School

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The fan. The PC. Typing. WOW. A symphony.

The recent AWARE homosexuality education was the trigger. I mean, I've seen people react when I tell them I had 10 years of all girls' school education. They stare at me like I've sprouted an extra pair of eyes, hands, another mouth and have horns and a tail protruding out from my butt. HELLO. YOOHOO. Stop generalising. Girls' school education =/= LESBIAN. The dangers of stupidity. I hear parents going on and on about how they are worried their daughters will become lesbians from entering an all girls' secondary school. Well, I for one think these people should not be parents. Giving your daughters an education in an all girls' school is one of the few things you can do for her to give her a head start in life. Studies have shown that in an all female environment, girls fare better emotionally, psychologically, and most importantly of all to our kiasu parents, academically as well. Besides, saying that enrolling in an all girls' school will make your daughter lesbian is like saying your daughter will be pregnant by enrolling in a co-ed school. Both are ridiculous. And very very insulting to us who love our alma maters.

School has taught me lots of things. Math. Science. Geography. Literature. And more. Much much more. It has taught me the fundamentals of surviving in society. There are rules to be followed. Things to be noted.

In primary school, I realised that teachers, and society in general, like people who are nice and obedient. I was not. I was the trouble maker. The deviant. The one who read books in class and ignored the ramblings of the teachers. I was the one who fought in school and made people cry instead of being the one who cried. I did not do my homework, and could not be bothered with class participation. In short, I was the one the teachers wanted to throw out of class.

In secondary school, I was the model student. A hundred and eighty degree change. I was class representative for various subjects. I was one of the few who did her assignments. Paid attention. Asked questions. The goody two shoes. I was dedicated to learning. On the surface, I was as close as you could get to a model student, except that there was something stirring inside. Like a sleeping leviathan, moving past the ocean bed. I was in school to live and learn. For I believed that knowledge is power, and I definitely wanted power. I had my circle of friends who knew I was not all that met the eye. Who knew that I was different and loved me all the same. I had my violent tendencies. I was loud. Boisterous. Proud. I knew my value, and I was not afraid to let others know too. Of course I got into scrapes. I knew many people hated me. For being a know-it-all. Teacher's pet. I was sabotaged. Ostracised. I guess I learnt to nurse hatred, to turn it into sarcasm and skepticism. To hurt others where they would not discover. Subtlety. The main life skill I gleaned from secondary school was to conform to society. The fools will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. And there are SOOO many of them. So you have to plot. Scheme. Have a nice and social poker face. No one can take things away from you if you do not let them.

Junior college was different. I guess in large part because secondary school taught me that important social lesson. I saw for myself how cruel teenagers are to those who are not like them. Those who are different will be trodden upon and denounced. Simply because they stand out. I realised I did not have it in me to be this completely social animal. Inside, some part of me would die if I was to become part of the 'in' clique. So I went my own way. I was not out, but definitely not in either. I was just there. Which was a blessing because I got to know my friends. I had my clique in class, during CCA and just random people from here and there. I like my friends, because they are not wallflowers. They are people with personality. They see things the way they see them, and are not afraid of being different. Intellectuals. Confident. Still, I know that I cannot ever truly be myself in life. I try. Boy, do I try, but at some point or another, I have given in to societal pressure. To the voice of the common people. Because calling out in the middle of the storm is not a pleasant feeling at all. The sheer desolation. The utter loneliness.

I do not think my experiences were bad. They were just learning points. Like how I have become more open. More liberal. I have come to notice the smaller, more mundane things in life. I have learnt to appreciate what I have and what I can get. I am not sure if I can attribute all these to an all girls' school education, but I know for sure it has contributed to the formation of my character. I have learnt that courage is from doing that which is difficult to do, and perseverance is to stick to the path you believe in, regardless of the cost and the odds. Charity is to give from the heart, and starts from home, and not something done so that others can judge and see. Courtesy is respecting others the way I wish to be respected, and patience is... Something I still lack. HAHA.

I may be weird to many. I may have problems. I may want to tear certain people apart from limb to limb. I may be lesbian. I may be bisexual. I may be asexual. Who knows? I certainly enjoyed my years of formal education on a whole. There were times when I was all angst-y and antsy. There were time when I was all teary and troubled. Yet... On the whole, I think I loved school. I love my friends for all their love. My teachers for all their time, dedication, sadism and what-not. The school for giving me a place to belong, if not emotionally and psychologically, at least physically. I miss school.

" I wish you were here. To laugh with me. To cry with me. To be with me. I wish you were here."