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Airbag by Tablo

Lunar New Year has come and gone, and the workload from school is beginning to take its toil on me. My hours are still alright, but the sheer amount of readings that I need to do is scary. Three books worth of catching up, and this does not include the amount of work that I need to do and submit. Its a slow accumulation of work that never seems to go away. Best part is that it is only Week 3 and I'm beginning to drown. This is the earliest that I have ever experienced the pressure. And this is from all four of my modules. Not one, but all four. Finance is killer in ways that I expected, mainly being unbelievably difficult and confusing. Corporate communication classes requires a LOT of preparation and analysis of issues, because air time is very important. None of them are light, which might be because they are all Level 3 classes which hint at the sheer amount of work that needs to be done if I want to pass. Gonna keep fighting, so I guess I am alright for now. I think my professors will come to hate me for constantly knocking on their door for consultations, but I believe it is necessary. Self learning? A joke unless you're really intelligent. This is the reality of higher education.

Its end January, and I have yet to see a proper cheer routine from my group. Sort of given up hope, sort of resigned, sort of no longer interested. There are too many fires to fight in my life to waste time depressed about how no one seems to be sufficiently committed to make our trophy dream possible. I do not blame people for having different priorities, its just part of the way the world works. Everyone is different. Clubbing may be a priority because she wants a boyfriend. Spending time with her boyfriend may be a priority because she's afraid he will leave her. Training may be a priority because its the only time she has an excuse to see him. Different people, different goals, and its fine. I have my own life to lead and my own things to achieve. Time spent away from the mats can be invested in work, relaxation, studies and pursuit of other activities. Nothing to cry over. Nothing will disappoint if you don't have expectations to begin with.

郁闷的过着每一天。有时会觉得是自己活得太幸福太快乐所以会有这种多余的想法。若连三餐都吃不饱，睡得不好，一定不会有多余的精力来想这种没用的想法。应该吃多点苦，才会对现在的生活方式感到感激不尽，而不会怨东怨西，对人生感到不满。这样的我跟那些讨厌的千金公主殿下有何分别？吃好住好便开始活得如此舍此，浪费着时间和人生的无畏追着唯物主义的生活方式。的确，我对名牌衣服包包鞋子并不这么感兴趣，可是我可够挑食贪吃，也偏爱选昂贵的名食。经常觉得自己好奸好惹人厌。满嘴的大道理，但到了紧要关头却懦弱起来，真是可悲透了。有时会觉得我这种人该从这世上消失算了。又没什么贡献却一直引起麻烦事来，没救的人渣败类。

I find it rather amusing how things in Chinese differ so much from that in English. I find Chinese a far more succinct language, with so many concepts squished into one word, where English needs an entire string of words to convey one idea. And Chinese with its proverbs and sayings... I remember being awfully amused by how English had about four pages of proverbs to learn, when Chinese has dictionaries worth of them. Never managed to learn everything, not like there was a need to. Its so easy to pick it up and to infer meanings from the words alone. None of it cliched and all of it had a cute little story behind it to slam the knowledge into your long term memory. Of course some say that English requires less rod memorisation, but I've always found Chinese far too interesting to ever be JUST memory work. Maybe I'm lucky because my parents were keen to introduce me to other parts of the language that made it fun and relevant even in a country that functions in English. I love Chinese, I love its culture, and I think, if I could, I would go back to Chinese classes. Super sad that my school does not have anything other than Introduction to Chinese. Oh well...

Shall think of happy thoughts! Like how the smell of sun block reminds me of Japan, JENESYS and Osaka. Like how good it feels to run with my hair streaming behind me and my legs moving me forward. Like how comforting it is to wake up all toasty because of the sun coming in through the curtains. Like how a hot shower makes every sad thing disappear immediately. Like how yummy milk and cereal is at night when you're sleepy and hungry. Like how its so fun to laugh until I'm dizzy. Life is good, no matter how painful it can be.

"Shine a light through an open door/ Love and life I will divide/ Turn away cause I need you more/ Feel the heartbeat in my mind"