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Dress by BUCK-TICK

First week back in school after a pseudo one week break where I was in school every single day except Wednesday. All my mid terms are over, so unless there is a pop quiz, I won't be completing another test until November when its the finals. Some of the Mid Term class participation grades have been released, and I seriously need to buck up. I'm in the bottom half of the class, and I need to improve or my GPA will suffer this semester. I really really want to go on exchange to Waseda, so I need to work harder. Yeah, I was stupid to take 5.5 modules this semester when my internship and exchange rests on this semester's results. Nevertheless its a bit useless and late to cry over spilt milk, so all I can do is let the cat drink the milk? In short I'm going to go all out to make sure that I make the best of the situation. Yeah, the power of positive thinking.

Kinda stressed out. Blogging to keep my mood in check. I will probably become slightly more depressed after this entire post is over, but its okay. I need a wake up call. No more mucking about trying to pass time and minimise the suffering. I ought to hit the books, make sure my projects are all A grade worthy and ACE THIS FREAKING SEMESTER. A lot of future tense I know, but I think it is obvious I am trying to psych myself up to make the best out of this semester. I don't have much time left, so optimisation is key. I can hear the desperation and despair creeping in. Sigh.

I wonder if its me being sensitive or its that its happening more frequently. I have this nagging suspicion that its happening more frequently. I may be overreacting an exaggerating a wee bit, but I think a large portion can be attributed to a greater occurrence of annoyances. Maybe its the people I'm hanging out with nowadays. Not my old friends from school, but people I've met within this year. And they don't know me at all. All they see is what I choose to show them in my school persona, and they arrive at ridiculous conclusions from the small amount of time I've spent with them. Really silly but if there's one thing that I have come to realise, it is often the little things that make life hellish. The little insidious comments. The negative rumours and demeaning stereotypes. The things whispered amongst their clique when you're not around, and the acronyms to hide the identity of the person when its already an open secret. Sigh. Politics. Gossip. Jealousy. Viciousness. And that dash of ego and streak of meanness. People.

Blasting music is therapeutic. Studying in school is a necessity. Eating less is probably better for my health. Exercising is good for my self esteem. One day I hope to be free of constraints.

"Like the wind, like the clouds, like the starts, like the moon..."