Across

Playlist

Marry You by Glee Cast

Stayed in most of the day. Was supposed to memorise my script and finish up my homework. Well, I guess on both counts, I sort of failed? Script is only partially memorised. And I sort of gave up on my homework. Of course I did the normal assignment, but I left the memo reflection assignment empty. I have nothing really meaningful to reflect upon anyway? Sigh. I think I'm just being lazy. I know I'm being lazy. But somehow, I am too annoyed to care? I slept in until around noon? Because I went to sleep only at around 230pm after a short drinking session. Not much alcohol, just one miserable can. Was just looking for something to do to while away time. So I only had lunch, came back and slacked a lot watching videos, and then I went cycling, had dinner, cycled back and crammed some more script memorising. Indeed, I am becoming progressively lazier.

Anyway cycling was fun. A bit tiring to go across 2 highways per trip but it was fun? The view was good, the wind was great, I got a bit of exercise and saw a different part of Tajiri-cho... All good. Went to a Japanese mall, AEON. Huge place and the food street is seriously long enough to count as a real street. Had Omu Rice with beef. A bit under 1000yen so it was alright? Good to go out, I feel so exhausted and sick of my room. No wait. I like my room. I just feel trapped in this centre. Maybe I'm not used to the small town feeling that this place gives me. As if no matter what you did, you'd never be able to get out and achieve anything? I only realised SG had that feeling after returning from NY. And apparently, the Osaka that I have seen so far gives me that same feeling? The same places over and over again, even though I have only been here for about 12 days? About one third of the time in Japan is over already....

I can feel my Japanese improving. Immersion really works when the language surrounds you. And I am already cheating by speaking English most of the time? When I am with my course mates anyway. I do my best to speak Japanese in class, but English words inadvertedly slip in because my Japanese is atrocious and I cannot find the right words to express my thoughts. Anyway my Katakana has improved, I'm better at deciphering what people are saying, I can but concepts together faster and I understand more kanji. No matter how much I complain, I must admit that making me write a speech is definitely good for improving my vocabulary and grammar. Staring at a sea of red ink corrections from the teacher is an excellent motication to improve... Of course it only lasts for a while, which is most unfortunate.

Anyway, about cycling here... Its ok I guess? Faster and more open, harder as well. Cycled back in the darkness twice already, once when it was raining. Over highways. On slightly rusty bicycles with rusted bells and bad seats. Great view, and it was fun I must admit. I think I need exercise. Either that or my time of the month is due anytime soon and I am just a bit annoyed due to hormonal imbalance. I hope its hormonal. At least it would pass if its hormonal...And I find it most peculiar that I am discussing this rather personal issue on the web but its fine. Something that afflicts every female mammal on this planet.

Going back to Glee songs. I have no idea how I am suppose to soak up more Japanese if my personal entertainment is mainly in English? Unless its looking at random Japanese shows and videos recommended by people? Which is lacking...

OH YEAH. Randomly remembered why I wanted to blog about today. Its about friendship. It occurred to me while I was speeding through this Korean movie this afternoon. I shall not go into excessive detail because the show was not that fantastic. But it did make me question what I understand by friendship? The main takeaway I had was there should always be communication. Even if the communication borders on excessive details about your personal life? Because the thing is, I find that the moment you say "I shan't say this because it would make them worry." or " I shall hide this because it isn't nice to say." and "This is a minor thing, they don't need to know.", the friendship will definitely have problems. Things like "I need to wait for the right opportunity to say this." and "Its too much for them to handle."... These are poisonous words. After all, where do you draw the line between what is important and what isn't? How do you draw the line between what is right or wrong? And when you keep hiding things and shelving things and telling yourself its ok not to say it... It becomes a reflex to just keep things inside because it isn't 'appropriate', and sooner or later, the silence is going to strain the relationship. 

The thing I oftern hear is, "But I didn't do anything wrong!". Well, my response is that not only did you probably not do anything, you probably did NOT do the right thing. Say it. A million times if you have to. Repeat it over and over again until you are heard. Do you feel like the supporting cast in a movie, liable to die any moment? Then make yourself heard. Make yourself the main character in your story. Its the same with friendship. You need to trouble people and let other people trouble you. You need to moan about how annoying your friends are while bitch slapping everyone else who says they are annoying. You need to shamelessly ask for favours and stupidly agree to do ridiculous favours. You need to scream at each other and bear hug each other after screaming. You need to go crazy, tell embarrasing stories, do stupid things and laugh so hard you feel dizzy. Thats what friends are for. Safety net, motivation, mother, father, baby, clown, doppelganger, contrast, contradiction... Thick as thieves and blood sworn. Don't hide your fears, and definitely don't hide your happiness. Relief from pain isn't always immediate. Happiness isn't always prolonged. But I think I can safely say that sharing has, in the long run, made things better. It shows people that you care for them, and that you think of them and want them with you. It shows them that they matter, and even if your best intentions mess up, I think, at the end of the day, we can all forgive each other.

So many things go awry. The truth is that life isn't fair, so strength is being able to accept this and move on. There will always be people better and worse than you. Considering how everything is a matter of perspective... At risk of sounding absolutely silly and too optimistic, I believe that everything will be ok in the end.

"We've been here too long, trying to figure out why we're here."