Purgatory

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Silence... Blogging in the office... Shush...



Its a lie! A freaking lie, I tell you. The person who said that being involved in an activity dispels boredom is LYING. Currently, I'm working full time in NUS, helping out at a gift shop in Raffles City, as well as studying for my SATs... Yet, I'm so bored, I'm likely to do whatever stupidly ridiculous thing anyone dares me to do. I'm serious. I can imagine my brain cells dying one by one, moaning in agony as they perish from my brain. There's hardly any simulation. Yes, I'm lucky to be employed. Yes, I'm lucky to have adecent hope ofgoing to university. Yes, I'm lucky to have use of all my limbs, can breathe without assistance, able to speak and yes, normal. Still, what is the point if you're bored?



Most would feel that I'm exhibiting the stereotypical Singaporean quality of complaining when I've got it all made. I disagree. Its not complaining. Its lamenting the sad state of human existence where we are expected to be contented with scraps from the table. Indeed, I am materially better off than many people in the world. Yet, how can we use such as absolute measure? How many of us live empty lives? Going about our tasks and daily activities without a sense of accomplishment, satisfaction, purpose and understanding? Shells! Nothing real, and we spend such a large part of our lives doing all these tasks. Pathetic. I feel sorry for myself. And I don't want to feel sorry for myself. Such a disgusting emotional state.



I sort of gave up on uploading the AFA photos. I can't help it! Its blurry to the point that its really difficult to clear it. Furthermore, I've yet to have the time to really upload the photos. Busy working and studying. I assure you, its tough to study and work. Quite tiring. when you're home, all you want to do is relax. There is virtually no energy to sit down and study. This, together with me still in the post exam relaxing mood, no way that I can get admitted into a US university at this point in time and many other things that I want to do... Sigh. Virtually a lost cause. Oh well. I'll just do my best for the paper. Shall not waste time and money.

Right now, I'm considering Wisconsin-Madison and Michigan. Effectively just looking around. NUS is sort of my fall back plan. I know, its ranked higher, but still. I feel like I have no personality, and the very banal existence I have in Singapore only serves to contribute to a growing sense of restlessness.

"What are we all waiting for?"