Wheel

Playlist

Back to Tomorrow by 東方神起

Been playing this on repeat for quite a while, which is kind of relaxing, if a bit depressing. Totally reflects my current mood. Hmph. New Japanese album was recently released, and I think its pretty good? As I always tell everyone, I feel superbly embarrassed when I watch TVXQ on Japanese variety shows because they are so good in Japanese. They can easily function without a translator, which is something I still cannot do. I need a dictionary, at the very least, and a LOT of revision before I can even think of running around alone. Conversations would still warrant a lot of gesturing on my part and plenty 'request for explanation'. Lousy me.

Mid terms just ended earlier today, but I spent the whole day in school? Exam followed by training and throw in 2 project meetings for good measure. Typical life of a university student who's active in club activities and has to complete three full projects in 2 weeks. Add non-existent and MIA group members into the mix for good measure. My life is all about chasing deadlines the way pet poodles chase after tennis balls and hoping that the evil meanie thingy chasing after me doesn't gobble me up. Ok, this is a really pathetic example because I am creatively sucked dry. I know people feel that starving and homeless Parisians and New Yorkers make excellent artists, but this girl needs food and comfort to be able to think of witty ways portray a relatively bleak scenery?

I really want a holiday. A proper one? Not sure what I would give to get one. Really relax for one? Wait, I always say that, but the truth is that when I am on a holiday, I always do a million things and never get a proper opportunity to rest. I am always trying to make everyone else happy and I always forget that the only thing I really want is a whole day to myself? To rest and sleep and do whatever I want, or not do whatever I don't want to do. I think, for my 21st present to myself, I'm going to book a night in a decent hotel and just spend the whole day reading and lazing. Maybe go downstairs to swim and gym. Will definitely order room service. Maybe I'll spend the first day on my own? And the second day would be a pyjama party or something? Could be quite fun :D Maybe I should try planning now, although I foresee cost being a huge issue. I mean one night in MBS would probably cost as much as a flight to Hong Kong. Annoying.

Need to get back to work soon if I don't want to screw up this semester. Last semester was really awful for me academically and I need to do everything I can to make sure I don't hasten my academic suicide.

Sorry for the brevity. OMG I just started thinking of Thomas Beckett and Murder in the Cathedral. I miss the good old days of Literature, where life was reading books and trying to figure out the hundred and one unsaid things that probably were never really said but we assumed the author wanted to say anyway. Long sentence, but thinking off Literature makes me like this. Super keen to go on and on forever. Maybe it was my way of escapism. Seeing things in others that I wish I could see and things I didn't want to see, all reflected. Tough, but always entertaining. Teacher was awesome, class was pretty good, text was interesting... It was like a little slice of paradise where you could laugh and say whatever you wanted whenever you wanted. Where copying notes was fun. I miss Literature lessons.

"I fight loneliness and fear by pretending to be happier and more satisfied than anyone else."