in my bank is accumulate that pathetic 0.25% interest. Perhaps this is the curse of education. I am not getting any gratification from my savings. Unlike crazy hoarder old people, I do not derive satisfaction when watching the balance crawlingly increase. The interest rate isn't even enough to cover inflation. I might as well spend it and make myself happier OMG.

Ok, this the the limit, two lengthy paragraphs complaining about first world problems. Some people out there cannot even afford a university education, much less exchange. OH. On this note, I read, with slight disgust, Intelligent Life's commentary on rising university tuition fees. I wanted to laugh in the faces of the Europeans. Call me evil, but seriously, they live in this gilded cage where education is a state funded affair. Freaking 2000 Euros for a four year education is pricey? OMG have you seen what we pay here in Asia? You have no idea what I would give for such cheap education. No owing the bank staggering 5 figure sums the moment you step out into society... The relief would be enormous. Such children. I guess the Asian model is vastly different?

On a happier note, my mid terms are almost over! Just a bit more and I can relax for a few days before the mad rush to complete projects begin. And after that would be cramming for the finals. I guess this is the standard life cycle of a student, and I'm pretty used to it by now? After all I am a third year. You have the maturity and stability to balance things out? No longer panicking over every single thing. Things can and will get done if everyone do their best, of that I am sure. So yeah, will only become more active after my exams, but I think you'll still see traces of me here and there. Trying not to be online so often but old habits die hard. Always contactable by a text or a phone call, so don't be a stranger, because I'll always let you know if I'm busy. A thirty minute conversation shouldn't and wouldn't hurt. A three hour conversation might hurt though HAHA.

I miss my friends. Sighs.

"Its not unusual to go out at anytime/ But when I see you out and about its such a crime... Love will never do what you want it to..."