Stress

Playlist

遠い道の先で　by 武川愛

I'm not sure what exactly is the matter with me, but I think my brain processes have all been messed up by school. Its simple. I'm no longer able to function well if you give me plenty of time. I need a pressure cooker environment in order to get things done, which, if I might just casually add here, is suicidal in the long run. Humans were not made to function in a constant extreme high pressure environment. All the adrenline and stress will drive your brain, heart and body wonky, and before you know it, you're no better than roadkill. In short, you'd die faster.

I know I need a little bit if stress to work well. Nothing new here, but I never did feel that I NEEDED STRESS to work well. There is a difference when you capitalise it. Other than the fact that it takes up more pixels on the computer screen, it also serves to show how essential it is to me now. I need to know of the deadline, else I won't be able to get to work. So if you tell me 'own-time-own-target', I smack you left right and centre and not get a single ounce of work done. Another way that this comes out is through presentations. I'm a natural presenter, because I always wanted attention, but the thing now is different. I present way better if I have a limited time to practice.The sense of urgency makes me work harder and smarter to get the presenattion up to standard. I know this will sound like gloating to some of you, but I'm a naturally energetic presenter. I crack jokes, maintain eye contact, ask rhetorical questions, give humourous examples... The list goes on. But this is only in the first few presentations. Given too much time to prepare, I get bored by my topic, and lapse into a state of zombie-hood. In short, only my mouth functions, and my presentation stinks like rotten eggs simply because I can't be bothered anymore. Repetition of the same thing too many times makes me bored witless, something detrimental to my grades. So yes. I'm weird about this.

You'd think that I ought to rectify myself and 'improve' myself. i know a lot of people wax lyrical about problems on their blogs. Some will choose to make their blog sound like a very extensive complaint letter, where the blame their teachers for their grades, their friends for a lack of social life, their parents for restricting their finances and the whole wide world for not kowtowing to them. Okay, that was an exaggeration, but I suppose you do understand what I'm trying to say. For me, this space is a sacred ground to extole my virtues, my idiosyncracies and whatnot. I'm not about to complain too much about others, after all, attention is expensive~ I wanna talk about ME. Yeah. Call me proud, arrogant, thick-skinned, whatever. I'm kind of happy to be the way I am. So yes, please stop trying to make me jealous of you having a boyfriend. Its not going to work, because I don't have the same set of values as you. I'd be jealous if you had ALL the Atobe trading cards and ALL the Kurei trading cards and ALL the various Laruku merchandise. In fact, if you did have all of these, you'd better watch out. One day, I might steal into your house to get 'em.

Sigh. its going to be yet another busy week. Just to let you know, I'm likely to go back to my JC to participate in Aristal. Yes, you heard me all right. I'm gonna dance again! WOOHOO~

"One day, maybe I won't have to pretend to be someone else anymore..."