Memory

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サイケデリコ∞サイケデリコ by D=Out

I was thinking about my family as I was cleaning the floor today. I realised that although we're not rich, I had a great time growing up. I never really lacked anything I guess? I always had fun. Yeah, there were many times that I cried. Many times I wanted to die. Regardless, I had a good time as a kid.

My dad used to bring us to the old National Library on Saturdays morning. After breakfast we would wait for the library to open and my brother and I would run in to grab our books. We needed to go grocery shopping, so we usually only had about 30 minutes to get everything. My dad would get Runner's World or some sport related book. Sometimes there would be Scientific American. Or some technology magazine. My mum would get stuff like cook books, scarf knotting books, flower arrangement and the odd Chinese philosophy book. My younger brother would head to the animals and insects and plants section. Or those spot the difference books. And me? Fairy tales. Classics. Science fiction. Fantasy. Humour. I loved the original darker Grimm's fairytales. Loved anything out of this world. I only started reading general fiction when I started to run out of things to read. Now Murakami is love. Discovered horror in late secondary school. No romance because my dad didn't want me reading 'trashy' books, and I later realised I loved plot too much to read bodice rippers. I get bored far too fast. I would devour all the books by Sunday night and would be eagerly anticipating the weekend because I wanted new books. My parents had to limit me to one book per day. And then I found out about the school library. Wiped out all the fiction books in my library because most of it was too childish for me. Can you imagine? I was reading Pride and Prejudice, Lord of the Rings, To Kill a Mockingbrid at age 12? Secondary school was stuff like Grapes of Wrath, all of Shakespeare's stuff, Catcher in the Rye and more. Junior college was stuffed with modern writing on themes like war and death and love and life. And these are just the stuff in English. I read comics, be it Marvel or Chuangyi. I read the Chinese classics. I studied poetry in both English and Chinese. I love books. My one true love in this world. I can talk about books forever, and I have so many fabulous memories of the old National Library.

Another amazing memory is going to MacRitchie. Yeah, I hate running, but I love that place. We had picnics, jogging sessions, playing on the slope, running on the planks, trying to catch fish... HAHA. I have a scar on my ankle from where I scraped against the drain. It was fun to get out and see the plants and run around and play. It was tiring, sure, but enjoyable. All the energy has to go somewhere, and MacRitchie was understanding. Yelled and jumped and played. The cross country events when I was in secondary school were a pain, but my original memory of that place is one where I could disappear from all my troubles amongst the greenery. OH! The beach was fabulous too! Picnics! Cycling! Cycling! Sleeping on a hammock. Lousy sandcastles. Shell collecting. Kayaking even though I can't swim to save my life. 26th December. The day of the Boxing Day tsunami, I was solo kayaking in the sea with my dad. Crashed against the beach 4 times trying to take off. Hurt like anything but he was taunting me so I persevered. MAD FUN. Sea was choppy, but if there's one thing I know, respect nature and you'll never be in deep trouble. I wanted to show my dad I could do it. Yeah, I'm a bit competitive. A bit. HAHA.

I think I could blog a series about my childhood. Each fantastic individual memory in full technicolour. All the smells and tastes. All the reckless things I did because I wanted to prove myself. In the beginning to my dad. Later to my peers and teachers. And now, myself. More than anything, I want to show myself that I can do it. I'm not going to do anything to hurt myself, but I will push myself to the limit? I'm not a marathoner. I'm not a mugger. If there's one thing I learnt, its the importance of balance. I studied really hard. I played really hard. I had fun indoors, I had fun outdoors. I had fun alone, I had fun with others. No wonder all my personality tests show someone who is neutral. I'm an introvert who is a closet extrovert and an extrovert who is introverted. I am a pessimist who is a secretly optimistic and an optimist with a strong streak of pessimism. I'm not your average girl because somewhere along the way as I was growing up, I grew tired of the bimbos and bitches, and I decided that I didnt want to be a tomboy either. After all, gender is a social construct.

"Because this is the only chance I'll have at this."