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明星オリオン by D=Out

I smell like butter and sugar. Yes, I've showered, but the cloying smell seems to have seeped into my pores. My hair smells like shampoo and my skin smells like soap, but under all these, its the smell of sugar and butter. As if while baking, I was soaking in the scents in the kitchen as well. Its not that I hate it, just that I'm not used to smelling like food. I usually eat food. Not smell like food. Not the delectable kind of girl. More of the kind of girl you'd avoid being with because I'm not cute nor amusing. I'm more if the type who's like a cat. Faintly interesting and seemingly concerned about you, but you'll never reach my core. For all my smiles and hugs and glomps, how many people can claim to know me? If you've been to my house, I guess you'd probably be able to say that you're a friend. All the others? I have no idea? Somewhere in the various gray areas I suppose? If you have to sincerely ask... *smiles*

Anyway, the cookies are pretty good, if you like them a wee bit charred and crunchy. Plenty of filling and slightly sweet. Overall, I think I did a pretty decent job for someone who has not used the oven for more than a year. Tell me if you want some? I'll pass them to you, as long as there are still some left. Whilst stocks last~

I think I'm in this weird state of mind now. I refuse to let it be June, simply because time is passing too fast. I fear July and the administrative things that i will have to do for school with it. Disgusting. Another year to fight through and struggle with. I must have been mentally retarded when I made my choice. Yes, distance is a non-issue, but the workload is HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE. It makes you wonder if suicide is worth it because of the sheer amount of work that will be left over. You're actually worried if the work will haunt you even after you die. You cannot fall ill. You cannot take a break, because the work will pile up. I'm going to say something random now, and that is that I don't think I'll ever get a boyfriend, much less get married and have kids. Its not the lack of boyfriend and potential spouses that I'm worried about. I really really want a child. Not now, but in the near future. As in, within the next ten years, so its more of a long term plan to most, but what is ten years to me? Random much? I've yet to meet anyone that I'm interested in anyway. Sure, there are good looking guys here and there, nice guys someplace around and all the other types elsewhere. Nevertheless, I've yet to come across someone that makes me feel 'I can work with you in the long run', much less 'I can't do without you'. Pathetic eh?

Sometimes I'm really jealous of the people around me. I want to grab them and shake them really hard and yell at them to appreciate the things that they are taking for granted. Then again, there are likely to be people who wish to do the same to me? I would not be too surprised if there really were people who think I'm a spoilt princess who takes everythting that I possess for granted. Personally, while I joke that I am my father's princess, deep in my heart, there's this sense of uncertainty whenever I say it. If something is the truth, there is this weight when you say it. Well, its not like the declaration of my princess-hood is utterly unture, although there are elements of it for sure. After all, which princess you know would clean the floor, do the laundry, run errands... MY GPA stinks. I want a better GPA. So I shall work harder (and smarter towards a better GPA). So what if I can qualify for the better exchange programmes? With only 3 to 5 places a year, cometition is tough! I will definitely get into that particular programme. After all, its what I want~

This seems like a short post. I suppose I'm sick and tired of posting this? Sometimes, there are just some things that will not do well to be mentioned in a blog. The nature of what needs to be said might require it to be carried away with the wind. And I should stop my bad habit of passing off my thoughts and opinions as that of others. I lose out on the credit, and there is no risk. Not enjoyable. Too safe. And there's going to be a Koi Bubble Tea store at Iluma~

"If I could embrace you and never let you go..."