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E.T. By Katy Perry ft Kayne West

As you can see, I am clearly breaking the rules by listening to English songs, typing in English, and I just had a 45 minute conversation with some random girls in English. I am so sorry, but it just... Happens. I can't fight the urge to communicate it English when I have no idea how to even say 'urge' in Japanese! The inadequecy of my education has been brutually brought under the spotlight. And I know I failed my Japanese test. I checked the answer, so I know. And no, its not the first test that I have failed. The thing is I could only answer something like the first 2 questions of each section, and proceeded to guess my way through the rest of the test. Under any circumstances, guessing is never a good thing, much less when it is an open-ended exam. Ridiculous I know, so I am totally going to get lectured by my counsellor tomorrow. They will definitely throw me into the noob-shit-dunno-how-you-made-it-through-the-filtering-process group which scrapes the bottom of every class. Yeah. Me. I am resigned to my sad fate as a barrel bottom scraper. Meh. 

This is bad. Resigned on the second day. DEAR LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH AND OPTIMISM. Ok, something to be optimistic about... I'm going to Osaka on some amazing race thing on Saturday! Should be fun? At the very least I know I will get to see Osaka Castle (because I forced my group to head there HAHA), and then there is the History Museum (not sure if I will have time for the Osaka Castle Museum), and some temple in the shopping district. The idea is to let us practice Japanese in a real life setting and fumble our way around the city. Good idea, but we'll need to have the practical to see how things are? But I shall be hopeful. I'm not sure, but I might head to Osaka again on my own during one of the weekends. I feel like heading up to Tokyo, but I know it would be difficult because I need to secure housing and come up with an itinery and honestly? I'm lazy. And I am not inclined to spend extra. Ok, what happened to optimism? Vanished along with my brain cells evidently.

I feel lonely. As if people were too busy with their happily packed lives to give a damn about someone one timezone away. No wonder people say that long distance relationship are horrible. The fact that it costs so much to send a SMS and call doesn't make anything any better. So I am now angry at others, and sad that I am alone. Terrible combination. I went to run and gym today to burn off some of the angst but I think it isn't working? Still rather energetic, well, at the very least energetic enough to be all mope-y and emo-ish.

Quite a lot of Japanese work that needs to be done. Maybe I should start studying now. Maybe. Just don't feel like doing anything. Its called inertia, and I experience it all the time... At home. This is the first time I've been away from home and NOT been excited about it. I was excited for all of 5 hours from arrival. Everything after that was... This sense that this is such a small town and oh so boring. At least at home I know they way around and the language but here? No motivation to explore, especially when the switch off half the street lights and you have to walk everywhere. Maybe I will feel better after tomorrow? I really hope this does not persist...

Two posts in two days. Well, hopefully I have the energy to do this again tomorrow. Or maybe not. I should wish to not have the energy. And I really want to blog about the States but the events are slowly fading from memory. Now its one whole big piece of paper with random words... Its no longer an essay waiting to explode out from me. Bad sign. And might be due to the fact that I did not have a table in US, nor a stable Internet connection. I really thing the table is the main factor. Hard for me to type with this mammoth on my lap.

”お前は俺の前でそうやって嘘を広めて！”