Ouchy

Playlist

Spell Magic by Acid Black Cherry

Nice song. I think hyde has good taste, because I was watching a programme about yasu from Acid Black Cherry, and he was talking about how he created ABC (I'm too tired to type out the name of the entire group every single time HAHA) from the advice of hyde. Its kinda obvious that yasu has a crush on hyde? Just like how Gackt like hyde too? I think everyone likes hyde because he is such a talented and lovable person. Anyway I have a lot of new songs to listen to, what with BREAKERZ and Acid Black Cherry joining my music library. Heehee, happy music days ahead...

I'm actually really tired because I have been at cheer camp for the past few days. So now I have a LOT of bruises and abrasions and all the muscle in my body are aching? Had a full body workout. We trained for about 10hours a day, which is actually more than the 6hours of interrupted sleep I had? So yes, utterly exhausted. The upside of all the stunting and working out is that my body is superbly toned now. I have nice arms, nice abs and decent looking legs! I know the muscle tone would not last past Sunday, but I feel good about myself? Who would not if they had been doing virtually nothing but exercise for the past 48hours or so? I could go for a beach shoot now and exude confidence. I guess I should work out more often. Sure, I will never be as skinny or as pretty many other girls, but at least I have a body that is fit and healthy? I could do without aching muscles, but it is a small price to pay for improving my poor self esteem. 

Oh yeah, my bruises are all over and ugly. I have a huge one on my right arm, quite a few on my shoulders, some on my legs and some on my back and chest and tummy. Yes, for the hundredth time, cheerleading is a scary sport that is totally not for the faint hearted. Damaging, dangerous and darn addictive. Sure, when your flyers suck and keep hurting you its no fun at all? I'm kicked, punched, stepped upon, scratched, bruised, sprained... The list goes on. Yesterday, I cried because my flyer was so lousy that on shoulder stand, she was bruising me. And she isn't exactly the lightest person around. And I held the position for near a minute as the others tried to convince her that it was safe to continue. I was keeping quiet because I really really wanted her to get the courage to move on, but she kept saying that she could not do it, and kept shifting her weight and... Yeah, the tears were flowing. I think I totally freaked everyone in the team out. In the end they carried her off, and I think I've convinced her that flying is a no go. For that I am truly apologetic, but when your stunts go up and come down beautifully, the sense of satisfaction is so immense I sort of forget all the injuries I've sustained? Every single tear shed and bruise sustained is worth it.

At this point in time? What I really want is a shoulder massage! My shoulders hurt so badly that I can barely lift my arm to type. I should really go for a spa massage. Or go for tui na or something along those lines. Shoulders are not used to carrying so much weight for a prolonged period of time... Sighs.

This is going to be a packed December holiday. I have quite a number of photo shoots pending, cheer practice continues at 3 times a week, just that we now need to add gym sessions to make sure that we build on our strength to accomplish more high level stunts. I have Comics Fiesta in Kuala Lumpur come mid December, and some work assignments. I have costumes to sew and props to make and repair. And I still have to prepare for school, map modules for exchange and continue with my Japanese lessons. Less stress to perform well for Japanese after this Sunday because JLPT will be over by then. On top of all these, I have a social life to keep up! Really wondering if I will have any time for personal development and me-time to relax. Contrary to popular belief, I am kind of introverted? Hanging out with too many people for too long makes me very tired, probably because of the emotional acting and dissonance? Yeah, the terminology creeps in. I think I have been studying too much for an extended period of time. Best part? Next semester I am taking 4 heavy modules and I have Nationals for cheer. I need to clear my photo shoots with Winter before she leaves for Australia as well. So many things to do and so little time, but I shall do my best? I really do not want any regrets when I look back and wonder why I did not put in more effort. Yes, it is tiring and difficult, and I would be blatantly lying if I told you I have never wanted to quit. I have wanted to throw in towel so many times, and I persevere on with sheer grit, determination and through my sense of duty and responsibility. Sometimes, even to me, it seems I am living in a whirlwind and everything is flying out of control. But somehow, I am moving along on a course and getting somewhere. Somehow. Of course I doubt I am as destructive as a whirlewind (I HOPE I am nowhere as destructive), but I guess to some I'm everywhere that it seems so messy, but I manage to keep going in a certain direction? I do my best. I really try to maximise and optimise whatever possible. Sure, I fail. Sure, I fall flat on my face and I grumble and complain. Nevertheless, I would think that I am happy with the way things are? Too much direction is restrictive. Too much vision is crippling. Too much certainty is paralysing.

I am hungry and thirsty. I think I lost too much water during the camp. I know I drank a lot, but I must have lost more water than what was replenished. No craving for anything salty, in fact, I want fruits! A watermelon would be yummy right about now.

Dinner time! I miss you loads?

"Life is not a zero sum game."