Desire

Playlist

JoJo by SHINee

I have no idea why, but every time I think of SHINee, I feel like a pedophile. Maybe because they look so young, but I feel like some weird old lady who likes younger guys. Not that I am that old. SHINee is talented.They can sing. And a few of them a pretty good dancers. But the age... BRR. The Korean music industry is seriously doing their best to exploit the youthful potential of their artistes. Not that its exactly morally reprensible or wrong per se. Maybe I feel threatened. Or I am just jealous. Regardless, I feel that as a fellow Asian, I wouldn't want to live in a country where the stars look so stellar that normal people seem like they are from another country altogether.

Merry Christmas! I'm not Christian, but I like public holidays, so I am grateful to anything that gives me a day off, discounts, excuses to party and slack and more. Rather uneventful holiday? Compared to some of the other holidays where I'm rushing work, projects, costumes or drowning while trying to entertain, this is a relatively carefree holiday. Yeah, Comics Fiesta was one hell of a nightmare fantasy, but thats a post for another site. My blog is a space for my more normal exploits, if I have any? HAHA. Anyway, everyone is winding down and using the changing calender year as an excuse to not work. So its rather quiet. The most exciting thing was probably at the beach. Went to cycle at ECP. So many people that I wonder if half the population of Singapore was there. Anyway, epic disaster when you have so many people. The bicycle track had so many kids that were cycling across lanes and even against the flow of traffic. Some crazy people were racing against each other and weaving in and out of traffic haphazardly. Pedetrains are the worst. I wanted to ignore some of them an just crash into them. Yeah, I'm evil. Deal with it. Its not my fault, because they were really annoying? Random pedestrains crossing as and when they like, assuming that bicycles will definitely stop for them. One family was even walking their stupid dog in the middle of the entire track, so both sides of traffic had to avoid them? Couples walking along the divider. And of course, there are pedestrains on boths sides of the track. I think the bicycle track was worse than my driving exam. People everywhere, doing unpredictable things. Sighs. One other cyclist crashed into me. her bike went down along with her, and my bike on top of hers. I'm fine. She fell off the bike, but there was no blood nor visible immediate brusiese. Nothing too serious. Come on, I'm a cheerleader, I know my injuries. So I picked my bike off her's and went to park it at the corner, before going back. She was still on the ground, with a face so filled with grief you would think the dentist just told her she needed to extract all her teeth with no aneasthesia. I couldn't help but smirk at her, hey, she crashed into me, I'm a safe cyclist, and I think I gave her my oh-you-fell-poor-you-why-don't-you-get-up-piggy look. She really looked pathetic. The poor-me-pity-me-im-weak-and-useless look? Too bad it doesn't make me feel guilty. Just makes me happy I walked away without a scratch and my ego fully intact. Yeah, you can start saying I'm a meanie~

Yeah. The above paragragh is evidence that I am not very nice. Somewhere out there I think there is a blogger complaining about the bitch they met at the beach, who made her crash/fall or whatever. I don't care. She doesn't have my name.

I told an acquaintance I cosplayed, and her reaction was shock. Could not believe this quiet and sweet young girl was into cosplay. (Yeah right) Probably thought that cosplay was all about cat maids and short skirts and what not. Couldn't be bothered to rectify her impression, I've seen too many people who assume and jump to conclusions. If I was to correct every single one of those flawed persepectives, I'd be an old lady and still not done. Oh well. I think of myself as a self-funded model? Something like leisure modelling? Where the photographers are your friends, and you do your own make-up. And you make your own acessories and costumes. Self-funded is more accurate, but I think leisure sounds better? HAHA. And I act as well. I've been in videos. At events, at photoshoots... I guess I love the attention. No cosplayer hates attention. Because we're super good at drawing attention to ourselves, hating attention would mean you'd die in the scene. And even among fellow cosplayers, we look for ways to outdo each other and outglam each other. Its all competitive. You seek to be the best cosplayer for a certain character, and you tread on the pride and reputations as you advance in the ranks. Completerly self-regulated community. Politics through and through, and there are no moderators. free for all. Free market. Utter chaos, and order is self-established. Fun, and very very painful...

Why am I saying this? I've been considering quitting. To stop and never do it again. Can I even do that I wonder? Its so ingrained... But I need to move on I know. Sighs. Another year is about to descend, and I seem to be at the same place as last year and nothing has changed. I wanted to go for the BSM to New York. No, I'm not going. Did not manage to get in. Which is superbly depressing. Oh well. Shall I just go to Japan to make myself feel better? Anyone wants to join me?

"I will never get what I want..."