Rage

One by Epik High

I am so exhausted that I wonder why I am blogging instead of showering or going to bed. I think I have this mistaken belief that blogging will make things easier for me as it eases my mind. Psychological? I have no idea, but rest assured that I will continue to blog. Not everyday for sure, what with four presentations next week and exams in 2 weeks, but I should update this space every few days. I am doing my best not to leave this site unattended for too long a period of time. Not that I have so much to say, nor that I have no place to say it, what with 4 blogs in total, but rather, because this is the only site where I do an in depth analysis of things that I think are worth the analysis.

Just to let you know, I skipped the last session of Japanese today. I should not have done that. It was a Japanese test for the final stage of the intermediate level, and I felt that it was less important than helping to set up the booth at RP. Boy was I misinformed. All I did was to waste time on the train and at RP. There was no need for so many people, as there clearly isn't that many things to be done. Best part? I will have to go there again tomorrow! As if transportation lines are free! And I was told that it would end at 1PM, when the entire thing ends only at 5PM. It would be okay if there was a need to man the booth for period of time. But noooooo. We're there to attend stupid talks for some 6 hours. My reaction when I heard that was a few choice expletives that I shall not repeat here. I do not see a need to travel an hour just to set up a booth for an hour, have a free buffet lunch, and sit in a hall for 6 hours to listen to a few professionals drone on and on about issues which are not relevant to the audience in the hall. The people you need to brainwash are out THERE, far far away. Its like preaching to the choir. One word: Futility!

Which is why, I do not feel like waking up all nice and bright and early tomorrow. I could be in NJ practicing dance. I could be sleeping in. I could be helping my TWC groupmates. i could be helping my CT groupmates. I could be studying. I could be completing my homework. The opportunity cost is far too high to be wasted on something that I have utterly no interest in. The only possible reason why I would attend is to have my face in the photograph as evidence of my attendance as I do not have a 'valid' reason to skip. Can you believe this? The only reason I'm not there is as I need to pretend that I'm all enthusiastic and IN LOVE with my group members and project goals. Trying to hoodwink myself. I think I ought to stop deluding myself... But for the sake of grades? How far shall I go?

It is unbelievable that I've degenerated to such flack. There was never such problems. I guess I'm growing up and starting to take things for granted. Maybe I should get my head examined. Maybe I should change my school. Maybe I should do something about my attitude. I have no idea, but I know that something is dreadfully wrong. Maybe I'm just becoming more jaded. Maybe.

By the way, you are a freaking egomaniac bastard. Your mother should have smothered you in your cradle.

"I'm not god; I can't tolerate all your nonsense."