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Lorelei by Deluhi

I know I said I would not treat this blog as some ranting arena, but I think I'm at my limit. I wanted to survive 7 weeks in school before I go crazy and complain about school here, but evidently, this post is proof that I'm nowhere near 7 weeks and already falling apart.

In case people forgot, I am human. I have wishes. I have troubles. I have desires. I have problems. I have responsibilities. I have my own life. No matter how much I try to be there for you, I do have a limit. Let's face it, I can't be there every single freaking moment of your life. I need to sleep. I need to eat. I need to study. I need to live my life. I can't possibly be there all the time right smack at the moment next to you when you need a hug. I cannot feasibly teleport myself. The most I can do is to give you a call. And I cannot possibly call you in the middle of my seminar. Or when I am asleep. Or when my phone runs out of battery. There are physical inadequacies. I know these. So all I ask is for you to hold on until I can get to you. I know the next 4 hours will feel like a nightmare. I know waiting for me to call you feels like forever. I know our next meeting is eons away. I know. All I ask is for you to hold on. Just a bit more. I'll be there. I'll catch you if you fall. Just don't hit the ground so fast? Believe me, I am thinking of you. You say I can just leave if I put you as my first priority, but really think about it. In good times, you were the one who told me that you could hold on.

I am utterly exhausted. Emotionally drained from dealing with drama. Mentally drained by the gymnastics required by my classes. Physically drained from running on little food and even lesser sleep. I try, but I feel that I am about to break down in the middle of something important and start crying soon. Have you ever thought about me? Have you ever thought if I was falling apart under my toothy smile and never-ending enthusiasm? Have you ever asked me what I wanted instead of telling me what you want? Some may say I talk too much for them to talk, but I prattle on because you expect me to talk. And you say I'm a talkative, loud and noisy. Isn't this unfair? I can live in silence, but you'd feel uncomfortable and make me talk. So I go on and on about things that don't matter, or hint about things that matter. But I guess you didn't get the hint, which is why this post exists.

I hate this part of you that makes me so ugly. Left to my own devices, I'd be reading manga. Or books. Or my notes. Or watching videos. Or listening to music. I'm introverted, but I do all the surface acting for your sake. Its so unbearably tiring, but what else can I do? How many people actually know me? How many of you avoid me the moment I'm in trouble because you 'can't deal' with me? Fair weather friend you lot! You are allowed to go berserk, and I have to be your supportive crutch all the way, but the moment I'm in a fix I'm left to my own devices?! 

I have had enough.

"Fair weather friend, LEAVE."