Tempt

Playlist

Ring Ding Dong by Shinee

Yes I gave in to temptation and listened to Shinee. Yes, they make me feel fat.Yes, they make me feel old. Yes, some of their songs are irritating. But I guess Korean pop is good for doing homework because I've been completing more work? So yes. I will just listen to a few songs here and there and skip the rest. HAHA.

I miss Laruku. I know they are celebrating their 20th anniversary next year, but it feels so very far away. I really want to know where will the concerts be held. Other than the usual Japan. And Paris and London. I have this feeling Shanghai will get a stop as well. The furthest I am willing to travel is Hong Kong/Taiwan. Just for them. Partially because I want to go to Hong Kong again and I would love to be able to visit Taiwan. If I somehow manage to go Japan, I'll buy the tickets. FOR SURE. So what if I won't understand most of what is being said by them. So what if I'd probably get lost on my to the concert location and on my way back. I will attend their concert. Its the least I can do for myself. I love Laruku. When I was crying, when I was sulking, when I was depressed, when I was hurt and feeling like the world might as well end, they were the one band in my playlist that I could rely upon to make me feel better again. Big Bang helps me feel like partying. Deluhi is nice. D=Out is cool. Epik High makes me feel calm. Flow is comforting. Gackt is funny. Kazuki is jazzy. Matenrou is hypnotic. SID is awesome. Versailles gives me confidence. Vidoll is familiar. But my one and only true love is hyde with his amazing vocals and Laruku's classic rhythms. VAMPS works because its hyde singing. I think I've explained enough.

Which song do I like? And why? I think Ready Steady School is one of my all-time favourites. Vivid Colours. Blurry Eyes. My Dear. Twinkle, twinkle. Lost Heaven. New World. Shout at the Devil. Honey. Dive to Blue. Pretty girl. Seventh Heaven. Bless. Why do I like them? I think its the composition? I'm not sure, never bothered to study music. I am more of a consumer than a producer. I just know that its not something that can be easily danced to, but its still addictive. I like dance tracks with variation because it allows me to move along to it. But Laruku songs are more of stuff you listen to as you look out of the window in the bus? HAHA. I feel like putting down more, but I feel weird. Its like revealing all your little desires that make you tick. Its like telling someone all the embarrassing things you did. Its like telling people the colour of your freaking underwear. YEAH. So I shan't continue. Too private. Too close to my heart. Too much ammunition HAHA.

So sad that I can't sing along to Laruku songs without mauling it. Its not that I can't sing, but my key is way off. I mean, yes, hyde is a guy. And my singing voice is higher than most girls. I can do those super whiny and high-pitched annoying girl voices. The kind of voice that I hate the most and will want to hurl something pointy at the source of the annoyance. But I have that kind of voice. Like Spinelle. YEAH. I can pitch my voice lower, I usually do when I'm being sarcastic? But when I'm angry enough, I use that whiny voice against others. I know it pisses people off, so I do it to be mean. HAHA. I probably have accumulated a mountain of negative karma.

Ah. I must have been a rabbit or hamster or penguin in my previous life. I love skin contact. DISTURBING, but true. I will unconciously bump into people I'm with. I will go so close as to invade and remove personal space. I will cling and hold hands and hug and just touch. Okie, this comes across as something utterly disturbing and potentially bad for my reputation, but HECK. Its not like I didn't have rumours about me being lesbian when I was in school. People thought I was double-dating 2 of my close friends. Hilarious but true. And then some thought I'm bisexual. At that point, I felt slightly hurt? But after a while it was a game to do the most shocking thing possible to stun everyone around me. I don't remember what I did with my friends, but I remember some very fun episodes where even mutual friends wondered if it was a game or for real. Yes, I'm a bit extreme. But I exert self-control when I'm around guy friends? Especially guy friends who are already attached. Must stay at least one arm's width away. Must control and not do stuff that can be misinterpreted. I feel bad otherwise? So I will always need to find a close female friend after that to glomp. I guess its because I feel lonely? What love and affection and friendship? I can't believe in intagibles like that. Touch is something that I can trust. Skin hunger is something I have, and I'm not afraid to say it if I need a hug? Why should I deny myself of being hapy if its free and guranteed to work? Just because most people don't do so? Most people are STUPID if thats the case. I'm a social animal. I will want physical reassurance. You mean you've never ever wanted a hug? I know some people have proximity issues, and I usually can't get along with those people because I need the contact. Its part of the way I communicate, so if I can't touch you at all I feel disabled in a way. Which might explain why my guy friends are sadly super few. The ones I'm closer to are those who don't run away the moment I lean in closer? HAHA. I'm not going to bite anyone... I think?

Yes, this is because someone said something that made me angry. I should change my Facebook status to engaged. Or married. Or something. Let them guess and speculate and wonder if its for real or a game. Life's a game anyway. EECH. Don't make me angry, I might just go mad and play with someone that you don't want me to touch~ Careful I don't steal the person you love away from you just for the fun of it because YOU hurt the people I love. So hold on tight ok? <3

"どしゃぶり雨が上がれば　生まれたての空が光る いつだって変われるよ絶対　本気で願えば大丈夫さ"