Desperation

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Aircon in the office...

I am exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. Why? I have not enough sleep. There are not enough hours in a day for me. I NEED SLEEP. Ok. I think need is a gross understatement at this point in time. Its more like... Without sleep, I'm going to die soon. I'm not exaggerating my condition. While i type this on the PC, I can feel my eyes burning in their sockets. I can feel my shoulders cramping up. I know my legs are tired. My posture is quickly deteriorating. My throat has been parched for the whole day. My brain is slow. I'm tired. Dog tired. Dead beat.

My schedule for the past week has been packed. The gist of it all is that I wake up early, sleep late, and do lots of stuff while I am awake. I work, study for Japanese, study for SAT, do my Japanese homework, have driving lessons, watched CATS, went for Japanese lessons... Yeah. The majority was studying and working. Transportation was another biggie, with my mind most occupied with SAT and Japanese. I pass my days in a daze, hopping from one locale to another. Its times like this when I really wish I had lesser things on my plate. I mean, I have loads of things to be done. But I'm not exactly enjoying myself. Its like little events strung together to make me stay alive. I do not feel engaged. I do not feel amused. the most interesting thing that happened recently was when I had lunch with Germaine and her boyfriend. Can you believe it? My life stinks to such an extent. Since when did I become like this? I was never quite so dependent on external factors to keep me going when I was still in school. Maybe it was that I had an aim. A source of motivation. Instead of waiting helplessly for NUS as I am now. This kind of existence is DISGUSTING. Sometimes, I really hate myself.

I have been complaining on my blog. Way to often. Maybe I ought to do something more stimulating. My life is so awful I can't phantom what I'm going to be like in a month if I'm already falling apart now. Anyone has an idea or two to spare???

"We know we are flawed. We just refuse to admit it."