Day

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The news on TV.

I feel lonely. Was walking home from the MRT after Japanese class, while listening to Stay Away by Laraku, and this overwhelming sense of loneliness swept over me. I guess I'm still... Injured, for a lack of a better word. A bit afraid of getting hurt once more. I tentatively open up, but I guard my heart with barbs and landmines. I know that I am being unfair, and I know that there are people who are actively trying to approach me. Most probably, they mean no harm, but there is no way I can just let them approach. Its really childish, but I'm hurt, so I bite anything that comes my way to scare things that might hurt me away. Its to keep myself safe. Something very instinctive and basic. Yes, I know that I am a member of a civilised community and society, so I should conduct myself in a manner that is more befitting of my social station but... To these people, I am really very sorry, because its not really your fault. I need some more time. Let me get used to you again. I need emotional therapy. I'm stubborn. Pig-headed. When I give, I don't expect anything in return. But I'm human, and I have a limit, so if I keep giving... I run out. I burn myself to the ground. And then I need to reconstruct myself again. Like how I'm doing now. I'm lonely, but what else can I do?

Its been a month since school started, and the workload is exponentially increasing. I think I'm less stressed then I make myself out to be. I happen to be a very vocal person, so everyone knows if I have a problem. But whether or not it is a serious problem is a different matter. I am busy, but not I'm not absolutely neck deep in aligators all the time. Some things just need me to sit down for a few hours to think and work on, and then POOF! I'm alright again. At least that is what I think, simply because a friend told me that I can cope better with stress than the other people that she knows. I'm not sure if other downplay their problems while I go around broadcasting it. I have to say that I describe my problems exactly as I perceive them with as minimal exaggeration as possible. I don't enjoy entering into a 'I'm more busy' pissing match with anyone; in fact, it makes me sad that others can't have fun either. Sigh. I think the description of university that I get from my elders is a joke. PLAY. Have FUN. SLEEP in CLASS. Make FRIENDS. Either university culture has altered so much that the truth they knew has become a lie, or they were deluding themselves all along. I will never know for sure, but I can say this at least. UNIVERSITY IS A VOLUNTARY PRISON. You pay money to slog your guts out with no guarantee of any benefit when you graduate. Ridiculous, but its the closest to the truth anyone will ever tell you. Or maybe its just my school. RIGHT~

This part will be completely random to many people, but I don't think its inappropriate for my blog. Am I batting for the other team? Most probably not. So both ways, I suppose. I want to learn to play a musical instrument. I should sign up for Muay Thai or something. I ought to trim my fingernails. I want purple nail polish. Chinese New Year is still so far away. I can't believe that the first day of Chinese New Year is also Valentine's Day. I wonder if I will get anything this year. Nah, that guy doesn't like me that way. I'm superbly anxious about the Business Law and LTB presentation next week. Daddy will be back tomorrow! Happy birthday Daddy! And hyde-san! Yes, I do remember! I want to watch the Winter Olympics. Why aren't there any new songs available? The JUBILEE scans are beautiful. But Kamijou is ancient, I mean, he's from Lareine! That interview with Gackt was so funny! Should I limit who can follow my Tumblr? Twitter is boring, and it seem slike one extended MSN coverstaion. I should do something about my MSN display picture. Should I update my Facebook display picture as well? Oh yeah, Facebook is getting utterly boring. I hate people who just add me as a friend on Facebook when they don't even know me well. I should periodiacally purge my non-friends from Facebook. I can't wait for the photoshoot!

"I'm an idiot, but I'd rather be an idiot than to be a stupid idiot."